Banana Rose (41 page)

“That’s swell,” Tiny said. “Gee, Banana—I mean, Nell—it’s so good to see you again. What do you want to order? The waitress is hovering.”

“Hang on, let me look at the menu.” My eye was on the green chile cheeseburger when I heard my name called from across the room by the door. Maybe it was Anna. I looked up. “Blue?” She didn’t look good. “What’s wrong?”

Blue crossed the restaurant quickly. “I thought I’d never find you. Anna’s been in a car wreck. She’s in Dodge City, Kansas. Her brother called. It looks like she’ll be all right, but she’s in the hospital. He can’t make it down right away. I told him you’d go, not to worry.”

I stood up. “Anna? She’s hurt?”

“They say she’ll be okay. I took all the information down. Here’s the keys to my car. I got you some money.” She handed me a white envelope. “You should leave now. Here’s a map. It’s about eight hours or so from here. You don’t want Anna to be all alone when she wakes up.”

“Anna?” My legs were following Blue out the front door. “Is she unconscious?”

“She was knocked out, but just for a short while. The doctors seem to think she’s okay. Just a little bruised. I think her car’s totaled, though.”

“But you said, ‘When she wakes up.’ ”

“Well, let’s hope she sleeps tonight. That’s all, sugar.”

Tiny had followed us out. “Do you want me to come?”

“Thanks, Tiny.” I touched his arm. “I’ll be okay.”

Blue handed me her keys as I sat down in the driver’s seat of her red Subaru station wagon. “Sugar, be careful. Bring her back safely.” She leaned down through the window. “There’s a jacket in the back seat. You need to get gas. Don’t forget. I didn’t have time. I popped Van Morrison into the tape deck.”

I nodded. I pulled out of the parking lot. I made a left at the light and drove down Kit Carson, headed out toward Cimarron.

I drove in a daze all the way to Springer, my foot on the gas, aiming straight ahead. I listened to “Into the Mystic” over and over as darkness crept in. I noticed the gas needle was past empty. I forgot to get gas. I prayed the car would make it to the next town.

It did make it, and by the time I hit Clayton, I had begun to cry. Anna, I hope you’re okay.

I drove through the night and got to Dodge City in the early morning.

“Where is she?” I ran to the front desk of the hospital.

“Who, may I ask?” The nurse had spectacles down low on her nose.

“Anna. Anna Gates.” I was leaning on the counter.

The nurse turned around to look at the roster. “She’s in room 208, but it’s too early for visiting hours.”

“I’m her sister. I just drove in. She’s been in an accident. I’ll take responsibility.” I ran to the elevator and went up to the second floor.

I didn’t have a watch, but it was quiet on Anna’s floor and I remembered the sun still hadn’t peeked over the horizon when I pulled into Dodge.

I tiptoed past room 206. The next door would be hers.

There she was. Her bed was by the window. I walked over and sat by her side. I couldn’t tell if she was asleep.

Just then, her head moved slightly, she turned a quarter of an inch toward me, and her eyes twitched. She opened them halfway, closed them, then opened them again. “Nell,” she whispered my name, but it was emphatic. There was a bruise across her forehead. She wasn’t on any life-support system.

I reached out and touched the bed sheet. I was afraid to touch her, that I might hurt her. “I’m here, Anna. The doctors say you’ll be okay.”

She seemed to rouse more. “I know. They told me yesterday.” Her head fell back on the pillow.

“Rest now. I’ll be with you.” It felt as though there was no other time but this moment, no other place but this heaven with Anna. Taos, the long ride, everything fell away.

“My car’s all busted.” Anna began to whimper.

“That’s okay. We can share mine. Don’t worry.”

“Nell, I almost made it.”

“What do you mean? As soon as the doctors release you, I’ll drive you the rest of the way.”

She started to cry. I realized I’d never seen her cry before.

She shook her head. “No, it’s not going to happen.”

“Sure it is.” What was she talking about?

“Nell, I see angels. They’re coming for me. I see them.”

I grew alarmed. She was hallucinating. “Do you want me to go get a doctor? What kind of drugs are they giving you?” I started to stand up.

“No, stay with me, Nell.” I sat back down. “They’re coming.” She nodded her head and closed her eyes. “Nell, remember we’ll always be together.”

“Sure we will.” I found a piece of gum in my pocket. I took it out and I began to chew it hard. It didn’t seem to bother Anna. I stood up and began to pace. I was nervous. Maybe it was all those hours without sleep.

I leaned close to Anna. I took the gum out of my mouth and stuck it under her bed. “Anna,” I called in her ear. “Anna.”

She stirred slightly. She opened her eyes and smiled.

I smiled back and sat down again. It was so quiet.

Then I saw them too: five angels hovering over her bed. As I watched, almost a violet smoke came out of Anna. The angels lifted it like a veil and floated off. I kept staring but saw nothing except morning, its light, breaking outside the window.

I was suddenly afraid to look back at Anna. I stood up. My legs were shaking so much, I had to grab the chair. I glanced back at her as I ran out the door. She looked like she was sleeping. I ran down the shiny hospital floor and grabbed a man in a white coat.

“Please, I think something has happened.” I could hardly speak.

“What room?”

“Two-oh-eight. Please.” I turned and ran back to the room.

“I’ll get a doctor,” he called after me.

“Anna, oh, Anna.” I knelt by her bed, put my cheek to her chest and my arms around her, and started to rock her. “Anna, Anna, Anna,” I repeated over and over. I was crying now, low moans that came from deep down. I was still afraid to look at her face. I just kept rocking her.

Finally I looked up. I was right. She was gone. Her face seemed so peaceful, and her eyes were staring in the distance.

“Excuse me, miss.” A nurse and doctor were behind me. The nurse put her hand on my shoulder. “Please let the doctor see her.” The nurse led me out into the hall. I followed submissively. Other technicians ran in with machines, but I knew it was over. I’d seen the angels.

“She was my best friend,” I told the nurse. “My sister,” I trailed off.

“Yes.” The nurse patted me on the shoulder. “Why don’t you sit here on the bench? It will be a little while.”

I sat down and waited.

The doctor came out. “A ruptured spleen. We didn’t detect it. She’s gone.” He turned to me. “There’s nothing we can do now. I’m sorry, miss.”

“I’m her sister,” I said. “I’m Nell Gates. Can I go see her again?” I was cool. I had a plan.

“Yes, of course. Take your time. Arrangements will have to be made. Do you want to tell your parents?”

“I’ll call my brother.” I was walking toward her room.

I went back in and shut the door behind me. “Anna,” I said in my best schoolteacher voice, “now, listen. Just tell those angels to come back. Tell them to come back.”

She didn’t answer.

“Please, Anna.” I softened. “Please. Tell them to bring you back. We’ll go to Taos. I’ll be a famous painter. You’ll be a great writer. Please, Anna.” I shook her arm. “Do you hear me?” I begged. “Come back, and I’ll take you to Taos.” I paused. My plan wasn’t working.

The sheet had been pulled over her face. This couldn’t be happening. There was a black fist in my stomach.

I sat down on the chair by her bed. I stared out the window. The sun was really out now. I saw a red semi in the distance. I leaned forward, put my elbows on my knees, and kept looking across the hospital bed out the window. She had died in Dodge City, Kansas. Not in Nebraska, not in New Mexico. Anna, my Anna.

I turned and lowered the sheet. “Anna, I promise I’ll never forget you.” I felt crazy. This couldn’t be happening.

The nurse came in. “It’s time to call your family. We have to make arrangements for the body.”

“The body? Oh, I’ll take it,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Fine. You should call home and make funeral arrangements. You’ll need to sign papers at the front desk.”

“Of course.” My head was empty.

I took out the envelope Blue had given me and sat down. There was three hundred dollars cash in there and a list of phone numbers, including Daniel’s.

I looked up. Two orderlies had just walked in with a gurney. They lifted Anna onto it.

Oh, my god, they’re taking her away. I stood up. “No!” I cried out.

They both turned to me. “We have to, ma’am.”

“No. No. No.” I shook my head back and forth. Now I was crying. Now I was crying real hard. “No. No. No.”

They were pushing her out. “Wait.” I held up my hand. “Where can I find a rabbi?”

“There’s one on call. Ask at the desk.”

“Can I see her again? I have to pray,” I said.

“She’ll be in the morgue. Go to the desk.”

I started to pull at my T-shirt. I couldn’t stop crying. I ran down the hall to the desk. “Please, get me a rabbi. My sister”—I pointed at the vanishing figures—“I have to take her home.”

The nurse knew who I was talking about. “Yes, Ms. Gates. I’ll call a rabbi. It usually takes him a while to get here. He’s not exactly a rabbi—we don’t have one in Dodge City but he’s a Jew. He’ll come.”

I nodded. “Where’s the phone?”

I called Daniel. No one answered. I dialed Blue. The phone rang and rang. I thought of calling Gauguin. I didn’t have his number. What would I say?

Nell, you are alone, I told myself. Take charge, the way Anna would have wanted you to.

I stopped crying. I composed myself and walked back to the desk. “How soon will my sister be ready to travel? I phoned my family and they’re making arrangements. I have a station wagon.”

“Well, it will take a while. You’ll have to pick her up at the funeral home. Oh, and ma’am, the Jew can’t come. His mother is very ill.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I’ll say Kaddish when I get home.” I was very calm. She gave me the funeral home’s address and all the information I needed. “Where is a good place to eat?” I asked.

“We have a cafeteria downstairs.”

“Thank you.” I hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday.

I went down the elevator. Instead of going to the cafeteria, I walked straight out the front doors. Sunlight poured over me.

I looked down the street. A sign in the distance looked like it said, “Luncheonette.” Then I realized it said, “Launderette.” I scanned the street some more. There was Bell’s. I walked toward it. Dodge City was the emptiest, loneliest place in America.

Bell’s turned out to be a grocery. I went in, and right next to the piles of bananas and rows of fruit juices I put coins in the pay phone and dialed Daniel’s number again.

“Nell,” he said. “Oh, Nell, you’re there. Dad got sick. I had to take him to the hospital. I was planning to try to come down tomorrow, but my hands are full.” He paused. “How’s Anna doing anyway? Nell, are you there?”

“Daniel, she’s dead. She died at daybreak of a ruptured spleen.” I paused for a long time. “I’m sorry. They’ll let me drive her up to Beatrice as soon as the body’s ready. You’d better make funeral arrangements.” There was a long, long silence. “Daniel, I’m sorry.”

“My little sister? You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I was there when she died.” I breathed the words into the holes on the black phone receiver. “Anna’s dead.”

I began to cry.

“Oh, Nell, I’ve never met you, but Anna loved you.”

“She loved you too, Daniel. What should we do?”

“I don’t know. There’s no family here but Dad. I’m afraid if I tell him—”

“Listen,” I cut him off, “I’ll drive the body up, and we’ll decide then, together. Okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. When are you coming, did you say? Did she say anything to you?” he asked.

“That she’ll always be with us.” I wiped tears from my eyes. “That’s what she said.”

“Sounds like Anna.” He let out a wry laugh.

“Daniel, Anna’s dead.” I had to say it again.

I bought two apples with a ten that Blue had given me and walked out the door, holding them in a small brown paper bag.

It was late September, but it was still hot. The sun seemed to bleach everything. The sidewalk blazed up at me. I passed a garbage can and threw the bag of apples into it. I didn’t want apples. I walked on. I figured I had plenty of time. What were they doing to her? Shooting her up with formaldehyde. I winced. Anna wouldn’t like that. It didn’t feel like that was Anna anymore. The real Anna had flown off with the angels.

The noon whistle blew. I passed a steak house. That was what I wanted. I turned in. The lights were dim, the ceiling black, heavy curtains across the windows. The place didn’t look too popular. I was the only customer. I took a booth in the darkest corner, opened the menu, and began to sob. I put my head on the table behind the menu and bawled. I cried as if a whole ocean were inside me. I couldn’t have cared less where I was.

A waitress finally came over. “Is everything all right, ma’am?”

I just kept crying.

“Ma am?”

“Bring me something, anything.”

“A Coke?”

Yes, I nodded.

“A hamburger?”

Yes, I nodded again.

“French fries?”

“Anything you want.” My head rested on the cool table.

She brought me the food. I looked up.

“My sister died.” I pressed in my lips.

“Oh, honey,” she said, and placed the plate in front of me. “Want some ketchup?”

No, I shook my head.

“Now, you just take your time,” she said.

I nodded obediently and put a fry into my mouth.

Anna was finally ready to go. They wrapped her like a mummy and then put her in a body bag. While they placed her in the back of Blue’s station wagon, I just sat in the driver’s seat and looked straight ahead. The door slammed, and then a man came from behind and leaned into my window. “She’s ready.”

“Thank you,” I said, and pulled away. I was afraid to look back.

With stony eyes I steered the car onto 56 North. The sign said “Scenic Route.” Leave it to Anna to have picked this.