Beat (The Beat and The Pulse #1) (19 page)

I leaned my head
against the brick wall of the building next door, squeezing my eyes shut. I had
nowhere to run to.

“Ren?”

I didn’t expect to
hear Ash’s voice. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting after
that
.
I was the one who dished out the comfort. I didn’t need any help. I didn’t
need-

He threw his arms
around me, pulling me roughly into his bare chest. He’d chased after me in
nothing but his shorts.

“Why-”

He didn’t give me a
chance to finish my stupid question.

“Because you had the
guts to face me at my worst,” he declared. “If I’m meant to have a fuckin’
heart or some shit, then aren’t I supposed to come after you?”

“Typical bloody man,”
I grumbled, trying desperately to stick my heart back together so he wouldn’t
see me lose it…except he already had.

“What was that
about?” he murmured.

“He knows, Ash. He
knows what we do.”

“I figured,” he
replied, making me look up at him. “He knows me too well. I had to be getting
all that cash someplace. Nobody wants to touch me after…” He trailed off. “He’s
just worried about you, Ren.”

“
Now
?” I
clutched at Ash’s waist, but he was all muscle. There wasn’t anything to grab
onto but the hem of his shorts.

“I wish there was a
way to go back,” he murmured, brushing a tear from my cheek.

I drew in a shaky
breath, staring into Ash’s green eyes. They were bright today and I was
thankful. I liked when his eyes were clear. He was a little hearts and flowers
when they were like that.

“I know this question
makes me an asshole, but do you want to talk about it?”

Talk about it? Talk
about Mum and all those years in and out of hospitals and the near death
experiences? How can you talk about watching the life slip from someone’s eyes?
How do you explain the hollowness at being all alone in the world? Was there
even a word for that? There wasn’t.

“There’s nothing to
talk about.”

Ash frowned at me,
probably wondering how far he could push me before I snapped. Funny how
suddenly our roles were reversed. It seemed like yesterday that I was thinking
the exact same thing about him. We’d both had our mini-breakdowns and both
times it was each other that chased the darkness away.

I’d asked him to
trust me so many times and so had he, but neither of us had come clean about
the things that had hurt us. What was trust when I couldn’t even give mine to
him?

“I held her as she
died,” I sobbed, falling against his chest. “He wasn’t even there.”

“I know,” he
murmured, rubbing my back.

“And he thinks now is
a good time to lay down the law?”

“You’re your own
woman, Spitfire,” Ash murmured into my hair. “You want to fight, then you
fuckin’ fight.”

“You’re not-”

“I reckon you won
that argument the moment you went back for round fuckin’ two,” he growled.

“Ash...” I sighed,
rubbing my hands over his abs.

“Fuck, this is the
longest relationship I’ve ever been in, so cut me a bit of slack,” he said.

“Ditto.”

I didn’t have to look
at him to know he was grinding his teeth again, but I pulled away and shoved
him back toward the door of Beat.

“Get inside,” I said,
trying to smile. “You’re ninety five percent naked and I don’t want anyone
ogling you but me.”

His lips curved into
a grin and he reached for my hand.

Ash’d calmed me down
for now, but I still felt the anger simmering in my pores, waiting for the
chance to be set free again. I understood him more than he knew. More than I’d
ever be willing to let him know.

Anger was dangerous and
mine was growing faster than I could control. I needed to fight now more than
ever.

Ash and I were the
same.

I started to join Ash
and the Twins at meal times. It seemed like the thing to do now that all my
time was taken up pursuing other things.

Monica made it her
duty not to serve me until Dad came in and told her to. I was happy to get my
own, but she guarded the stove like a bloody Doberman.

Everyone knew
something suss was going on and nobody had the guts to ask me about it. They
knew I was wrapped up in whatever Ash was and the Twins had been extremely
vocal about me staying away from whatever it was. Because obviously it had to
be bad. They didn’t know how spot on they were. My entire life I never had a
leash, but the moment I turned up at Beat I had three of them. The fourth was
my father, but his was still pretty loose. All bark and no bite.

I’d had a partial
burst of anger that afternoon at my Dad, but I was still a walking time bomb.
I’d let out a little, but had yet to go full nuclear. As Monica pranced around
the kitchen like a tart, I knew she was trying to press any button she could.
Was this her game plan? Was this the moment she was waiting for or had I just
given her a key to the side door?

I glared at her as
she leaned over Ash, her tits brushing against his shoulder as she made a show
of serving him up a plate full of bland pasta. He was sitting opposite, so I
got the entire uninterrupted view. Then she went around to the Twins and served
them, not nearly as touchy feely. When she came around to me, she dumped the
dregs onto my plate, splashing hot water and slimy pasta everywhere.

Once she’d put the
pot into the dishwasher, she passed Ash again and rubbed her slimy hands over
his shoulders, making my eyebrows knit together. I thought I’d had it bad that
first night at The Underground when those fake women tried to rub up against
him, but it had nothing on seeing my bitch of a sister try it on. The only
thing that stopped me from getting up out of my seat and slamming her head into
the fridge, was the look on Ash’s face.

It was tight with
restrained annoyance and when he caught my gaze he shook his head slightly.

She was just doing it
to get a rise out of me.

I glanced at Dean,
whose fist was curled around his fork so tight it was a wonder the thing hadn’t
bent in half. Monica was such a stupid bitch. She didn’t deserve anyone, let
alone the Twin who secretly pined after her. What the fuck was that about?

I kicked Dean under
the table and his gaze snapped to mine. Yeah, I wasn’t happy about it either.
When class was done and the lights snapped off that night, I was going to train
until I fell flat on my ass.

Ash caught my eye and
it was like he could read my thoughts. He shook his head again.

I beat up two guys a
lot bigger than myself that night. The instructor was impressed, but the men
I’d downed weren’t as enthusiastic. As they all left for the night, the piss
was taken out of them ruthlessly by the others. And me? I was blind to it all,
well and truly walking around in a haze of
red
.

Ash locked the door
to Beat that night in an attempt to cage me in.

“No Underground?” I
asked, flexing my fingers before curling them into tight fists.

“No. I’ve fought my
quota for the week,” he said darkly. “We’re staying here tonight.”

“Is that an order?” I
asked, my eyebrows rising defiantly.

“A friendly
suggestion.”

I snorted at the
irony. It sounded anything but friendly. “You love being the fucking alpha,
don’t you?”

“Love?” he asked,
grinding his jaw. “I am the alpha, Spitfire. I’m done trying to play nice.”

“Fuck you.”

“You need to take a
beat, Ren.”

“I need to get this
out,” I exclaimed, gesturing wildly. “You understand? Of course you do.”

“If you keep using
your anger like this it'll destroy you.”

“How the fuck do you
know?” I asked, seething.

“It’s what got me
kicked out of pro,” he replied, his voice tight.

I knew that one, but
he’d never found it in himself to tell me all the circumstances. His answer
seemed kind of hollow. Snorting, I turned back to the bag getting ready to
start about a million sets. When I finished those, I’d start again. Burn it
away with my fists.

“It could get you
hurt,” Ash added. “If you go into a fight with a fucked up head you start to
take stupid risks. You can’t take risks there, Ren.”

“Every day is a
risk,” I said, turning back to face him, ready to argue it out to blows if
that’s what it took.

“Yeah, it fuckin’ is,
but you don’t need to take unnecessary ones.”

“I think I-” My words
were cut short as Ash slammed his body into mine, his mouth silencing my
protests.

There was nothing
sweet or tender about his kiss, he plunged his tongue right in and devoured my
anger, replacing it with a sudden flare of lust. My pussy tightened and
shuddered as he backed me against the mirrors, pinning my arms over my head.
Grinding his erection to my clit, I moaned loudly, thrusting my hips forward.

“I thought we’d
discussed this,” I gasped.

“Discussed what?” he
asked, dipping his head so he could suck and bite my neck.

“The one about using
sex as a weapon.”

“Must’ve missed that
one,” he growled, letting me go and ripping my sports bra up and over my head.
He palmed my breasts as my arms fell around his shoulders.

“Are you trying to
fuck me into submission?” I asked, pressing into his hands.

“No,” he moaned,
leaning his forehead against mine. “I’m trying to fuck the anger away.”

Shoving my hands down
the back of his shorts, I pushed them over his ass cheeks. “Then put it in me.”

Ash lowered to his
knees, tugging my shorts off, exposing all of my private parts. Wrapping a hand
around my thigh, he shoved my leg over his shoulder. Before I could do
anything, he licked the length of my folds and sucked hard on my clit. My knees
almost buckled at the sudden sensation and I fisted my hands into his hair.

“Fuck,” I exclaimed.

“You like that?” Ash
murmured before doing it again. This time, as he sucked on my clit, he thrust a
thick finger inside my pussy, hitting the spot that made me squirm.

Heat seared in all
the right places as I moaned at the welcome intrusion. Fuck the anger away. I
wanted to fight it out, but this seemed like a good idea now that we were doing
it. Yeah…fuck the anger away.

Ash began pumping his
finger in and out, biting at my clit and I lost it. I clawed at his hair and
thrust against his face, and when he pressed a second finger in with the first,
I felt an orgasm rising fast.

“I’m close,” I
muttered, palming my breasts.

“You’re coming on my
cock, Spitfire,” Ash growled, pulling his fingers away.

Standing, he kicked
off his shorts, exposing his hard cock. His big paws were on my ass, lifting me
up and my back pressing firmly against the mirror. He held me up at the perfect
angle, but didn’t move to take what I was offering. I wrapped my legs around
his waist, trying to pull him against me and force his dick into the one place
I needed it the most.

“Fuck, you’re a
greedy little thing,” he moaned, rubbing his crown against my opening.

“You wanted to fuck
it away,” I gasped, my whole body trembling with need.

“Not fuck it away,”
he replied, dipping his cock just inside. “I was wrong. I want to soothe the
beast, Spitfire.”

As he thrust his cock
into me and started to pound, building another powerful orgasm, I forgot what
it was I was so angry about.

Mission accomplished.

Chapter 30

Ren

A week turned into
two, then into three.

I was doing some
training with the Twins, with the excuse I had nothing else to do, and was
perched on the edge of the ring when the outside door opened. The Twins stopped
what they were doing and stared like horny teenagers. It had to be a pretty
woman, then.

“Who’s the blondie?”
Lincoln said with a low whistle.

“Damn,” Dean echoed,
his jaw dropping open.

I frowned at the two
knuckle heads before glancing over my shoulder to find Josie hovering in the
doorway.
Crap
. I quit the coffee shop ages ago now and I never told her,
let alone seen her in all that time. I couldn’t blame her for coming to find me
at Beat. I mean, I hadn’t returned any of her calls or texts. I was such a
bitch.

“That’s Josie,” I
said to the Twins. “Hands off.”

“You know her?”
Lincoln asked, his eyes lighting up.

Rolling my eyes, I
crossed the mats to go and meet my friend, if I could still call her that.

“Renee Miller,” Josie
declared, putting her hands on her hips. She was done up for work in a black
tailored suit jacket and skirt, cream blouse and heels that made her legs look
like they went on for days. I’d be jealous, but I had Ash.

“Hey,” I said, but
she looked pissed and waved me off with a flick of her hand.

“You quit the coffee
shop and you haven't been returning any of my calls or texts. What gives?”

“I-” I shrugged.

“Are you still
fighting someplace?”

I grimaced, not
knowing what to say. The one thing I knew best about Josie was when she wanted
to find out something, she’d get it one way or another, even if she had to beat
it out of her victim.

“You’re still
fighting.” She gasped when I didn’t deny it. “
Ren
!”

I grasped her arm and
yanked her unceremoniously into the gym. “Shhh!” I exclaimed. “They don’t
know.”

“Why not? What’s the
big secret?” As soon as the words left her mouth, her complexion started to
pale. “Ren. It’s not-”

“Leave off.”

“It’s
illegal
?
If Ash’s got you into something-”

“Josie,” I groaned.
“He hasn’t done anything. It was all me. I wanted to go and I wanted to fight.”

“It can’t be safe,”
she argued. “Is there any safety or doctors or stuff at these things?”

“I’m not fighting in
someone's garden shed,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Then where?”

“It’s a proper set
up,” I went on. “Referees and some rules…”

“
Some
rules?”

I shrugged.

“Ren, what would your
Mum say?”

I narrowed my eyes.
“She’d have a pink fit, but she’s not here.”

“Ren, I can’t believe
you.” Josie crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. “Take me.”

I grimaced. “Take
you?”

“Yeah. I’m not going
to talk you out of this, so I want to go.”

“I don’t think-”

“You take me, Ren
Miller, or I’ll go out there and tell everyone what you’re up to.”

I decided to call her
bluff. “So? They could pretty much guess anyway.”

“Fine,” she huffed
and went to walk out, but I grabbed her arm.

Dad already knew
without me telling him, but the Twins…if they knew for sure, they’d chain me to
a chair to stop me from going, then kneecap Ash for allowing it.

“I’ll take you, but
it’s not a nice place, Josie.”

“Then why do you go?”

I didn’t know how to
describe the need that simmered in my veins at the thought of fighting. It
wasn’t the normal thing people said they were good at and wanted to do for a
living. Be a fighter. The social norm was a nurse, a doctor, a teacher or a
boring shop manager. There was no pigeon hole for me and the things I wanted to
do.

“Why don’t you fight
someplace with rules and regulations,” Josie went on. “You could win a proper
trophy. National Championships…fuck, the Olympics. You could try and get on the
Australian team.”

“I’m not good
enough,” I said.

“How do you know?”
she complained. “Has your Dad seen you fight? I guess Ash has. What does he
say?”

“It’s not that
simple, Josie. That place…” I shrugged. The lack of rules should scare me, and
in some ways they did, but it was the lack of them that set me free. End of
story. What would going pro get me, other than attention from my Dad? Not the
things I needed. Who said I would be able to make it anyway?

“Then take me, Ren.
Help me understand.” She sighed and rubbed my arm. “I’m your friend, or at
least I hope I still am…”

“Oh, fuck, Josie…” I
cried. “I didn’t mean...
Shit
, I’m a terrible friend.”

“I know, sweetie,”
she replied, trying to keep a straight face. “You’re in your man-cave.”

I started to laugh,
the tension lifting from my shoulders.

“You really want to
come?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“
Yeah
.” She
puffed out her chest, trying to look all tough, but it only made her look
cuter. “You think I can’t handle it?”

Josie and The
Underground? The two didn’t seem to mix, what with her impeccable appearance
and sculptured blonde hair. She’d be led astray by the first good looking
fighter to cross her path. Anyway, it wasn’t any secret that Josie had the
biggest balls out there and if she stuck with me and Ash, then she’d be fine.

“I know you can
handle it,” I replied. “But I’m not sure they can handle you.”

“Hey!” Josie slapped
me lightly on the arm.

“I don’t know if Ash
will like it.”

“Oh, fuck Ash.”

“Only if Ren’s the
one on my dick.”

I choked on my own
spit as I turned and thumped Ash on the chest. He’d appeared out of thin air,
pulling out his old creeper trick.

“Too much
information,” Josie said, rolling her eyes.

“What are you talking
about?” he asked, but from the look on his face, I suspected he already knew.

“Josie wants to go to
The Underground,” I said, raising my eyebrows at her.

“The fuck she is,” he
growled.

“Told you,” I said to
Josie.

“Who are you, my Dad?”
she declared, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m a fucking grown ass
woman.”

Ash eyed her with a
clear expression and then glanced at me.

“I told her,” I said.
“She still wants to go.”

Ash grunted and
walked off, clearly not into arguing about our secret night time shenanigans in
the middle of Beat. Couldn’t blame him.

“He’s a riot,” Josie
said. “Is he always that difficult, or is it the overabundance of
testosterone?”

“He’s just
protective,” I explained.

“Yeah, like a
caveman.”

I snorted, covering
my mouth.

“Luckily for you,
he’s smoking hot.”

Laughing, I gave her
a hug. “Come back at eight after everyone’s left and we’ll figure it out.”

Josie waved a finger
at me as she backed of the gym. “No ditching me again, Ren Miller.”

Waving, I called out,
“I won’t. I promise.”

Ash didn’t like it,
but he grudgingly gave Josie and I a ride to The Underground that night. He
never liked it, so nothing was new in that department.

As I put my name on
the roster for that night, I watched Josie out of the corner of my eye. She
stared wide eyed at the crowd, the cage, the bookies, and most of all, she
stared at any guy with muscles that walked past.

“I can’t believe this
is here,” she breathed, totally in awe. “And this is illegal?”

“Yep.”

“How can it be here
and nobody’s reported it?”

“I guess they pay off
the right people to look the other way.” A set up like this would certainly
never go on this long without someone being in someone else’s pocket.

“Hardcore.”

I let out a laugh and
linked my arm through hers, steering her through the crowd to the bleachers.
Ash was fighting one of the first bouts and I wanted to get a good spot.
Hardcore was a fucking awesome word to describe this place, but it needed an
adjective like epic, mega or extreme.

I sat Josie at the
front and plopped down next to her, taking in the crowd for the night. It
didn’t actually vary much from night to night, it was always crammed and hot,
music blaring between fights and full of all kinds of unsavory people.

“There’s a lot
of…fake people here,” Josie said, watching a pair of cheerleader types with
fake boobs and orange tan strut by.

I groaned. “I know.
Someone should tell them there’s a fine line between bronze and orange.”

“I’ll say.” Josie
snorted. “So who’s winning? I assume there’s a league with points involved.”

“Yeah. A woman named
Blaze is leader in the women’s. Ash is on top of the men's.”

“Ash is on top?”

“Yep.”

“What does he win if
he, you know, wins?”

“A million dollars.”

“A million bucks?”
Josie said, her eyes wide.

“It’s big bucks
here,” I replied. “Serious bling gets thrown around. A lot of people have a lot
of cash riding on this thing.”

“I’ll fucking say. No
wonder you quit the coffee shop.”

“I win a little,” I
said with a shrug. “Nothing big like that.”

Josie turned round,
her gaze taking in every square inch of The Underground. Vetting it, no doubt.

“Who’s that mean
looking bitch that keeps giving you the stink eye?” she asked. “Over on the
next bank of seats.”

Trying to be all
covert, I glanced up just as Rogue glanced away.

“That’s Rogue,” I
replied.

“Rogue?” Josie
scoffed. “Seriously? Is she one of the X-men?”

Covering my mouth to
hide a laugh, I said, “She was the darling of the cage until I showed up on my
first night.”

Josie’s mouth fell
open. “You beat her? On your first try?”

“Fair and square, but
that doesn’t seem to fly in these parts.”

“She looks like she
wants to skewer you.”

I grinned. “Hasn’t
managed to do it yet.”

“Seriously, is that
her real name?”

I shook my head,
knowing exactly how silly it sounded. “No.”

“Do you have a name?”

“Reign of Terror.”

Josie started
laughing, holding her stomach. A few people glanced at us, but when they saw
me, they busied themselves elsewhere.

“I didn’t pick it,
smart ass,” I said, elbowing her. “The referee gave it to me. I’m stuck with it
now.”

“Why do they have
stupid names like that? Ash doesn’t have one.”

“He doesn’t need it,”
I replied. “Some people here don’t want their real names bandied about. For
good reason, I bet.”

“Oh,” Josie said,
eyeing a fighter that was walking past. “I guess you’re right.”

“Reign.”

We glanced up as one
of the referees came up and tapped the bleacher in front of us. “You’re up
after this next lot. Fifteen tops.”

Nodding, I replied,
“Got it.” I’d miss Ash’s fight, but he didn’t need a lucky charm.

“Shit,” Josie said.
“Are you ready? Who are you fighting?”

I shrugged. “I
haven’t checked the board, but from the way Rogue has been eyeing me all night,
I’m guessing they drew me with her.”

“Oh, fuck. Are you
worried?”

“Nope. She won’t make
it easy this time, but I’m ready.” I nodded toward the cage. “Ash is up next.
Keep an eye on him for me?”

“Sure. But I don’t
think he’ll need the likes of me looking out for him.”