Pulling into his driveway a half hour later, James walked slowly up to his front door after noticing his bedroom light was still on. Debating whether he would share what just happened with his wife, he put his key in the door, not really knowing how to handle the situation. Figuring it would probably be best if he just came clean, he took the long trek to his bedroom to clear the air between him and his wife once and for all.
When he walked in, Jasmine was sleeping quietly under the covers. James saw that she had fallen asleep with the television on because the house had to be pitch black and quiet for Jazz to get any kind of rest. She said it was so she could hear the kids, but James knew better. Smiling for a second at how beautiful his wife was, he had to wonder again how everything went wrong. They had been soul mates since day one. She gave him what he asked for without any questions, and never really gave him a reason to step out. The issues they had were minimal and could have been worked out had he been a little more patient with her.
Turning off the television and light and turning on the radio, James got into the bed and wrapped himself around his wife as sounds of Luther’s “So Amazing” started to play from the radio. Jasmine snuggled up closer to him as he began to sing the chorus softly into her ear.
Love has truly been good to me. Not even one sad day or minute have I had since you’ve come my way. I hope you know I’d gladly go anywhere you take me. It’s so amazing to be loved. I’d follow you to the moon in the sky above . . .
“Jazz, I’m so sorry I hurt you baby. I never meant to.” James was trying to control his tears as he talked to his wife. He knew she was no longer asleep because she was crying as well. He felt her tears splash against his arm. Baby, I know I messed up. I just need to you help me. I need you to be here for me. I can’t do this by myself. You and the kids complete me.”
“James, it’s okay. I’ll never leave you, baby. I want this to work just as much as you do, but I need the truth. I need to know what happened when you left here. I need to know everything from day one.”
Got to tell you how you thrill me. I’m happy as I can be. You have come and it’s changed my whole world. Bye-bye sadness, hello mellow. What a wonderful day. It’s so amazing to be loved. I’d follow you to the moon in the sky above . . .
As the quiet storm played on the radio, James told Jasmine everything about Monica from day one, leaving out the money, the baby, and a few other details that he didn’t think Jasmine could handle. He knew he was still telling lies, but it felt good to get some of the stuff off his chest. He was determined to be done with Monica and get his family back on track. Afterwards they held each other until they both fell asleep, making promises to each other to work it out the best they could.
It’s so amazing to be loved. I’d follow you to the moon in the sky above...
Finders Keepers, Losers Cry
Monica had been in the hospital for three weeks trying to recover from the loss of her child and her near-death experience. James and Sheila didn’t show their faces, and it was taking a toll on her mentally and emotionally. For the first time since Monica was a teenager, she truly felt alone in the world. In fact, ever since her mom had passed away—rather, since her mom’s life was taken—it seemed as if no one in the universe cared about her.
Her depression only made her condition worse, and the doctors didn’t see any sign of life in her outside of the healing of her body. All Monica did was cry day in and day out, and she wouldn’t eat, so the doctors had her tube-fed so her body could get some type of nourishment. Her weight was at an unsightly low, almost making her look skeletal as she pitied herself for not taking the time to make things right in her life.
She slept most of the day, fighting off nightmares of her uncle and her sister’s father molesting her as a teenager and the unforgettable incident from the tenth grade with Keith and his friends. Every man she cared even remotely about always ended up hurting her, breaking her heart.
Monica wallowed in self-pity day after day to the point where the doctor suggested she seek counseling so she could better deal with her anxiety and bouts of depression. Monica was falling apart at the seams, unlike the Monica that everyone knew.
On her last day at the hospital, after she signed up for therapy sessions and the doctor saw that she was eating and actually keeping her food down, Monica sat in her room thinking of ways to get her life back. She knew she had to get James and Sheila back because she felt like they abandoned her, and she also had to get Jasmine before it was too late. Monica was tired of sleeping alone, and she had to move fast if things were going to work.
While waiting for her discharge papers, Monica took her time putting on the new sweat suit and sneakers one of the guards purchased for her to go home in because the clothes she came in with were soiled. All he wanted was her number and dinner, and she obliged. Anything to get the overbearing, underpaid security guard out of her face.
Watching
Jenny Jones
on television while waiting for the nurse to come back, she almost fell off the bed when she saw Sheila walk through the door. Fixing her face to say something smart, Monica thought better of it, thinking she may need Sheila to help her later on down the line. Sheila came in
with a small teddy bear and flowers, her facial expression showing how nervous she was in spite of her smile.
“Monica, I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you. I’ve been so busy with...”
“Sheila, it’s fine, no explanation is needed. I’m just waiting for my discharge papers so I can blow this joint,” Monica said as she turned her attention back to the television.
Sheila took note of how frail Monica looked, almost seeing the teenage Monica she
saw
that night. Placing the teddy bear and Monica’s house keys on the bed beside her, Sheila took one last look at her before she turned to leave. Nearing the door, she turned the knob, not knowing what to do and kicking herself for coming up there in the first place.
Just as she was closing the door, she heard Monica call her name. When she looked back into the room, Monica was holding the teddy bear in her hands with tears in her eyes. Sheila waited at the door for her to speak.
“Thanks for coming up here. I really appreciate it.”
“It was no trouble. Just get better soon,” Sheila replied and turned away quickly so Monica wouldn’t see her tears.
Once Monica was sure Sheila was gone, she held up the teddy bear and took a long look at it. Ripping the head from its shoulders, she dropped both pieces in the can next to her bed. She continued watching her show as if nothing happened. She didn’t need stuffed animals; she needed Jasmine, and that’s all she was concerned about.
After signing her discharge papers, she walked out of the hospital and got into the waiting cab that was to take her home. The driver tried to make small talk, but Monica just stared out the window taking in the city, everything looking new to her. To her it felt like she was in the hospital for three years instead of three weeks. She couldn’t wait to get home so she could lay down in her own bed and not the hard hospital one that she had been in.
Once the driver pulled up to her house, she paid him and exited the vehicle quickly so she could hurry up to her room. Upon entrance, she could smell the stale blood in the air from her recent loss. Avoiding the stained sofa, Monica all but ran up to her room, throwing herself on the bed in a fit of tears once she got there. She couldn’t understand why things weren’t going her way. She briefly thought about praying, but cast the thought aside after determining God wouldn’t hear her for all of the dirt she’d done.
Drifting off to sleep once her tears subsided, she thought about ways of knocking James off quickly so she could finally have Jasmine to herself. The baby wasn’t all that important to her, but if all else failed, Monica decided she would try getting pregnant again as a last resort. As bad as things were going, something had to give, and she hoped it would give soon.
Monica slept well until the next afternoon, the ringing phone waking her from her slumber. Upset about the interference of her much-needed sleep but glad to be awakened from the nightmare she was having, Monica answered the phone with a groggy voice lacking any type of enthusiasm. She thought it was still morning and wondered who would be calling so early.
“This better be good,” Monica barked into the phone as she struggled to sit up in her bed. She was still having slight pains in her abdomen, and it wasn’t easy for her to maneuver around.
“You have a paid call from an inmate held in Muncy Correctional Facility. If you attempt to use three-way calling or any other features, this call will be disconnected. To accept this call, press three now,” the computer voice spoke into the receiver.
Monica glanced at the clock, realizing it was the afternoon, and wondered who got locked up and was calling for her assistance. She had just bailed her sister out only two months ago and hoped she wasn’t sent up again. Her sister was a petty thief, and Monica was starting to think she preferred jail to having freedom. Pressing three, she spoke into the receiver ready to hear some member of her dysfunctional family beg for help.
“Who needs my help now?” Monica spoke into the phone once the call was connected. She didn’t plan on helping whoever was calling, and was going to make this short and sweet.
“You seem to have forgotten about me,” the voice came through on the other end, sounding angry and ready to explode.
“I forgot about who?” Monica replied, thinking her mind was playing tricks on her. She hadn’t spoken to Tanya since the day she was sent up for her husband’s murder almost two and a half years ago. Wondering why she decided to call now, Monica didn’t hide her disbelief as they continued their conversation.
“After all we’ve been through you don’t know who this is?” Tanya came through on the other end like she wanted to snatch Monica by her neck.
“I know who it is,” Monica came back with an attitude. She was over Tanya and didn’t feel like the bullshit. What was Tanya going to do for her from prison? Besides, she had her eyes on a bigger prize and didn’t plan on being distracted by anyone.
“Why am I still in here? You told me a couple of weeks, and that’s it,” Tanya said, sounding like she was starting to cry. “I been in here for damn near three years waiting for you to get me out of this hellhole. What the fuck is the problem?”
“What do you mean what’s the problem? I told you there would be some time served,” Monica came back with just as much attitude.
As far as she was concerned, she didn’t owe Tanya shit. If anything, she did her a favor by killing her abusive husband. Who wants to live in fear every day for the rest of their life not knowing how their man was going to act when he got home? You can’t be cute with a black eye and broken ribs. Ain’t nothing sexy about it. Monica came to the conclusion that if she didn’t kill him he would have killed her, and it’s as simple as that. No, she didn’t think about the situation she put Tanya’s son in, but Monica was never good at looking at the big picture.
“So what am I supposed to do? I didn’t tell on you because I thought you had my back. I thought you loved me,” Tanya screamed into the phone, her emotions getting the best of her, causing the other inmates to look in her direction. Even though she told herself she wasn’t going to cry, she couldn’t help it. She wanted out of the stone cage she was forced to be in, and she was ready to do whatever necessary to make it happen.
“What did I tell you about trusting people? Didn’t I tell you no human was trustworthy? Didn’t I tell you that
you
were the only one who had your back?” Monica shot the questions at her back to back, not giving her enough time to answer in between. “You come into this world alone and you leave alone. How many times have we had this conversation?” Monica was getting frustrated with the entire scenario and was about to hang up. Her main focus was Jasmine now, and she didn’t want to hear shit Tanya had to say. When was the world going to understand that it was all about Monica and what made her happy? No one else mattered.
“So you just gonna leave me here?” Tanya said in a quiet voice, not believing the turn of events. She thought Monica was her soul mate, and thought about all the nights they were wrapped around each other, professing their never-ending love. The Monica she was talking to now was a complete stranger.
“Tanya,” Monica began, feeling kind of bad because she was the reason Tanya was in jail in the first place, “I’ll make some calls in the morning and see what I can do for you, okay?”
“Monica, listen. I need to get out of here. I can’t watch my son leave another visit. It’s driving me crazy knowing that he’s too young to understand. All he knows is he wants his mom. He cries every time he has to leave. Can’t you understand the pain I’m going through?”
Monica began thinking about her own loss and the loss of her mother years ago. There were so many times when she needed to talk to her mom, but couldn’t. So many times she wished she had a gun so she could stop her stepfather from beating her mom in his drunken state. So many times she begged her mom to leave, only for her mom to tell her it was okay as she limped to her room after being beaten nearly unconscious for reasons she didn’t even know. So many times she wished she had the courage to stop him that one last time as she watched her mother’s spirit leave her body, her attacker still kicking and punching her until she stopped moving. Monica thought about the recent loss of her child and how it felt to be without a mother, and for a second she had an ounce of compassion for Tanya’s situation.
Brushing back tears, she got herself together as she listened to Tanya’s soft cries and her pleas to get her home to her son. All Tanya wanted was a second chance, and she needed Monica to help her get it.
“Tanya, please stop crying. I’ll be there soon, and I’ll make some calls for you today. I’ll get you home, okay?”
Before Tanya could respond, her time had expired on the call and they were disconnected. Monica held onto the phone long after the dial tone had stopped, and the operator was instructing her to either hang up or make a call as tears stung her eyes. She didn’t want Jasmine’s situation to turn out the same as Tanya’s, or worse. Calling up Judge Stenton, the same judge who presided over Tanya’s case, she set up an appointment to meet with him in private so they could discuss a few things. He owed her a favor, and there was no time like the present to cash in on it.