BEAST (2 page)

She knew that he lingered, hoping that she
would
invite him in
;
into her home, into her bed, back into her life
,
but he’d honestly hurt her too bad for her to forgive him. And she’d taken her belongings and closed the door after a brief thank you. She
ha
d been strong that day
. S
he didn’t know if she
would be as
strong the next time.

“Hello?” She said breathlessly as she’d had to hurry into her pants and
then
to the phone.

“Ash?
Are you exercising?”

It was Lance.
“Hell no!”

“Well why are you breathing so hard?”

“Um…so I can live.”  He laughed. “Pretty
In
Pink is coming on at eight-”

She squealed.
“Pretty In Pink!”

“Yep, I’m coming over with a pizza-”

“I already got PF Chang
’
s! But not enough for you,” she added. “So you better eat before you come over…and maybe pick up some ice cream to go with this cheesecake.”

“Mmm. Cheesecake.
I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Is Kendra coming?”

“You know she’s not going to watch a John Hughes movie. I don’t think she watched a John Hughes movie when she was sixteen!” 

True. And it was cool with just her and Lance because he was like her little sister… well if she had a white sister with a penis.

Everyone always made fun of her for being a grown woman that would drop everything to watch Sixteen Candles or The Breakfast Club and her personal favorite Some Kind of Wonderful. She always wished that she was the star of a John Hughes movie because then she would always have a happy ending. There would be some achingly handsome guy holding a boom box above his head right outside her window, or the school jock would dump the cheerleader girlfriend for her.  But in reality the cheerleader always got the man.

Several hours later, the two friends were listening to the music playing at the ending credits and contemplating the nature of life through the eyes of a sixteen year old. Lance always took the most comfortable seat; the chaise while she flopped down on the couch. He had brought pizza anyways and her stomach was making strange sounds since she couldn’t help herself when she grabbed a few slices
even though she was bursting from the PF Chang’s
.

“God,” he groaned. “I can’t believe she didn’t choose Ducky.”

“I know. Why couldn’t she see that they were so perfect together?! Blaine was such an asshole.”

“Yeah, he threw her to the wolves and then had the nerves to show up at the prom with that bad wig trying to look pitiful.”

Ashleigh chuckled. “Yeah…that wasn’t a convincing wig.  And Andie just caves in and takes him back.” She got up and carried their trash into the kitchen. Lance helped her.

“Well you know why that is.” He said.

“Why? He had a big penis?”

Lance hesitated. “No. Blaine doesn’t have the big penis, Ducky does. But Andie will never know that because she was too wrapped up in the fact that he has money and popularity, something she secretly wants but can never have.”

“Shallow bitch.”

“Aren’t we all? I read a list stating the top five reasons why a person that has never married is single. Number five said it’s because you’re just not good enough.”

“Ouch. That’s harsh.”

“But true.” He leaned against the counter still holding an empty diet coke can. “Think about this, we’re single because we aren’t looking for partners that are our equals. We’re looking for somebody
better
than us; more money, better looking,
yada
yada
yada
.”

She nodded conceding to that one. “And number four?”

He scratched his neatly trimmed chin hair.  “I think number four is you’re selfish, number three is you’re a slut, number two—”

Ashleigh held up her hand to halt him.
“A slut?
How does that factor in to not being married?”

“Because you are giving the goodies away instead of holding it for ransom.”
They both had to burst out laughing at that one.

“Okay and what is number two?”

“Two is you’re shallow; which we both determined was accurate and the number one reason for not being married…is because you’re a bitch.”

“Really?”
Ashleigh crinkled her nose. “I don’t know if that’s true.”

“Oh…Ashleigh,” he nodded his head with a grin. “You’ve been a bitch before. We all have. Remember when the heating and cooling guy couldn’t get the thermostat to work in the office and-”

She blushed. “Yeah yeah, I remember!” She sighed. “You know what? I think that list is actually pretty true.” She looked at him and her eyes shined a little too brightly with something that looked like unshed tears. She tried to offer a smile, albeit a shaky one. “But I still would have chosen Ducky over Blaine!”

Lance smiled softly and hugged her.

~***~

Ashleigh wore a cream pantsuit that cost
almost as much as her car payment, b
ut she looked great in it. Big women that wanted to also be stylish knew the secrets for hiding the added pounds. It was all in the cut of the jacket that cinched her waist, hid her belly and showcased her cleavage where her low-cut blouse showcased her ‘crowning glory.’ She wore heels that matched the earth tones of the blouse and big loopy earrings.

As she hurried into the restaurant, already a few minutes late, she knew she looked good but felt far from confident. Pretty face/fat body.  It was just a matter of preference whether someone would like her or not. It made her feel ill
that she
found herself
pray
ing
for some
complete stranger that she’d never
before met to like her.

Lance spotted her first as she entered the dimly lit club and he waved her over to where they were waiting just inside the main entrance. Her eyes didn’t know what to take in first. Certainly she’d seen her friends dressed for a night out on the town, but Lance and Kendra both looked really hot and sophisticated, not to mention Kendra’s husband Jeffery. He was an athlete turned business owner. He had several properties that he rented out for commercial use. He and Kendra both had deep mocha complexions with exotic looks like they’d come over from the Caribbean. Lance was extremely good-looking and never had trouble getting men…just keeping them.

But her eyes were riveted to the two men that watched her approach. Her eyes met those of a man so gorgeous that he almost made DeAngelo look like dog food. Kendra knew just what she liked. He had to have been over six feet with muscles that were evident even beneath his expensive yet casual jacket. He was dark; so dark that she could only think of midnight and when he smiled he had a dimple just like…

She smiled back. Her friends greeted her enthusiastically and she apologized for being late all while never removing her eyes from the sight of Mr. Wonderful.

Kendra smiled broadly. “Let me do the introductions again.” She gripped Ashleigh’s arm in a strangely possessive manner.

“Ashleigh, meet Ivan.”  But Kendra was not looking at Mr. Wonderful. Ashleigh’s eyes landed on the person that Kendra was gesturing to. Well…he wasn’t tall. This new man
;
Mr. Not-so-wonderful was…different.

Ashleigh plastered on a smile and held out her hand. Ivan was probably a bit over 5’10” and was almost as light-skinned as she was. He wasn’t bad looking with a neatly shaved face and reddish brown hair that had a nice curly texture—either due to
mother
nature
or a visit to a hair salon. Ivan had light brown eyes and a few freckles on hi
s face; a black man with freckles
and big Bugs Bunny Teeth.

“Nice to meet you
,
Ivan.”
He took her hand and shook it while giving her a pleasant smile.

“I heard a lot about you, Ashleigh. I’m happy to fi
nally meet you,” h
e said.

All Ashleigh could think is that they looked like the numb
er 10 standing together. He was
thin. Could he even do the things in bed that—?

She put that thought out of her mi
nd. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“Ivan is a d
octo
r of pediatrics at General Hospital,”
Kendra said while giving her a meaningful look. Kendra smiled awkwardly before glancing at the other man
and then in
troduced him quickly as a new Rookie recruit for the Bengals.

Ashleigh almost collapsed. Lance gave her a discreetly apologetic look before Mr. Wonderful place
d
his hand on the small of Lance’s back and led him into the club. She almost groaned in disappointment before giving Ivan another smile.

Later, in the restroom, Kendra began talking even though Ashleigh hadn’t said a negative word. “I chose Ivan for you because you both have so much in common. You both like sappy romance movies and he likes his women…large.”

Ashleigh hid her discomfort.

“And, girl, he’s a DOCTOR. He’s never been married and he’s a really good guy.”

Ashleigh bit her lip. “But…don’t you have another friend that looks like Rick? I mean…I think he’s really attractive.”

Kendra hesitated. “But Rick’s gay.”

“I get that.  But I’m talking about another friend.”

Ashleigh thought she caught the shadow of a grimace on her friend’s pretty face. “Ashleigh…when I hook you up with a friend…”  Kendra seemed to search her mind, “I have to make sure that the attraction is a two-way street-”

“Oh.” Ashleigh said in realization and her cheeks flamed.

“No no
no
! You know I think you’re beautiful. I mean, you have a gorgeous face and Ivan is really taken with you.  But, you know…I have to make sure the guy is into big girls because I would never want to put you out there like that.”

Ashleigh smiled and nodded. “It’s fine.”

Kendra closed her eyes and when she opened them she placed her hand on her friend’s shoulders. “Ashleigh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that to sound the way it did. Match making isn’t easy. It is a two
-
way street. But if you’re not attracted to Ivan…”

“Ivan is perfectly okay. It’s just—”

“You’re more attracted to Rick.”

“Guys like Rick.” Ashleigh swiped at the wetness that had crept beneath her eyes as she chuckled to herself. “I know that gu
ys that look like Rick want girls
that l
ook like you—and
bitch, if you say that I have a pretty face one more time I actually will cut you!” Kendra looked down in embarrassment and
then
they both laughed.

“Ivan is perfectly alright. I enjoy talking to him-”

Kendra was already shaking her head. “But he’s not right for you. Ashleigh, my friend, you are through with settling. Do you hear me?”

Ashleigh nodded.
I am not good enough. I am a selfish, shallow, slut, bitch.

CHAPTER 2

In the sub-basement of the F
ederal
B
uilding where Ashleigh, Kendra and Lance worked
,
is a tunnel system used to transport prisoners from the Federal Courthouse that sat directly across the street
,
to the Justice Center. She wasn’t exactly sure why the sub-basement went beneath the street and why the transportation of prisoners had anything to do with their building but for these questions there were no answers. All Ashleigh knew is that the gym was also located in the sub-basement.