Bad Luck Black Money (4 page)

Chapter 4

A little more than a week later, Noi pulled up to the valet at Junior's hotel, once again. This time she wore a pink jogging suit, white tennis shoes, no makeup, and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Junior thought she was even more beautiful than the time before and told her so as he walked her up to his room.

Noi was radiant but different than usual. She was still sweet and kind and sexy, but missing was her streak of subservience. No longer was it, 'whatever you want to do', instead it was, 'what I want to do'.

She went straight from the door and plopped herself in the middle of Junior's bed. She kicked off her shoes, and grabbed the remote control for the TV.

"Can you unpack my luggage and put my stuff away," asked Noi, although it wasn't really a request. "Thank, you."

As he hung up her clothes in his closet and placed her underwear in a couple of drawers, Junior definitely noticed the changes in her. He watched her flipping through channels and resting her feet on the same pillow that he slept on, but it was OK. It was a new experience taking care of someone. Usually, it was the other way around.

He ordered a banana sundae from room service at Noi's behest then spoon-fed it to her as she watched some Thai soap opera in bed. She only ate a few bites then Junior finished the rest. Later, she wanted a foot massage, which Junior proceeded to do with gusto. Then she wanted him to draw a warm bath for her with scented soap and bubbles.

When the bath had the perfect amount of bubbles and the temperature was absolutely perfect, he called Noi into the bathroom. She was pleasantly surprised at all the candles, which Junior had lit. The candles gave the room a more relaxing/sexy atmosphere.

"Thank, you so much," Noi said. "You're a doll."

"It was my pleasure. Anything else, madam requires?" asked Junior in jest.

"No, that will be all," Noi replied as she started to pull up her sweatshirt.... "This is the part where you leave and pull the door shut behind you."

"Oh," Junior said downhearted.

"You can't see me naked," scolded Noi. "We are on our first real date. We really shouldn't be sleeping in the same room, but this suite is like a whole floor so we'll just have to make do."

"Whatever you say, my dear," said Junior as he closed the bathroom door behind him.

It seemed bizarre in Junior's mind how they were going through the normal stages of dating backwards. Since they had sex before going out on a date, they missed out on all the little things that normally led up to having sex. So now, he had to act in a way that would eventually get the sex that he'd already had?... Anyway, it was fun.

Later that evening, Noi wanted to cuddle in bed and watch a Thai drama. She would relate to Junior what was going on, even though he was getting more proficient in the Thai language and could follow most of it on his own.

The plot involved a woman wronged by her husband and struck down with a sickness. A ghost appeared in the show at various times for unknown reasons. In the end, the woman died, the husband went to prison, and mental illness befell their children. Noi cried during the show and then even more after the show.

"Why do you watch this stuff?" asked Junior.

"It was a good program. You didn't like it?"

"It was horrible. Everybody ends up in jail, crazy, or dead. And the ghost tripped over a coffee table. How can a ghost trip over a coffee table? It’s a freaking ghost; ghosts can float right through walls. What on Earth could you like about it?"

Wiping the her tear stained cheeks Noi said, "You don't watch it with your brain; you feel it in your heart."

"I'll take a comedy or action movie any day over that."

"Oh yeah, like they're more real," Noi said pulling out of his arms and sitting up straight. "The good guy gets shot at like a thousand times and doesn't even get hit once. How's that real? You let me get just one shot at him, and he's dead."

"You can shoot?" asked Junior.

"Yes, of course. My father taught me how to shoot skeet. I can also hit a can with a pistol at fifty yards every time.... Why? Are you scared of me, now?"

"Ah, yeah, a little bit."

"Good," Noi said tugging Junior by his shirt collar. "Because if you were to someday marry me, and you cheat on me.... I'll have to kill you."

"You're joking, right?" implored Junior as he looked at the fire in Noi's eyes.

Noi let go of his collar, got out of bed, and walked over to a chair where she'd thrown her purse. She opened it and pulled out a butterfly knife, which she expertly opened in less than a second and a half.

"I have to be able to protect myself. There are some real creeps out there."

"I, I, I, I... I know," stuttered Junior with eyes wide as saucers.

Noi put away the knife, strolled back to the bed, and jumped on top of Junior. She straightened out a few strands of his hair, which were out of place and said, "You don't have to be scared of me. I'll never hurt you.... But if someday you marry me, you have to stay faithful to me forever, OK?"

"... OK, that seems fair, I suppose," Junior managed to squeak out.

"I will treat my husband like a king. He will be the happiest man on Earth. And all I ask in return is for him to love me and NOT CHEAT ON ME!"

"Noi, there is no way I'd ever cheat on you if we were married."

"What if I get fat after having so many of our babies? Then you might cheat?"

"So many? How many children do you want?"

"I don't know, but more than two."

"I would never cheat on my fat wife.... But you don't have to get fat if you don't want to."

"What about when I'm old and the hot, young women want to sleep with you, will you cheat then?"

"Never!"

Wrapping her right leg over both of his legs, Noi said, "You'd better not.... Thank you, for being so nice to me while I'm not feeling so great."

"You are welcome," Junior said while wiping a small tearstain off Noi's chin, which she'd missed earlier.

"You're still not getting any kind of sex tonight," Noi said.

"Yeah, I kind of figured as much," Junior said as he tried to get as comfortable as possible for the long night ahead with aching, blue balls.

Two minutes after Noi left his penthouse suite, Junior headed straight to Club Swish and prepaid for a month's worth of Noi's time. Noi wasn't scheduled to begin her shift at the club until that evening. So, Junior took his time getting back to the hotel, stopping to look at this and that and just being happy in general.

When he got back to the hotel, Noi's BMW was parked haphazardly in front of the entrance. Inside, he found half of the hotel staff trying to stop Noi from getting on the elevator. She was screaming in Thai and knocking anyone back who got near her.

"What's going on?" shouted Junior.

When Noi saw him, she ran full speed at Junior, but was held back by a couple of the staff before she could get within striking distance of him.

"Have you lost your fucking mind?!" screamed Noi at the top of her lungs. "Who buys a whole month at a time? Are you insane? You psychopath!"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down," pleaded Junior. "We can talk about this in a civil manner. No need to get so upset."

"You can let her go now," ordered Junior to the two men, who were holding Noi back.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, boss?" asked the smaller of the two guys. "This one's strong like ox."

"It'll be fine," Junior said as he gently pulled Noi out of their grasp. "We're just going to talk. Right, Noi?"

Noi jerked herself away from Junior, and hissed, "Yeah, we're going to talk alright. You can count on that."

"Nothing to see here, people," said Junior as he walked ahead of Noi to the elevator.

"You want security to wait outside your room, Mr. Junior?" asked the hotel concierge.

"Won't be necessary," Junior said as the elevator doors closed.

The ride up to the penthouse was silent except for the smooth jazz playing over the speakers inside of the elevator. They walked the hallway in complete silence. Junior opened the door to his room, and Noi walked past him into the suite.

"What's the deal, Junior?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you book me for an entire month?"

"... Because, I think I love you, and I don't want you to be with anybody else."

For what must have been several minutes, Noi stood there with her arms crossed in front of her chest looking at Junior, who was staring back at her in silence.

Finally, Noi said, "OK, then, we'll have to get married."

Junior stood there frozen in place until he managed to smile and say, "... Great!"

"So you agree to marry me?" asked Noi getting right in Junior's face.

"... Sure, absolutely," Junior said.

"This is your last chance to back out, Junior. If the next word you say is 'yes' then I consider us already married."

"Wait!" Noi said putting her hand over his mouth before he could speak.

"That means no more Club Swish girls. It means no more women, period. You are stuck with me, forever.... So, what is it going to be?"

She moved her hand away from Junior's lips, and he said, "Yes."

"OK, then," said Noi. "And just so you know that I'm serious."

Noi grabbed Junior's crotch and squeezed, applying more pressure by the second. At first, it seemed like a sexy little treat for him, but when she didn't relent, pleasure became pain.

"Ouch! Ow, Ow, Ow!!" squealed Junior. "What are you doing?"

"This is mine now, understand?"

"Yes! Yes, yes, ouch! Your nails are cutting me!"

"You cheat on me; you're dead, understand?"

"Yes, ohhh! Please, let go..."

Noi released her kung fu like grip, and Junior fell to the floor, grabbing his package. He groaned like a boy who'd just been beaten by a full-grown man.

"Oh, quit being a drama queen. I didn't squeeze them that hard."

"... I didn't do anything," wheezed Junior. "Why did you do that?"

"You had to know that I'm deadly serious. I'm your wife now, and I won't be cheated on."

"I believe you," Junior said as Noi helped him to his feet. Then she kissed him passionately.

"We are going to be so happy together," said Noi. "I'm going home to get some of my things and bring them over here for our honeymoon. You are such a lucky man."

"Oh yeah, tell that to my balls."

"Don't be silly," said Noi as she playfully hit him on the shoulder. "Besides, they are my balls now. I'll take care of them when I get back."

"Fine, whatever you say," said Junior as he managed to collapse into a chair.

"Have you already paid for the month on this hotel room?"

"... Yes, why?" asked Junior still in shock from before.

"Now, that we're married. You can move into my condo when the month's up. That way we save our money."

"Our money?" Junior asked.

"Of course, what belongs to you belongs to me and what belongs to me, belongs to you. We are one person."

"In that case, I hope you know that you just broke your own balls," said Junior as he checked to see if they were indeed still attached.

"Drama queen, I'll be back in a flash," Noi said as she left.

"What have I done?" thought Junior. "I've just committed my life to a crazy woman. And I didn't just happen to fall into it; I begged for it."

He looked through the exterior glass window at the city below and considered running away. But where could he run: America, Russia, India, South Africa, or Brazil? Where on Earth could he hide where an international, beautiful hooker with a high IQ and a mean streak couldn't eventually track him down?

Junior stumbled over to bed and lay down on his back, keeping his testicles as still as possible.

Looking up at the ceiling, he thought, "I'm screwed worse than a brand new Soi hooker, who just walked into a room full of Indians." (Some men from India, while vacationing in Thailand, have a reputation for hiring a Thai prostitute, taking her back to his room, then demanding her to service many men hiding in his room, all for the price of a single customer.)

But even if Junior could have run away, he wouldn't because he was in love. Love makes people do the craziest things.

Sure, she had technically assaulted him, but she only did it because she loved him so much. The thought crossed his mind that he was acting like a beaten, trailer park woman, who fights the cops when they arrest a scumbag in a wife-beater tee shirt for domestic violence. Through swollen, black eyes she'll watch the police put her baby's daddy in a squad car, and through bloody lips she'll scream, "I love him!" Then Junior put that thought out of his mind and waited for his new wife to return.

Chapter 5

Even with battered testicles, Junior managed to have incredible sex with his new 'wife'. Noi wouldn't let him sleep until after she'd rendered him completely and utterly exhausted.

The next morning she ordered an English breakfast from room service and fed Junior like an infant. That day, Noi refused to let Junior do anything for himself, even squeezing toothpaste onto his toothbrush. Junior felt euphoria unlike any he'd experienced with the highest priced wine or strongest marijuana.

Lying in bed as the city sky began lighting up as the sun was going down, Noi resting her head upon Junior's chest and said, "Junior, we have a problem."

"Uh-oh," Junior responded. "What have I done wrong?"

"Nothing, don't be silly. It concerns my job at Club Swish."

"You mean your former job at Club Swish. You quit when you agreed to marry me.... Right?"

"Its not that simple, Junior. I signed a contract with Prince Abdul."

"Wait a second," said Junior sitting up in bed with his arm still draped around Noi. "Abdul is a prince?"

"Yes, he is a son of King Naheer. He is twenty-fourth in line for the crown.... You did not know this?"

"No, I didn't know that. Everybody calls him, Abdul. I've never heard anyone call him Prince Abdul."

"Actually, you should call him Prince Abdul Naheer. But he tells everybody to just call him, Abdul, like a normal person,” said Noi as she pulled the sheet up to cover her exposed breasts.

"OK, prince or not, he can't own a slave in Thailand. You're free to do what you want to, contract or not."

"Like I said, there is a problem."

"OK, explain the problem to me, and I'll fix it."

"Oh, Junior," said Noi sliding her leg over one of his. "You want to be my knight is shining armor, but life is more complicated than that.

I have a younger sister, who is married to one of Abdul's brothers. Or should I say WE have a sister, who is married to one of Abdul's brothers.

My sister is now your sister. Her name is Nok.

Anyhow, she lives in the Kingdom of Naheer, and she is so sad. She is homesick for me and Thailand. But her husband won't let her come visit. He makes her wear the black burka with only eye holes, and his other wives are mean to her because she isn't Persian."

Noi paused to see if Junior wanted to say something, but he just stroked her hair and listened.

"Prince Abdul is able to persuade his brother to let me video chat with Nok over the Internet... sometimes. Without his help, I would never get to talk to her. And I'm afraid that if we don't pay my contract out, he might tell his brother to stop Nok from talking with me.... It would devastate Nok and me, too."

"How much money are we talking about?" asked Junior.

"I'm not exactly sure. I've already worked at Club Swish for five years; my contract was for maybe... seven years?"

"I think I can handle it," Junior said.

"Don't be so sure. I make tons of cash for the club. It might be in the high hundreds of thousands of dollars, maybe even over a million."

"Yikes," exclaimed Junior as he started running mental calculations of what money he had on hand. "I'm fluid, but not that fluid."

"I have some money saved up, and I can sell my condo, if need be." Noi said. "But even if it means never seeing our sister again, I'll never sleep with another man. Our marriage comes first."

"That's so sweet of you. But maybe, we can handle the load. My trust fund pays at the first of the month; that should help. And I'd live like a backpacker to save money for you. You know I'd do anything for you, but I can't borrow money, or it'll bust my trust fund then we'd both be broke."

Noi snuggled up to Junior and said, "It would be OK to be poor as long as we are together."

The next day, Noi arranged a meeting with Prince Abdul through Cookie. Both she and Junior were to be in Abdul's business office at three o'clock.

They arrived fifteen minutes early. Junior sat in a chair in the lobby while Noi nervously paced the floor. Her high-heeled shoes made a steady popping sound, except for when she turned around they went 'rrrwree'.

"Why are you so nervous?" Junior asked. "Things are going to turn out fine."

Noi stopped pacing for a few seconds to look at Junior then continued with her walking back and forth.

Cookie opened the door to Prince Abdul's office and said, "Abdul will see you now."

As Junior and Noi entered, Abdul said, "Welcome, welcome, can Cookie get you anything? Perhaps, coffee or tea?"

"No, thank you," said Noi for the both of them. "We are fine."

"That will be all," Abdul said, dismissing Cookie. "Are the rumors true?"

"What rumors did you hear?" Noi asked.

"You know," said Prince Abdul as he walked around his polished, teak desk and sat on it. "Are you stealing my best gal away from me?"

"Guilty as charged, your highness," Junior said with pride. "Noi's made me the happiest man in the world."

"Fantastic," Abdul said.... "So, Noi must have told you my little secret. Yes, I'm a prince, but none of that 'your highness' crap. It’s just plain ol’ Abdul. OK?"

"OK," said Junior.

"So, what do I owe the pleasure of this little visit?"

Noi, who had placed her hand protectively over Junior's hand, said, "There is the business of my contract with Club Swish."

"Oh, yes," said Abdul as he got up and walked back behind his desk and opened a filing drawer. "I believe there are a couple of years left on that."

Noi and Junior were silent as Prince Abdul pulled out a file with the label 'Noi' on its header.

After studying a few papers therein, Abdul said, "My, my, according to this contract, if you intend to leave prematurely then you owe me a lot of money."

"I know, sir," said Noi gripping Junior's hand so hard that it started turning red. "But if you can just give us some time to pay."

"Don't be silly," Abdul said, as he closed the folder then ripped it in half. "We are practically family. You don't owe me a dime."

"Thank, you!" exclaimed Noi and Junior in unison.

"Think nothing of it," said Abdul as he got up and walked over to a small bar where he poured three shots of Scotch. He walked back to the front of his desk and handed a drink to each of his guests.

"Cheers," Abdul said, and they clinked their glasses together. After downing his liquor, Abdul said, "I'm glad you found somebody, Noi. Its shameful for you to be doing this kind of work."

Embarrassed, Noi looked down at the floor.

"And you, Junior, you'd better take care of my girl."

"I will. I promise; I will."

"You'd better. Because if you don't," said Prince Abdul leaning in toward Junior and pointing at Noi. "This one here, she'll cut your balls off."

Junior's mouth dropped open, and he couldn't think of anything to say.

Noi waved her hand playfully at Abdul and said, "Don't tell him that. He'll think you're serious."

"Yeah, you're a real pushover," said Abdul rolling his eyes. "Have you already gotten married? I don't see a ring on anyone's finger."

"No," said Junior as he shifted in his chair slightly away from Noi. "We haven't actually had the ceremony, but we consider ourselves already husband and wife."

"Then you must have the wedding at my house in the province," Abdul stated.

"We could not ask you to do that. You've already done so much," Noi said.

"No, I insist," Abdul said as he looked over a schedule on his desk. "How about the twentieth of this month? I'll close down the club for a day so all the girls and staff can attend. It'll be like a little vacation for the employees."

"That's most generous," said Junior. "I'm fine with it, if Noi is."

"Of course," Noi said, leaning her head on Junior's upper arm.

Before they knew it, their wedding day had arrived. Noi had packed some clothes for both of them, including her wedding gown, and off they headed for Prince Abdul's mansion in the Chiang Mai province. Noi drove her BMW with Junior riding beside her in the passenger's seat.

Junior looked over at Noi driving way too fast for the road conditions, but kept his mouth shut. However, he knew that he'd better check whether Noi was OK about all her former workmates being in attendance.

"Noi," said Junior in his most soothing voice. "Are you going to be fine with all the women at our wedding?"

"Whatever do you mean?" asked Noi as she passed a pickup truck, which was overloaded with people.

"Like, if one of your female friends hugs me, you're not going to beat me up. Are you?"

Taking her eyes off the road for way too long, Noi looked Junior in the eyes and seethed, "If you touch another woman, I'll punch you in the side of your head as hard as I can."

"Watch the road!" screamed Junior as they barely missed a slower moving car.

"How am I going to avoid all contact with women at our wedding? Don't you think that you can relax for just one day?"

"No, if you so much as look too long at another girl, I'll beat you like a stubborn ox in front of everybody there!"

"... Oh, crap," Junior said as he rubbed the temples of his head. "Just how am I going to manage to be at a wedding full of women and evade all of them?"

"It will be easy, honey. You stay in the car until I send some monks to fetch you. You stay with the monks until the wedding is over. That way, you get to stay in good enough health to enjoy the honeymoon.... See, it’s easy."

Junior didn't respond. He watched the countryside zooming by his window and wondered what had he gotten himself into.

True to her word, Noi sent several monks out to her car where Junior was waiting. The monks wore flowing golden robes, had shaved heads, and seemed very happy. Undoubtedly, Noi had paid them to bodyguard Junior throughout the wedding.

The monks' enthusiasm and joy was contagious. Despite being their prisoner, Junior couldn't help but get happy, too. The food was good, and the liquor flowed freely. Every now and then, Junior would sneak a peek through his human blockade at the other guests, most of whom he'd slept with during his days of partying at Club Swish. His luck was good that day because Noi was busy changing into her wedding dress and didn't catch him looking at the forbidden fruit.

One of the monks was fluent in English and talked non-stop to Junior about football, or soccer as Americans call it. Never a big sports fan, Junior nodded politely at times and ventured a 'huh' every now and then to keep the monk talking. Noi couldn't get mad about him sneaking peeks over the monk's shoulder if he was actively engaged in conversation, or could she?

The time for the marriage ceremony arrived, and Noi parted the throng of guests to join Junior before the monks. Noi mesmerized Junior in her white wedding gown. She looked even more beautiful than she normally did, which Junior didn't believe possible, yet there she was.

They both knelt by a makeshift altar adorned with flowers and a golden Buddha statue. The monks took turns chanting and speaking to the attendants who sat on white, wooden, folding-chairs, while Noi and Junior were left kneeling on the stone floor.

While Noi seemed perfectly comfortable kneeling, Junior was in agony. He was far too heavy. His knees ached and pains ran up both legs. Shifting his weight only brought pain from new areas. Junior started sweating profusely, even though, it was a cool day for Thailand.

Realizing that the ceremony was not going to end anytime soon, Junior took comfort in looking at his beautiful bride. Noi noticed him staring at her and told him to look forward.

"I'd rather look at you," whispered Junior. "You look amazing. Better than beautiful, what is the word for that?"

"Be quite," whispered Noi with an undertone that warned Junior to shut up or else.

After burning enough incense to mask the smell of marijuana smoke at a rap concert, one of the monks placed Noi's wrist upon Junior's and tied them together with a string. Then another monk added another string and so on, until their wrists were bound together with so many strings that it would take a knife to cut them apart. And just like that, they were officially husband and wife.

Noi got to her feet easily, but Junior couldn't make his legs work so some of the monks helped him up. Cookie brought him a chair to sit on until his circulation restored itself. Junior got an accidental glimpse of Cookie's cleavage and averted his eyes as if she was the sun. He looked at Noi, and he could have sworn that she had a self-satisfied look in her eyes, but it could have just been a hallucination from lack of blood flow. Either way, it was easier to just let Noi have her way.

Once Junior was able to walk again, the newly wedded couple excused themselves from the reception and got into a white limousine. They were still tied together at the wrists with string.

"What about your car?" asked Junior.

"You mean, what about OUR car," Noi said.