Bang Goes a Troll (9 page)

Gumball squirted water from his mouth. “Gumball coming too,” he said.

Ulf smiled, then pulled out his compass, trying to work out which way to go next.

Gumball reached out his bony hand. “Gimme,” he said to Ulf.

Tiana slapped the goblin's finger. “You ungrateful beast,” she said. “Is that stupid compass all you can think about? Ulf just saved your life.”

Gumball drew his hand back slowly.

“Come on,” Ulf said, slipping the compass safely back into his pocket. “It's not far now.”

B
LUD AND
B
ONE WERE AT WORK IN THE DUNGEONS
below Loadem Lodge.

The big man Bone walked along a row of cages, throwing buckets of water through the bars.

In each cage a troll woke up and growled.

Blud reached into a wooden crate and pulled out a meaty steak. “Dinner time,” he said, dangling it in front of the cages.

The trolls lumbered forward, clattering their tusks against the metal bars. They grunted, reaching for the meat.

“They're hungry,” Bone said, grinning.

The trolls were drooling.

Blud wafted the meaty steak in front of them. “Lovely juicy meat!” he said.

The trolls rammed the bars of the cages, snorting and slobbering.

“But you're not having it.”

Blud pulled the meat away and Bone laughed.

“They're starving,” Bone said.

“That's how the Baron wants them,” Blud told him.

From his jacket pocket Blud took out a large sewing needle and a ball of string. He grabbed lots more meaty steaks from the crate, then sat on the floor, stitching them all together.

“What are you doing?” Bone asked.

“You'll see,” Blud replied.

While Blud stitched, the trolls rattled the bars with their tusks. They were watching him, groaning with hunger.

Bone picked out the biggest, juiciest steak he
could find. “Can I eat one?” he asked.

“No!” Blud said. “Give that here.”

When Blud had stitched together all the steaks from the crate, he held up a big blanket of meat.

“What's that for?” Bone asked.

“It's part of the Baron's plan,” Blud told him.

Blud carried the blanket of meat out of the dungeons, heading through a stone archway and along a corridor. Flaming torches lined the walls, lighting doors on either side. Bone watched as Blud carried the blanket of meat through a door marked BAIT ROOM. A moment later he came back out, grinning. He wiped his hands on his pants.

“What have you done with it?” Bone asked.

“It's a surprise,” Blud said, tapping the side of his nose. “You'll have to wait and see.” The small man stepped across the corridor to a door marked
TROPHY PROCESSING ROOM
. “Come on. It's time to grease the guillotine.”

Both men stepped inside. In the center of the
room stood a tall contraption. This was the guillotine, a machine used to remove the heads of hunted beasts as trophies. It looked like a large metal bench with chains across it, and two steel uprights at one end. Between the uprights was a big metal blade.

Rats scurried across the room, sniffing around a basket on the floor at the end of the guillotine.

Blud kicked his way through the rats and jumped up on to the bench. “Get the grease,” he said.

From a tub in the corner of the room, Bone scooped out a handful of grease. He rubbed the grease up and down the steel uprights.

“Let's try it,” Blud said. The small man took a meaty steak from his pocket and handed it to Bone. “Stick this under the blade.” He pulled on a rope at the side of the guillotine and the big metal blade started lifting up.

Bone laid the meat on the end of the bench.

Rats started jumping up, trying to nibble it.

Blud was singing: “You are the greaser. Grease, grease, grease. I am the chopper. Chop, chop, chop.” He let go of the rope and the metal blade dropped between the uprights. It thudded down, chopping the meat in two. A bloody chunk of steak fell into the basket on the floor. Rats scurried over, climbing into the basket to gobble the meat up.

“Blud! Bone!” they heard. “Where are you?”

Footsteps were coming along the corridor outside. The door opened and Baron Marackai looked in. He saw the meat in the basket. “You're not to play with the guillotine!” he shouted. “We'll need that nice and sharp for after the hunt. We'll be making trophies from the trolls' heads.”

Blud jumped down from the bench. “Sorry, Baron,” he said.

A rat scampered up Blud's trouser leg.

“Are the giant and the vet secure?” the Baron asked.

“Yes, Baron,” Blud said, hopping and wriggling. He shook his leg.

“Then it's time to prepare the Predatron. I want all the machines checked.”

Blud squealed as the rat nibbled.

“And stop messing around!”

W
ITH THE SOUND OF THE RIVER FADING BEHIND
them, Ulf and Tiana crept down a narrow passageway. They came to a dead end.

“We're lost,” Tiana said.

Ulf took out his compass, checking his bearings.

Gumball crept beside him. “Gumball help,” the goblin said.

Gumball reached out and tapped his bony knuckles against the wall. It sounded as if the wall was made of metal.

Ulf pushed against it and a sheet of rusty corrugated iron bent outward. “Thanks, Gumball,”
he said, ducking through.

He came out in a wide tunnel that was lit by a line of electric lightbulbs.

Tiana flew after him. “What is this place?” she asked.

The line of bulbs stretched in either direction, and rail tracks ran along the ground. The tunnel was made of rusting iron. Ladders were bolted to the walls, leading up and down through hatches.

Gumball scurried to Ulf's side. “Nasty here,” he muttered.

“What do you mean, Gumball?” Ulf asked.

“Professor shut it long time ago.”

“Professor Farraway?”

Gumball stepped into the light. “Professor friend. Professor made me spotter,” he said proudly.

“I can't think why,” Tiana muttered. She flew off down the tunnel.

The little goblin looked at Ulf, grinning with his broken teeth. “Gumball good spotter. I see
everything.”

Ulf saw Gumball's eyes creeping toward his compass. He slipped it back in his pocket.

“Ulf, look at this,” Tiana called.

Ulf ran to look. The fairy was hovering by a contraption on a wrought-iron stand. It looked like a huge metal box with a large tube poking from it. It had a mechanism of springs, rubber belts, and freshly greased cogs. Inside the box, Ulf could see big black balls, and on its side was a lever. A sign read
STICKY STUCKY
.

“What is this, Gumball?” Ulf asked. He turned back. The goblin was creeping up behind him, reaching for his pocket.

Gumball quickly pulled his hand back and started biting his dirty fingernails. “Hunters built the machines,” he mumbled. He pointed to a hatch in the wall that was bolted shut. “They hunted beasts out there.”

Ulf slid the bolt sideways and swung the hatch
open. Daylight flooded in as he looked across a wide snowy valley. In its middle, a tall metal pole was sticking out of the ground. Hanging from the top of the pole, on a chain, was a large metal ball.

Further down the valley, he could make out the long metal arm of a crane. It was white with fresh snow, and on its end was a big mechanical claw.

On the ground by the crane, he saw the snow move. A hatch lifted open and a big man with a thick beard climbed out, carrying a pot and a shovel. Behind him came a small man dabbing his nose with a red rag.

“Look,” Ulf said.

It was the Baron's men.

“What are they doing?” Tiana asked, flying to Ulf's shoulder.

The big man began shovelling snow from the base of the crane. As he dug, Ulf heard a clang. It sounded like the ground beneath the snow was
made of metal, too.

Nearby, the small man poked the snow with a stick, and a large metal disc sprang up on a spring. “Bone, here's one!” he called.

The big man trudged over carrying the pot. He dipped his hand in, scooping out a lump of grease. He greased the spring, then pushed the disc back under the snow.

Ulf looked along the valley. He saw metal pipes poking up from the snow. On the sides of the valley he could make out snowy balconies and spotlights. The valley was entirely manmade. “I don't like the look of this, Tiana,” he said, closing the hatch. “We should hurry.”

Ulf set off along the tunnel with Tiana flying after him. Beside the railtrack he found a four-wheeled cart turned upside down. Ulf turned the cart over.

“What are you doing, Ulf?” Tiana asked.

The cart had a wooden seat and pedals on the floor. Ulf lifted it on to the tracks and sat in it.
“We'll go faster in this,” he said.

He started pedalling and the cart began to move. Tiana perched on the front, holding on tightly as they picked up speed.

Gumball came running after them.

“Oh no, are you coming too, Gumball?” Tiana asked.

The goblin caught up and hopped in behind Ulf. “Gumball be passenger,” he said.

As they rolled forward, the tunnel widened. Above them, Ulf saw huge iron pistons stretching from one wall to the other. He pedalled past a sign saying
THE CRUSHER
.

The track weaved between girders, cables, and pipes. It was as if they were inside the workings of a huge machine. Ulf pedalled harder. Up ahead the track divided. One route continued straight; the other looped left and downward. The cart veered to the left.

Tiana shrieked as they whirled down.

Ulf lifted his feet. The pedals were spinning. “This is more like it!” he called.

Tiana clung to the front of the cart, trying not to be blown away.

“We're going under the valley,” Ulf said.

The track twisted and turned and the cart sped down between dozens of metal columns. The columns rose from floor to ceiling. Ulf saw more tracks running off into the darkness as they shot past a sign saying FOREST OF FEAR. Above him, through metal grating, Ulf could see snow.

The track weaved, then twisted upwards again. Ulf pedalled up a slope and the wheels squeaked. As he reached the top, the cart lurched round a bend and Ulf saw a sign saying
DROWING POOL
.

Gumball stood up and leaned forward. “Wolfy pedal good,” he said.

“Sit down,” Ulf said. “You'll fall out.”

Gumball wobbled and fell on to Ulf. “Oopsy,” the goblin said, grinning. He sat back down as the
track straightened.

They passed shelves full of boulders lined up above a metal chute. The chute was poking out into the valley.
SKITTLE ALLEY
, another sign read.

“Look, Ulf!” Tiana said, pointing ahead.

The track was coming to an end. Ulf saw empty pedal-carts parked in a circle. Beyond them was a big wooden door.

Gumball pulled a lever on the side of the cart and it squeaked to a halt. He hopped out and scuttled behind the pedal-carts. “Loadem Lodge behind that door,” he said. “Good luck.”