“I would, but I’m not with Jordan anymore. He kicked me out when he found out I was pregnant. So I need some money to get a hotel room if I can’t stay here. I’m also gonna need some money for an apartment.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I knew Jordan was a lowlife, but this was worse than even I expected of him.
“You’re carrying his child and he put you out on the street?”
“No, Dylan. I’m not carrying his child.” Monica spoke as if she were explaining something to a first-grader. “He kicked me out because I’m pregnant with your child.” I could feel Jasmine’s fingers wiggling free from my hand.
“What do you mean, my child?” I took a step back and eyed her from head to toe. She didn’t look like she was pregnant, but even if she was, it couldn’t be mine. Could it? “How can I be the father? I haven’t slept with you in five months,” I protested.
“Gee, what a coincidence. I just happen to be five months pregnant.” Monica didn’t even look at me, but she gave Jasmine a nasty smile.
“Well, maybe it’s Jordan’s baby,” I shot back. “Ain’t no way for me to be sure you wasn’t sleepin’ with both of us back then.”
“I doubt it. He had a vasectomy five years ago. That’s why he kicked me out. He can’t have kids.”
“Well, who else were you messing with?” Now I was grasping at straws.
“Don’t play yourself, Dylan. It’s your baby. And if you don’t believe it, you can have a blood test.” She folded her arms across her chest, but then her tone softened a bit. “Look, I could’ve gotten rid of this baby. But I remembered how much you love kids and wanted to be a parent. I didn’t wanna deprive you of a chance at fatherhood.”
Maybe it was her tone of voice, or the fact that she volunteered to let me have a blood test, but I believed that baby she was carrying was mine. All of a sudden, a flood of emotions came over me. A flood of electrifying, positive emotions.
“Oh, my God. I’m gonna be a dad. I’m gonna be a dad!” I kept repeating.
I jumped up in the air and I felt like I could fly. In my euphoria, I turned to Jasmine and repeated the words again with even more enthusiasm.
“I’m gonna be a dad!” She took a step back to avoid my attempted embrace. Her icy-cold stare made it obvious she was not ready to share in my excitement. So instinctively I reached out and wrapped my arms around Monica, kissing her right on the lips.
“Oh, no, you didn’t! No, you didn’t just fucking kiss her.” Jasmine’s shout snapped me back to reality. But by the time I let go of Monica, she was already halfway up the stairs, yelling more obscenities. I had really fucked up, and Monica’s next comment summed it all up perfectly.
“Uh-oh, Dylan. Looks like trouble in paradise.”
“Shut the fuck up, Monica,” I spat, glaring at her.
It took me a few minutes to gather enough courage to follow Jasmine up the stairs. It wasn’t that I didn’t wanna talk to her; I just didn’t know what the hell I was gonna say. I left Monica standing in the living room. Of course she protested, tellin’ me I didn’t need “that bitch” making my decisions for me, but fixing things with Jasmine was my first concern. Monica and her mess would have to wait. I’d be dealing with her for the next eighteen years.
When I got to my room, Jasmine was fully dressed, tossing all the trappings of our romantic evening into a small black duffel bag. All that was left to remind me now was the wax that had dripped from the candles onto my nightstand.
“Jazz? Jasmine?” I called, but she didn’t answer me. I stepped in front of her, hoping to at least make eye contact. I wanted to explain, to get back some of the closeness we’d felt just minutes before. But she never even glanced my way. Out of frustration, I grabbed her arm.
“Jasmine, you gotta listen to me. This is all—”
“Get off me!” Even if I’d wanted to hold on, I couldn’t. She slapped me so hard across the face, I had to take a few steps back, and I let her go.
“Don’t you fucking touch me, you bastard!” she yelled. “How could you do this shit to me? I was ready to give up everything for you!”
Her expression was a mixture of ferocious anger and genuine hurt. I wanted to say something to her, to make her understand I felt just as strongly about her. But for a man who always has something to say, I was speechless. Monica’s announcement had totally floored me, and I could barely think straight to make my next move. All I could do was watch Jasmine pick up that duffel bag and head for the stairs.
“Jasmine, where are you going? Please don’t leave,” I pleaded.
“I’m going to Roanoke to be with a man who really cares about me. It’s pretty obvious you don’t.” Her words cut me.
“That’s not true. I do care, Jasmine. This is all just a misunderstanding.”
“You know what, Dylan? You can save that ‘misunderstanding’ crap for your baby’s momma. I know what I saw. That shit wasn’t no optical illusion. You kissed that bitch!”
“Yeah, okay. You’re right. I did kiss her. But it wasn’t a kiss of passion.” I pleaded with her to understand. “I was just excited by the news, is all. There was nothing sexual about it.”
“You expect me to believe that shit? You were going with that woman for six years. Anything you two do has to be sexual in some way.” She moved toward the door, but I tried to block her exit.
“If you don’t let me out, I swear we’re gonna be fightin’ up here.” She tried to shove her way past.
“So that’s it?” I sighed. “You’re just gonna forget about us?”
“What do you want me to do, Dylan? Go downstairs and sit down so the three of us can talk about raising the baby? We ain’t got nothing to talk about.” She started to cry. “She’s having your baby, Dylan. I can’t compete with that. Shit, I don’t wanna compete with that. I know how much you want a child.”
“Why do you have to compete, Jasmine? Why can’t you be a part of it?”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” She let out a faint laugh.
“What?”
“If you had to choose between Monica and the baby or being with me, which would it be?” I hesitated, and she folded her arms across her chest like she’d just made her point.
“Why can’t I pick the baby and you? Monica doesn’t have to be part of the equation.”
“What are you, stupid? Monica comes with the baby. You can’t get around it. Trust me, I’ve tried.”
“But I don’t love her, Jasmine. I love you.” I thought these words might help, but she seemed unfazed.
“Oh, you love her. You may not want to, but you love her. And you’ll love her even more once she has that baby. That’s just the way you are, Dylan.”
“I don’t believe that. If we care about each other, we should be together. Can’t we just look at this like a minor setback? We were just starting out.”
“Maybe that’s the point, Dylan.”
“What’s the point?”
“Have you ever heard of kismet?”
“Yeah, it’s like fate or destiny.” She had me totally confused now.
“Well, I’m starting to believe that your destiny is to raise a child with Monica and my fate is to be with Derrick. Maybe it was kismet that she showed up here tonight before we could really do anything.” She took a step toward the door, and I sadly let her pass.
“I’m not mad at you, Dylan. I just wish I hadn’t taken a chance on you.”
I was about to protest, but she raised her hand and headed down the stairs. When she reached the front door, she glanced over at Monica, who was on the couch, all spread out like she owned the place.
“You leaving?” Monica gave a satisfied smirk.
“Yeah, I’m leaving. He’s all yours.”
“He always was.”
Jasmine took a step toward Monica but stopped. I know she wanted to run over there and smack the shit outta her like she’d done to me in the bedroom.
“You know, bitch, you just ain’t worth the energy.” Jasmine shook her finger at Monica as she headed for the door.
I called out to her, hoping there was still a chance to make things right. She didn’t even turn around, just raised her hand to wave good-bye as she walked out my door and probably out of my life.
24
Jasmine
Slam! Slam!
“Who’s the man?” he shouted.
“You are, baby!”
“Who?”
“You are, Derrick! You’re the only man for me!”
Slam! Slam! Slam! Slam!
I was sure my headboard was about to break, the way it was slamming up against the wall. Derrick was on top of me, pushing himself inside me with all his might, and I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Only I wasn’t screaming because it felt good. I was screaming because it felt like he was gonna rip me wide open. He was having such a good time, he didn’t even notice that I was in pain. As far as I could tell, he thought my screams of agony were cries of pleasure and he was doing his job. Every time I opened my mouth, he pushed himself deeper and harder inside me. I wanted to tell him what the grimaces on my face really meant, ask him to slow down, and at least be a little less rough, but I was afraid I’d hurt his feelings. And that was the last thing I wanted to do, especially since he’d been waiting for three years to make love to me.
I’d gone to pick Derrick up right after I left Dylan’s house. Oh, I struggled with the idea the whole ride up. I even pulled over a couple of times and contemplated turning around and going back to Dylan. But each time I pulled over, I’d think about Monica being pregnant and the way Dylan kissed her, and I’d get back on the road headed west, convinced that being with Derrick was the right thing to do.
I still wasn’t sure about my feelings for Dylan. I wasn’t sure if I loved him or hated him. The pain was too raw for me to really deal with yet. But when I finally got up to Roanoke, I was glad I hadn’t turned around. All my uncertainty vanished when the gates of that prison opened and Derrick walked out a free man. I wanted to cry, I was so happy. There he was, standing in front of the car, looking as fine as ever, showing off those sexy dimples of his.
“What you gonna do, baby? Sit in that car, or come over here and give your man the love he’s been missing?” Derrick stood by my car door with his arms wide open. I jumped right from my seat into his arms. This was the first contact we’d had in three years without guards breathing down our necks, watching our every move. I was so elated! I held him as tight as humanly possible. He was mine again, and as God was my witness, I was never gonna let him go. I can’t ever remember being that happy before in my life. All the doubt I had about our relationship vanished with just one kiss. I guess that deep down I had never really imagined this day would come. Maybe that was why I had let myself start to fall for someone else. But now that I was back in Derrick’s arms and we had our whole future ahead of us, I wasn’t about to let go.
Derrick and I stood in the same spot for at least half an hour, and our lips barely parted in all that time. There was so much pent-up passion and desire between us, it was incredible. I wanted to make love right then and there. I begged him to let me find a secluded spot where we could park, but he told me he’d waited three years to make love to me and he wasn’t about to cheapen it by doing it in a car. That made me feel so special that any thoughts of another man, including Dylan, went right down the drain.
When we got back to the apartment, Derrick carried me over the threshold like we were newlyweds. As soon as the front door closed, we were headed straight for the bedroom. He laid me on the bed and started to slowly take off his clothes. He’d always had a nice body, and all those years working out in the prison gym had defined his muscles even more. I almost didn’t wanna wait. He was so damn sexy and I was so damn hot for him, I just wanted him to hurry up and get naked. I couldn’t believe that after all that time behind bars, he was being more patient than I was. In fact, I don’t ever remember him being as attentive as he was that night during foreplay. The Derrick I remember wasn’t all that creative in bed, and he definitely never gave me oral sex. All those years in prison must’ve given him lots of time to dream up new ways to please me. He took his time, kissing every part of my body until I literally begged him to make love to me. He obliged and entered me with one long stroke.
I would love to say it was the greatest experience of my life, and I’m sure Derrick thought it was. But I hadn’t felt that much pain since I lost my virginity.
I was hurting so bad I tried every trick in the book to help him finish his business; I was screaming, scratching his back, faking orgasms, but he just kept going and going like he was the fucking Energizer bunny. Finally I just gave up and lay there, taking the pain. Would you believe that’s when he finally finished?
“Ahhhhhh, shit. Baby, I’m about to come!” he shouted.
His body became rigid and he lunged forward in a spasm. I was sure he had finished his business when he collapsed on top of me and moaned.
“Damn, that shit felt good,” he huffed. “Wasn’t that shit good, boo? I’ve been dreamin’ about doin’ that to you for three years, baby.”