Authors: Red Garnier
I couldn’t even make love to my own wife.
Oh, God. Her throat shut all over itself. If Cade had loved his wife and hadn’t been
able to touch her, how could Ivy ever dream of feeling him wanting to be with her
now?
She didn’t know how long she lay there, waiting to know what her future held. If it
held chemo, radiation … Cade …
“Miss Summers.” Dr. Sabella came in, his graying hair slicked back, his kind face
somehow comforting even though he hadn’t looked at her and was glancing down at his
clipboard notes. “You’re likely to experience some pain and tenderness in the areas
of incision for a couple of days, for which I will prescribe some painkillers.”
She licked her dry lips and nodded, having trouble forcing words past her throat.
“Did you … get it all out?”
“Miss Summers…” He put the clipboard notes aside and lifted his warm brown eyes to
her, his expression alarming her. “We couldn’t find it.”
Her heart skipped a beat, then resumed at a frantic pace. “What? Well, where is it?”
She mentally panicked. Not even a second had passed, but already her mind had told
her a dozen bad things that might have happened. It morphed and went to her lymph
nodes. Her blood. It was already in her head. All over her organs.
He squeezed her shoulder, and for the first time, she realized the expression on his
face was wonder. “It was gone. The tumor. There’s no trace.”
She blinked, feeling surreal, for in the dozens of scenarios she had gone through
in her head before the operation, she had never expected
this
in any of the outcomes she’d dreamed for herself. She’d stopped believing in miracles
when her mother died. And yet, how would you explain her tumor shrinking so totally?
Without chemo?
“What have you been doing lately, Miss Summers? Tell me? I’m in awe of this. In my
twenty years as a doctor, I’ve seen some marvelous recoveries, but this…?”
“I … well, I’ve taken green shakes every day and read that … graviola drops help reduce
cancer naturally … and … I…”
Fell helplessly in love.
Her heart squeezed as she recognized that last.
Yes. She could say it was the graviola drops, and the cruciferous vegetables. She
could say it was that her own body’s immune system, which supposedly should have taken
care of the cancer in the first place, had finally kicked into overdrive. But then
she thought of Cade, who made her feel
one
with her body again, who made her cherish the responses he could coax from her, who
made her happy in her body and no longer betrayed by it … he’d been like a drug. And
he’d been better than freaking chemo.
The idea of having a clean slate blossomed in her chest like a lotus flower, but the
thought of having lost her chance to make Cade ever care for her quickly weighed her
back down. She swallowed hard. “When … can I go home?”
“You’ll be able to go home in a couple of hours, as soon as the anesthesia wears off.
I’ll need to see you in two weeks to check your incisions. The stitches are both internal
and external and they should fall off once the medical glue does … and I’d like to
prescribe an antibiotic to prevent infection just for a couple of days.”
She nodded. “Can I call someone to come get me?”
The nurse—for there was always a nurse hovering behind a doctor—spoke up. “The man
is still outside. The one who was here earlier in the morning, Miss Summers.”
Something kicked in her stomach and it wasn’t a baby. Her heart began to drum. “Cade’s
here?”
The nurse nodded, but didn’t return Ivy’s smile. “I don’t know his name. But he doesn’t
look too good. He’s sitting all by himself at the far end of the waiting room.”
If she could’ve moved, Ivy would’ve jumped off the bed and run to him, that was what
hearing that he’d waited outside did to her. She remembered all those times she’d
seen him, his big shoulders hunched, his face in his hands, while his wife was dying,
and Ivy wanted to weep in both gratitude and apology that he was going through it
with her. “Dr. Sabella, can you please tell him I’ll be all right?”
The doctor cocked his head with a happy sparkle in his eye. “I’m glad you realized
you shouldn’t go through this alone, Miss Summers. People need support during something
like this.”
“I planned to be alone.” Ivy closed her eyes, again, feeling tears. “Apparently he
didn’t agree with me.”
When the anesthesia wore off and the doctor left, Ivy begged the nurse to help her
get dressed. She’d brought a silk top with three large, easy-to-manage buttons, a
slip-on skirt with an elastic waistband, and a wig she’d purchased that matched the
color of her hair. She couldn’t afford one made of natural hair, but it would have
to do in the meantime.
She slid the wig on her head and tried attaching it with the net, feeling strange
and even oddly younger, since the wig had bangs and short hair that curved under her
ears.
She honest to God hoped Cade didn’t freak out when he saw her.
Heart pounding a mile a minute as she was transferred to the requisite wheelchair,
her pulse quieted the moment she was pushed down the hall and she spotted him.
He reclined on a wall near the checkout booth. Arms crossed, his head was bent back
and his eyes were closed, but the pose didn’t fool her; his jaw was tightly clenched
and she could feel his vigilant energy swirling around him.
She stared at his profile and wondered what he was thinking.
The nurse called his name.
His eyes opened, and he raked a quick, hungry look over Ivy. Not a sexual hunger,
but another kind. A soul hunger. A take-no-prisoners black-hole hunger inside his
chest.
He didn’t speak to her; he merely began walking as the nurse pushed her chair behind
him.
He brought his Bentley to the door and the nurse settled her in the back seat.
He drove her in silence, vibrating and restless. He was shaking violently, like adrenaline
was pumping through him with nowhere to go.
She wanted him to hold her so she could turn herself into his neck and fold herself
as tiny and small as she could go, until he engulfed her totally.
But his hands rubbed his thighs, clenched the steering wheel, and never once reached
out for her. Just like he hadn’t wanted to touch his wife, she would become an object
to pity, to admire from afar, no more sexual to him than a piece of paper.
He’d drawn into himself. Even his eyes did not seem to see her when he turned to her,
his gaze quickly flicking away, like he couldn’t bear to see her.
Ivy adjusted her wig.
“Thank you for the ride,” she said in a craggy voice.
“I’ll take you to my place. Your place is … I destroyed some things when I heard one
of your messages.”
Her stomach clenched, and she played with her wig again. His place. She didn’t want
to make anything of it. He should, in all rights, be angry with her, so she just thought
this was a Good Samaritan act on his part.
When they arrived, Genghis came out barking.
“Sit the hell down!” His words were brusque and angry. He grabbed Genghis and held
him back by the collar, and her skin ached, wanting to be that dog.
Cade hadn’t touched her, not even by accident, not even to help her out of his car,
even though he’d held the door open for her. She’d never felt so starved for anyone’s
affection.
“Well,” he said. Time stopped when some unmentionable determination settled on his
face, and he motioned her to the bed. He paused a hairsbreadth away, and she held
her breath, hoping he would close the distance.
She plopped up a pillow gently, because moving her arms hurt her boobs, and then sat
back on the side she had used when she’d slept with him.
Because he was ignoring her, she tried to make herself as quiet as possible, sending
out some texts that it had all gone well.
She lifted her head when he brought her a tray with water bottles and fruit, his dark
head bent, avoiding her gaze as he set them on the nightstand closest to her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
He didn’t reply. He probably didn’t want to hurt her and had nothing good to say.
She trembled to be close to him. And he was trembling, too, his hands in fists at
his sides.
“I’m going out for a while,” he said gruffly. Her heart sank with dread. She wanted
to talk to him, but could see that he was in his man-cave and she’d be talking to
a blank wall.
“Okay.” She nodded and stared blankly down at her phone. “Thank you, Cade.”
Her heart almost wilted when he closed the door behind him, and quietly, she stayed
there, setting her phone aside and staring up at his ceiling, the ceiling she had
stared blindly up at a dozen times as he thrust his powerful body inside of hers.
She felt as unseen and blank as that ceiling to him.
“Come here, Genghis,” she said softly, and he was instantly hopping up on the bed.
She curled her fingers into the dog’s hair, and fell asleep on Cade’s pillow, thinking
she belonged here.
* * *
Cade called Daniel on his drive to the gym. “Hey, man, I need you to box with me.”
“Now? I’m actually just finishing at the gym, but I’ll wait up for you.”
Cade stormed into the huge building, rented privately for two hours a day just for
six of them—a group of billionaires called the Sexy Sixpacks among the gym owners—so
they could work the shit out of themselves without having a dozen women ogling, and
other dickheads just staring. Graves, Daniel, Luke, Cade, and Andrew, and another
billionaire whose name remained anonymous to all.
Today, only Daniel was in the premises as Cade flung his duffel to the floor, yanked
off his T-shirt, and shoved his hands into his boxing gloves. Daniel was one of his
oldest friends. He was the most centered, focused man Cade knew, and after Luke, the
second to get engaged recently.
Cade wished he were the sort of man who could ask for advice from a man like Daniel.
But the times when he most needed advice were the times when Cade felt even
more
withdrawn and reclusive, the words proving too hard to find. And whenever some words
did manage to get past the labyrinth of his chest, they only seemed to be curse words
to insult and lash out.
But then, he knew his friend would understand what Cade needed right now without even
having to say a word. Daniel was already putting on his gloves. He was as tall and
broad as Cade, except he was blond rather than dark haired, and since he’d already
put in an hour’s workout, he was at a slight disadvantage and was probably going to
get his ass kicked.
They jumped into the ring, each on opposite ends, and as soon as they hit the center,
Cade landed the first powerful punch and knocked him down to the ground.
Scowling, Daniel spit on the floor and jumped back up, then used one glove to urge
Cade back down to the boxing heavy bag. “Work it out first, man, what the hell’s wrong
with you? What the hell happened to warm-up?”
“You’re already warm, dickhead, and I feel like getting
killed
tonight.”
“Shut up and hit that sucker.”
Cade immediately pummeled the hundred-pound heavy bag for a couple of minutes until
he was sweating and breathless and his ab muscles were aching. But still, he was tormented.
Ivy was going to be okay, the doctor said, but he was so angry he couldn’t calm down,
was afraid to believe it, was afraid she was lying to him, still hiding things from
him.
“Ivy,” he said after a couple of minutes, panting as he hit the dangling red leather
bag again and again.
Daniel watched him with a slight frown. “Luke told us you’re with someone, man. I’m
so happy for you, Cade. You deserve it.”
No, he didn’t deserve it. Obviously he
didn’t.
He punched the bag, alternating, right hook, left hook, right jab, left jab, then
faster, faster, until he sucked in some air and hugged his arms around the bag, closing
his eyes as he struggled for breath. “She had … cancer.”
“What? What do you mean? She
had
cancer? Is it gone now?”
Cade angrily gritted his teeth, pushed back and pounded the heavy sack so hard it
started swinging side to side with each punch. “Fucking holy fucking goddamned shit!”
He hit it until the blows made every muscle in his body work, made his heart pump,
his lungs burst. “Fucking holy fucking goddamned fucking shit, Daniel!”
“Cade, shit man, calm down! We’re all at risk here. Hell, the roof could fall on me
any second now and I’d be dead. Come on, man, box with me, I feel like getting my
face rearranged.” Daniel hopped back into the ring, and Cade followed him up, tapping
his gloves together as they got into their positions.
He swung and missed when Daniel ducked. Daniel landed an uppercut that sent pain up
to his brain. God, it felt good. Good.
“Are you afraid it will happen to you all over again? Like with Laura?” Daniel asked.
Cade rubbed his jaw and then got in position. “No, man, this time it feels so much
worse.”
He jabbed Daniel’s ribs, then slammed his friend’s jaw with a hook that shot his head
sideways. Danny spit out some blood, then straightened, shook his muscles, and positioned
again. “That serious, huh?”
Cade bounced boxer style as his eyebrows drew low over his eyes, keeping his guard
up as Daniel swung his way. “We’ve never said it,” Cade growled as he ducked and halted
a hit with his right arm, then he squatted and swung back up to slam a good one on
Daniel’s jaw again. “We pretend it’s not serious.”
Hell, they said they were playing, but now Cade knew the only one being played had
been
him
.
Cade’s guard faltered as he thought of her in his bed right now, with that strange
little wig and her big vulnerable eyes, and Daniel hit him right in the gut. Cade
oofed
as his breath left him in a single gust.
“You know, Cade, you’re probably working this off at the wrong place, man. Sounds
like you just need a bed and your woman in it.”