Authors: Denise Mathew
You may not see the continuity of your actions yet that does not make it any less so. For when you act or react, you set off a chain of events, a domino if you wish, where one to the other, to the other, and so on and so forth, connect. This connection cannot always be seen but yet remains so, always there, like an invisible thread that ties us all, thickening, thinning, lengthening and shortening, always changing, shifting, becoming different because that is the life we live. There is an impermanence in all that is, and all that has been, and all that will be. A life is lived, until it is not, and then at the very second a life ends, another returns to the collective, another soul enters the world and there is a circle that is unbroken, that is infinite.
Glance at the infinity, a wave that is never ending, and just as that symbol has no beginning nor an end, so too do we. Energy is infinite, it is all and nothing at the same instance, it cannot be held, yet can be manipulated, directed into a space until the power moves another. There again is the chain that connects us all, the blood that is our life force, the meaning that never stops meaning, the knowledge that we are one, we are all one, any other belief is an illusion.
There is no separation other than that which the mind imagines. The material world draws a boundary between the people, but if we see the truth, distill it into a concentrate that is difficult to ignore, it gains strength and power and there is nothing to fear but the illusions that we have created. We are the same and also different, all parts necessary, all necessary for life to thrive, to continue and become. We are all a value in this place, believing anything less is absurd. Trillian”
Kaila relaxed back against her chair. She could feel how Trillian was deeply contented after being set free to write, something that Kaila had refused her since Pauline had left. Trillian had been more than a tad bit miffed about Kaila’s refusal, but Kaila had stood firm. Kaila understood the importance for Trillian to have her time to articulate her thoughts and words. Trillian was never quite at ease until her words were placed carefully in the blog, but it hadn’t been enough to dissuade Kaila’s stance.
Until the moment that Derrick had approached her, it had been impossible for Kaila to even look at her computer, much less place her fingers on the keyboard. In her estimation the laptop was a part of the past, lost with Pauline. She hadn’t cared if Trillian ever wrote another word of her musings because they wouldn’t bring back Pauline, they wouldn’t return her room to what it had once been. Words wouldn’t help, they couldn’t change everything back. To this point, Kaila had fought Trillian vehemently.
Trillian, whose need for expression had grown even greater than Kaila could contain, had wrestled and won control on several occasions. Those times, she had spoken the words that she wasn’t permitted to write. Kaila had let it happen. She had caved in and allowed a wave of numbness to crest over her. During those times, when Trillian spewed her personal diatribe, Kaila found peace. She appreciated being away from it all, absent from the feelings and the loss of all that she had once had, but didn’t have anymore.
Now, knowing that Pauline was in danger made everything come together in a way that it never had before. Kaila had a mission to save Pauline, to change Derrick’s prophecy, to affect time. Just thinking about being a part of it all made a thrill race up and down her spine. Without saying it aloud she was committed to Derrick and would do whatever it took to save Pauline; and what it took was to leave Wildwind.
CHAPTER 23
As before, Kaila had gone back to measuring time by clues and not by her watch or a clock, or any of the tools that were normally used for such a task. But today she had been forced to use conventional devices. It had been exactly twenty-four hours since Derrick had relayed the details of his dream to Kaila. With his admission came a need to know exactly what time, day of the week, and month it was. These particulars, which normally wouldn’t have been an issue in her regular life, had suddenly become more than essential. She needed to meet Derrick at just the right time, at just the right place, if they were in fact going to escape Wildwind.
Opposing emotions, fear of leaving Wildwind, her only reality for most of her life, tangled with the need to save Pauline. Unlike Kaila, Trillian was ecstatic to be released, to see the world beyond the gates in all its entirety. Kaila wished she’d had Trillian’s confidence. Every time she reconsidered her decision to leave, Trillian reminded her that Pauline would die if they didn’t venture out.
To be truthful, Trillian didn’t altogether trust Derrick, in that detail she and Kaila agreed. Derrick was an unknown, difficult to read and impossible to predict. Kaila wondered if this was the case for those people who were prophets, as she liked to term Derrick now. Did prophets have a blanket of secrecy around their shoulders, hiding them from detection, something that prevented them from being exposed and possibly exploited? In her more creative imaginings she pictured Derrick connected to a multitude of wires and machines, as scientists worked to discover what made him work.
Kaila packed a small bag, counting exactly five pairs of white cotton underpants, five pairs of sweat pants and five t-shirts. She carefully folded all her clothes then arranged them inside the brilliant lime green overnight bag that a resident had left behind. Kaila had retrieved the bag from the Lost and Found. The contents of the cardboard Lost and Found box grew but never diminished, since most people who were released from Wildwind did everything in their power never to return.
Kaila added her toothbrush to the other items. The toothbrush was relatively new with the letters GUM on the side. Kaila appreciated the play on words. She added a half-empty tube of generic toothpaste, deodorant and some tampons and pads in case her menstrual cycle started, though she was certain that it wasn’t supposed to happen for some time. Her hairbrush, with a few strands of her coppery hair caught in the bristles, was the last piece she added. She tucked her laptop beneath her armpit then draped her dark grey rarely worn wool hoodie across her arm. With her bag packed and everything she needed for her adventure gathered, she made her way to the meeting point.
In Kaila’s estimation getting out of Wildwind would not be exceptionally difficult. Over the years, she had heard of several patients doing just that. The security systems were dated on her side of the building, the surveillance spotty at best. The new owners of Wildwind were slowly replacing the ancient gear, but hadn’t completed the task.
It appeared that the increase in patient admissions expected with the sprucing up of the patient rooms hadn’t quite materialized as planned, therefore construction had ceased for the time being. It seemed odd to Kaila that people would be buoyed by an influx of more crazy people, but that was the truth of it.
Kaila’s watch read 2:00 a.m. The time stamp meant that in fifteen minutes she and Derrick would meet in the designated area just outside the cafeteria. Both she and Derrick had agreed that this particular spot had very few cameras, and would be easy to move through undetected.
It seemed funny to Kaila that the very person she and Derrick were charged to save, was the same person who had made it a game to escape Wildwind. Pauline was notorious for slipping out at night for a cigarette, or for any reason really. On several occasions she had asked Kaila to join her. Kaila had refused, citing that she preferred to sleep. Now Kaila regretted not joining Pauline on those nightly excursions, as it would have helped she and Derrick considerably in their covert plans.
Even so, Kaila had heard enough about the workings of it to know the basics. Meet at the cafeteria, use the fire escape just off to the right of the door that led to the stairwell, then it was a matter of getting over the chain link fence which wasn’t much of a feat. Wildwind was so isolated that even if someone did venture off the property, they wouldn’t have gotten far before they were stopped by fatigue, hunger, thirst and if the conditions were right, exposure and hypothermia. Neither of the latter two maladies were going to serve as a problem on that particular night. It was July; hot summer nights and scorching days were commonplace.
The temperature didn’t warrant it, but Kaila slipped the hoodie on all the same. The garment was inconvenient to carry and wouldn’t fit in her bag anyway. She wished that she’d had space for her laptop in the bag too, but hadn’t been so lucky. Moving as quietly as seemed possible, she skulked down the deserted corridor that led to the cafeteria. She passed by the staff room that was quiet except for the soft drone of the television that went continuously day and night.
With the staff room was well behind her, the ensuing silence soon became oppressive. The looming quiet had the effect of heightening Kaila’s anxiety that any sound she made could lead to her discovery. She prayed that she remained undetected, but was prepared to do whatever it took to leave the confines of Wildwind. Oddly just thinking about leaving made her remember Pauline’s star-shaped scar. This memory made Kaila’s heart thrum even faster. The concept that very soon she would be seeing Pauline again in the real world was exhilarating. Kaila was sorry that she hadn’t thought about leaving before now. With the excitement came a slight appreciation for Derrick’s part in all of it.
Beams of moonlight filtered in through a window that was adjacent to the cafeteria. It felt much like a bright spotlight and she was fastidious to avoid the light. As soon as she had passed by the window, she slipped into an unlit corner and waited. Time seemed to freeze. Her anxiousness was only made worse by her inability to see the face of her watch in the penetrating gloom.
“Kaila?”
Derrick’s voice was little more than a hiss in the night. It however was enough for her to discover his silhouette. She moved out of her hiding place, stepping panther-like until she was standing right beside him. Kaila touched his right elbow to let him know that she was there. She was quietly thrilled when he leapt back a few feet before he realized that it was her. Kaila discovered that she was much better at being stealthy than she had expected.
Without pause, Derrick led the way to the secured window. He moved like dark liquid, becoming part of the night. Derrick jimmied the top off the alarm that would sound if the window was cracked open then used a pair of nail clippers to snip the wires. His adeptness with disengaging the security system said that it wasn’t the first time he had done something like that. It impressed Kaila, though she would never have mentioned it. In truth she wasn’t even sure if she liked him at all. She couldn’t forget all the time she had spent in the White Room and also the Next Room because of him. No, he wasn’t her friend at all, merely a tool.
Derrick flipped the window locks then shoved the window up. When it slid up on its aged, painted tracking, it released what seemed like an ear-splitting shriek. Derrick seemed unaffected by the sound and was straddling the windowsill before Kaila could recover from the terror that had spread through her. Apprehension about leaving Wildwind now entwined with the fear of being discovered.
“Come on,” Derrick whispered.
Now bathed in moonlight he almost looked angelic, as if he had dropped from the belfries of heaven and had landed squarely on the rusted fire escape. Kaila breathed in the outside air, drifting in on a light breeze. Outside heat met inside air-conditioned cool, mixing natural and artificial as one. Before she could respond, Derrick had begun his descent. The stairs of the fire escape responded to his weight, bowing like a bent sapling until the bottom step hit solid ground.
He moved rapidly down the stairs until he had reached the bottom. He left a foot upon the edge of the last stair, stabilizing it for Kaila’s walk down. She drew in a gulping breath, unsure about what she would do next. Knowing that there was no choice apart from leaving Wildwind, she slung a leg over the windowsill. Her foot hit metal and she paused, trying to fall into the reality that seemed more a dream then truth. Trillian urged her forward. Trillian’s eagerness wasn’t a surprise since Trillian had never seen the real world, and was agog with possibilities and the wonders that they were sure to see.
Kaila’s second leg found its way to where the first had landed, then she was standing on the platform, ready to meet the world, to stop a prophecy from happening.
“Hurry up Kaila.”
Urgency was evident in his whisper. It was a reminder to Kaila that he was as nervous as she was about their great escape. She slid the window back into place though she knew it would take little detective work to know that they had used it to make their getaway. With the window back in place, Kaila turned to the stairs. When she did, her runner clanged against the grating. The sound seemed to penetrate to her very core. For a moment she forgot to breathe while she waited for the lights to suddenly spring to life, for the staff to arrive and force her to fight her way out. Yet the gods were on her side because everything remained asleep.
“Come on,” Derrick urged.
His voice was exactly what she needed to get back into the moment. She padded down the stairs, counting each one in her head as she did. When she had reached number ten she was at the bottom. Gravel crunched under her feet. Derrick released his hold on the metal stairs then gave the structure a shove. It retracted back, inch-by-inch until it was impossible to reach; they had arrived at the point of no return.
Without another word, Derrick was moving across the grounds, only halting when they came across motion detecting spotlights. With just one misdirected step the lights would be their undoing.
Minutes later they made it to the fence. Without bravado, Derrick was scrabbling up it. He was over on the other side almost too fast for Kaila to process. Partly shadowed in a space where moonlight didn’t hit, he stared through the links that now separated them. It was in that moment that everything that was happening came into perfect clarity. Kaila began to doubt everything. What had just seconds before seemed a sound plan now felt reckless. She wasn’t sure how everything had changed so decisively. Now she questioned why she had taken Derrick’s word at all.