Be Careful What You Wish For: The Clifton Chronicles 4 (39 page)

‘It’s not what you think it is.’

‘It never is, sir.’

‘And I want you to allocate my table in the dining car to Mr Martinez, who has a compartment in coach four.’

‘Aye, sir,’ said Angus, now completely baffled.

‘I’ll keep your little secret, Angus, if you keep mine.’

‘I would, sir, if I had any idea what yours was.’

‘You will by the time we reach London.’

‘I’ll go and fetch Kitty, sir.’

Ross tried to marshal his thoughts as he waited for Kitty to join him. What he had in mind was nothing more than a stalling tactic, but it might just give him enough time to come up with
something more effective. The door of his compartment slid open, and Kitty slipped in.

‘How nice to see you again, Mr Buchanan,’ she said as she took the seat opposite him and crossed her legs to reveal the top of her stockings. ‘Can I be of service?’

‘I hope so,’ said Ross. ‘How much do you charge?’

‘Rather depends on what you’re looking for.’ Ross told her exactly what he was looking for.

‘That’ll be five pounds, sir, all in.’

Ross took out his wallet, extracted a five-pound note and handed it across to her.

‘I’ll do my best,’ Kitty promised as she lifted her skirt and slipped the note into the top of a stocking, before disappearing as discreetly as she’d arrived.

Ross pressed the red button by the door and the steward reappeared moments later.

‘Have you reserved my table for Mr Martinez?’

‘Aye, and found you a place at the other end of the dining car.’

‘Thank you, Angus. Now Kitty is to be seated opposite Mr Martinez, and anything she eats or drinks is to be charged to me.’

‘Very good, sir. But what about Mr Martinez?’

‘He will pay for his meal, but he’s to be given the finest wines and liqueurs, and it’s to be made clear to him that they are on the house.’

‘Are they also to be charged to you, sir?’

‘Yes. But he’s not to know, because I’m rather hoping Mr Martinez will sleep soundly tonight.’

‘I think I’m beginning to understand, sir.’

After the steward had left, Ross wondered if Kitty could pull it off. If she could get Martinez so drunk that he remained in his compartment until nine the next morning, she would have done her
job, and Ross would happily have parted with another fiver. He particularly liked her idea of handcuffing him to the four corners of the bed and then hanging the
Do not disturb
sign on the
door. No one would be suspicious, because you didn’t have to leave the train until 9.30, and many passengers appreciated a lie-in before enjoying a late breakfast of Arbroath Smokies.

Ross left his compartment just after eight, made his way to the dining room and walked straight past Kitty, who was sitting opposite Diego Martinez. As he passed, he overheard the chief
sommelier taking them through the wine list.

Angus had placed Ross at the far end of the carriage, with his back to Martinez, and although he was tempted more than once to look round, unlike Lot’s wife he resisted. After he’d
finished his coffee, having rejected his usual balloon of brandy, he signed the bill and made his way back to his compartment. As he passed his usual table, he was delighted to see that it was no
longer occupied. Feeling quite pleased with himself, he almost strutted back to his carriage.

The feeling of triumph evaporated the moment he opened his compartment door and saw Kitty sitting there.

‘What are you doing here? I thought—’

‘I couldn’t arouse any interest, Mr Buchanan,’ she said. ‘And don’t think I didn’t try everything from bondage to gymslips. To start with, he doesn’t
drink. Some religious thing. And long before the main course, it became clear that it’s not women that turn him on. I’m sorry, sir, but thank you for dinner.’

‘Thank you, Kitty. I’m most grateful,’ he said as he sank into the seat opposite her.

Kitty lifted her skirt, took the five-pound note from the top of her stocking and handed it back to him.

‘Certainly not,’ he said firmly. ‘You earned it.’

‘I could always . . .’ she said, placing a hand under his kilt, her fingers moving slowly up his thigh.

‘No, thank you, Kitty,’ he said, raising his eyes to the heavens in mock horror. That was when the second idea came to him. He handed the five-pound note back to Kitty.

‘You’re not one of those weird ones, are you, Mr Buchanan?’

‘I must admit, Kitty, what I’m about to propose is pretty weird.’

She listened carefully to what service she was expected to perform. ‘What time do you want me to do that?’

‘Around three, three thirty.’

‘Where?’

‘I’d suggest the lavatory.’

‘And how many times?’

‘I would think once would be enough.’

‘And I won’t get into trouble, will I, Mr Buchanan? Because this is a steady earner, and most of the gentlemen in first class are not very demanding.’

‘You have my word, Kitty. This is a one-off, and no one need ever know you were involved.’

‘You’re a gent, Mr Buchanan,’ she said and gave him a kiss on the cheek before slipping out of the compartment.

Ross wasn’t sure what might have happened if she’d stayed a minute or two longer. He pressed the steward’s bell and waited for Angus to appear.

‘I hope that was satisfactory, sir?’

‘I can’t be sure yet.’

‘Anything else I can do for you, sir?’

‘Yes, Angus. I need a copy of the railway’s regulations and statutes.’

‘I’ll see if I can find one, sir,’ said Angus, looking mystified.

When he returned twenty minutes later, he was carrying a massive red tome that looked as if its pages hadn’t been turned very often. Ross settled down for some bedtime reading. First he
scanned the index, identifying the three sections he needed to study most carefully, as if he was back at St Andrews preparing for an exam. By three a.m. he’d read and marked up all the
relevant passages. He spent the next thirty minutes trying to commit them to memory.

At 3.30 a.m. he closed the thick volume, sat back and waited. It had never crossed his mind that Kitty would let him down. 3.30, 3.35, 3.40. Suddenly there was a massive jolt that almost threw
him out of his seat. It was followed by a loud screeching of wheels as the train slowed rapidly, and finally came to a halt. Ross stepped out into the corridor, to see the chief steward running
towards him.

‘Problem, Angus?’

‘Some fucker, excuse my French, sir, has pulled the communication cord.’

‘Keep me briefed.’

‘Aye, sir.’

Ross checked his watch every few minutes, willing the time to pass. A number of passengers were now milling around in the corridor, trying to find out what was going on, but it was another
fourteen minutes before the chief steward returned.

‘Someone pulled the communication cord in the lavatory, Mr Buchanan. No doubt mistook it for the chain. But no harm done, sir, as long as we’re on the move again in twenty
minutes.’

‘Why twenty minutes?’ asked Ross innocently.

‘If we hang about for any longer,
The Newcastle Flyer
will overtake us, and then we’d be stymied.’

‘Why’s that?’

‘We’d have to fall in behind it, and then we’d be bound to be late because it stops at eight stations between here and London. Happened a couple of years back when a wee bairn
pulled the cord, and by the time we arrived at King’s Cross, we were over an hour behind schedule.’

‘Only an hour?’

‘Aye, we didnae get into London until just after eight forty. Now we wouldn’t want that, would we, sir? So with your permission, I’ll get us on the move again.’

‘One moment, Angus. Have you identified the person who pulled the cord?’

‘No, sir. Must have bolted the moment they realized their mistake.’

‘Well, I’m sorry to point out, Angus, that regulation 43b in the railway’s statutes requires you to find out who was responsible for pulling the cord, and why they did so,
before the train can proceed.’

‘But that could take for ever, sir, and I doubt we’d be any the wiser by the end of it.’

‘If there was no good reason for the cord being pulled, the culprit will be fined five pounds and reported to the authorities,’ said Ross, continuing to recite the railway’s
statutes.

‘Let me guess, sir.’

‘Regulation 47c.’

‘May I say how much I admire your foresight, sir, having asked for the railway’s statutes and regulations only hours before the communication cord was pulled.’

‘Yes, wasn’t that fortunate? Still, I’m sure the board would expect us to abide by the regulations, however inconvenient that might prove to be.’

‘If you say so, sir.’

‘I say so.’

Ross kept looking anxiously out of the window, and didn’t smile until
The Newcastle Flyer
shot past twenty minutes later, giving them two prolonged peeps of its whistle. Even so,
he realized that if they arrived at King’s Cross at around 8.40, as Angus had predicted, Diego would still have more than enough time to reach a phone box on the station, call his broker and
withdraw the proposed sale of his father’s shares before the market opened at nine.

‘All done, sir,’ said Angus. ‘Can I tell the driver to get a move on, because one of our passengers is threatening to sue British Railways if the train doesn’t get to
London before nine.’

Ross didn’t need to ask which passenger was making the threat. ‘Carry on, Angus,’ he said reluctantly before closing the door of his compartment, not sure what more he could do
to hold the train up for at least another twenty minutes.

The Night Scotsman
made several more unscheduled stops as
The Newcastle Flyer
pulled in to disgorge and pick up passengers at Durham, Darlington, York and Doncaster.

There was a knock on the door and the steward entered.

‘What’s the latest, Angus?’

‘The man who’s been making all the fuss about getting to London on time is asking if he can leave the train when the
Flyer
stops at Peterborough.’

‘No, he cannot,’ said Ross, ‘because this train isn’t scheduled to stop at Peterborough, and in any case, we’ll be standing some way outside the station, and
therefore putting his life at risk.’

‘Regulation 49c?’

‘So if he attempts to leave the train, it’s your duty to forcefully restrain him. Regulation 49f. After all,’ added Ross, ‘we wouldn’t want the poor man to be
killed.’

‘Wouldn’t we, sir?’

‘And how many more stops are there after Peterborough?’

‘None, sir.’

‘What time do you estimate we’ll arrive at King’s Cross?’

‘Around eight forty. Eight forty-five latest.’

Ross sighed deeply. ‘So near and yet so far,’ he murmured to himself.

‘Forgive me for asking, sir,’ said Angus, ‘but what time would you
like
this train to arrive in London?’

Ross suppressed a smile. ‘A few minutes after nine would be just perfect.’

‘I’ll see what I can do, sir,’ said the chief steward before leaving the carriage.

The train kept a steady speed for the rest of the journey, but then suddenly, without warning, it stuttered to a halt just a few hundred yards outside King’s Cross station.

‘This is the steward speaking,’ said a voice over the intercom. ‘We apologize for the late arrival of
The Night Scotsman
, but this was due to circumstances beyond our
control. We hope to disembark all passengers in a few minutes’ time.’

Ross could only wonder how Angus had managed to add another thirty minutes to the journey. He walked out into the corridor to find him trying to calm a group of angry passengers.

‘How did you fix it, Angus?’ he whispered.

‘It seems that another train is waiting on our platform, and as it isn’t due to leave for Durham until five past nine, I’m afraid we won’t be able to disembark passengers
much before nine fifteen. I am sorry for the inconvenience, sir,’ he said in a louder voice.

‘Many thanks, Angus.’

‘My pleasure, sir. Och no,’ said Angus, rushing across to the window. ‘It’s him.’

Ross looked out of the window to see Diego Martinez running flat out along the track towards the station. He checked his watch: 8.53 a.m.

Monday morning

Cedric had walked into his office just before seven that morning, and immediately began to pace up and down the room while he waited for the phone to ring. But no one
called until eight. It was Abe Cohen.

‘I managed to get rid of the lot, Mr Hardcastle,’ said Cohen. ‘The last few flew in Hong Kong. Frankly, no one can fathom why the price is so low.’

‘What was the final price?’ asked Cedric.

‘One pound and eight shillings.’

‘Couldn’t be better, Abe. Ross was right, you’re simply the best.’

‘Thank you, sir. I only hope there was some purpose in you losing all that money.’ And before Cedric could reply, added, ‘I’m off to get some sleep.’

Cedric checked his watch. The stock market would open for business in forty-five minutes. There was a quiet knock on the door, and Sebastian walked in carrying a tray of coffee and biscuits. He
sat down on the other side of the chairman’s desk.

‘How did you get on?’ asked Cedric.

‘I’ve rung fourteen of the leading stock brokers to let them know that if any Barrington’s shares come on the market, we’re buyers.’

‘Good,’ said Cedric, looking at his watch once again. ‘As Ross hasn’t rung, we must still be in with a chance.’ He took a sip of coffee, glancing at his watch every
few moments.

When nine began to strike on a hundred different clocks throughout the Square Mile, Cedric rose and acknowledged the City’s anthem. Sebastian remained seated, staring at the phone, willing
it to ring. At three minutes past nine, someone obeyed his command. Cedric grabbed the receiver, juggled with it and nearly dropped it on the floor.

‘It’s Capels on the line, sir,’ said his secretary. ‘Shall I put them through?’

‘Immediately.’

‘Good morning, Mr Hardcastle. It’s David Alexander of Capels. I know we’re not your usual broker, but the grapevine has it that you’re looking to buy Barrington’s,
so I thought I’d let you know that we have a large sale order with instructions from our client to sell at spot price when the market opened this morning. I wondered if you were still
interested.’