Balance (The Divine, Book One) (34 page)

“What
have I done?” she said. “Oh Landon, what have I done?”

I
lowered myself next to her and put my arms around her. “You saved my life,” I
told her. “Mine and Rebecca’s.”

She
squeezed my shoulder. “For that I am glad, but the cost was so high.”

“Moses?”
I asked her.

“No,”
she said, pulling back away from me. She looked up at me, and I understood.

“I’m
so sorry,” I said. It wasn’t the pair of light, golden, heavenly eyes I had
been so mesmerized by looking back at me. They were different now, changed, a
simple brown that could have passed as human.

“I
don’t understand,” I said. “How could this happen?”

We
had moved from the center of the room closer to the sanctuary door. We were all
sitting on the floor. Josette was propped up against my shoulder. She looked
worn, beaten, and tired.

“She
used a demon’s blade against another angel,” Thomas said.

“He
was going to kill her,” Rebecca replied. “She had every right to defend
herself. Is it her fault that the demon’s dagger was the closest means to do
so?”

“It
does not matter,” Thomas said. “The laws do not make circumstantial
exceptions.”

“Maybe
they should,” I said, unable to disguise my disgust.

Josette
shifted on my arm to look at me. “Landon, do not be concerned.” Her brown eyes
were taking time to get used to. They looked so ordinary. She turned her
attention to Thomas. “Our Lord knows my heart. He has cast me
down
as He must, for His rules are not arbitrary, yet He has
not cast me to evil. My heart is not filled with hate. Perhaps He may allow me
to earn my redemption.”

“What
do you mean?” I asked.

“True
fallen angels are demons,” Thomas said. “They are the angels that have been
seduced by evil, and have committed one or more of the seven sins with selfishness
in their heart. Josette is not a demon, yet also not an angel. I do not know
what she is, for I have never heard of such a thing.”

“No
angel has ever killed another without a self-serving motivation,” Josette said.

“In
all this time?” I asked. “That seems hard to believe.”

“Why
would it be?” Thomas replied. “Angels cannot kill one another with anything but
a demon’s blade. An angel using such a weapon is unheard of, unless it is
obtained with the intent to harm. Such premeditation is always self-serving.”

“What
does it mean to fall?” Rebecca asked.

Josette
cast her gaze to the floor. “I can no longer reach Heaven,” she said. “I cannot
return there. Maybe one day, but not now. My spirit is broken, cracked. I can
feel the loss in my soul, and yet I feel alive. It is a different alive, but it
still is.”

“You
must be of Purgatory now,” Thomas said. “The place between.”

Josette
was silent. Then she stood and walked over to Rebecca. “Cut my wrist,” she
said, holding out her arm. Rebecca looked at me. “Do it,” Josette insisted.

Rebecca
reached out and ran her fingernail along Josette’s wrist. Her blood began to
well up through the cut, a thin stream of it pooling and dripping down onto the
floor. No black veins of poison formed around the wound, but it didn’t heal
either. Josette looked at it in amazement before Rebecca reached down and tore
a piece
of
cloth off the bottom of Josette’s dress and
wrapped it around the cut.

The
fallen angel looked at the demon with tears in her eyes, nodded thanks, and approached
Thomas, her other wrist held out. He didn’t wait for her to ask. He took his
sword and pressed it into her flesh, just enough to cause her to bleed. Again,
the blood dripped to the floor and the wound did not heal.

“Mortal,”
she said. “
I’m mortal.
” Her lips didn’t move the second time, but I
heard her voice in my mind.

“
No
,”
I said, projecting the words. She snapped her head around to look at me. “
Your
power has shifted to this world, to Purgatory, to me.
” I was trying to be
comforting. I failed.

“No,”
Josette said aloud, her voice bitter. “I am not like you. I wish to be a
seraph. I wish to fight for good, for God. You are kind Landon, but you will do
what you must to be what you are. I must also be what I am, regardless of what
has happened. I will help you against the demons, against Reyzl. I will not do
evil for any purpose.”

“I
don’t expect you to, and would never ask it of you,” I replied. “If I can help
you be restored, I will.” I turned to Thomas, so serene despite losing his
brother to the attack. “What about you? We have a few openings we’re looking to
fill.”

“I am
sorry diuscrucis, but I cannot. I am the only angel left to guard the
sanctuary.”

I
looked over to the gigantic door that the demons had been trying to obliterate.
It bore the scar of war, a crack that ran from the top corner down towards the
center. It was open just enough, but behind it I could see a bright light, the
beacon, reaching up through a hole in ceiling. I could also see an altar and
pews, as well as racks of swords lined up against the wall.

“What
is the sanctuary?” I asked.

“It
is a conduit between this world and Heaven,” Josette said. “The light is a
beacon which draws us...” She bit her lip. “Draws angels to it, so when they
are moving between the planes they do not get lost. An experienced seraph can
travel without a conduit, but the novices need the light to find their way. “

“You
said Heaven wasn’t up, but the light stretches out into the sky,” I said.

“It’s
a side effect,” she replied. “The beam passes from this plane to the next, and
reflects upward as a result.”

“Without
the sanctuary and others like it, we would not be able to reinforce our
numbers,” Thomas said. ”The demon Reyzl was hoping to capture it, to slaughter
the angels coming into this world, or to destroy it. Thanks to you, he was
unsuccessful.”

“It
is also a place of healing,” Josette explained. “The light can purge demon
poison more effectively than holy water. The light can also help us... angels
regain themselves when they are tempted by evil.”

“You
mean Confession?”

Josette
nodded. “Yes. After I left you the other morning, I came here. I was conflicted
by my dealings with you, and I sought clarity. I had intended to meditate, but
when I told Moses about what had happened, he believed that you had tainted my
mind. He brought his concerns to the other Elders, and they insisted that I
step into the light and Confess. I was compelled to tell them everything.” Her
eyes began to tear up again as she recalled the experience. “Things that I had
never told anyone, things that I had denied for myself. He used my worst pain
against me.” Her tears were flowing again and I was going to comfort her, but
Rebecca beat me to it. She took Josette in her arms and held her close.

“Yet
they call me the demon,” she said. Josette pulled away and looked up at her.

“You
may bear the mark of the Devil,” she said, “But you have embraced the freedom
of choice granted to you and used it to forge your own path.”

“Josette,”
Thomas said, placing his hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him. “I am
sorry for the actions of Brother Moses, he had no right to treat you as he did.
He was not the same since the betrayal.”

“Thank
you, Thomas,” she replied. “You and your brother are two of the finest fellows
I have had the pleasure of knowing. I understand what happened to Moses when
Charis betrayed us, but this quest for vengeance has led many astray. I believe
that our Lord has a plan for me, and that this is a part of it. I do feel the
pain of this loss, and I long to see my home again, but I believe in His
wisdom.”

I
listened to Josette speak with a new respect for her. I couldn’t imagine what
it would be like to dedicate so much of my existence to something only to be
discarded for holding fast to the same morals and beliefs that had brought me
there. It was amazing to me that she held no ill will towards God for his
abandonment. She believed that what He had done was right, and that He held
some grand design for all of us. I didn’t get it or believe it, but I respected
her unwavering faith. Our work here was done though, and we needed to get back
to the city.

“Thomas,”
I said. “I don’t suppose you have a car?”

An
angel had no need for a car, but a Touched warrior monk did. They needed to eat
after all, and somebody had to make runs for groceries. The car was a powder
blue 1970 Chevy Suburban, a beast of a vehicle that had been well maintained by
the monks, and came equipped with its own snowplow. Despite its age and lack of
interior creature comforts, it was a more solid performer than the Rolls Royce
had been in the crappy mountain weather we had driven into.

As
Rebecca had predicted, losing their Commander had caused the Rift, wherever it
had been, to close, and the demons that were summoned from Hell couldn’t
survive long here, especially in the cold. We did come across a few of the
scouts as we headed back down the Monastery's long driveway, but none of them
looked like they had much more time to exist.

Rebecca
and Josette were in the front of the car, with Rebecca behind the wheel. I was
exhausted from the battle, and they had both insisted that I do my best to shut
my eyes and recharge my batteries. I was so weak I hadn’t even had the energy
to change the simple white robe into something a little less drafty, and my
head was spinning soon after I laid it down on the long rear bench seat.

The
vampire and the angel, Josette might have fallen but I still thought of her as
an angel, were both silent, lost in their own thoughts as we drove. All three
of us had gone through some major personal stuff in the last twenty-four hours,
and we all needed a chance to do the mental computations. In an effort to
create a calming environment, Rebecca had found a classical music eight track
in the glove compartment. I fell asleep to either Bach or Mozart. I always got
them confused.

I
wasn’t surprised when I found myself back at my Source. As my mind had
succumbed to the soothing sounds of the symphony I could feel my soul calling
out to my consciousness, pulling it into this place. I was standing inside the
Museum of Natural History, right in the spot where I had died. I don’t know how
I knew it was the spot, because the whole area was under reconstruction, nearly
ready for re-opening post –‘terrorist’ attack. Ancient Egyptian
artifacts, sculpture and jewelry and dioramas with paper mache pyramids and
little plastic Egyptians surrounded me. There was a shadowy figure standing in
the corner.

“Ulnyx,”
I said, beckoning the Great Were to step into the light. He did so without
hesitation, his will
broken
by my own. “Do you know
why I’m here, of all places?”

The
demon’s hair was gone, replaced with a smooth bald scalp. He had traded in the
rock star look for something more upscale, a tight black suit and a shiny blue
tie.

“That’s
where it started,” he said, motioning at the spot I was standing on.

“Where
I died,” I said.

“Yes
sir,” he replied. “Your power has grown, but you still aren’t ready yet.”

“Ready
for what?”

He
smiled. “You know what. You can’t win that fight, not yet. You haven’t let go.”

“Enough
riddles Ulnyx. Let go of what?” I looked at him, and he dropped to his knees.

“I
would tell you if I could,” he said. “It’s not something you can be told. You
just have to do it.”

I
walked over to him and knelt down so we would be at eye level. “Tell me,” I
commanded, shouting right in his face. He didn’t react.

“I’m
sorry sir.”

I got
back to my feet and looked around the room. I was supposed to let go of
something, but what? I had accepted who I was, and why I was. I was comfortable
with my role in this fight. What else did I have to do, or prove, or think? I
had died here, in this room. It had something to do with that.

Just
beyond the spot where my body had landed was the main exhibit space, where the
Chalice had been before the Demon Queen had claimed it. I half-expected to see
the Grail sitting there in its tamper-proof, bulletproof case, mocking my
ability to locate it. Instead, there was a large block draped by a blue velvet
blanket. Was it part of the new exhibit? It looked out of place with the other
Egyptian artifacts.

I
walked over to the block and took hold of the drape, pulling it off so I could
see what was underneath. I was surprised to see a block of marble with the
Chalice engraved on the top, along with a short message and a list of names. I
started reading them until I got to my own. I read it four or five times to be
sure it said what I thought it did, then looked at Ulnyx, waiting on his knees.

“I
already know that I died,” I said.

He
shrugged. “Don’t look at me boss,” he said. “This is your Source.”

My Source, right.
I looked at the memorial again.
My soul was still trapped by my memories of mortality, of being human. My name
on the stone was just a reminder that I had once been part of the world of man.
The power I possessed was limited by what I had learned from that existence,
but that part of my being had ended. From the beginning Dante had said that I
would need to move beyond my past self in order to succeed in holding the tide
of human desolation at bay. I had learned so much in the past few days, and now
all of my experiences were coming to a head.