Authors: A. Meredith Walters
So this was her plan. To make me look even more like an idiot in front of our sisters. I had already been branded the slut, why not the moron who couldn't chair a rush event as well? She wanted to tear me down so far that there was no way I could ever climb up again.
Looking around the room, most of the girls were nodding, refusing to look at me. I noticed there were a few that looked unhappy with our president's announcement. “This is bullshit,” Vivian growled under her breath. Because of course this wouldn't just affect me, this would impact Vivian as well.
“Well, I really wonder if maybe we need some new blood handling rush for the spring. Come up with some new ideas,” Milla suggested sweetly, not shying away from looking at me. She was enjoying this. Stupid bitch. Vivian gripped the arms of her chair and sat forward.
“We had the highest turn out for the fall than any other year. Every single girl we offered bids to, accepted. Our skit kicked ass. I don't see what the problem is,” she said sharply, staring Olivia and Milla down.
I hated that there was a division happening there. These girls had pledged Chi Delta together. Vivian, Olivia and Milla were always together. And now they were split apart. Because of me.
Olivia flicked her hair back and waved her hand in dismissal. “Don't get so defensive, Vivvie. It was just a suggestion. I know a bunch of us had concerns over doing the same things again. Thought we'd shake it up a bit. It's nothing personal,” she said innocently, smiling our way. I ground my teeth together.
“Not personal my ass! You know exactly what this is about. If you want to address your beef with Maysie, then do it on your own time. Do NOT bring the rest of us into it. And don't you dare sit there on your throne and think you can tear me, Maysie or any of us down!” Vivian had gotten to her feet and looked prepared to do battle. I was shocked to see perky Vivian seething with anger.
I had a feeling that these thoughts spewing from Vivian's mouth like vomit had been festering for a while. I should say something. I couldn't let Vivian fight my battles for me like this. But right then I just wanted to disappear.
Olivia narrowed her eyes at Vivian then turned her steely gaze on me. Her face relaxed and she started laughing. Milla joined in, followed by most of the sisterhood. Vivian's face was a scary shade of red. “Oh, Vivian. Chill out already. I think you're reading too much into things. But since you brought it up, I think we should address the huge elephant in the room.” Olivia stopped laughing and turned to look at me.
I withered a bit under her stare. “Everyone knows what happened last night. Everyone on campus knows what happened last night. But none of that matters.” Olivia's words were clipped. “Maysie, what you did was wrong. More than wrong. It was a complete violation of everything our sisterhood stands for,” she admonished me harshly and I felt like a little child. How could this girl make me feel so horrible? Oh, wait...because I
was
so horrible.
“I know, Olivia. And I'm so, so sorry,” I told her, hoping to make this right in some small way.
Olivia's eyes held mine and I saw no warmth there. No understanding, no compassion. I only saw the same anger and betrayal that I had witnessed last night. “I'm not sure what to do about all of this. But Jordan and I talked a lot last night. We hashed out a lot of our problems. And I think we're in a really good place now. So in a way, I should thank you, Maysie. You helped Jordan realize how much he wanted me. Wanted
us.
And we're now stronger than ever.” Her eyes glittered coldly and I felt like I might pass out.
Olivia finally looked away from me and turned her attention to the rest of the sisterhood. “So, you see...the best woman won. And we can put all of this behind us.” What a backhanded way of putting me down. Everyone looked at me and I knew there would be no putting this in the past. Hell no. If anything, Olivia's words only fanned the flames.
Just fucking fabulous. The rest of the meeting passed in a blur. I didn't hear anything else, Olivia's words ringing in my ears.
I should thank you, Maysie. You helped Jordan realize how much he wanted me.
I felt like such an idiot.
I practically ran from the chapter room at the end of the meeting. I needed to get out there. I wanted to go back to my apartment and work on that whole hibernation thing again. “Maysie, wait up!” Gracie and Vivian ran to catch up with me.
“Sorry, I just needed...ah, never mind.” I pulled my hair down from the tight bun and rubbed at my scalp.
Gracie put her hand on my shoulder. “That could have been...worse.” She offered half-heartedly. I gave her a sideways smile.
“Sure, if I was on trial for murder,” I muttered. I turned to Vivian and hugged her. “Thank you so much for sticking up for me like that. I'm sorry if this makes things harder for you. And just so you know, I won't hold it against you if you need to keep your distance from me. Both of you. Don't let being my friend ruin things for you with the sisterhood.” I rubbed my eyes tiredly, just wishing I could rewind time and undo the last three months.
Because I sure as hell would undo Jordan Levitt. I would erase his sorry ass from my life.
Vivian and Gracie looked at me like I was crazy. “We're sisters. Friends. We're not going anywhere.” Gracie said firmly and I could do little more than nod, all out of words.
“Do you mind if I just head home? I'm tired and I have an early class tomorrow,” I asked, already heading toward Gracie's car. The girls followed me.
After I got home, I ignored the pile of homework I had yet to do. I feigned a headache so I didn't have to go back through my night with Riley. I went into my room, took off my clothes and fell on my bed. I wanted a do over.
~~
The next two weeks of my life fell into a sad little routine. I went to class, came home. I went to work, came home. I did the one thing I swore I would never do, no matter what happened. I quit my job at Barton's. I just couldn't be around Jordan after everything. I knew I was being a coward but I just didn't have it in me to see him. Because he hadn't tried to contact me since the night of the mixer.
Not once. No texts, no phone calls. Nothing. Talk about making a gal feel special.
My life had become an endless source of misery. I knew people were talking about me behind my back. I could see the stares I got when I walked into the commons to eat lunch. The whispers that would suddenly go quiet when I would enter a room.
Jordan's fraternity brothers were the worst. They leered at me as though they were picturing me naked. And they didn't stop there. One of the guys, a new pledge, came up to me while I was reading my Shakespeare homework on the quad before class.
I had looked up in surprise as he dropped down beside me on the bench. I didn't even know the guy's name. He smiled at me and I smiled back, unsure what was going on . “You're Maysie Ardin, right?” He had asked, his smile wide. I had frowned, not sure where he was going with this.
He had put his hand down on my upper thigh, his fingers brushing the edge of my shorts. I moved backwards in shock. “Get your hands off of me,” I had told him angrily, swatting his hand away. The guy had only laughed and pressed toward me again, his hand snaking around my waist and pulling me toward him. I pushed on his chest. “Who the hell do you think you are? Get the fuck away from me right now!” I said as calmly as I was able. I had started to tremble, my anxiety peaking precariously.
I darted a look around, there were people everywhere. If I screamed, a hundred people would be there to help. The guy leaned toward me and stopped just short of my lips. I clenched my mouth shut, prepared to bite him if he tried to kiss me. He pressed something into my hand and then put his lips by my ear. “I'd like to use this sometime. My name is Derek. I'm over at Olin Hall. Room 312. I want to see what those lips could do for me.”
Then he had pulled away, got to his feet and walked toward a group of Pi Sigs who were howling with laughter. A few of the guys clapped him on the shoulder. The guy had puffed up his chest and threw a look my way as if to say,
you know you want this.
I had looked down at what he put in my hand and I blanched. It was a condom. A fucking, foil wrapped, ribbed for her pleasure, condom. The Pi Sigs were heading across the quad. I wasn't sure what had possessed me but I had run after them.
“Hey!” I called out. The douchy pledge had turned around, a look of pure arrogance on his face. As though I were going to blow him right there on the quad. I flicked the condom at him and it hit his chin before falling to the ground. “I'd rather staple it shut than let your tiny penis anywhere near me,” I yelled.
“Denied by the skank!” One of the guys, who I recognized as Greg, a Pi Sig senior, taunted the pledge. I shrank at the word he used to describe me. Skank. They thought I was a skank. But then I got mad.
“Skank? Says the guy who pays for fucks.” Greg turned red and he clenched his fists. I laughed harshly. “Yeah, everyone knows about that,” I mocked. The rest of the Pi Sigs were in fits of riotous laughter.
I turned to the pledge again. “So take your condom and use it to go fuck yourself,” I spat out. Wow, where had that come from? I had been kind of proud of myself. The pledge leaned down to pick the condom up off of the ground.
Tucking it into his pocket he sneered at me. “As if I'd let my dick anywhere near that. I have standards.” And without another look in my direction, the guys turned and walked away. Leaving me standing in the middle of the quad pissed but completely humiliated.
I had turned around and ran across the grass. I blew off the rest of my classes that day and gone back to my apartment. I wouldn't leave for another two days. My show of bravado faded as quickly as it had come and I was done with it all.
I was depressed. Hurting. I stayed away from the Chi Delta house. I stayed away from people in general. I ate my meals at home, avoiding the commons. I didn't hang around after classes like I typically did. I had become a damn pariah. Nobody spoke to me. It was like I had a contagious disease. And as much as I wanted to scream and yell at each and every one of them, I kept my mouth resolutely shut. I convinced myself that doing that would only make things worse. No matter how good it may have made me feel.
Rinard was a small campus. Only 700 students. It was that reason that I had chosen the college in the first place. I wanted the intimate class sizes and more hands on learning. I wanted to feel that sense of community. Now, I wished nothing more than to be lost in the crowd. Instead of being stuck in a place where everyone knew my business and judged me for it.
“You need to leave this apartment!” Riley declared one evening. I was on the couch, my normal place of occupancy over the last few days. I scowled at my roommate.
“I'm perfectly happy right here, thank you very much.” I mumbled, turning my eyes back to the television.
Riley grunted in disapproval and turned off the TV. “Enough! Go get dressed! Gracie and I are taking you out. She's going to be here in ten minutes, so go get dolled up.” She pulled on my arm, yanking me to my feet. I gave her my best evil glare.
“Since when do you and Gracie talk? And when do you ever go out together socially?” I asked, annoyed that my evening of sedate nothingness was being foiled.
Riley pushed me toward my bedroom. “Since we are both sick and tired of your depressed moping. Now, do I need to dress you myself? Because, so help me God, if I have to, I will put you in my black cargo pants and combat boots,” she threatened.
I shuddered. Those cargo pants should have been burned a long time ago. But I knew Riley meant business. So I put my hands up in defeat. “I'm going, I'm going. Back off killer.” I went into my room and halfheartedly unearthed something semi decent. I emerged from my room five minutes later, wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a short sleeved dark green knit top.
“Do something with that mop on top of your head. Have you even brushed your hair today?” Riley asked.
“Ugh! Alright, already!” I complained, going into the bathroom. Three critiques later, and I was deemed ready to mingle with normal society.