Be a Genie in Six Easy Steps (12 page)

J
ason, Michael, and Milly were waiting for Jess on the path.

“Everything all right?” asked Jason.

“Everything's great,” Jess replied. “But now let's get home.”

“I wonder what the book says.” Milly reached into her bag as they set off along the avenue. “I've been dying to look.”

She opened the book. Skribble was lurking near the front of Step One. “Is all well now, Milly?”

“I think so.” Milly looked at Michael and wrinkled her nose. “But I have to say, it was
very
stinky in that lamp.”

Michael blushed. “I was stuck inside for about seven hours. I was bursting! Where was I
supposed
to go?”

“Gross!” wailed Jess as Jason sniggered.

“You foolish youth,” Skribble chided. “Why did you not simply say the genie Time Twisting spell?”

They looked blankly at him.

Skribble tutted. “It is basic genie training! Some genies
have to wait in their lamp for centuries before a wish-maker comes along. How d'you think
they
manage, eh?” He shook his head. “They utter the Time Twisting spell and it's as if only a single moment has passed between their vanishing into the lamp and their next appearance.”

Michael groaned. “Now he tells us!”

“It was there in the introduction to the book all along,” Skribble railed, “if only you had taken the time to—”

Jess was peering at the page in the introduction. “There are
some
words here…. ‘Time turn. Time twist—.'” She looked pointedly at Skribble. “The rest of the page has been nibbled away to nothing.”

Skribble held dead still. “Don't be preposterous, girl!” he snapped. “Why, the spell in its entirety is quite clearly spelled out…er…”

“You
ate
that spell and didn't even bother to tell us about it?” Michael's eyes narrowed. “So all that time I was stuck in the lamp with my bladder about to explode, starving hungry, out of my mind with boredom—if I'd known the spell I could have switched myself off just…like…that?”

Skribble fixed him with a haughty look. “You had simply to say: ‘Time turn. Time twist. Make the hours pass like this!'” He slapped his tail against the page and made a sound like a whip crack. “Although since you don't
possess a tail, you would have to click your fingers.” The bookworm puffed himself up to full, not-very-impressive height. “If you had only asked of my great wisdom…”

“Worm!” Michael roared. “I'm really,
really
gonna squash you this time!” He lunged for the book as Skribble disappeared hastily inside its pages. Jason grabbed Michael around the waist to hold him back as Milly scampered away, holding the book out of reach.

“It's all right,” Milly said soothingly to the empty page. “Michael will calm down soon.”

Then Jess gave a sudden gasp of alarm.

Milly looked up and followed her gaze. Two people were hovering at the end of the avenue in the orange glow of a street lamp. The man was tall and skinny with smooth black hair, a razor-sharp moustache, and dark eyes. The woman beside him was slender and wore her black hair in a sleek bob.

Milly felt her skin prickle. “It's the people we saw in the junk shop!” she hissed.

“What're you going on about?” Michael frowned.

“We'll tell you later,” Jess whispered. Both the man and the woman were looking straight at them, and Jess had exactly the same creepy feeling as she'd had back in Junk and Disorderly. “Stop mucking around, you lot,” she said
loudly, grabbing the handbook from Milly. “Give me my library book back and let's go home.” She looked warningly at Michael and Jason and muttered, “Turn around and walk the other way. Act natural.”

Michael and Jason looked very confused but did as she said.

Jess hustled them toward a path that cut through to the next street. “Come on!” she urged. As soon as they were safely out of sight, she breathed out. “Phew!” She glanced around, half expecting to see the couple coming up behind them, but the path was clear.

“What was all that about?” asked Jason, puzzled.

“We saw that man and woman when we were buying the lamp,” Milly said, and she quickly told the boys what had happened in the junk shop. “They gave me a really creepy feeling. You should see their eyes. They're all black and glittery!” She shivered.

“Weird,” said Jason.

Michael raised his eyebrows. “You three are the weird ones. What do you think those people are—zombies or something?” He put on a spooky voice and waved his arms over Jess's head. “Whoooo!”

“Stop it!” she said, slapping his hand away. “There's something odd about them. There really is!”

“I hope we don't see them again.” Milly shivered. “Come on. Let's go!”

 

“Get the book open, then,” Michael said as soon as they got back to the den. “Let's see what it says. If we've failed this step because I didn't know that stupid Time Twisting spell…”

“Let's see….” Jess flicked through the pages.

“There's another picture!” Jason pointed out. “At the end of Step Four!” It showed Colette staring in wonder at her magically mended home.

“What's it say underneath?” said Michael, straining to read.

“YES!” Michael roared.

“We did it!” Jason cried, grabbing hold of Milly and dancing around in a circle.

Jess gave a happy smile and flung herself onto the sofa.
“That was the scariest day of my life…. I can't believe we all came out of it okay
and
we passed!”

“Hang on,” Michael called. “Some more words here…”

Jason took a look. The words were writing themselves across the page, in larger letters and darker ink. Almost like the book was shouting…

“What's all that about?” Michael frowned.

Jess's smile looked a little less certain. “I wish the book was easier to understand.”

“Hey, Skribble might know what it means,” said Milly. “I wonder where he is. Skribble?” she called softly. No bookworm appeared.

“I can hear him chomping away,” said Michael, flicking through to the back of the book. There was Skribble, eating furiously through some picture-filled pages. His cheeks were bulging and his little body looked chunkier than usual.

“Skribble!” Milly said in surprise.

“What are you doing?” asked Jason.

Skribble swallowed a ball of paper so big it made his throat bulge to twice its normal size. “Don't interrupt me when I'm eating! What manners you guttersnipes have.” The bookworm looked quite green, but pressed his face back down to the paper. “I must keep eating. Goodness knows what the book's up to, showing such silly pictures…”

“What are they pictures of?” Jess said, coming to see. “They're not us.”

Milly shook her head. The left-hand page showed two pictures—one of a king looking angry on a throne, and another of a large, fierce-looking genie with a long beard in a room full of books. He seemed to be shaking his fist at something on the right-hand page—but Skribble had chewed the right-hand page almost to nothing.

“Appendix,” Jason said, reading some small print on the parchment above the first picture.

“Appendix?” Milly echoed. “Don't you have that taken out in the hospital?”

Jason shook his head. “An appendix is also a collection of extra stuff at the end of a book. It can help you understand the main bit more fully.”

“Maybe the book thinks there's something we need to
know,” said Jess. “Skribble, stop eating it and let us see.”

“No!” Skribble screeched, throwing his body over the page as if trying to hide the pictures.

Milly stared at him in astonishment. “Skribble! This might be important. Anyway, you shouldn't eat so much so quickly; you'll get a tummy ache—”

“Cease your prattling, you ridiculous child!” Skribble pulled himself up to his full height, trembling all over. “How
dare
you address me like a mother does its baby? Leave me alone, d'you hear?
Leave me alone!
”

Milly bit her lip and shrank back into the sofa, her eyes filling with tears. Jess and Jason stared at the bookworm in shock.

“Dumb worm,” Michael muttered, putting a hand on his sister's shoulder. “It's all right, Mil. Don't cry.”

“I'm not crying,” Milly said, sniffing hard.

“Skribble didn't mean it,” Jason put in. “Did you, Skribble?”

But with the entire page destroyed in his wake, the bookworm wriggled with some difficulty back inside the book.

Jess patted Milly's arm. “Leave him to it. He'll calm down and say sorry; you'll see.”

“Why don't you tell us what we have to do in Step Five,
Milly?” Jason suggested. “You haven't read out from the book yet.”

Milly wiped her eyes. “Okay,” she said. “I will.” She took the book, drew in a deep breath, and began to read in her very best onstage voice….

 

“S
o we've got to trick someone!” Milly said, putting the book down.

“But if we mess up this time, that's it,” noted Michael. “No more genie training. No more magic.”

“We'd better think carefully about who we trick, then.” Milly looked worried. “Who will it be?”

“Can we think about it tomorrow?” Jason rubbed his head. “I think I've had enough for one day.”

“Me too,” said Jess. “And I've got loads of history homework to do.”

Michael nodded. “Just imagine being able to magic it all away!”

“Let's meet tomorrow and talk about who we'll trick then,” said Milly.

Milly and Jason led the way up the stairs. Jess was about to follow them when she noticed the book lying on the sofa and picked it up. “Better put this under Milly's pillow again,” she said to Michael. “Skribble's never lost it
like that at her before, has he?”

“And it's weird the way he ate that whole page,” Michael agreed. “It's like there was something written there that he didn't want us to see. But it was just a picture of some genie in a library. What's the big deal?”

Jess shrugged. “I have absolutely no idea.”

“The worm's flipped. That's all it is.” He rubbed his hands and set off upstairs. “Time to chill. I may not have an Ultra, but Game Boy, here I come!”

 

Jason and Milly went through to the lounge. “When's tea going to be?” Milly asked, bouncing down on the sofa next to Ann.

“When your dad has a chance to go get takeout,” Ann told her.

“Okay,” said Milly, snuggling in beside her.

“Where
is
Mark?” Jason said. “He asked me to test him on some trivia questions tonight.”

“He's in the study,” said Ann. “But be gentle with him, Jason. I don't think he's feeling too confident!”

Jason went into the study. Mark was sitting in the chair with his eyes closed, a
Fantastic Facts
trivia book lying beside him. “What's the capital of Turkey?” he was muttering. “What is it…?”

“Ankara,” Jason said.

Mark jumped. “Oh, hi, Jason.” He picked up the book to check. “You're right. Well done.” He sighed. “I can't seem to remember anything. These questions are impossible! I mean, what
does
‘http' stand for in website addresses?”

“Hypertext transfer protocol,” Jason immediately replied.

“Okay, well, what's half of one third?”

“One sixth,” said Jason with a grin.

Mark shook his head in amazement. “You always know the answers. You should be on this trivia team, not me!”

Jason shrugged and took the book from him. “I like trivia questions. Hey, this is a cool one! Is it possible for a man in Scotland to wed his widow's sister?”

“I don't know,” Mark said uncertainly. “Maybe there
is
a law about it in Scotland….”

“Mark!” Jason grinned. “It's a trick question! A man can't marry his widow's sister, because if he has a widow it means he must be dead—he can't marry anyone!”

Mark groaned. “I can't manage normal questions, let alone trick ones! Come on, mate, help me with the geography, science, and math ones. Mr. Foxtrot will be livid if I don't get at least some of them right on the night….”

“Who's Mr. Foxtrot?” Jason wondered.

“He's the captain of my trivia team.” Mark sighed. “And he takes it all
very
seriously!”

Jason found a geography question. “What's the longest river in the world?”

Mark bit his lip. “Um, the Amazon?”

“Nope, it's the Nile. Here, try another.”

Jason asked five geography questions before Mark got one right.

“What am I going to do?” Mark exclaimed. “The Trivia Team Challenge is in two days' time, and I'm going to mess up in front of the whole town! If only there was someone who could take my place—” He broke off and stared at Jason. “Hey! How about you, Jason!”

“Me!” Jason's voice came out in a squeak.

Just then the doorbell rang. “We'll talk about this some more in a minute,” Mark said, hurrying out of the study.

“Mr. Foxtrot!” Jason heard him say in surprise as he opened the front door. “I was just talking to Jason about you. What brings you here?”

“Just thought I'd pop 'round,” came a voice with a northern accent. “Maybe give you a little extra coaching.”

“Well, actually,” said Mark, “this is very good timing. I want to talk to you about the trivia challenge….”

Jason poked his head out of the study. Mr. Foxtrot was a large, stocky man whose ruddy cheeks were creased and dimpled with his self-satisfied smile. A pair of chunky glasses had slipped halfway down his bulbous nose. Jason
saw that his hair was gray and thinning. Several long strands clung to the big bald patch on top of his head like they'd been glued there. Jason smiled but Mr. Foxtrot's gaze swept over him as if Jason was of no more interest to him than an old piece of furniture.

“Can I get you a coffee?” Mark asked.

“No, no,” said Mr. Foxtrot, following Mark into the kitchen. Jason went after them. “So what did you want to talk to me about?”

Mark cleared his throat. “The thing is, Arthur, I really want the team to do well—”

“We shall do more than just well,” Mr. Foxtrot interrupted. “I am determined we shall
win
!”

“I know,” Mark said slowly. “And because of that…I think it might be best if young Jason here swaps places with me.”

Mr. Foxtrot stared. “I beg your pardon?”

“He's been testing me on all sorts of questions.” Mark smiled. “I know he's only nine, but he's got a great memory for facts.”

Mr. Foxtrot swung around and looked Jason up and down incredulously. “Have a child on the team? Ridiculous! We're not running a kindergarten! You just need to practice more, Mark. That's why I've come around….”

Jason wished he could sink through the floor.

Mr. Foxtrot whisked the
Fantastic Facts
book from Jason's hand. “Is this what you're trying to cram from, then, hmm? Bit tatty, isn't it?”

“The information's good,” Mark said defensively. “I found it while we were moving shelves around in the shop.”

“Hope not all your stock's in this condition; you'll be closed a month after opening!” Mr. Foxtrot chuckled. “No offense meant!”

“None taken,” Mark said politely. “We've got some very good books to offer. I hope you'll drop in and see for yourself; we're planning a little opening party on Sunday—”

“Yes, well, I'm a very busy man, of course,” Mr. Foxtrot said, not sounding interested. He flicked through the pages of the book and shook his head. “Hardly worth even asking this one, it's so easy, but…what is the average of the numbers one, ten, and one hundred?”

Mark looked blank. “Er…”

Thirty-seven
, thought Jason, working it out.
It's thirty-seven.

“It's easy,” Foxtrot insisted. “Come on.”

“Thirty-seven!” Jason blurted out.

Mr. Foxtrot jumped. Then he put down the book crossly. “Reading the answer over my shoulder, were you? That's very rude, young man.”

“I wasn't!” Jason protested.

“He doesn't need to,” Mark agreed. “I told you Jason was brilliant with facts and figures.”

Mr. Foxtrot looked skeptical. “Yes, well. Another question.” As he leafed through the pages, Milly came into the kitchen to fix herself a glass of orange juice. She smiled at him, but Mr. Foxtrot ignored her just as he had ignored Jason. “Now then, Mark,” he commanded. “What's the name of Pluto's moon?”

“Charon,” said Jason, unable to stop himself.

“Sharon?” Mr. Foxtrot spluttered with mirth. “Sharon, he says!”

“Not Sharon,
Charon
,” said Jason. “C-H-A…”

Foxtrot peered more closely at the fact book and frowned. “Ah. Yes, well, we all knew that, didn't we?” He looked at Mark meaningfully. “You know, in my day, children were seen and not heard!”

Jason blushed and sat down at the table. Milly looked crossly at Mr. Foxtrot.

“Jason was only trying to help,” said Mark.

“I'm
the one who needs help!” Mr. Foxtrot shut the book with a bang. “My team has won the Trivia Team Challenge every year for five years running. I intend to make it
six
years, so I suggest you get studying. We like winners around here, Mark, and we don't have much time
for losers.” Mr. Foxtrot cleared his throat. “No offense meant. Good night.”

Picking up his coat, he marched out of the kitchen.

As Mark followed him stiffly to the front door, Milly looked at Jason. “What a horrid man!” she hissed.

Jason nodded. “You should have seen the look on his face when your dad asked if I could be on the team. He looked at me as if I was a booger or something.”

“Poor Dad, having to be bossed around by him,” Milly said. “Someone should teach him a lesson.” She caught her breath and saw a grin starting on Jason's face. “Oh, Jase! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?”

Jason grinned at her and nodded. “One undeserving subject—delivered straight to our door!”