Bad Rep (44 page)

Gio looked up from slobbering all over Olivia's neck and grinned.  “Hi Jordan,” he said.  He didn't acknowledge me, which was just fine.  The smile on his face was brittle and challenging.  I knew he loved the fact that Jordan was seeing the two of them together.  My eyes flicked to Olivia and I could see she loved it too.  What a sad pair.

“Didn't expect to see you.”  Olivia giggled, rubbing against Gio whose hands had started to slide up her front.  I averted my eyes.  This was becoming downright pornographic.  Jordan pulled on my hand. 

“Well, don't let us interrupt.  See you later,” Jordan said shortly.  I followed my boyfriend down the hallway, with the sound of his ex-girlfriend's laughter floating behind us. 

“Yeah, see ya later!” she called after us and then I heard Gio's door slam shut.

Jordan went into his room and he started rooting through his stuff, trying to find his book.  I stood by the door and watched him.  He seemed agitated.  Clearly the run in in the hallway had gotten to him.  And damn it, that pissed me off! 

“Where the hell is my book?” he grumbled, moving piles of clothes to his bed as he searched.  I walked over to him, grabbed the stuff he was holding and threw it on the floor.  Jordan looked at me in surprise. 

“What was that for, Mays?” he asked bewildered. 

I pointed out into the hallway.  “That upset you, didn't it?” I demanded.  Jordan sighed and ran his hands over his face. 

“Maysie.  It's not what you think,” he said, sounding annoyed.  I went over and closed his door, then turned around to face him. 

“Are you jealous that Olivia slept with Gio?  Is that what your attitude is about?”  I asked, unable to disguise the hurt in my voice.  I knew rationally that of course he'd be weird about it.  Even if he no longer loved her, he had to still care about her on some level.  Yeah, rationalizations had no room in my brain at that particular moment.  I felt tears prick my eyes and I tried to calm myself down.

I could feel my body start to tremble and I hated how upset I was over something so ridiculous.  Jordan let out a frustrated sigh and turned his back to me.  “This is stupid, Mays,” he muttered, bending down to dig his biology book out from under his bed.

His flippant disregard for my feelings stung.  I felt like a child being dismissed during a temper tantrum.  I didn't think I was being entirely unreasonable.  But Jordan had effectively shut me down.  I stood there, watching him shove his book into his bag as he walked passed me and out into the hallway.  I was left to follow him, feeling like an idiot.

We got back into his truck and Jordan didn't say anything.  The air between us was decidedly cool and I didn't know how to thaw it.  When he pulled into the parking lot at the school, we still hadn't said a word to each other.  He threw the vehicle into park and grabbed his bag.

“Jordan, wait,” I said before he could get out of the car.  Jordan hesitated but didn't look at me.  “I'm sorry, alright.  I was being jealous.  It's just really hard for me.  You and Olivia have this history and we're so new.  I just get intimidated by it,” I admitted quietly. 

Jordan's shoulders dropped a bit.  “Maysie, I can't lie to you.  Seeing Olivia with Gio bothered me.”  I sucked in a breath, his words like a knife to my heart.  Jordan's jaw clenched. 

“But not for the reasons you think.  Gio is an ass.  He uses girls and throws them away.  I care about Liv.  I always will.  You don't share a huge portion of your life with someone and then discard them like it's nothing.  I did wrong by her, Mays.  What I did was fucked up.  And I feel incredibly guilty.  And that's what I felt when I saw the two of them together.  Guilt.” 

He twisted in his seat so that he was facing me.  His eyes were bright as they bore into mine.  “I don't love her.  Not anymore.  I haven't loved her for a long time.  But I feel bad.  I feel like a total dick for being
that
guy.  I cheated on her.  It's hard for me to reconcile myself to that.” 

I swallowed.  The shame of what we had done washing over me anew.  I had no idea Jordan struggled as much as I did.  He seemed so sure of us.  Maybe he was starting to question whether he had made the right decision.

“I'm so sorry...” I started and Jordan cut me off, reaching out and pulling me toward him. 

“No, Maysie.  No!  I don't want you to think for one second that I regret you.  Regret us.  I wouldn't undo anything that brought you into my life.  I just hate that Olivia is reaping the aftermath of my decision not to be upfront with her.  And now she's hooking up with douche bags like Gio Bovalina.  It's just kind of hard not to feel like the biggest asshole on the planet,” he said sadly. 

I felt a little better, but I didn't like him beating himself up like that.  I bumped my nose with his.  “Olivia Peer is a big girl, Jordan.  She makes her own decisions.  Don't think for one second that you are in anyway to blame for that.  Guilt will suck you dry.  I should know.”  Jordan rubbed his nose along my cheek, his breath sweet against my skin. 

“Whatever I did in my last life to deserve you, I'm extremely grateful,” he whispered, his lips tracing my ear.  “I hope I always deserve you,” he murmured before placing a soft kiss at the corner of my mouth. 

“And I get what you're feeling.  I really do.  How many times have I threatened to put my fist down that jackass's throat that you used to date?  We really need to learn to trust each other.  We really, really do.  Because you have become the most important thing in my life,” he said, his voice husky with emotion.

I had no words.  He had this crazy power to render me speechless.   “Let's get you to class, baby,” he said, pulling away and reaching for his bag again.  I nodded, my tongue too heavy in my mouth as I tried to get my hammering heart under control.

We walked across campus, his arm slung around my shoulders and I knew that whatever else may be thrown our way, this is where I belonged.  Right here, right now.  For always.

Chapter Twenty-Four

“I need to head over to the mail room.  I haven't checked my box in forever.”  Riley commented, picking up her tray and going to drop it off.  I followed her.  We had met up for lunch in the canteen.  We both had class in forty-five minutes so we were killing time until then.  Jordan was in classes up until five, so I wouldn't see him until after his shift at Barton's that night. 

I was still sort of reeling from our conversation earlier.  It had the ring of things left unresolved.  Yes, I knew he had made it clear I was what he wanted.  But I couldn't forget the look on his face after seeing Olivia and Gio together.  Why couldn't I get over my insecurities?   Oh, that's right.  Because I was a neurotic, self-sabotager extraordinaire.  Hell, if ruining something great were an Olympic sport, I would have the gold medal. 

Riley and I made our way across campus.  The stares and whispering had died down some.  Maybe everyone had moved on to some other tasty bit of gossip.  I was less self-conscious about being in public.  I had stopped looking over my shoulder for attacking groups of villagers with pitch forks.  I took that as a positive step forward.

We went up the stairs to the mail room.  “Maysie!  Riley!  Hold up!”  I looked over my shoulder and saw Gracie running after us.  She was her typical cute self in a pink v-necked sweater, knee length jean skirt, polka dot leggings and brown Uggs.  I wanted to put her on my key chain, she was so over the top adorable. 

“Chicas!  How've you been?” she asked breathlessly once she had caught up with us.  Riley smiled at her and I noticed that their relationship had evolved from barely concealed loathing to polite civility.  It was damn near heartwarming. 

“Good.  Same thing, different day,” Riley quipped, pushing through the glass door.  I held the door as Gracie followed close behind me. 

“I hear ya.  Maysie, you need to come to the house this evening.  Olivia's called a last minute meeting.  Not sure what it's about, but I'm guessing it has to do with the Ball Blast in a few weeks,” she said, pulling off her puffy pink gloves.

“Great.  I'll be there with bells on,” I replied dryly.  Gracie squeezed my arm. 

“Girl, you've got to let it go.  I haven't heard a negative thing about you in awhile.  I think everyone is moving on.  So I think you need to as well.  They're your sisters.  That matters, you know,” Gracie said convincingly. 

Riley snorted, but otherwise kept her comments to herself.  “Yeah, maybe you're right,” I replied. And maybe she really was.  Who knows.  Perhaps I could survive this whole mess with my hide intact. 

We each went to our mailboxes.  I hadn't checked mine in at least a month and it was crammed full of junk mail and flyers.  I tossed most of it into the trash.  I was looking through a Sorority Life magazine when I noticed a commotion in the corner by the community message board.

Gracie came up beside me, thumbing through her mail and looked up at me.  “What?” she asked when she noticed my attention was focused elsewhere. 

“What's going on over there?” I asked, nodding my head in the direction of the crowd.  There was laughing and whispering.  Riley joined us.  “I want to see what has everyone so interested,” I said, moving toward the crowd.

Gracie and Riley followed me and we elbowed through the group.  I should have known something was up when everyone parted for me.  It was like one of those bad teenage dramas where people stop what they're doing just to look at you.  That should have been my clue.  The whispers were deafening, the laughter cruel. 

But I didn't register it as directed at me until I got up to the big bulletin board covering the wall.  Normally it held flyers for campus wide activities, help wanted ads, notices of people looking for roommates.  Not today. 

Today there was an eleven by fourteen picture that I recognized with mortified clarity.  “Oh, shit,”  Gracie gasped as she took in the photograph. 

“What the fuck is that?”  Riley asked in horrified outrage. 
That
was the sight of my reputation, my popularity, my self-esteem going down the fucking toilet. 

The picture was one I hadn't known existed.  But I would have recognized it anywhere.  It was from my pledging days at Chi Delta.  We had been made to dress in our bathing suits and go from fraternity house to fraternity house where we were “rated” by the brothers.  It was a horribly demeaning form of hazing.  I had hated every minute of it and that was the one time during my pledging experience when I really contemplated dropping out.

The other girls had been just as miserable as I had been.  Gracie had broken down in tears.  The sisters had taken us out and gotten us plastered afterward and the whole thing had been laughed off.  But it hadn't been funny.  And now, here was the painful reminder.  You could see how unhappy I was in the picture. 

But the worst part was the black rings drawn on the photo over my body.  Circles around my thighs, my stomach, my upper arms.  Beside them were numbers.  They were the rankings I had been given that night by the fraternities.  Four on my thighs.  Three on my stomach, which had always had a little more flab than I was comfortable with.  Five on my arms.  My boobs had a big two written across them. 

Someone had scrawled in big, black letters underneath it;
Her face and body might suck, but we hear from the guys she's a solid ten in the sack. Give her a call and take her for a spin.  Everyone else has.

Then my cell phone number was written boldly at the bottom.  I choked on the tears in the back of my throat.  I shoved forward, making my way through the other students standing there, laughing at that horrible picture.  Laughing at my utter humiliation.

I ripped the picture down and tore it in half.  One of the girls who was standing close by sneered at me.  “Doesn't matter, I've seen at least six other posters around campus.” She laughed before taking off with her friends, looking at me and whispering. 

“Oh my god!” I cried, running out of the mail room. 

“Maysie!  Stop!” Gracie yelled from behind me but I kept running.  I didn't stop until I got to the quad.  Then I sank down to the ground and I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my face.