Badge of Honor (12 page)

“Don't even go there,” she declared, obviously unaware of how ardent her voice sounded.

“I'd like to talk to the training supervisor, see if he could get you assigned to someone else, just to stay on the straight and narrow with the higher ups.”

“It's two more weeks, Nick. With four-day work weeks, that's only eight more days that you're my trainer. We'll have this conversation after that. Please don't risk your career.” She looked into his eyes, and in the moonlight he could see fear in her own. “What if what we're feeling is a reaction to going through some stressful calls together?”

“Is that what you think? Because I don't.”

Her eyes grew moist, and she shook her head. “I've had a crush on you since high school, Nick, so I've loved getting to know you these last few weeks. But—”

“That's a little creepy,” he said with a smile. “Because I had a crush on you, too. I was scared to death to ask you out, being I was just a lowly sophomore and you were a brainiac senior.”

“I hope that's a compliment.”

“Oh yeah. Cute and brains, perfect combination.”

Her face turned pink and she bit her lower lip nervously. “That's so strange. Fourteen years later, and here we are, finally getting to know each other.”

“Then why are you afraid that it can't work out?” he asked, touching her arm. “Wouldn't it be worth finding out?”

“I'm terrified that you'd risk harming your career over me, and resent me because of it.”

He didn't know how to respond. What she said made sense, so why was it impossible to think of going along with her plan?

“I don't know how this department works with officer relationships,” she added, “but even if we decide to see each other after I'm done with my training, it would be wise to keep things pretty quiet for a while, wouldn't it?”

“How long is a while? Because I'm getting on in years….”

“Thanks a bunch.
I'm
older than you,” she said with a smile.

“Seriously, Sarah, how do you ever downplay the dishonored cop and the former FBI agent who were FTO and trainee? It's always going to be there to cast a shadow. If I—”

Sarah backed away. “No,” she said, trying to sound sure of herself. “There's plenty of time to see how it goes, Nick. There's no need for either of us to jeopardize our careers before we even get them back. Right?”

D
ispatch interrupted Nick's answer, asking for a status check. Though the call was routine, the timing couldn't have been worse. Or better. He knew Sarah was right.

A year ago, he'd have had no problem letting a couple of weeks go by. Now, his world was different. He was different.

Nick wasn't much concerned about having to hold off asking her out on a date. He was
very
worried about both of them keeping their personal feelings from affecting their jobs. He remembered how difficult it had been when he'd been distracted with his sister. But when he'd seen Sarah undercover, he'd nearly lost it.

Could he really get emotionally involved with a woman whose life was constantly at risk every day she went to work?

“Three-eighteen clear,” she said. “Returning to service.”

“Two thirty-five clear,” he echoed.

Sarah's father called as they were heading back to the squad car.

“They couldn't find the membership list,” she told Nick after they'd spoken. “The only other copy Beth has is on her flash drive, which she can't locate. She thinks it's packed in one of the boxes at her house.”

“We can run by and take a look,” he suggested. “We really need to see the list of members so the experts can start profiling the suspect. While you drive, I'll call Douglas, let him know what's going on.”

She made a beeline for the cruiser, walking in silence. “I'm sorry I told you, Sergeant Matthews,” she said, just before she got inside and closed the door.

Nick said a quick prayer before joining her. “I don't have any regrets, Sarah.” Many questions. Countless concerns. Not enough answers. “It gives us something to look forward to when you're through training with me. And hopefully, this case will be solved soon, so we don't have to be partners. I've gotta be honest, I still believe it's best to tell the supervisor, but not today. I need some time to think it all through. Could I call you this afternoon?”

“You can, but we're going to be moving, so I'm not sure when would be the best time to talk.”

“That's okay. I might just happen by my sister's condo about that time, and see if I can lend a hand.”

“You don't have to do that,” Sarah said, though she was smiling from ear to ear. “But you'd sure win some points with my dad, just in case you and I work this out. And if you don't happen to get along with him, you can run fast.”

Nick laughed. He realized it had been a long time since he had simply laughed. M.J. was right; he did need to get over his trust issues. If he didn't, he'd miss a lot of happiness. He had to take a chance on someone sometime. Why not now? He couldn't think of a woman who had changed his life more in such a short time.

“So we're looking for an itty-bitty flash drive, huh?”

“And you thought your detective days were over,” she said as they drove to the west side of the university. “Beth is going to miss being so close to work.”

“Sometimes it's nice to have a few minutes in the car to think things through and clear your head when the day's over.” Nick reached for the radio and called in their location.

Lieutenant Douglas answered. “Copy that. Will meet you there.”

Nick looked at Sarah.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“Ready or not, we'll see where we stand after this.”

The two cars pulled up to the house at the same time. Sarah explained to the supervisor how she'd come to her conclusion that the suspect's motive was linked to rejection from some woman in his life. “He sent that message with my sister's neighbor, and used the word
prude
to describe her. Nick mentioned the rapist's comment today. I think he's either a member of the group, or someone in the group rejected him. Now he's out for revenge.”

“I thought you'd made the connection to the Coedspace Web site?”

“Coedspace has chat rooms for every interest group and organization under the stars, Lieutenant. After my sister got off my computer the other night, I got on. People see you're on and start a conversation. The girl from the festival tonight said our guy's screen name is BadBoynomor. If we get a list of local members, the investigators can find him. My sister is one of the abstinence group organizers, and they're hosting a state-wide conference here next weekend.”

The supervisor swore under his breath. “When did you plan on sharing this information, Roberts?”

“Sergeant Matthews and I just put the pieces together, Lieutenant.” She eyed Nick, wondering if he
wanted
half the credit.

“Let's find this list, and we'll talk about your involvement when the case is over.”

They walked up the front steps together, discussing the incident at the festival.

Sarah put the key in the door and turned it, noticing at once that the click of the dead bolt was missing. She turned the key back, realizing the door hadn't been locked. She put her finger to her lips. “My family wouldn't leave the house unlocked,” she whispered.

Nick pointed to himself and held up one finger, pointed to Sarah and held up two, then indicated the lieutenant would enter third.

Her gun in one hand, Sarah quietly turned the knob with the other and forced the door open with her boot. Nick slipped past her, waited as she entered, then the lieutenant came in behind them.

Boxes were scattered haphazardly around the room. Many were tipped on their side, as if there'd been a struggle. “They stacked the boxes in the dining room,” Sarah whispered. “Someone's been here since they left.”

The lieutenant pulled his Glock, directing Nick to search the upstairs and Sarah to stay on guard while he checked the kitchen.

She had a bad feeling as she inched toward the front window and peeked out. There were too many shadows to see any details. Someone could be out there, watching, waiting. Whoever had done this would be crazy to stay with two cop cars on site, but she knew all too well that serial criminals enjoyed watching their crimes being discovered. It gave them power. Fed their ego to think they'd gotten away with something.

“The back door is broken in,” Lieutenant Douglas said as he rejoined her. “You're not going to stay on street patrol long, Roberts.”

“Lieutenant, get up here,” Nick yelled from upstairs. “Roberts, stay put….”

Sarah was right behind the shift commander. She found the attic loft a shambles. Her sister's bed had been shredded—

Nick blocked her view and pushed her into the hallway. “You gotta back off, Roberts. Don't touch anything.”

“It's torn apart,” she said, staring at him. Fear and anger raged in his deep gray eyes. “What's wrong, Nick? What else did he do?” She struggled to see into the room. “Did he leave a threat or something?”

“Trust me, Sarah,” he whispered. “Stay out here for a few minutes or go downstairs.” He held her firmly. “Yes, he's made one heck of a statement this time….”

From the hallway, she heard the lieutenant talking to the dispatcher. “We need a homicide investigator.”

Sarah pushed, trying to get past Nick. “Who is it?”

He shrugged. “I was just going to look for an I.D. when you came up here. It's not Beth. Are you sure she didn't have someone else living with her?”

“No. Not that I knew of.”

Just then, they heard a deep gasp.

“He's alive!” the supervisor yelled. “Get an ambulance here now! I need help to stop the bleeding.”

F
or two hours doctors operated on Beth's fiancé, hoping to save his life. Now they were in wait-and-see mode. Sarah couldn't get the image of the body on her sister's floor out of her head.

She and Nick had been covered with blood, as was Lieutenant Douglas. Since it was a family-related case, Sarah had been released from duty. Nick stayed on. The crime scene investigators moved all of the boxes out of the house after they'd taken pictures, hoping that, in the struggle, the suspect had left some kind of evidence.

Another officer escorted Sarah home, where she broke the news to her parents, so they could help tell her sister. She'd cleaned up and changed out of uniform before they went to the hospital to check on Steve.

After the surgery, the doctor met Beth and Steve's parents in the lobby. “The knife did a lot of damage, but I think we've been able to stop all of the bleeders. He's going to be lucky to survive this.”

“Can I see him yet?” Beth asked.

“In a while, after he's more stable.”

Sarah felt numb as she witnessed the pain her sister was going through. Her parents were doting on the baby of the family, as they had been for the last week.

Sarah leaned her head back against the wall and felt her eyes drifting closed. She hadn't slept well in weeks. It was bound to catch up with her sooner or later….

Lieutenant Douglas's words echoed in her head:
You won't be on the street patrol long.
She'd been so focused on the case that she'd probably ruined her chances of staying on at the Fossil Creek Police Department….

She woke a few minutes later to find tears streaming down her face. Sarah wiped her face, then excused herself and found the hospital chapel. She needed time to talk to God one-on-one. Sitting in the pew, she stared at the cross.

She knew that God understood the pain of betrayal, the agony of disappointment, the bruises of failure. Her pain was nothing Jesus hadn't suffered over and again. Yet he went on.

She folded her hands together, forming a cushion on the pew back ahead. Resting her forehead on them, she closed her eyes.

I don't even know how to pray, God. I want the impossible. I want Steve to heal completely. I want there to be no scars, no reminders of tonight. I want my sister to heal, and one day be able to forget all of this. But I know You have a greater purpose for her. I know that in my heart, but it's so hard to watch my little sister make her way through this pain.

Forgive me for being so worried about my own job security that I held back from passing my suspicions along. Forgive me for being so concerned about trying to make everything go my own way. When will I learn how to juggle all of these pieces of my life? I'm thirty-four years old and I still have no idea where You want me, or what You want me to do. What I thought I was good at, I keep messing up.

I really botched things up tonight, God. Help me to do the right thing for Nick. He shouldn't have to be punished for my mistakes. Help me to make things right. Help me to do the honorable thing, even if it means I lose Nick.

She felt the tears threatening to take control.

I can't even seem to get the timing right on falling in love.
It had taken her fourteen years to catch Nick Matthews's attention, and now, in one night, she'd ruined it all.

She felt a warm hand on her arm and turned. “Are you okay?” Nick asked.

She brushed away the tears. “Not yet. I'm sorry, Nick.”

“I don't know what you're talking about, but you have nothing to be sorry for.” He sat next to her and turned to look at her face. “While you're here, you should have that bruise x-rayed, make sure nothing's broken.”

“I should have told the lieutenant about the group sooner. They might have found the suspect by now. I hope he hasn't gotten away.”

Nick shook his head. “I doubt that.” He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

“Don't, Nick. I don't want the lieutenant to see.”

He looked into her eyes, and she felt the love that had evaded her all these years. “I know I should care if he did, Sarah, but I don't anymore. There's more to life than a job.”

“You've put so much into this department, Nick. I don't want to mess it up for you.”

He let her go. “I think you'll be surprised at how much is going to change around Fossil Creek PD, Sarah. You're part of the team. It wasn't just you or me working this. It was the entire department. The city is pretty involved, too. If criminals reacted logically, we wouldn't have jobs. Speaking of which, we need to ask your sister some questions. I think she'd be more comfortable with you there.”

He took her hand and led her from the pew, then paused in the aisle. “This may have to last us awhile,” he whispered as he bent his head toward her.

She raised her arms and wrapped them around his neck, gazing up at him. “I've waited fourteen years. I'll probably survive on this for a long time.”

His kiss was slow and gentle, giving her hope that she wouldn't have to wait long for the next one. Their lips had barely parted when he kissed her again, playfully, teasing a smile from deep inside her heart.

 

Lieutenant Douglas and Detective Wang met with Sarah and Beth in an available office at the hospital. Nick stood in the doorway of the crowded room as they asked difficult questions. Sarah didn't like hearing her thoughts come out of another officer's mouth, but she knew they had to be asked.

“Why was your fiancé at your house, Miss Roberts?”

Sarah felt the pain hearing their suspicions caused her sister. “Remember that these questions are standard, Beth,” she said softly, hoping to alleviate the sting.

“I decided you were right,” Beth admitted. “That Sarah was right—I had to be honest. I needed to tell him about the attack. He said he was going to make the guy pay if he came back,” she said, whimpering. “I guess he was watching the house or something.”

Sarah glanced at Nick and shared a look of concern as the officers asked more intimate questions about their relationship. Finally, Beth got mad. “I hear what you're asking. No, there's no way Steve could be the rapist. He's as strong in his beliefs as I am. We each made this decision on our own, long ago. It's never been an issue for either of us. When we started getting serious, we made this commitment to each other.”

Sarah was proud of how Beth handled the questions. “Besides, Steve has curly, dark brown hair. The man who attacked me had fair coloring and a buzz cut. Hasn't that been the same with all of us who were attacked?”

Detective Wang nodded. “We need to ask, Beth, to make sure that when prosecutors get you to the stand, they can't turn the question against you. If we don't ask, it leaves your testimony open for interpretation. We're very sorry this is so difficult.”

“Did you tell Steve that your sister was going to look for your flash drive?” Douglas asked.

“I didn't know they were going over there,” Beth replied. “We had all agreed—Sarah, my parents and me—not to be there after dark. We'd left about five o'clock to be sure.”

They asked her more technical questions before having Nick walk her back to the waiting room to her parents and Steve's family. “Miss Roberts, it goes without saying that you shouldn't travel anywhere alone,” Wang cautioned just before she left.

She nodded, giving Sarah a glassy-eyed glare. “Don't worry. I won't be going anywhere alone for a long time.”

“Officer Roberts,” the lieutenant said, “I need to talk to you, in private.”

Detective Wang left.

Nick was gone.

She was alone with her supervisor, looking down the barrel of her future. A career that she'd worked hard to excel in.

“We've been very impressed with your investigation skills, Sarah. I can appreciate how difficult it has been to separate yourself from the case. I believe you'll agree that the best thing we can do to protect you and your sister is to place you on leave until the suspect is apprehended.”

She could only stare at him. “What about a desk position?”

“This is nondisciplinary, Sarah. The chief and I have no intention of letting you go, but your safety as well as your family's has been greatly threatened, and we don't want any mental duress to impair a conviction. I know you wouldn't want it to end up being thrown out.”

“Of course not.” She froze in place.

“We'd like to suggest you and your sister consider—”

“I highly doubt you'll get her to leave Steve,” Sarah interjected. “I'm not going to leave
her,
either.” She handed him her badge and weapon. “Just in case, I want to remove any doubt that I'm acting as part of the department.”

“What's this for?” He frowned. “I don't want these, Sarah.”

“When the case is solved, I'll be honored to wear the badge again, Lieutenant. In the meantime, I have my family to care for.”

Sarah was trembling. She hadn't meant to do that. But it was the only way she could keep from hurting Nick's or her own career.