Be Mine at Christmas (21 page)

K
EN DIDN’T UNDERSTAND
what had come over him in the kitchen. All the while he’d had lunch with Russ, picked out the tree, which he’d strapped to the top of his Land Rover, and shopped for the decorations, he’d been cursing whatever had led Cierra to
his
doorstep. And yet he would’ve kissed her a few minutes ago if she hadn’t backed away.

He should get on the phone, see if he could find someone else who might be able to hire her as a cook or a housekeeper. Maybe one of his married football buddies needed a nanny for his kids—except he couldn’t imagine any wife being pleased about living with another woman as attractive as Cierra. There was a reason that men having affairs with their nannies had become a cliché. Also, because she wasn’t a citizen yet, he’d have to be discreet in his inquiries, which would take time, and it was spending time with her that worried him. When he’d told her he hadn’t been able to find the address she seemed to think would be her salvation, she’d tried so hard to bear up under the disappointment, to show her gratitude for the little he’d done, that he’d wanted to pull her into his arms.

He would’ve assumed that reaction came largely from a desire to protect and console the less fortunate, except that whenever he imagined holding her, they were both naked. That was the part that shocked him. He’d pointed a finger at Mr. Baker for having a prurient interest. He certainly didn’t want to be guilty of the same thing.

“Can I ask you a question?” He’d already dragged in the tree and wrestled it into its stand. Now they were putting on the lights. So far, they’d worked mostly in silence, probably because
Ken hadn’t been able to think of anything except the softness of Cierra’s cheek and the way she’d looked up at him when he’d touched her, which wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. Her rapt expression had sent a charge of sexual awareness through him, and he was still fighting its effects. He was pretty sure she knew that—and understood that getting involved with him would not be good for her. Every time they accidentally brushed hands or stood too close, she moved out of reach.

“Cierra?” he prompted when she didn’t respond.

Her expression remained guarded. “You may ask,
sí
.”

“Will you answer?”

“Maybe yes.” She gave him a tentative smile. “Maybe no.”

He’d tried convincing himself that her personal life, especially her sex life, was none of his business. But ever since she’d mentioned her seventy-something-year-old fiancé, he’d been burning with curiosity. “Did you sleep with him?”

She didn’t bother pretending she didn’t know who he was talking about. “Why do you ask, Señor Holbrook?”

It was too intrusive a question. He’d been aware of that. “Well,
señorita
—” he winked as she grinned at his response “—my mind keeps going back to it.”

“Because…”

Because he was a man and any man would wonder. Because he was turned on by her. And because he didn’t like what she’d been through.

In the interests of keeping things simple, however, he chose Answer Number Three. “Allowing the old men of one country to exploit the young women of another because of economic need is…
wrong
.”

“But I was grateful to Charlie,” she explained. “Without him…I had no hope for…so many things.”

Now that Charlie was gone, was that hope lost? It had to be, right? Her situation had grown even worse. And yet Ken couldn’t help being glad that old Charlie had kicked the bucket. Picturing someone fifty years her senior pawing at her made him cringe.

She continued to talk, picking her words slowly, carefully. “He offered me…a fair offer, one I…say yes.
I
make the choice.”

But she’d had no choice. Not really. Not with her sisters’ well-being on the line. “That doesn’t answer my question,” he said.

No longer willing to meet his gaze, she insisted they finish winding the lights around the tree. “We were engaged. And I was living with him.”

“Only the two of you were there?”

“Sí.”

“For how long?”

“Two months.”

“But you knew his ex-wife.”

“She was angry, bitter. She come over to argue with him about divorce all the time.”

“Did he have kids?”

“No. He said that was what he wanted from me. A baby.”

“So that’s a yes? You slept with him?”

A grimace twisted her lips. “He said we were married…in our promise to each other,
sí?
And I was afraid…I was afraid he think I no keep my word.”

She’d feared he wouldn’t help her sisters if she refused. That was the real story, and it was exactly the type of thing Ken had been afraid of. “That’s
definitely
a yes.”

She didn’t confirm it, but she didn’t deny it, either.

Stuart Baker cornering a young woman in the high school lavatory didn’t seem a whole lot different. Cierra had felt cornered, too, or she never would’ve agreed to marry this Charlie, let alone allow him to touch her. If he’d really wanted to help someone in a third-world country, why hadn’t he donated to the Red Cross?

Because he wanted to help himself, first and foremost. It was the self-interest driving this “buy a bride” scheme that bothered Ken. That and the inequitable distribution of power in such an arrangement. “And?”

The question surprised her. “And?” she repeated as they finished with the lights and added garland.

“Was it as bad as I’m imagining?”

Lines formed on her forehead. “I no want to talk about it.”

Ken interrupted her as she reached into a box of ornaments. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

She stared at the angel she’d grabbed. “No.”

Could he believe her? Maybe. Maybe not. But he had one other concern. “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?” In his view, that was the only way her situation could get worse.

“No.”

He released her. “You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

“
How
positive?”

“Stop! I know because…he could not…could not…” She sighed in frustration as she struggled to find the right words. “Father a child. You understand?”

“You mean he was sterile? Or impotent?”

“I don’t know the meaning of those words.”

“He couldn’t get it up, couldn’t get hard?”

Face flushing crimson, she whirled around to hang her angel ornament on the tree.

“That’s right, isn’t it?” he pressed.

“Sí.”
Her answer was muffled, but he heard it.

“So how could he expect to father a child?”

“He said a doctor would help.”

“So how did he have sex with you.”

She waved him off. “Stop!”

“Okay.” He waited until she finally looked up at him. “Just tell me one more thing.”

“What?” she asked suspiciously.

“How’d you get through it?”

Climbing the short ladder he’d brought in, she began hanging ornaments on the upper branches. “I close my eyes.”

“And pretended he was someone else?”

She didn’t respond but a guilty smile gave her away.

“Who?” he pressed. “An old boyfriend?”

“No.”

He handed her another box of ornaments.
“Who?”

Rolling her eyes in exasperation, she attached several snowflakes to the tree. “I can no tell you!”

“Why?”

“You will laugh.”

She tried to return the empty box, but he wouldn’t take it. “Now you have me
really
curious.”

“The cowboy lawman in…a movie, okay?”

“What movie?”

“It was called…
High Noon?
” She scratched her head as if puzzling out whether or not she’d named the correct one. “
Sí,
that is right.
High Noon.
May I have more snowflakes?” He
did
laugh. “Where did you see that old show?”

“Charlie played it for me after I arrive.”

Accepting the empty box, he passed her some icicles. “So you think Gary Cooper was handsome?”
“Sí.”

“I’m sure my mother, and her mother, would agree with you.”

Her hair caught in the tree, and Ken got up on the ladder to free it. “How did it feel when Gary Cooper made love to you?” he murmured as they stood there together, only inches apart.

He thought she’d refuse to answer this, too. It was more inappropriate than anything he’d asked so far. But she surprised him.

“Like it should, I think.”

“You’ve never been with anyone else?” he asked.

“No. My father, he was…very strict.” She made a fist to show “strict.”

“A woman who is not a virgin is no worth much.”

She wasn’t a virgin now. But that didn’t matter to Ken. “Your father planned to sell you?”

“
Sell
me? No! Make a contract.”

Wasn’t it the same thing? In a situation like that, how was a marriage license any more than a piece of paper? “That’s what you call it?”

“He had heard of others…doing the same. But he no want to do it. Only if…if things get bad…really bad.”

“Desperate.”

“
Sí.
Why else would he send me away?”

Learning that even her father planned to use her upset him
enough to curb the arousal playing havoc with his thoughts and emotions. He wouldn’t take advantage of her. He wanted to help her without making her feel she had to perform any “services” for him. Granted, Ken was tired of Russ creating his own problems and then flailing around, looking for someone to rescue him. But Cierra wasn’t like that. Cierra was a victim of circumstance.

Stepping off the ladder, he plugged in the lights. “What do you think?”

“Beautiful,” she whispered.

“That’s what I think, too,” he said, but he wasn’t talking about the tree.

T
HAT NIGHT,
C
IERRA LAY
in bed awake, staring up at the ceiling and breathing in the scent of pine, which pervaded the whole cabin since Ken had brought the Christmas tree inside. After they were done decorating, he’d lit a fire while she grilled the steaks he’d taken out of the freezer and they’d eaten together.

Being with him was completely different without Brent. It was far more intimate and, because of that, more unsettling. Every once in a while, she’d glance up to find him watching her. She knew what he wanted. She was pretty sure she wanted the same thing. She’d never made love to a man of her own choosing, a man as virile as the lawman she’d always fantasized Charlie to be.

Ken had reminded her of that lawman from the beginning. Perhaps she’d never have another chance to be with someone she found even more handsome than Gary Cooper. She’d soon leave this place and, she hoped, get work until she could secure another husband via the website. Who knew how old the next guy would be?

But everyone she met in America was temporary—white faces that would soon pass out of her life. Someday, she’d be able to go home. And she didn’t plan on taking an illegitimate baby back with her.

The floor in the hall creaked. She could tell that Ken was as restless as she was. At first she thought he might come to her room like Charlie used to. Although she’d allowed him into her bed, she’d insisted on having her own room until the wedding. But then she remembered the moment she’d been standing on the ladder with Ken, when he’d made the decision not to touch
her, and how determined and resolute he’d acted since. He’d laughed and teased her, shown her a romantic movie and given her a T-shirt to wear to bed, but he’d kept his hands to himself.

“How did I end up here?” she whispered into the silence. She could never have imagined a place like Dundee, or a man like Ken, while living in Todos Santos. Maybe she should be grateful to have shelter, but it was torture being in the same house with him. She craved the pleasure Charlie’s fumbling hands had on rare occasions hinted was possible, knew Ken could deliver what Charlie had been unable to. But she doubted they’d be having this problem if Brent had stayed at the cabin. Without him, they had too much privacy to explore what they were feeling.

Earlier, Ken had offered to let her use the Jacuzzi. He’d said it would help her sleep. She hadn’t taken him up on it because she didn’t have a swimsuit. But she was interested now.

She waited until she was almost certain he’d gone back to bed, then found her way to the gym mostly by touch. The Jacuzzi was located to one side of it, enclosed in glass. Except for patches of moonlight that filtered through the pine trees outside, the room remained cloaked in darkness that felt as thick as the steam rising from the water.

She liked this place, with its smell of chlorine, its wooden pegs draped with fluffy white towels and the moon and stars reflecting off the snow outside. Wondering what the people of her village would make of a glass room that looked out on a snowy mountain, she smiled wistfully as she dipped her foot in the water.

Hot. Just as she’d hoped…

She pulled off Ken’s T-shirt as well as her panties, since they were the only pair she owned, and stepped into the water. The inky blackness made her feel safe despite her lack of clothing—until she came up against a man’s leg. She could feel swim trunks, but it still surprised her. She gasped and might’ve screamed if Ken hadn’t spoken when he did.

“It’s only me.”

Only?
“I—I did not realize you were here. I am sorry to interrupt you…your Jacuzzi bath. I will leave.”

He caught her wrist. He didn’t tug her toward him, but he didn’t release her, either. She got the impression he was waiting to see how she’d react.

“Ken?”

“Are you sure you want to go?”

“I should.” That didn’t really explain what she was thinking and feeling, but he seemed to understand.

“Yes, you should.” He dropped her wrist, but still she couldn’t bring herself to get out.

“Cierra?”

“Yes?”

“You’re still here.”

“Sí.”

“Why?”

“I do not know.”

She heard the water sluice off him as he stood.

“My heart, it’s pounding,” she whispered.

“So is mine. See?” Taking her hand, he placed it on his chest.

She wasn’t sure she could feel
his
heartbeat, but she felt warm skin covering hard sinew. Mesmerized, she let her fingers slide curiously over it, then up his neck to hold his face between her palms. Just touching him made her feel as if she was being consumed by liquid fire.

“Kiss me,” he murmured.

Don’t think. Let go. Just once.
Rising up on tiptoe, she touched her lips to his and heard him growl deep in his throat. He liked the contact—and so did she. She felt him coaxing her to deepen the kiss and was soon thrusting her tongue as eagerly into his mouth as he was hers.

She wasn’t sure if he realized she was naked. He hadn’t touched her except to lightly settle his hands at her waist, which meant it wasn’t too late to slip away so that he’d never learn. As far as he knew, she could be in her bra and underwear, right? But she didn’t want to go. She allowed him to guide her between his legs as he sat down. Then he held her in place as his mouth moved to her breast.

He knew she was naked, all right. Despite the darkness, he must’ve seen her undress. Or maybe he’d heard the soft plop of her clothes when they hit the cement.

Instinctively, her hands moved to his head. She intended to push him away, to put an end to this before it went too far. But she’d overestimated her willpower. Instead of insisting he stop, she moaned at the sensations he brought to life and anchored him against her.

His mouth traveled up, licking the water from her neck along the way. Then he eased her down on his lap and, although it was covered by fabric, she could feel the part of a man that had no longer worked for Charlie.

Obviously, Ken didn’t have the same problem.

K
EN WAS DOING EVERYTHING
he could to hold himself in check. He’d thought he could pleasure Cierra without getting too carried away. What was the harm in some skinny-dipping? Kissing? Maybe even a little exploring? None—except he couldn’t seem to stop.

“Maybe we should think about this,” he said.

“No!” she gasped.

Laughing at her emphatic response, he lowered his head to look at her face. He had condoms in his room. Should he bring her there to finish what they’d started?

He was still trying to decide if his conscience would agree to it when she kissed him again. It wasn’t the most artful kiss he’d ever received but the simple sweetness of it seared him to the bone. With kisses like that, he doubted they’d make it to the bedroom. He already had one hand on her breast while the other searched for even more sensitive territory.

He’d just reached his goal when someone called his name. Cierra heard it, too, and went rigid. “Brent!”

“I’ll take care of it.” Setting her away from him, he whispered that she should stay there. Then he got out of the Jacuzzi and wrapped a towel around his waist before his brother could come looking for him.

“Brent?” he hollered as he walked out.

By now his brother was halfway across the gym. “I thought you might be in the tub.”

“I was just getting out.” Putting a hand on Brent’s shoulder, he steered him back toward the kitchen. “What are you doing here? I didn’t expect you for a day or two.”

“I told Mom about Cierra. She wanted to send some clothes for her, insisted I bring them right away.”

“Clothes from where?”

“From the store. Where else? She spent the entire afternoon shopping and loved every minute of it.”

“But…how did Mom know Cierra’s size?”

“I told her she was small.”

Ken knew how small. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel her beneath his hands.

“If these don’t fit, we can take them back and get others,” Brent was saying. “Where is she?”

“She went to bed a while ago.” Which was true. Ken just didn’t mention that she’d slipped out.

“Good thing I didn’t knock on her door.” Brent pointed at the decorated tree. “She do all this?”

No way was Ken going to admit he’d helped. Brent would find it a little too amusing. “Yeah.”

“Looks nice. Where’d she get the stuff?”

“I brought it back when I went to town earlier.”
“Really?”

Ken scowled. “What’s the big deal?”

“I didn’t think you’d decorate for Christmas, that’s all.”

“It’s not like I’m Scrooge.”

“No, not Scrooge. Just…I don’t know if
I
would’ve done it.”

“I thought Cierra could use the distraction.”

“Good idea.” He sounded impressed. “You locate the address you were looking for this morning?”

Figuring it was best to tell everyone the same story, Ken shook his head. “Nope. No luck.”

His brother clicked his tongue. “What are we going to do about her?”

If Brent hadn’t shown up so unexpectedly, Ken would be
making love to her. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything except the feel and taste of her. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll hire her until we arrange something better, huh?”

Brent frowned at the floor. “You didn’t dry off very well. You’re getting water everywhere.”

“What? You’re Mom now?” He punched his brother in the arm. “I’m beat. See you in the morning.” He went to his room and stayed there until he heard the television go on and knew Brent was occupied with a movie. Then he crept back across the gym to get Cierra. Now that he’d had time to clear his head, he realized it’d been a mistake to touch her as intimately as he had. He couldn’t start dating again if he was sleeping with his housekeeper. What kind of a lecher would
that
make him?

As he opened the door to the Jacuzzi and smelled that first blast of chlorine, he was trying to decide how he was going to apologize and tell her about his change of heart.

But he didn’t have to say anything. Apparently, she’d already come to the same conclusion. When he got there, she was gone.