Chapter Four
M
itch hit the streets with a vengeance all right, but his motivation was greed. By giving Mitch free reign over fifty kilos of cocaine, Malek had given him the push he needed to put his plan into action. Mitch was going to sell the coke, but he had no intention of giving all that paper back to Malek, and he definitely wasn't planning on lowering the prices. There was a cocaine drought in the Midwest, and Mitch was going to take full advantage of it. Supply and demand was the only scale he set his prices to. In fact, he was taxing for the bricks by charging cats twenty- four stacks for just one. Malek's loyal customers were the only ones getting a lowered rate, only so that they wouldn't go back and complain to Malek. Everybody else was getting raped by his outrageous prices.
It was nothing for Mitch to blow through the dope, because he had Sweets on deck for more than half of them. By the time the three weeks was up, he would be close to a million dollars richer, and Malek would be closer to death.
Mitch, like a lot of other cats in the game, had always been “lightweight” jealous of Malek because of how he seemed to have come up in the game without putting in half as much work as some other cats did. It was as if all he had to do was grow into his inheritance. Mitch didn't care how hard Malek made himself out to be; he wasn't no true hood nigga. It made Mitch sick, especially when he recalled all those write-ups in the local paper about Flint's godson, the kid that was going to put the city on the map the same way LeBron put Cleveland on the map. Now more than ever, Mitch was bound and determined to put his own self on the map.
He used to feel bad and disloyal at the thoughts of undermining Malek that would often cross his mind, but Keesha had kicked her “fuck Malek campaign” into overdrive. That, along with the fact that Mitch was getting crazy paid, helped to erase any guilt that remained. Malek's demise was an equal trade for Mitch's come-up. The day that Malek called to ask for the money would be the same day that he would be found leaking somewhere. There was no way Mitch was letting that much dough slip through his hands.
Malek made it his personal mission to visit Halleigh every day in the hospital. Her room was filled with flowers and balloons from him, and every day he was bringing her a new gift. He was just so grateful to have her in his life and so excited by the fact that he was about to be a father. The flowers, balloons, and gifts weren't bribes just to get Halleigh to forgive him for the part he played in her being in the hospital in the first place. He truly wanted to give Halleigh the world and show her in every way how much he truly loved her.
Eventually, Halleigh did express her true forgiveness to Malek, although he had not forgiven himself yet. Every time Halleigh smiled at him, he would think of how close he had come to never seeing her smile again.
“I'ma take care of you. You know that, right?” he asked her as he held her hand.
“I know, Malek, but who's going to take care of you?” she countered. “I know you're not going to leave the streets alone.”
“I am,” he said abruptly and definitively. “By the time you walk out of here, I'll be out of the game.”
“Yeah, right, Malek. You're just saying all of that, thinking it will make me feel better, heal better, and get out of here even faster. I don't know. But I do know how addictive the street game is. It's much easier to just say you're going to give it all up than to actually do it. Trust me, I know.”
“But I'm serious, Hal. At the end of the day, a nigga's word is really all he got. My word is gold; it always has been, when it comes to you. You don't know that by now?”
The tone of sincerity in his voice let her know that he wasn't lying.
“I don't want to lose you. If I got to give up the streets to keep you, then that's that. Plus, you being in that rehab center has been eating me alive. I can't believe I did this to you.”
Their intimate moment was interrupted by a knock at the door. They both looked up and saw Sharina walk through the door.
Malek stood up to leave so that he could give mother and daughter some privacy. Halleigh hadn't really told him what went down when they met each other at the rehab center, but he knew they must still have a lot to talk about.
Halleigh shook her head and said, “No, Malek, stay.”
He sat down reluctantly, but held her hand tightly to give her his support. Seeing Halleigh's mother put a bad taste in Malek's mouth. He didn't have too much respect for her, considering all that she had put the love of his life through.
“You're so pretty,” Sharina said almost in a whisper as she slowly crept toward Halleigh's bedside. She stopped before making it all the way over to Halleigh. Her eyes clouded over with tears, almost like she was seeing her daughter for the first time.
Halleigh was silent as she stared at her mother from the hospital bed. There was so much anger built up inside of her. As she looked at her mother, she tried to forget that it was Sharina's sin that had sent her world spiraling out of control. On that fateful night, Halleigh's life was forever changed for the worse. Looking at Sharina, it was hard not to also see the men she'd let rape her daughter for the sake of a hit.
“It's been a long time, baby girl. You're all grown-up now. You remind me so much of myself.” Sharina stood at the foot of the bed nervously twiddling her fingers as she waited for Halleigh to respond. She seemed to be afraid to get too close.
Two years ago, Sharina was frail and sickly-looking; but now, it appeared as though she had picked up some of her weight, and she wasn't high, which made her almost unrecognizable.
“Well, I'm not you. I could never be you,” Halleigh shot at her. “Why did you come here?”
“I'm sorry, Halleigh. I'm so sorry. I've thought about you every day since then,” Sharina said. She swallowed the knot in her throat, hoping she wouldn't have to elaborate. Her hopes were shattered when Halleigh sat straight up in her bed and spoke.
“Since when, Ma? Since the first time you pawned my Christmas gifts to get high? Since the time we got put out in the streets in the winter because you spent the rent money on dope?”
“I know, baby.”
Halleigh almost jumped out of her bed and across the room. “No, you don't know shit! You have no clue what I've been through!”
Growing up, Halleigh had never disrespected her mother. Dopefiend or not, Sharina was her mother, and Halleigh had always treated her as such. But right now, she could no longer control all of the bitterness that had mounted up against her mother. “See, I could've forgiven all of those things, Ma. I didn't want the Christmas gifts. I would have lived in a cardboard box with you. I accepted you for who you were, because you were still my mother and I loved you. You were the only one I had.”
“I love you too, baby girl,” Sharina pleaded as tears fell down her cheeks.
“No, you don't. I forgave you time and time again, Ma, but you did the unforgivable the day you sold my virginity to the dopeman!”
There, it had been said. Sharina always knew that decision would come back to haunt her someday. What she did to her daughter was the thing she wished she could take back more than anything.
“I know, baby. I have regretted that since the day I did it, baby. I'm so sorry. I truly am. You have to forgive me.” Sharina took one step closer to the bed, as if the invisible wall that separated them was slowly being chiseled away. “I'm clean now, Halleigh. I've been clean for six months, baby. I go to meetings at the rehab center to stay clean. I'm going to do it this time, if not for myself, then for you.” She looked down at Halleigh's small baby bump. “And it looks like for my grandbaby too. I just want to be here for you and make it right.”
Desperate for her daughter's affection, Sharina was begging like Keith Sweat. She didn't know her daughter had changed, and was no longer the sweet, forgiving, naïve little girl she had somehow managed to raise during her sober moments. Halleigh might not have wished her mother dead in that rehab center shootout, but at the same time, she didn't have much love for her.
“I'm glad you're clean,” Halleigh said with a nod before going back to rest in her bed. “Maybe now you're clear-headed enough to think about how you ruined my life.” She glared at her mother.
“Do you know the things I've had to do because of you?” Halleigh spat. “You were so used up that you couldn't have paid a corner boy to let you fuck your way into a high, so you sold me. You pimped me out and let them rape me. That was mine to keep and give to who I wanted, but you took it from me!”
Malek could see the past stirring up fresh anger in Halleigh. As he thought about the role Sharina played in robbing him of the precious gift Halleigh had been saving for him, new anger began to rise up in him also. Seeing his baby's mother was getting all “rallied” and stressed, he wanted to tell her to just calm down, even ask her mother to leave the room; but he knew this moment was a long time coming, and something Halleigh probably needed to let go of. Who was he to stand in her way?
“I can never forgive you for that,” Halleigh told Sharina.
Sharina finally realized her daughter wasn't the same anymore. It was evident from the look in her eyes that the streets had injected its DNA into her baby. Now she was as cold as a Michigan winter. “I know it hurts,” Sharina cried. “I know I did wrong, but I'm your mother, Halleigh. You're my baby. I need you.”
“Well, I don't need a mother. I'm a grown-ass woman now. There's nothing left to raise. The streets raised me, but you know what? You were good for something. You showed me how not to treat my child. So this baby I'm carrying in my stomach is lucky, because I'm determined not to fuck up, just to avoid being like you.”
Halleigh's words were so sharp they cut Sharina to the bone. Malek could see her shivering in pain as she began to backpedal out of the room.
“I'm sorry, baby girl. Mama had a monkey on her back. You have to know that I would have never allowed those things to happen to you otherwise. I love you, and I only hope that you will let me back into your life one day so that, even if you don't want me to be a mother to you, I can at least be a grandmother to my grandchild.”
“You will never be a part of my baby's life!” Halleigh said, throwing daggers at her mother's heart. She knew from the look on Sharina's face that she hit the bull's-eye. “We don't need you. Now, please leave.”
While spitting those last words at her mother, Halleigh had managed to stay dry-eyed. Any tears she might have shed for her mother in the past were now long gone and long forgotten. Not one teardrop had even threatened to appear in her eyes. She was as cold as ice, her tears frozen solid and unable to form.
Halleigh had chosen her words carefully. They were calculated to inflict as much pain as possible. She knew that no words could ever hurt her mother as much as Sharina had hurt her, but still, it had been well worth the effort.
After speaking her mind, Halleigh had hoped to feel some sense of relief, victory even, but that wasn't the case. Just as soon as Sharina walked out of the room, the ice block around Halleigh's heart quickly melted, and she broke down in tears. She cried the hardest she had ever done in her life, heaving violently as she thought of her rape, of the woman she'd once loved and would have done anything for, and of how proud she truly was that her mother had gotten herself clean. With so many emotions taking over her mind, all Halleigh could do was cry.
Halleigh knew she might never see her mother again after what she'd just said to her, and as much as she hated to admit it, it hurt. No matter how painful that was, though, she couldn't forgive her. Right now, forgiveness just wasn't in her. How she was even able to forgive Malek was beyond her own understanding. All she knew was that her heart had no more room for mercy. Not right now.
She was just now starting to piece her life back together, and that was only by the grace of Godâand Malek's love. She refused to let her mother come and break up her happiness with Malek yet again. Even if her mother was sober now, there was no telling how long that might last. Halleigh didn't have time to let someone else's burdens become her own. She had to let sleeping dogs lie and move on with her life. Logically she knew this, but it didn't ease the pain she felt in her chest as she bawled like a baby.
Malek sat by her side, stroking her hair and rubbing her back, reassuring her that everything would be all right. He'd actually been shocked by how cruelly Halleigh spoke to her mother. Sharina had done the worst thing a mother could do to her daughter, but a part of him still wanted to urge Halleigh toward forgiveness, because he knew what it was like not to have a mother at all.
His mother was gone, and he would do anything to bring her back if he could; life was short and could be taken away at any second. But he didn't force his opinion on Halleigh. Instead, he comforted her in her time of need, trusting her to handle the situation as she saw fit. He knew that she'd gone through some awful things as a result of her motherâsome things that she probably would never even tell himâso he let her scream on her mother, and then comforted her as she cried herself to sleep.