Authors: Grace Greene
This time they shared the moment of silence, but Frannie was warmed by Juli
’s smile.
Juli leaned forward and picked up her water bottle.
“I understand.”
“
You felt uncomfortable in your own skin, too?”
“
No, not that. I felt comfortable as myself. In fact, I was self-reliant. I didn’t need anyone else, until I discovered that I did. I thought I was content as myself, but I never belonged, not anywhere. I could carry it off as if I did belong, but I never felt it inside.”
Juli
’s attention appeared to drift away. She tilted her hand so that the sand cascaded between her fingers. Frannie waited.
As she brushed the last grains from her palm, Juli said,
“I worked all sorts of jobs. I was proud of my independence, but all I was really doing was hiding.”
Frannie said,
“From the first moment I saw you, you seemed to have it all—and to have it all together, too. Perfect family. Perfect life. Loving family and genuine friends. What could you possibly be hiding from?”
“
From people and life. From having to trust, to depend on them.”
“
Because of Frances?”
Juli didn
’t answer. Instead, she shifted the conversation.
“
What about you, Frannie?”
“
I’m hiding, too. Here at the beach.” She shrugged. “There are worse hiding places, right?”
“
No one can fault your choice of hideaway, but you aren’t a hider.” Juli looked away and then back. “You are a pleaser. You try too hard to please everyone.”
“
No, you’re wrong. I always offend people, annoy them.”
“
Remember the old saying? Try to please everyone, and please no one, especially yourself.” She stirred the sand with one finger. “Which, by the way, is not always true. Everyone here likes you very much. The important thing to remember is that people can like you or not. Ultimately, the only thing you can control is yourself and what you give to, and take away from, the exchange.”
They let the words lie there on the sand between them for a few quiet seconds. When Juli broke the silence, her manner was sharper.
“Why do you still live with your mother?”
“
A few years back, I had some trouble in my life and also, I thought she needed me, but it hasn’t been good between us in a very long time.”
“
So you came here?”
“
I came to help my uncle. He asked me to manage his personal property, to keep an eye on things if he ever became ill or incapacitated.”
“
You could’ve done that from Raleigh, right?”
Frannie nodded.
“I could have, but I’ve felt, for as long as I can recall, that I’m waiting for something. I decided to wait here. It’s peaceful here. I can think better.”
“
What are you waiting for?”
She cast about in her brain.
“Waiting for things to be right? For my life to start? Or maybe waiting to be the person I should be. Waiting to feel complete.”
Juli shook her head.
“I don’t understand, after all.”
“
Waiting for what I was missing.”
“
I still don’t understand.”
“
How could you? I didn’t, either. But, finally, I think I do. For years, I awakened in the night to the sound of crying. Dreams or nightmares?” She shrugged. “When I found out about Frances, I thought it was me—the memory of the young me—long forgotten, crying for her mother.”
“
I can see that. It makes sense.”
“
Except now I know better.” She dug her toes deeper into the sand. “When I found out about the second child, the one who was born when I was two, before I was returned to my father—that’s when I understood.” She pulled out her feet and the sand flew. “It’s her cry that I remember.”
She closed her eyes to banish the threatening tears
and then faced Juli. “What about you? How do you feel about the subject we’re tap-dancing around?”
“
You mean Frances?”
Frannie nodded.
“I mean our mother.”
Juli stared intently at her toes
, and Frannie watched her. Their feet were half-covered by warm sand. A seagull loitered nearby, hoping for a tidbit.
Frannie dug her fingers into the sand. Perhaps seeking an anchor? Yes, she was. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer.
What do I do next?
She opened her eyes slowly and caught the glint of the sun catching on a tear as it slid along the curve of Juli
’s cheek. Instinctively, she reached out and touched her shoulder. Juli turned her face away.
“
I’m sorry,” Frannie said.
Juli brushed her hand across her cheek.
“Sorry? For what?”
“
For making you go through this.”
“
No.” She shook her head. “I spent a lot of years telling myself that I was lucky. Lucky that the state took me away from her. That, even though it meant foster homes, still I was warm and my tummy was full. I told myself I was glad she didn’t come back and get me.”
Juli pressed her fingers to her temples.
“Don’t you understand? I came to terms with it and I was okay. More than okay—I made the best of it. I survived and made a life. This is opening the past back up, like a wound that healed. The scar faded, but the injury was never really gone. Now, I have to ask myself why she didn’t come back.
“
Do you understand, Frannie? Why didn’t she come back? Because she couldn’t? Because she… And I was glad she didn’t.
“
I have to ask myself what I didn’t do that I should’ve. Not as a child, but when I became an adult.” Juli paused for a breath. “How did she die? Do you know?”
“
The death certificate says pneumonia, but what that means, I don’t know. Pneumonia could be the result of something else.” She took a breath and held it and then released it slowly. “I have reason to believe she was ill for some period of time before she died.” She added, “I’m going to Edenton. That’s where she’s buried.”
Juli gasped and shook her head.
“I can’t go. I have responsibilities.”
“
I understand. I didn’t know if you’d want to go, but I wanted to tell you, in case.”
“
No, really. I have to consider Danny and Luke. I mean, even if this is all true… I’d go if I could. I can’t.”
“
Not a problem.”
Neither had yet uttered the word,
‘sister’, and it seemed almost anticlimactic to do so. Sort of stating the obvious. All of the fun stuff like figuring out how they were alike would be in the future, hopefully.
“
I’ll give you a chance to get used to this.” Frannie stood up and dusted off the seat of her pants. Some part of her hoped that Juli would stop her, would want to discuss it more now, but she didn’t. She continued huddling over her knees, as if she were grieving. Which, Frannie thought, she probably was. Finally, after all these years, Juli was officially grieving the loss of her mother.
“
Frannie!”
She heard a voice in the
distance, hard to hear with the ocean close at hand. She looked up and down the beach trying to discover who was yelling.
“
Frannie!”
The crossover. A woman stood there, her arm raised, doing the queenly wave.
“Laurel.” She groaned. “I’d better go speak with her or she’ll come down here and get her heels mired in the sand.” She added under her breath. “It would serve her right.”
She remembered the paper in her shirt pocket. She held it out to Juli.
“I want you to have this. It may be the last letter Frances wrote. It was to her mother and father-in-law. Our grandparents. They were in a car accident shortly before she mailed it. They never received it and she probably never knew.”
Without turning her head, Juli
accepted the letter. She stood, brushing sand from her hands.
“
One more thing. If Dad was still alive, he’d be devastated to discover he had a daughter he didn’t know about. He would be delighted too. He would’ve loved you and you would’ve loved him. We would all have been the better for it—having you as part of the family. He wouldn’t have let Laurel get away with what she did, and I won’t either.”
Juli stopped her.
“Wait a minute. Don’t be hasty. She might’ve made mistakes, but she’s still your mother. She brought you up. She cared about you. You can’t throw that away.”
“
You say that because you don’t know what she’s done to me, nor what she did to you.”
“
What did she do to me?”
Frannie looked down.
“I wasn’t going to tell you this.” She swallowed, wishing she hadn’t walked herself into this corner. “Frances brought you to the house. I think you were about five. I wasn’t there, nor was Dad. Frances asked to see Dad and Laurel sent her away. She let Frances believe Dad would contact her, but she never told him.”
She squeezed Juli
’s hand. “I found this out very recently, but don’t worry, she’ll be sorry.”
She started to step away. Juli spoke her name softly,
“Frannie.”
Frannie stopped again, almost annoyed. She was ready to deal with Laurel. Now.
Juli said, “You’ve been to church. My church and I’m sure other churches.”
“
Yes, with Laurel, and for all the wrong reasons, so don’t give her any credit for that.”
Juli shook her head. Her eyes were stern, but her voice was gentle and persistent.
“You know the Lord said vengeance belongs to Him.”
Bitterness rose in her throat. It tasted of bile. She touched her stomach, asking it to stay quiet while she did what she had to do. She struggled to keep frustration out of her voice.
“Are you kidding me? Let’s just say this is an instance of helping oneself. I’m cutting her out of my life.”
“
Maybe. What I’m saying is you can only control yourself. Make the decision to rejoice when things are happy, be patient when things are bad, and find your answers in prayer. You’ll be amazed at how different the world will look to you, it will even feel different, when you find that peace within yourself.”
She didn
’t want to hurt Juli and their brand new relationship, but this was ridiculous. This was the real world. She pulled away.
Juli looked at her with those deep blue eyes so like her father
’s that it struck into Frannie’s heart like the point of knife. She breathed in and the air felt ragged coming into her lungs.
“
Before you deal with your mother, promise me you’ll read
Romans 12:12
. It’s saved me more than once. Please.”
“
Juli, I wish I could, but this has to be done. You don’t understand.”
“
I understand that harboring bitterness and anger is like poison in your body. You have to let go of it or it will destroy you.”
“
You aren’t telling me anything I don’t already know. That’s why I have to deal with it right now, once and for all. Will you wait for me here?”
She left Juli standing on the beach. She was ready
to deal with Laurel. She crossed the sand and walked up the steps to the crossover.
Laurel
’s eyes ran the length of the colorful Capri pants covering Frannie’s legs before stopping on her bare, sandy feet.
“
You look like you’ve settled in here.” Her tone sounded ambiguous, but her face was flushed.
Frannie figured Brian
’s words were still ringing in her ears, and Laurel was probably wondering how much he’d told her. She saw no point in dragging it out.
“
You sabotaged me. You did it before, too, didn’t you? You drove wedges between me and my boyfriends and my other friends, then played games with my sanity. To drive me to return home? Why?”
Laurel looked up the beach and down. She settled her gaze on
the dunes beside the crossover. “This isn’t the place for that conversation.”
“
Shall we go in the house? Shall I make us a cup of tea? I’ve even got some of those special cookies you like so much. Is that what you’d like?”
As
Laurel opened her mouth to respond, Frannie cut her off.
“
In case you thought I was serious, understand we won’t be doing that. Not now and never again. What I really don’t get is why you worked so hard to make sure I didn’t have my own life, didn’t marry, and yet did your best to get Joel and me together. Why?”
Laurel
’s lower lip trembled. She lowered her voice. “So disrespectful. I never expected this of you, Frannie. I never wanted to hurt you. I was always there for you.”