"Flower, if we are going to dream, make it big. Make me a pop star with songs in the top ten all year long. What do those girls have that I don't? Besides what never shows. But as long as my ID says 'Husayn', I need to be careful: only take informal jobs and the like. A singer can go far on word of mouth alone. But Blossom, you can't be an ice cream girl forever."
Lavender sank back. Too bad she'd fallen in with Miss Magnolia. Some girls got fake IDs bearing their name of choice and that holy
F
, while the ones Miss Magnolia insisted they get had their birth names and the evil
M
.
"I don't know if I can live here any longer." Miss Magnolia had all but said she'd taken Lavender's stuff. Why would she even want them? And why wreck the room? To punish Lavender? For any and all of Lavender's faults that she'd gone on and on about?
But wanting to be happy wasn't a fault.
"Flower, don't say that. Where would you go? We'll clean up and get some sleep, and we'll think about it in the morning. When is your next dose?"
"Thursday." Lavender found her pillow on the floor and buried her face in it.
"Then we have a little time."
Not enough. She could never earn enough to buy two unopened bottles of hormones in two days.
Diego wiped grit from his eyes. His phone was going off. He blinked a few times and opened it.
"Hey," Patrick said as cheerful as anyone who had gotten… ten hours of sleep. "Where are you now? Are you coming over or do you want to meet for breakfast?"
Diego closed his eyes and opened them. "I'm running behind. Have breakfast without me."
"What will your princess think if you don't offer her a meal before our big day?"
"Okay." Diego attempted to shake some thoughts into his head. "I'll call her and let you know."
When he closed the phone, he spotted the texts. Something had come up and Lavender couldn't go out with him today. Was this the thing that was wrong last night? Why hadn't she said anything?
Because they were mostly strangers, despite how deeply in love with her he was. She didn't know him enough to trust him with the secrets in her life. He lay back on the bed. Maybe he should crawl under the covers and go back to sleep. The next time he got up, things might be better.
He called Lavender and left her a message, asking for her to call so he could hear her voice.
Mrs. Raleigh knocked on the door. "Don't you need to get up today?"
He thanked her, dragged himself out of bed, and tried to pretend his heart wasn't broken into a million pieces.
*~*~*
Lavender sat on a park bench. She didn't want to go home. Abuelito's ice cream shop was closed, and no one knew where he was. Lavender bought all her clothes secondhand, so they'd be worth nothing. She didn't have any real jewelry. Would she have to hit the streets? Which was worse: being manhandled by a bunch of creepers or having hair permanently grow on her beautiful breasts?
Once the changes came, only surgery would fix them. She would spend thousands of dollars to rectify what a hundred would prevent.
Maybe someone would loan her a few bucks, or maybe several someones would. At least she could ask.
*~*~*
Diego forced a smile onto his face when Patrick plopped down on the park bench beside him. Patrick positively glowed. "We should do this next year. Going on ride after ride. No lines. Perfection."
The amusement park rides would have been more fun if Diego had gotten a good night's sleep. Of course, the day would have been better all around if Lavender were beside him, and not just because she would have given him an excuse not to go on every ride three times in a row. When would the day end?
"Let's get some grub, then hit the next ride."
Jessica put her hand on Patrick's arm. "Don't ruin your appetite. We're eating at your mom's tonight."
"Aww. But I want to take Diego on the Colossus."
Jessica smiled at Diego. "Save something for next year."
"But…"
Diego hated to ruin Patrick's day, but he'd already given him six hours. He stood. "I'm going to hit the gift shop and get Lavender some amethyst earrings."
"Great idea." Jessica smiled brightly.
Patrick stuck out his lower lip.
She shooed him back to the rides. "You'll know where to find us."
Spend the next hour or two in the gift shops? Please, no. Today had been too long and it wasn't close to over.
*~*~*
Lavender bit her lip.
"Sorry." Alana shook her head. "I've only got a twenty to last me the week."
"I know you have more than that." Caiside played with her purse. "You had two hundred yesterday."
Alana crossed her arms. "I bought stuff. If you feel so bad for her, give her
your
money."
Caiside slowly opened her purse and unfolded a stack of bills. They were all ones. Her tips from a night of dancing at a club. She took a few off the outside and stuffed those back in her purse. "I guess I'd better work tonight."
She reluctantly passed the rest to Lavender. Caiside was saving up for her own apartment, which would make earning money at her other job easier. But Lavender wouldn't have asked if she wasn't desperate. Alana intercepted the money. "She can work for it or ask that boyfriend of hers."
And how would she explain her need to Diego?
"And why does she need a bottle? Just get shots like the rest of us."
Over the long run, individual shots were much more expensive, plus, they carried the risk of disease, even if you brought your own needle and were sure the drug in the bottle was the one the dealer said it was.
Ariel popped her head in the doorway. "I've got fifty you can borrow. How much more do you need?"
Lavender quickly tallied up the sum. Even with Vish's and Ariel's generous donations, she was still fifteen dollars short.
"I know someone you can ask." Ariel patted her back. "We'll get it."
"And once she does," Alana scowled, "will her dealer have her meds ready?"
Would he?
Lavender hurried to her room and called him. He reminded her he was a pharmacy major putting himself through college. What would be the point if the school discovered his game and tossed him on his ear? He would have her scheduled bottle of anti-androgen ready on the sixth of next month and her estrogen available on the twenty-seventh, but not one day before. Then he hung up on her.
Getting the money wasn't going to help. Her choice was to let testosterone ruin her beautiful body or possibly be disfigured by some dreadful disease. She fell into her pillow and sobbed.
*~*~*
Diego parked in front of Mrs. Raleigh's house. Patrick and Jessica were swinging by their own place first. Diego needed the break. He liked Patrick and they got along ninety percent of the time, but at the moment, he was entrenched in the ten percent. He longed for this week to be over.
Except the parts with Lavender. He wanted her in his life forever. He'd feel better once he saw her again.
Travis and Austin had been playing basketball in the driveway when Diego pulled up, but now Travis was walking towards him, ball in hand. "Know what?"
Austin grabbed the ball. "Shut up."
"You shut it." Travis wrenched the ball from Austin's grasp. "Guess what, Diego? That pretty girl you've been dating isn't a girl at all."
"Shut. Up." Austin grabbed at the ball.
How would taking the ball from Travis make him stop talking?
"Make me." Travis moved the ball each time Austin got near. Finally, he held it over his head, where Austin couldn't reach it. "She's… he's a tranny, a she-male, a chick with a—Ow!"
Austin looked at his fist and back at Travis's bleeding nose. "I said to stop calling her names."
Travis covered his nose. "You tranny-lover!"
He ran inside.
Austin shook his hand and made a quick fist. "I think I broke something." He looked at Diego with wet eyes. He lifted his glasses and pulled his t-shirt over his eyes, wiping them. He used the unhurt hand. "I couldn't just let him call… he's not even talking about your girl, maybe. Mine…"
He swallowed hard. Diego put his hand on Austin's shoulder. What had just happened?
Austin took a shaky breath. "I…" He looked at the house. "Can we sit in your car?"
Diego unlocked it and they got in. "Can you tell me what happened?"
"The girl… the group we met on Saturday. A guy at school. After school… he says that…" Austin let out his breath all at once. "He said… I don't know how to say it."
"That one or more of the girls are transgender?"
Austin nodded.
Now, that put another spin on why Lavender wouldn't let him touch her below the waist.
"The guy at school was pretty harsh about it?"
Austin wrinkled his nose. "He was worse than Travis. Travis had a picture of three of them on his phone. The girl I like and the two flirting with him the most." He took another deep breath. "He—the guy at school—said his brother had tried to go down on Ariel last year and that was when he discovered…"
"That she had some parts he hadn't expected?"
Austin nodded.
"So I texted her and told her that someone at school had talked about her. She knew about what without me even saying. She said it was true, but that she was still a girl and wants me to keep referring to her that way. And I will, because…"
"You still like her."
Austin nodded. "You don't like Lavender any less, do you?"
Lavender was still Lavender, so no, he didn't, but right now his heart that had been shouting his love for her was strangely silent. He wouldn't try to see her tonight. He'd sleep on this information and see what he felt in the morning.
Not seeing her today had been a good thing, or at least not bringing her to Mrs. Raleigh's. She should never have to hear words like that. Or see him when he was like this.
Lavender lay still. Morning couldn't be here. Thursday couldn't have started. Ariel promised she could get her estrogen, but how much estrogen would she need to counter the effects of not having anti-androgens? In her first forays into hormones, she and her mother hadn't heard of testosterone blockers. Enough estrogen to give Lavender breasts and a round figure hadn't been enough to stifle her height or keep her voice from breaking.
But at nineteen, she'd also have to worry about hair and muscles in the wrong places.
Her mother was so far away. If her mother was here, Lavender would lay her head on her mother's lap and cry while her mother stroked her hair and murmured sweet nothings. The pillow just wasn't the same.
Her eyes were crusty, gritty, and disgusting. She pulled her covers over her head.
Vish sang her happy song as she entered the room. Lavender sat up. She could use a little happiness in her life.
Vish stopped in the middle of the chorus. "Flower Blossom, did I wake you?"
Lavender shook her head. "Something good happen?"
Vish smiled brightly. "My man. The one I owe these to." She put her hands under her very full bosom and gazed down lovingly. "He's taking me with him to one of those showbiz bashes. Everyone who's anyone will be there. I'm going to sing. If my music can get in a movie or on a sitcom… We leave tonight and come back Monday."
Lavender's truest friend was leaving her.
"And we won't have anything to interrupt us. No wife, no kids, no phone calls from his parents. He's only taking his work phone. I'm going to show off and be noticed. He says my exotic beauty draws the eye." Vish posed like a model. "You think?"
Vish's talent was what drew the eye and ear.
"But," Vish sat on Lavender's bed. "If you say stay, I'll stay. If you need me, I'll be here."
"Go." Lavender pulled her knees against her chest. "You deserve it."
Vish grinned. "Other men will look at me and wish they'd had the courage, back when I needed an agent and manager, to look past my skin color and see my talent. I'll smile at them and make them want me all the more."
She got to her feet and picked up the song where she'd left off. She packed her very best clothes. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"
Lavender climbed out of bed and grabbed the first clothes she found. "Go have fun."
And then, she showered until she was sure she wouldn't cry.
*~*~*
Diego looked at his phone and took a deep breath. He had to call her, to hear her voice, to spend the day with her. Then he'd know for sure if finding out had made any difference. He didn't think it did. Last night, he'd dreamed of her begging him to enter her and he'd come so hard that he'd woken up.
He loved her. That was what these feelings were. Not for the body he'd assumed she'd had or for the one he'd found out about, but for the way she laughed and her smile and her whole being. Meeting her was like suddenly finding the other half of the pieces to a puzzle. He didn't know yet whether the puzzle was square or oval or rectangle, or what the picture would turn out to be, but he was eager to find out.
Only, the day was still early. He should let her sleep in a little longer.
*~*~*
Lavender spent the morning in front of the mirror trying to recreate Jessica's makeup job. Jessica said eye makeup went on first to keep the shadow from falling and sticking in the foundation. But the eyes came first so Lavender wouldn't ruin the rest of her face when she had to take all the makeup off her left eye twice.
She would need more practice, especially if her anti-androgen shot was going to be two weeks late. But she refused to cry and ruin her makeup.
She put on her foundation, powder, and blush, and then finished off her eyes with mascara. The last step was lipstick. She had to look her best while she still could.
*~*~*
Diego parked in front of Lavender's house. He hadn't called that he was on his way and given her the chance to say she was busy. Once he saw her, he'd know.
*~*~*
Lavender had to escape. She needed fresh air and not to be glared at over breakfast. After Miss Magnolia did something as unforgivable as taking Lavender's journal and hormones, why was Lavender the one getting the nasty looks?