Authors: Koushun Takami
Shinji lifted his brow and glanced at his friend. This was something he didn't bring up, but since Yutaka did…
Shinji said slowly, "You mean Izumi Kanai."
Yutaka nodded, still hunched over.
Shinji remembered being in Yutaka's room when Yutaka told him, with a mix of pride and embarrassment, "I like Izumi Kanai." And Izumi Kanai ended up being one of the first to die. They were informed of her death by the 6 a.m. announcement. He had no idea where she died. He only knew she died somewhere on the island.
"There wasn't…anything you could do, though," Shinji said, "Izumi left before you did."
"But I…" Yutaka continued, his head still hunched over. "I couldn't even find Izumi…1 was so scared…1 thought, no, it couldn't happen to her, she's all right…I tried convincing myself. Then at six o'clock she was already…"
Shinji listened without saying a word. He heard the chirping again up in the treetops. There might have been another bird. The chirping overlapped, as if the birds were talking to each other.
Suddenly Yutaka looked up at Shinji. "I made up my mind," he said.
"About?"
His eyes still wet, he directly looked at Shinji. "Revenge. I'm gonna kill that bastard Sakamochi and the rest of the fucking government."
Shinji was surprised. He stared at Yutaka.
Of course he was also totally pissed off at this game and the government that ran it. He didn't really know Shuya Nanahara's best friend Yoshitoki Kuninobu very well—he was a little too laid back for Shinji—but he was a nice guy. And the government brutally murdered him. Then Fumiyo Fujiyoshi, and now as Yutaka said, Izumi Kanai, and then others like Yumiko Kusaka and Yukiko Kitano, killed right before their eyes, and then more classmates. But—
"But…you might as well be committing suicide."
"I don't care if I die. What else can I do for Izumi now?" Yutaka stopped and looked at Shinji. "Is it ridiculous for a wimp like me to be saying this?"
"No…" Shinji paused a bit and then shook his head. "Not at all, Yutaka."
Shinji stared back at Yutaka and then looked up at the cluster of branches above them. He wasn't surprised by Yutaka's sudden emotional outburst, though it wasn't part of with his clownish persona.
Here was another side of Yutaka. That's why they'd been friends for so long. But—
"I don't care if I die. What else can I do for Izumi now?"
I wonder what it's like to feel that way about a girl, Shinji wondered as he stared at the olive-colored layer of tree leaves shining brilliantly in the direct sunlight. He had dated girls and slept with three in fact (not bad for a junior high kid, huh?), but he'd never felt that way about a girl the way Yutaka did.
Maybe it had something to do with his parents not getting along. His father saw another woman.
(Apparently he was an excellent bureaucrat, but though it might have been presumptuous for his kid to be saying this, he was a vile man. It was unbelievable he could be the brother of Shinji's uncle, who radiated brilliance.) His mother couldn't hold anything against his father, and so whether it was flower arrangement or a women's group, she went from one hobby to another, lost in her own world. They had normal conversations. They did what was necessary. But they didn't trust each other, and they didn't help each other. Their mutual disgust accumulated as they grew older....Well maybe that was what most parents were like.
Meanwhile…ever since Shinji Mimura became his school's star basketball player, he got popular with the girls— so going out with them was easy. Kissing them was easy. Then after a while sleeping with them was easy too. But…he never fell in love with anyone.
Regrettably he had no opportunity to bring this up with his uncle who always had the right answer for everything. It only concerned him recently, and it was already two years since his uncle's death.
The earring on Shinji's left ear came from him. His uncle always had it with him. He told Shinji, "The woman I loved wore this. She died a long time ago though." It was one of Shinji's prized possessions.
After his uncle's death, he took it as a keepsake without anyone's permission. He could hear his uncle saying, "You'll end up becoming jaded at that rate. It's not a bad thing to love someone and be loved by someone. Hurry up and find yourself a nice girl."
But he still never found someone he could really fall for.
He remembered how his precocious sister, Ikumi, who was three years younger than him, asked, "Do you want a romantic marriage or an arranged marriage?" and how he'd answered, "I may end up not getting married at all."
Ikumi. Shinji thought of his sister. I hope you fall in love with someone nice and have a good marriage. I might end up dying without knowing what it's like to be in love.
Shinji looked back at Yutaka. "Can I ask you something, Yutaka? I'll apologize in advance if it sounds offensive."
Yutaka looked blankly at him. "What is it?"
"What was so great about Izumi?"
Yutaka stared at Shinji and then his tear-drenched face broke into a smile. Maybe this would be his way of offering his bouquet of flowers to the dead.
"I don't know how to say it, but she was so pretty."
"Pretty?" Shinji repeated, then quickly added, "I mean, I'm not saying she wasn't."
Izumi Kanai, well, she wasn't a dog for sure, but as far as pretty girls went, there was Takako Chigusa (oh, I guess she's my type), Sakura Ogawa (well, she had Kazuhiko Yamamoto, and those two are gone), and Mitsuko Souma (well, she's out of the question, no matter how pretty she is).
Yutaka then smiled a little again and said, "When she looked drowsy and rested her cheeks on her hands, she was pretty."
And then he continued, "When she was watering flowers by the classroom window, the way she touched the leaves, she was pretty."
"When she dropped the baton at the annual field day and burst into tears afterwards, she was pretty."
"When she was hanging out during our breaks, listening to Yuka Nakagawa, holding her stomach as she burst out laughing, she was so pretty."
Ah.
As he listened to these observations, Shinji suddenly felt like he totally understood. Yutaka's observations didn't explain anything, but it felt right. Hey Uncle, I think I actually might begin to understand what this is all about.
When Yutaka was done speaking he looked at Shinji.
Shinji looked at him kindly and tilted his head slightly. Then he grinned.
"I thought you'd become a comedian when you grew up but now I think you could be a poet."
Yutaka smiled too.
Then Shinji said, "Hey."
"What?"
"I don't know how to say this, but I think Izumi's really happy to know that someone loves her that much.
She's probably crying right now up there in heaven."
Compared to Yutaka's poetic observations, his words sounded cheap, but he had to say it. But now Yutaka's eyes began to well up with tears again. The tears flowed down his cheeks again. They formed several white stripes on his cheeks.
"You think?" Yutaka replied, all choked up.
Shinji extended his right hand toward Yutaka's shoulder and gently shook it. "Of course." Shinji took in a breath and continued, "And as for your revenge, I'm in."
Still filled with tears, Yutaka's eyes opened wide. "Really?"
"Yep." Shinji nodded.
Yes, it was something he'd been wondering about. No, not the stuff about girls. He wondered about his future in this shitty Republic of Greater East Asia.
He'd brought this kind of thing up with Yutaka once before. Yutaka said something like, "I don't have a clue," and then added, "At the very least I'll probably become a comedian." Shinji had laughed at Yutaka's facetious reply. But it was a serious concern for him. Actually, it must have been serious for Yutaka too. It was just that Yutaka chose not to bring it up. What it came down to was, as he had once said to Shuya Nanahara, "This is what they call 'successful fascism.' Where else in the world could you find something so sinister?" This country was insane. Not just this stupid game, but anyone who showed even the slightest bit of resistance to the government was immediately discarded. The government couldn't care less even if you were innocent, and continued to cast an intimidating shadow over the lives of everyone who had no other choice but to obey its policies and who found consolation only in the small things that life had to offer. And even when their sources of happiness were taken away, well you just had to bow down and put up with it.
But Shinji began to believe this was wrong, no matter what. No, everyone must have been thinking what he was thinking. But no one would come out with it. Even Shuya Nanahara let off steam by listening to that illegally imported rock music—it never went beyond that though. Shinji began to think he should protest, even if it was dangerous. The more he learned about the world, the more he began to hold this conviction.
Then it happened, two years ago. His uncle's death. Officially it was reported as an accident. As they asked his family to claim his body, the police informed them he'd been electrocuted while working alone at night at his company's factory. But something had seemed wrong with his uncle for a while. His uncle seemed preoccupied, which was unusual for him—as usual, Shinji tapped on his uncle's computer, and then asked, "Is there something wrong?" His uncle was in the middle of replying, "One of my old mates…" but restrained himself and grew evasive,
"Oh no, it's really nothing."
Old mates.
His uncle hardly ever talked about the past. He'd always change the subject, and Shinji, realizing his uncle avoided talking about it, decided not to dig into his uncle's past anymore. (When he asked his father, who was his uncle's older brother, about it, he only replied that it was something Shinji didn't need to know.) Nevertheless, at the core of his wide range of knowledge that went beyond making legal and illegal distinctions, at the core of every explanation his uncle provided about the world or society, Shinji detected a profound disgust if not hatred towards their nation. And also…a shadow-like presence. Shinji had once told him, "You're so great." His uncle only grimaced and replied, "No, you're wrong. I'm not at all. You couldn't survive in this country if you really wanted to be good. I'd be dead if I were really a good person." That was what led Shinji to believe his uncle had fought against the government. But for some reason he stopped. That was what Shinji suspected.
That was also why Shinji was disturbed when he heard his uncle mention his "old mates." But this was his uncle, so he'd be fine, he assured himself and decided not to bombard him with questions.
But his concern turned out to be right on the mark. Shinji had suspected his uncle's "old mates," with whom he'd lost touch, had gotten back in contact him. And though his uncle had probably hesitated, he decided to take on an assignment. And as a result…something happened. It was true that the police in this country had the right to execute civilians without any trial, so usually it wouldn't matter whether they shot you in an alley or at work. But when the person involved was related to someone important, then it wasn't unlikely they'd conspire to kill you in the form of an "accident." Unfortunately, Shinji's father was a director at a well known firm (in other words, he was a first-class worker according to the Republic's employment ranking system— with the exception of a top-level government bureaucrat, it was the highest rank), and what was even more upsetting was that if this were true, then that worthless father of his had assisted, however indirectly, the government in "taking care of" his uncle like that.
It couldn't have been accidental. His uncle would never die from electrocution. That was just too lame!
The original owner of his earring was probably linked to that part of his uncle's past. Outraged over his uncle's murder, Shinji swore he'd never bow down to this country.
Of course he knew that his uncle's statement, "You couldn't survive if you really wanted to be good," was also a warning, which turned out to be true in the case of his uncle's own death. After all you've taught me, Shinji thought, I'm going to figure out how to do what you gave up on a long time ago. I…want to be good. That's what I learned from you after all.
But he had no clear ideas and he hadn't really taken any action. He had heard of anti-government groups but he had no idea how to contact them. Besides, his uncle told him, "It's best not to trust groups and movements. They're not very reliable." He also thought he was a little too young. And above all he was scared.
But now even if he were lucky enough to escape this stupid game he'd become a fugitive. Then—he came to the ironic conclusion—didn't that mean he could do as he pleased? Whether he did it in a group or on his own wouldn't matter. What mattered was that he could give all he had against this government now—this determination welled up inside him.
And now, after talking to Yutaka, he was absolutely certain of it.
Leaving aside this complicated stuff for the moment though, he decided to share his honest feelings on the other topic with Yutaka.
"I really envy you for being in love with someone like that. So if you're going for it, I'm on your side."
Yutaka's lips began to tremble. "Damn, really? You really will?"
"Yeah, I will." Shinji touched Yutaka's shoulder and added, "But our first priority is to escape. Killing that bastard Sakamochi wouldn't even put a dent in the government. If we're going to go for it, we have to aim as high as we can, right?"
Yutaka nodded. Then he wiped his eyes.
Shinji asked him, "Did you see anyone other than Yukiko and Yumiko?"
His eyes red from rubbing, Yutaka looked at Shinji and shook his head, "Nope. I… ran out of the school… and kept on running___Did you see anyone, Shinji?"
Shinji nodded. "When I first left—you probably don't know this but—Mayumi and Yoshio were killed in front of the school."
Yutaka's eyes opened wide. "Really?"
"Yeah. Mayumi was probably killed right as she was leaving."
"…and Yoshio?"
Shinji answered with his arms folded, "I think Yoshio was the one who killed Mayumi."