Beat (The Beat and The Pulse #1) (13 page)

I wasn't working the
next day and neither was Seth, so I texted him to ask if he would meet me later
that night. When he texted back a half hour later with a yes, I was relieved. I
owed him an explanation for my awkward behavior. I mean, I couldn't be that
kind of woman. The one who used and led people on.

Ash didn't turn up at
Beat that day, either. The Twins were well into training for the day with Dad,
and Monica was in the kitchen planning a new set of meals. No one had mentioned
yesterday's incident, the most I'd gotten was an FYI from Dad that the glazier
was coming to put in a new bank of mirrors on Monday morning. If he wasn't
there, I was supposed to let him in.

Monica was fuming at
me for yesterday, but that was nothing new. Her, Dad, all the stuff with Mum
and me being left to care for her...well, that baggage was still around, but
nobody had the time or will to deal with it. That was another festering wound
that would probably blow up one day.

I'd been grudgingly
accepted at Beat and I wasn't sure when that had happened. Was it acceptance or
resignation? Who knew, right? I still wanted to keep saving so I could get my
own place, but I wasn't so sure getting away from Ash was as high on the list
as it used to be.

I snuck out at six to
meet Seth at a pub called The Retreat, which was a few blocks away on Sydney
Road. It was this haphazard place, like bits and pieces of different buildings
had been collected and stuck together with gaffer tape. It looked like the
inside of someone's house rather than a pub and the beer garden looked like a
typical Aussie backyard. All mismatched garden furniture, green lawn,
sans-garden, complete with a Hills Hoist clothesline.

That's where I found
Seth, who was sitting on a deck chair, nursing a beer in his hand. The sun was
setting, the sky blazing with a thousand shades of orange.

“Hey,” I said,
standing next to him.

Seth glanced up and
when he saw it was me, he frowned. “Hey.”

I pulled up a free
chair and sat next to him. “Look, about the other night…”

“It’s okay Ren,” he
interrupted. “I understand.”

“It’s not that I
don’t like you. I really do, it’s just-”

“You don’t feel that
thing?”

“Will you stop
interrupting me?” I scolded playfully, trying to dial down the awkward. “I
really like you, but I don’t think there’s more to us than friends.”

He took a long
draught of beer and I raised my eyebrows.

“You'll have to give
me a sec, Ren,” he said. “My pride is hurt.”

I nodded at his
almost empty glass. “Can I get you another?”

“No, that's okay. I
think I'll call it a night.”

“But I just got
here,” I complained.

“Sorry Ren.” He
shrugged and I got the distinct feeling that I was losing him.

“Seth...”

He drained the last
of his beer and slid the empty onto a nearby table. “I'll walk you to the tram
stop.”

“Um,” I hesitated. “I
kinda live at Beat.”

Seth paused, staring
at me in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I didn't mention it
before because it's bloody embarrassing,” I said, burying my face in my hands.
“You know I don't really know my Dad.” He nodded, because I'd told him as much
on our date. “Well, his new family hates my guts. I'm not welcome to stay with
him and I can't afford to get my own place...”

“So you live at Beat?”
Seth finished for me.

“In the closet like
fucking Cinderella.”

“Shit, now I
understand why you're always there.”

I frowned at him, not
understanding why he wasn't laughing or saying something nasty about my
sleeping arrangements.

“What?” he asked getting
out of his deck chair. “As long as your Dad doesn't make you pay rent, is it
that bad? The location is pretty great.”

I started laughing,
relief washing over me. We were still us, friends.

Seth held out his
hand. “I'll walk you home then?”

I took his hand and
he hauled me up. “Sure.”

We escaped the throng
of Saturday night drunkards that had clogged up the pub and wandered back
toward the studio.

“You didn't tell
Josie about it, did you?” Seth asked as we crossed the street at the traffic
lights.

“No,” I said with a
laugh. “We'd never live it down.”

“What's the word for
that?” Seth asked with a grin.

“Busybody?”

“Yeah, that.”

“Good description,” I
said, the bounce coming back to my step. “She should be one of those dating
consultants. You know, help desperate singles find each other.”

“Yeah, she'd be great
at that. How is she, anyway?”

“I've been pretty
busy lately, so I've only seen her at the coffee shop,” I replied. “You know
you guys were the first friends I made here, right?”

“Really?” Seth asked,
his brow furrowing. “You seem like the kind of person who'd have a ton of
friends.”

“Me?” I asked with a
laugh. “Hardly.”

“I don't believe it.”
He gave me a playful wink. “You're beautiful, talented...”

“Oh, shut up,” I
exclaimed.

He held up his hands in
mock defense. “True story.”

“Let's not let that
silly date ruin our friendship, hey?” I asked, bumping my shoulder against his.

“What date?” We
stopped out the front of Beat and he smiled down at me. “See you at work
Monday?”

I nodded, a smile
spreading across my face. “I'll be there.”

Chapter 23

Ren

I watched Seth walk
away and disappear into the darkness.

I felt a little
guilty. Okay, I felt a lot guilty. I’d used him to try and erase the pain that
Ash had inflicted and he didn’t deserve that. Seth was a good guy, I just
didn’t feel that way about him. I wished I did because it would make things a
hell of a lot easier, but that’s the thing about life. It was never easy, not
for the bottom dwellers.

With a sigh, I
unlocked the door to the studio and punched the alarm code into the keypad just
inside. Why did there have to be such a push from society to have a boyfriend?
It wasn’t like I was desperate to start a franchise, popping out kids and all.
I wasn’t sure I even wanted that after the fantastic experiences I had with
family dynamics growing up. Locking the door, I turned and had a miniature
heart attack when I almost smacked into Ash.

“Shit. Fuck. Ass,” I
spat at him, clutching my chest.

“How was your date
with the pansy man?” he asked sullenly. He was fully clothed, bare feet, the
hood on his hoodie half hanging off his head, hair all mussed up, hands jammed
in the pockets. He looked like an angsty teenager in the middle of a temper
tantrum.

“What, are you fucking
jealous?” I scoffed, shoving past him. “Give me a fucking break.”

“Yes.”

I stopped mid-step,
my heart twisting even further. More fucking games. Anger rose sharp in my
stomach, burning through all my nerve endings. Fuck him.
Fuck
.
Him
.

Spinning on my heel,
I slapped him hard, my palm connecting with his cheek with a sharp crack that
echoed through the empty studio. His head didn’t move an inch, but he stared at
me in surprise, green eyes darkening.

“It's so easy for
you,” I said, clenching my jaw.

Ash stepped closer,
his green eyes blazing. “I'm good at fighting, but it’s never been easy, Ren.
I've got issues. You saw me the other day. The wrong kind of people know
exactly what buttons to press and how hard.” He shook his head, running a hand
over his face. “There's always some fuck wanting to bring me down. Everyone
wants to be on top, but it's just as hard as being on the bottom.”

His scent washed over
me and I began to shake. Why did he have to smell so good? All spice and male
sweat. Pheromone drenched.

“I'm not good for
you, Ren.”

“Don't-”

“You saw me lose it.
You should never have had to-”

I pressed my fingers
over his lips. He stared at me in surprise, his green eyes searching mine.

“We've all got
problems,” I said. “You don't think I've got more than my fair share?”

Fingers curled around
my wrist. “It's not about me, Ren.”

“No, it's not. It's
about us together and fuck everyone else.”

“What about the guy?”

“Didn't work out.”

“Already?”

“There's someone
else.”

His hand fell away,
hanging limply by his side. His forehead creased into a frown like he was
wagering some internal battle and all I could think about was how much I wanted
to kiss him. I hated him for pushing me away again and again, but I missed his
arms around me as we slept. I missed his selfish stolen kisses. I missed
him
.

“Don't you see?” I
whispered. I cupped his face in my hands, imploring him to understand. I didn't
care about his problems or mine. Together we were better. I needed him and
fucking scary as it was, my body needed him like flowers needed the sun to
survive. I was desperate for his touch, for the release only he could give me.

We'd unconsciously
moved closer, our bodies pressing together, our lips a breath apart. I felt his
entire length and the sudden awareness shivered through me.

Ash moaned softly and
thrust his hands into my hair, smashing his lips against mine. His tongue dove
wet and hot into my mouth and I sighed into him, taking everything he gave.
We'd kissed so many times that I thought I knew every part of him. The feel of
his tongue as it danced with mine, his teeth as he bit my bottom lip, his
addictive taste, but this was different. All this time he'd been chasing some
kind of solace, but now? Now, his kiss was full of pleasure...and a
possessiveness that threw all coherency out the window.

“If I give you this,”
he murmured against my mouth. “If I give you it...if I taste you. I can't-” He
stumbled over his words and my eyes opened. Ash lost for words,
vulnerable
,
was a little frightening.

“Can't what?”

“Let you go.”

We stared into each
others eyes for what felt like an eternity. I understood the meaning behind his
words, how hard it was for him to admit it. He had problems, but so did I. I
was still willing to go all in, no matter the consequences. My entire body hummed
with
him, not
for
. We were in tune.

“I'm not letting you
go either,” I whispered.

Then we were a mess
of hands, tongues, lips, falling to the mat, entwining with each other. He was
so heavy, but I didn’t care. I wanted to feel him press over me, into me, I
wanted to feel his body completely. Hands brushed over my breasts, my nipples
aching to be free and sucked. Who was Ren? She was gone, she’d vacated the
building and all that was left was what was about to happen. I was about to get
what I’d lusted after for weeks and weeks.

Don’t
stop
.
Never stop
.

Moisture dripped
between my legs, soaking into my knickers as Ash’s hand slipped into the front
of my shorts against my skin. I bucked into him as he circled my clit once,
before plunging further, feeling what he did to me. His eyes widened as he
hissed, spreading my arousal with a thick finger.

“Ren,” he murmured.
“Fuck it to hell. Fuck it all-”

His mouth crashed
into mine and his tongue demanded access, greedily thrusting against mine. I
opened up to him, angling to the side so he could lick deeper and take
everything from me in one swoop.

He slipped a finger
inside my pussy, exploring my depths and I moaned into him. What was mine, was
his.

Take
it, take me
.

He pulled his hand
away and I whimpered, but he yanked my top up and off in one fluid motion. The
clasp on my bra snapped open and air kissed my bare skin. Then his mouth was on
my breasts, sucking and licking at my nipples. I fisted my hands into his hair,
holding him in place, digging my nails into his scalp. His mouth moved lower,
licking my cleavage and descending down, down into the danger zone.

He was gone for a
split second, ripping off his hoodie and T-shirt, before his hands tugged my
shorts and knickers off in one go. My boots came off at some stage, but I was
too far gone to notice little things like clothing.

“Fuck, Ren. Fuck.”
Ash’s gaze was raking up and down my naked body, zeroing in on that place
between my legs, the one I wanted him to touch so badly.

“Touch me. Ash,” I
breathed. “Don’t stop.”

His gaze met mine for
a split second, and it was full of fire, lust, pain, need and 
everything
all at once. Big hands slid along my inner thighs, pressing my legs apart
and he lowered closer and closer to the sweet spot, making me tingle in
anticipation.

Abruptly, Ash’s
tongue rasped the length of my pussy before his mouth clamped over my clit and
sucked. Arching my back, I thrusted my hips up, wanting more pressure. A hand
circled around my thighs, forcing me back down onto the mat and held me in
place with a strength that was overpowering.

A finger stroked my
length before dipping inside, circling as his tongue worked my clit and I
moaned loudly. He started murmuring something into my pussy, but I couldn’t
understand. All it did was vibrate through my sensitive skin and push me closer
to the edge. Then he was thrusting another thick finger in with the first,
rubbing me from the inside out.

“Ash,” I cried out at
the sudden spike of pleasure. “
Harder
.”

“You want more?” he
asked, tearing his mouth away from my clit.

“Yes. I need…I need…”

“You need what?”

He pulled his fingers
out of my opening and the emptiness filled me with nothing but panic. “Don’t
leave me,” I cried out, trying to sit up, but he pressed his palms on my
shoulders.

“I’m not going
anywhere, Spitfire,” he growled.

Spitfire?

Flipping me on my
stomach, Ash urged my hips up and I followed, sticking my ass up in the air.
Like I’d fantasized that first night we’d almost kissed, the one where he’d
pushed me away. The one where all this had first started. We were never going
to be ordinary. Missionary was for all those other boring people. No, Ash and
I? We were anything but and he wasn’t going anywhere.

Glancing over my
shoulder as he shoved off his shorts, I almost spontaneously combusted there
and then. God, his cock. I never understood how women could wax poetic about a
dick, but...fuck. Ash's cock stood firm and proud and beautiful, beads of
pre-come glistening his tip and I resisted the urge to twist back and lick it
off like whipped cream.

“Are you on
anything?” he groaned, fisting the base of his cock and rubbing in between my
ass cheeks.

I nodded once before
he positioned himself and thrust hard. I was so wet he glided in seamlessly,
sliding home like he was meant to be there. Like my pussy was made for his
cock. He fit so snugly, I moaned some garbled expletive as I took all of him so
fucking deep.

“Fuck.” His fingers
trembled against my skin as he held firm inside me. “Tight fucking cunt.
Fucking beautiful.”

He pulled out slowly
before thrusting hard again, our skin slapping together, my breasts jolting.
Crying out, I almost lost my balance, elbows buckling.

“Stay with me, Ren,”
Ash grunted. “Once I start fucking your sweet little cunt, I'm not stopping.”

I should've been
mortified that he had me on my knees, ass in the air, his hulking body mounting
me like an animal, saying all kinds of explicit things, saying the forbidden
c-word, but it awoke something in me I didn't think existed in the real world.
Lust, desire...eroticism. Once, these were just words in a dictionary, stories
in a book, but now I knew they were real and I wanted them. I wanted them from
Ash.

Folding his body over
mine, he sucked on my shoulder blade so hard the skin began to bloom as it
bruised, but all I could feel was his cock as he began fucking me in long
strokes. A big hand closed over a breast as the other anchored his bulk on the
mat. I was completely at his mercy as he fondled me, first one breast, then the
other, before moving across my stomach to my clit. He possessed me with such
unashamed
 desire,
it made me come apart at the seams.

“Look at that,” he
growled into my ear, his back pressing into mine.

Turning my head, I
saw our reflection in the mirror and gasped. His huge, hulking body was over
mine, his ass flexing as he stroked his cock in my pussy, while my tits swayed
back and forth. The sight of Ash taking me from behind was shattering. I didn't
want it to end. Nobody had ever given me what I wanted during sex. I craved to
be slapped, fucked and bitten. I wanted to be fucked from behind, against a
wall, on my knees, on my back, bent over and
taken
. Did he know this was
what I needed? If not, I better fucking tell him.

“Harder,” I panted,
sweat dripping from my forehead. “I want to watch you fuck me harder. I want to
feel your cock pound into me. Fuck me.
Fuck
.
Me
.”

With a growl, Ash
straightened up, slapping me on the ass, my skin blooming with a million sharp
needles before he palmed the tender spot, soothing.

“Ren,” he moaned, not
slowing his onslaught on my pussy. “I can give you hard. I can give you
whatever you want.”

His hands gripped my
hips as I thrust back into him. He guided my pussy over his cock, our skin
slapping as we joined together over and over. My gaze never left the mirror,
watching him fuck me, possess me, make me feel something other than abandoned.
He filled me with more than his cock, he gave me more than the orgasm that was
building inside me...the orgasm that was building too fast. I was close, so
fucking close to getting what I wanted from him so desperately. Sweet, fucking,
release
.

“Fuck, Ren,” Ash
grunted, his fingers finding my clit and rubbing. The motion tipped me over the
edge and my pussy convulsed around his cock as my orgasm hit, making my elbows
buckle.

I panted his name as
he slammed harder and harder into me, the only thing keeping me upright his
hands on my hips. My muscles tightened, urging him to fall with me.
Fall with
me
.

Finally, Ash moaned
loudly as his release spurted, fingers digging into my hips. I felt his cum
erupt hot and hard and I convulsed, spots blurring my vision. Sweet fucking
hell. This orgasm was breaking me. I was his. I was so fucking his I almost
hated him.