Barely Breathing (15 page)

“Don’t worry,” he promised, “it’ll happen.” I grinned and kept walking into the crowd.

The rule that Sara was most adamant about enforcing was that no one was allowed onto the deck that overlooked the enclosed pool and hot tub. They were deemed instant aphrodisiacs, with the waterfall built into the rocks at the far end of the pool and the rolling bubbles of the hot tub. She kept the lights off, so as not to tempt the hormone driven drunkards.

I caught a glimpse of lights coming from the forbidden space and groaned in frustration―not wanting to be the person to kick them out. I waved Evan over and continued onto the deck as he cut through the dance floor to follow me.

The pool was surrounded by what resembled a green house, panes of glass arching over a cut stone floor. In the summer, it retracted away from the house to become an outdoor pool. In the winter, it kept the pool in use, even though the glass was frosted over and there was snow piled up against the exterior.

I stepped out into the balmy air to find the potted trees around the pool lit with small lights, creating a romantic setting. By the pool’s edge were Sara and Jared, kissing. I wanted to scream!

“No way,” I fumed at the sight of them. I stormed down the stairs. She was the one who made up these asinine rules, and within an hour of Jared’s arrival
she
was going to break them?! Not on my watch!

Before Sara even realized I was there, I exclaimed, “Rule breaker!” and shoved her. Jared tried to recover their balance, but it was too late; they plummeted into the blue water. Sara came up for air, gasping.

“What the fuck?” she stared at me in shock, her hair slicked back and her red lips smeared.

Evan started laughing, which made Jared start. A smile crept on my face, and I joined in. The commotion brought spectators out onto the deck.

“You are so dead,” Sara threatened without sincerity. Before she could lift herself out of the pool, Evan swept me into the water alongside him. This set off a chain reaction, and bodies began plunging in after us.

When I surfaced, I found Evan in front of me, smiling proudly. He pulled me toward the rocks, away from the splashing and jumping. I held onto the side of the pool, my weighted boots threatening to pull me under as Evan wiped my lipstick off with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Told you I’d kiss you by midnight,” he grinned, pulling me toward him. His lips encased mine. I could taste the chlorine of the water and feel the warmth of his breath. I gripped his shirt and pulled him closer, feeling his hand glide along the skin of my back. He turned me so that my back was against the pool’s wall, placing his hands on either side of me, pushing himself against me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and his hand ran along my thigh. My heart raced and I couldn’t breathe, the flitters capturing the air from my lungs.

Before I knew what was happening, I was under the water again. The submergence separated us, and I resurfaced breathing heavily.

“Now who’s breaking the rules?” Sara gloated while Jared treaded water with a grin behind her.

“I hate your rules,” I declared, splashing her in the face. She hollered and splashed back. A water war ensued. Amongst the splashing and dunked bodies, I caught sight of Sara again, her arms around Jared’s neck as he kissed her cheek―and she was smiling.

~~~~~

I blinked my eyes open, the chiming ringing in my ear. The room was dark, and I could feel the weight of Evan’s arm around my waist. There was a beep, then silence. I started to close my eyes again, sleep pulling me under. The chiming started back up. My eyes shot open.

I rolled over and picked up my phone from the nightstand. Without looking to see who it was, I answered, “Hello?”

“Where are you?” my mother demanded in a panic.

I sat up, jolted awake by her desperation. My sudden movement disturbed Evan, but he just rolled over and remained asleep.

“What?” I tried to register what was going on.

“Where the fuck are you? Why aren’t you home?”

“I’m at Sara’s,” I replied, my heart racing. She was so upset. I tried to remember if I’d told her―but knew I had. Doubt coursed through me anyway. “Remember she had the party tonight?”

“You don’t want to live with me anymore, do you?” she cried. I knew she was drunk; her words weren’t forming properly, but I was too shocked to make sense of why she was saying this.

I felt Evan move beside me but my back was toward him as I sat on the edge of the bed, tears forming in my eyes.

“You hate me. I know it,” She’d reached the point of hysterics. “That’s why you never sleep here. You're going to leave me too, aren't you?” I gasped at the agony in her voice, a tear escaping down my cheek.

“Rachel, what are you doing?” I heard in the background. “Who are you talking to?”

“She doesn’t love me anymore,” she sobbed, the pain smothering her words.

“Who?” Jonathan asked, sounding groggy. “It’s three o’clock in the morning. Give me the phone.”

“Why doesn’t she love me?” she bellowed, the phone moving further from her mouth.

“Emma?” he asked softly. My mother’s drunken rant continued in the background. “Are you there?”

“Yes,” I whispered, barely able to speak with the knot lodged in the back of my throat. It was silent. He must have left the room, closing the door to block her out.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently.

“No,” I breathed, a whimper escaping. I put my hand over my mouth to contain it. Tears streamed down my cheeks, cascading over my fingers. A warm hand pressed against my back, but I didn’t turn to face him. I just listened.

“She had too much to drink tonight,” he tried to console. “And we got in kind of an argument, so it’s not you. I’m so sorry.”

I breathed in deeply through my nose, removing my hand and wiping my cheeks before Evan could see. He scooted over to sit next to me.

“Emma? Are you still there?”

“Yes,” I replied. “I’m okay.” I took another breath to calm the twisting nerves strangling my chest, wiping my cheeks dry. “I’m okay,” I repeated in a whisper, convincing myself.

“Go back to sleep,” he murmured. “It’ll be over in the morning.”

“Okay.” I hung up the phone and set it on the table.

Evan pulled my quivering body into him, wrapping me tightly.

“Is everything okay with your mother?”

“Yeah,” I breathed. “She forgot I was staying over at Sara’s, so she was upset. She thought something had happened to me.”

Evan didn't say anything. He held me tighter while gently rocking me and pressed his lips against my forehead. He moved back down on the bed, and I followed, lowering my head onto his chest. I pressed my ear against his heart to hear its rhythmic beats. Eventually, his breaths lengthened, and I knew he had fallen asleep. A tear ran over the bridge of my nose and dripped onto his smooth skin.

I listened to his calm, wanting it to capture me as well, but the storm inside of me wouldn’t rest.

13. Overreaction

I snuck out of the guest room before Evan woke. I could hear whispers and movement further down the hall, although it was barely dawn. I suspected there was a need to escape before the sun shed too much light on faces that didn’t want to be seen.

I found a few girls searching through the basket of clothes that were pulled from the dryer, picking out items that belonged to them, stuffing them in their overnight bags.

“Emma,” a petite blonde beckoned. “Could you get us our keys and phones so we can go?”

“Sure,” I answered. I took out the bag that we’d hidden in the back of the hall closet and started laying out the Ziploc bags labeled with each person’s name. They took their possessions and left. Most of the girls and a few of the guys were gone by the time Sara dragged her feet down the stairs, looking like she was still in need of a few more hours of sleep.

“Whatcha doin’?” she asked, stretching her arms with her hair twisted in a pile on the top of her head.

I tied up a trash bag filled with cups, bottles, and stale chips and set it next to another full bag. She looked around. The kitchen was beginning to resemble itself again since I’d already peeled back a layer of party leftovers.

“Thanks for picking up.” She sat down on a stool, rubbing her palms over her eyes. “The cleaners are coming around noon, so we don’t have to go crazy.”

“How are you feeling?” I sat down next to her.

She propped her head up on her hand and yawned wide. “Tired. You?”

“Tired,” I concurred. “Almost everyone’s gone. I think there are a few guys sleeping on lawn chairs by the pool, a few more on the couches. Mandy, Casey and Jill are upstairs in the rec room.”

“Alone?” she stressed.

“Kyle may be up there too, but Jill was luggage last night, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

She groaned, “I hope not,” then collapsed her head into her arms, “I think my head is going to fall off.”

I smiled. “Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Jared last night?”

“No,” she answered, her voice muffled from within her arms.

“What?” I shot back. “You want me to tell
you
everything.”

“But you don’t,” she retorted, lifting her head up. “Honestly, we just passed out.”

“And now what?” I pushed.

The tiredness shed from her eyes with the emergence of a smile. She lifted her shoulders in a knowing shrug. I knew exactly what that meant.

“Looks like you’ll be putting some miles on your car, huh?”

“Yup,” she beamed.

“So, just like that?” I asked curiously. “He shows up at your party, and that’s all he needed to do?”

“Not exactly,” she confessed guiltily.

I waited for her to continue.

“He wanted to keep seeing me after New Year’s.” I raised my eyebrows at this revelation. “I just couldn’t see it working out. But he called and emailed a couple of times trying to convince me. Then he stopped, and that’s pretty much when I became a stupid girl. So when he showed up last night…” She paused and grinned, “I knew I couldn’t say no again. You’re right. I have to at least try.”

“Good morning,” Evan said from behind us. “Wow, we have some work to do before we leave, huh? Sara, what time’s your flight?”

“Three,” she answered, sliding off the stool to begin tearing the hearts off of the wall. She was heading to Florida for February break, and Evan had skiing plans in Tahoe with the California guys―leaving me alone in Weslyn. They had both invited me to go, but I felt I should spend the week with my mother, since that was the point of moving in with her in the first place.

“Do you want a ride? My flight’s at three-fifty.” He came up behind me to wrap his arms around my shoulders, kissing me on the top of my head.

“That’d be great,” she agreed. “Except, my parents aren’t coming back until Sunday.”

“I thought you were too?” I questioned.

“Umm… no,” she answered with a smirk.

“I’ll pick you up on Friday,” Jared’s voice answered before he came into view on the stairs. Of course. It all made sense now.

“Perfect,” Sara replied, color returning to her face and her hangover miraculously disappearing.

Jared and Evan woke the rest of the guys. A few helped put the pool furniture back in place, but the other pale, grumbling faces took their possessions and dragged themselves out the door.

The girls slunk down the steps once Sara turned on the music. If she was up then everyone else had to be too. Aspirin and sodas were passed around as we tackled the repercussions of throwing a party. I stepped in something wet on the carpet in the family room in my bare feet, and every inch of me shuddered. I wouldn’t even let myself think about what it might be.

When the cleaning ladies showed up, the house was stripped of the anti-V-day décor, but the aftereffects still lingered in the air, which was apparent when they scrunched their noses upon entering. Sara left them a huge tip before we headed out for breakfast.

“I still owe you a Valentine’s Day,” Evan stated in the car, after I’d stuffed my face with way too many blueberry pancakes.

“No you don’t,” I replied honestly. “I don’t think anything will be able to top last night. It was pretty great.”

“It was,” he agreed, pulling down my street. “But would you be interested in going on a normal date? You know, adventure-less? Dinner, movies or something?”

I grinned at the thought of the two of us in a restaurant and nodded. “That would be nice.”

“After I get back,” Evan promised, turning into the driveway.

I only half heard him because I was staring at the cheerful yellow house, fearful of what awaited me after my mother's distraught phone call.

“Are you okay?” Evan asked from beside me.

“Huh?” I answered, pulling my eyes away to look at him.

“Is everything all right between you and Rachel? You were really upset last night.”

“I just felt bad that I worried her, that’s all. Just a miscommunication,” I explained lightly, not wanting him to hear the guilt beneath the sugar coating. “We’re fine.” When he didn’t look convinced, I insisted with a smile, “Really.”

“You’d tell me, right?” Evan looked into my eyes, trying to read the truth. I blinked away, skirting my eyes to the floor.

“Of course,” I answered, opening the door. I leaned over and pressed my lips to his, begging him to believe me. “Have fun in Tahoe with the guys. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

He pulled me toward him and gave me a kiss that would be sure to tide us over for the entire week. Barely able to stand, I staggered toward the door―turning once to wave before he backed out of the driveway.

I took a deep breath, sobering instantly when I clasped the cold door handle. I pushed it open with my pulse racing, not sure what was about to happen. I quietly shut the door behind me, and froze when I heard laughter coming from the kitchen. Not at all what I was expecting.

“Emma,” Rachel exclaimed still giggling from within the kitchen. “How was the party?”

The radio playing in the background was suddenly cut off by the high pitched sounds of a blender.

“Don’t let it get too thin,” my mother instructed. I walked to the doorway to find the counters covered in food in different stages of preparation. Tomatoes were diced on a cutting board; garlic skins littered the table; lime slices lay squeezed and abandoned, and the entire kitchen smelled of cilantro and jalapenos.