Authors: Trevion Burns
“I’m always honest with you.”
“No. I’m talking about the kind of honesty you don’t even know is in you. The kind that lingers in all your secret tunnels. The kind that would never show its face without the proper provocation.”
Lila was struck.
“I’m not saying that to hurt you, baby. I’m saying that as someone who knows you better than he knows himself.”
Lila rolled her eyes and looked off, fighting a smile. When her eyes went back to him, the smile was gone.
Chase’s voice lowered. “When you’re happy. When you’re sad. When you have a point to prove--whatever. You go straight to sex, so that’s how I approach you. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s who you are. It’s one of the million reasons why I love you so much.”
“Okay, but… You could also try, I don’t know, taking my hand, sitting me down, and saying, ‘hey, Lila, we need to talk.’”
“Wouldn’t work.”
“Why not?”
“That’s not who you
are.
”
“We’re having a conversation right now, aren’t we? You aren’t inside me, and we’re having a conversation.”
“But is it going anywhere? Have we solved anything? I got more out of you in the two minutes we spent smashing on the counter then I will ever manage to scam out of you during the tedious conversation we’re having right now.”
Lila gaped at him, suddenly realizing that he was genuinely angry. He was angry with her and, for whatever reason, he couldn’t talk to her about it in a real way. “Chase, you and I have to learn how to communicate. This will never work if you can’t talk to me about why you’re angry.”
“I’m not angry.”
“You are.”
“Fine. I am.”
“Great, so tell me why.”
“You can’t leave my fucking brother alone. That’s why.”
Lila took a step away from him.
“It’s like you’re constantly looking for reminders of why you’re with me and not him. So I decided to jog your memory. That’s why I put you on the counter. That’s why I fuck you instead of talk to you. I don’t know how else to get through to you.” Chase ran a hand down his face when he felt like he was losing control. “You tell me that I’m all you want, and then you’re looking at him with doe eyes a minute later.”
Lila had opened a serious floodgate, and now she was almost wishing she hadn’t. “Okay, so I’m in a relationship with you, but I can’t have a conversation with your brother, ever? Things are just going to be awkward between us all, for the rest of our lives? I can’t just ignore his existence.”
“You ignored my existence,” Chase whispered. “When you were fucking him.”
Lila broke their gaze and ran a hand through her hair.
“What’s so hard about doing it now?” he asked.
“Chase, it’s not the same.”
“Why’s that?”
“You were just a boy back then… I was trying to do what was right for you.”
“What would have been right for me, Lila, was you letting me in the moment you knew that you wanted me, too. But you couldn’t do that, so you fucked my brother instead. And look where that’s gotten us.”
She stumbled, feeling a dejavu from the conversation she’d just had with Jack. “I
didn’t
want you back then.”
“You wanted me, but you knew you weren’t allowed to, so you tried to fuck that out of your system by shacking up with him. Because that’s who you are
.
” He pointed to his temple.
“You think that’s the answer.”
“But I would never do that to
you
. I would never use you to… fuck anything out of my system. I let you inside of me.” She motioned to her heart. “The deepest parts of me, because I truly love you. You mean everything to me. What you and I have, it’s never just
sex.
It’s more than that. I guess it’s just hard for me, sometimes, to trust how happy I am, so it comes off the opposite way, but please believe it isn’t.”
Something in him softened, and it showed in his eyes.
“Maybe you’ve been making me happy for longer than I can acknowledge,” she said.
“Thank you for admitting that to yourself.”
“I’m admitting it to you too.”
“You don’t have to admit it to me. I already knew. And you know what? So did he. That’s why he flies through the fucking roof every time he sees us together.”
“So now Jack’s the victim? And I’m just the monster right?”
Chase smiled softly and brought a single knuckle up to her lips, brushing them. “Beautiful monster.” He grabbed her t-shirt and tugged, pulling her body to his. “Get over here,” he grumbled, sighing deeply as her body melded to his. His eyes fluttered slowly closed when she ran her fingers through his hair.
“Chase, I love you. And you have nothing to be afraid of with me. I know you’ve watched countless guys come in and out of my life, and yeah, I’ve torn most of them to pieces, but I would never do that to you.”
Chase opened his eyes, and they weakened in hers.
She scratched the back of his head the way she knew he liked it. “You are so precious to me in so many ways. I would never be so reckless with you. I would shatter my
own
heart to pieces before I would ever, ever, come looking for yours.”
“I just…” Chase’s eyes fell closed. “I don’t think you understand, Lila, how hard it was for me back in New York. I know I was only a kid, and you weren’t my girl. I know that. But honestly?” He opened his eyes, tightening his hold on her. “I felt like you
were
my girl. When he tore us apart it was like… It was like I was drowning, and couldn’t swim. I couldn’t breathe. There’s no fucking way I’m going through that, again.” As he said the words, he realized how laughable it was that he thought he had a choice. He didn’t. He just hoped she couldn’t see that.
“Jack had good reasons for doing what he did back in New York.”
“I don’t care. He can’t have you. Honest to god I‘ll kill him first, Lila. I honestly will.”
“You won’t have to, because I’m not going anywhere.”
“Ever,” he clarified.
“
Never.”
--
Across town, in much the same fashion as Chase, Kelly was staring a hole through her front door when Jack Almeida finally stepped through it.
She sat in the family room, legs curled up into a French script accent chair. A nearly empty glass of red wine hung lazily from her fingers.
The moment she caught sight of her fiancé, her eyes shrunk. “Where were you?”
Having seen her the moment he stepped in the door, Jack had moved his eyes to the table in their foyer. He made a huge production of dropping his keys into the leaf-shaped catchall.
Playing the tips of his fingers together, he looked up and caught his reflection in the foyer mirror.
“Out,” he answered.
“Out?” Her voice rose. “Out where?”
Jack met her eyes. He smirked.
“Answer me!”
Her emotion didn’t elicit so much as a flinch, and he began making his way down the hall, fixing to move past her entirely.
Kelly leapt from the couch and crossed the room to him, the wine in her glass sloshing as she put her body in his path and shoved him with one hand.
Jack took the shove, raising his head. He gave her his nostrils. The underside of his chin. “Why don’t you go pour yourself another drink?” he soothed. “And move out of my way.”
Kelly’s breathing picked up speed, and it had nothing to do with the glass of wine, her fourth of the night, trembling in her hand.
She lifted her head in much the same way he was, her blue eyes flashing. “You’re never going to be able to let her go. Are you?”
Jack looked off into space, over her shoulder. “I don’t know what your talki--”
“Don’t,” she cried. “Don’t you dare say it.”
His eyes met hers.
She didn’t see anger, or fight, or even sadness in his eyes. She didn’t see anything, and that sent the glass in her hand nearly tumbling to the floor.
“Did you go to her house for one last screw before your wedding day? Get it all out of your system? Or is this just the first night of many? Just the previews? Is there more to come, Jack?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking ab--”
“Is she the reason you’re finding it so easy to watch me slip away from you? It would be easy for you to watch me go, wouldn’t it? Anything to ensure the door is still open for her to come back. A door that you have no plans on closing--not ever!” Her voice rose. “Am I getting warmer, Jack?” His silence infuriated her. “I got news for you, sweetheart, she’s never coming back. Her pussy belongs to your baby brother now.”
For the first time, his eyes met hers. “Enough.”
“That’s what it takes.” Kelly threw an arm up. “
That
is what you have a reaction to. That is what gets your attention. If only I’d known from the day I met you, maybe we wouldn’t be getting married in two weeks. Well, since the cat’s out of the bag now, here’s a little more. Chase is
fucking
Lila, Jack. Pounding her. Giving her a good dicking down, probably right as we speak. Do I have your attention now, Jack?”
She stepped off to the side and motioned down the hallway with her glass.
Jack’s eyes followed, and he caught sight of two large suitcases lined along the wall.
“Maybe I should just take all my shit and go. Then you, her, and your brother can give this fucked up ménage a trios you’ve all got going a real shot. You can give it all you got, Jack, because I’m fucking sick of this.”
Not responding, Jack suddenly swept passed her.
Kelly jolted and moved away from him, turning to watch as he went into the dark hallway and snatched up both suitcases in each hand. Clutching them, he breezed past her and into the foyer, setting them down only long enough to throw open the front door of the house. He tossed the bags through the threshold, one at a time.
One bag tumbled onto the porch outside and slid to the edge of the steps. He threw out the second bag and turned away from the door just as it hit the first. The force sent both bags sliding down the steps, coming to a stop at the grass below.
“Door’s open,” he spat, breezing past her without so much as a glance, and disappearing down the hallway.
She watched him go, so enraged at the sight of his retreating back that the wine glass soared out of her hand before she could give it a second thought. It shattered against the edge of their kitchen’s bar, tumbling onto one of the stools that flanked it before rolling onto the floor where it shattered, again.
Jack didn’t slow his stride or even look over his shoulder to survey the damage.
She watched him disappear into their bedroom.
Releasing a childish growl, Kelly ran to the open door of the house, down the porch’s stairs, and retrieved one of her suitcases. Panting as she lugged it back up, she threw it into the house. It hit the wood floors with a thud. She waited for it to come to a sliding stop in the foyer before turning away and going for the second one.
She got it in her hand and was in the process of dragging it back up the stairs when she caught sight of him making his way back down the hallway, shirtless.
“Oh, now you’re interested again?” she cried, throwing the second bag into the house before stepping in and slamming the door shut. “You have no problem throwing me out, but the moment I invite myself back in, you’re ready to show your face?”
He watched her from the hallway, taking his time releasing the latch from his Rolex. “I’m not a child, and neither are you. I won’t respond to childish games, and I won’t be threatened. If you want to go, go. If you want to stay, stay.”
“I think you’d much rather I go,” she spat.
He didn’t respond.
“Well, this is my seventh engagement, Jack Almeida. I don’t care if you want me to go, and I don’t care if I’d love nothing more than to cut your balls off right now.”
His eyebrows rose, the first real response since he’d arrived.
“I don’t care if we hate each other for the rest of our god forsaken lives.” Kelly’s eyes grew crazed, ice blue in their wideness. The tears on her face had dried, but the redness remained. “We. Are. Getting. Married.” Her breathing slowed with each word she said. “No matter what.”
Jack watched her for a while longer. He watched as she fetched a broom and dustpan from the kitchen. Watched as she fell to her knees and swept up the shards of broken glass. He even stood and watched when she accidentally cut her finger in the process, hissing in shock before looking up at him with accusation in her eyes. As if he were the one who’d cut her so deeply.
He turned away from her and made his way down the hall, realizing he could never cut her as deep as that glass had. Not even if he tried.
It would take the kind of devotedness that neither of them had to give.
Not anymore.
20
Lila frowned down at her watch the next morning, shaking it back in place with a huff. “Well, ladies, it looks like our time is up. I’m sure a few of you had a lot more to say, and I’m so sorry. I might have to look into making these meetings a little longer than thirty minutes since we have so many new people coming in.”
Her eyes moved around the circle. It had started as a circle of seven and now exceeded twenty. Her office was large, but pretty soon she was going to run out of space for all of the women—and now, even
men—
that were coming to her for escape. For release.
To talk.
If the group had grown to this size during the summer session, she couldn’t imagine what kind of numbers it would climb to once fall semester hit. How many students were on vacation, back home with their families, but still just as desperate for this kind of outlet?
“Same time next week?” she asked, smiling and saying goodbye as the students filed out of her office.
One student lingered, a slim, attractive brunette with striking gray eyes and heavily freckled cheeks. Her stick straight hair shot down her back. She stood in the far corner of the room, playing her hands together.
Sensing the yearning in her eyes, like she wanted to talk but didn’t know where to begin, Lila leaned back on her desk with a smile. “You remind me of a girl I used to council back in New York City.” Her smile grew. “I know this is your first time at group, and when you walked through the door, for a moment, I thought you were her.”