Beautiful Broken Mess (17 page)

“Yes, of course we were.” Finally, he looks toward me with a furrowed brow, obviously questioning my statement.

“We certainly didn’t have a traditional relationship. We were using each other, Jaxon. You used me to get your family off your back, and I used you to get out of my house. It seemed to work for us. I’ll admit, we shouldn’t have continued to sleep together, but we were young and less than clever at the time.”

“You act like you regret sleeping with me?” he feigns insult.

“I wanted someone else.”

“Ouch.” His hurt feelings don’t last long as he laughs it off. “We were quite the pair.”

“Yeah, until everything went to hell.” Might as well get down to the hard stuff.

“Based on some indications I’m getting from Emerson, I’m beginning to think that maybe I was misinformed.”

“You were the one that informed yourself, Jaxon.”

“Audrey, you came to me one day and said you were pregnant. I tried to do the right thing and get married! You had so many opportunities to come clean.”

My hands begin to shake as we start to get to the heart of our problems. The day I saw the positive sign on that little, white stick, I knew my world would never be the same. For some reason, I knew life was out to get me, and it was almost as if I had been waiting for this moment to happen. I was lost in a world full of pain and hate. I ran to Jaxon for help because I knew he would take responsibility, and I just needed someone to take care of me for once in my life.

“You guys okay?” Jace’s anxious voice questions from behind.

“We’re fine, dude, just clearing the air,” Jaxon snaps.

“Then why were you just yelling at her?” Jace questions. I would hardly have called it yelling, but if Jace could hear him raising his voice, then he hadn’t been too far away. It’s clear that Jace wants to hear this story even more than Jaxon does, and I really don’t feel like telling it for the fourth time in less than a week. Hell, we might as well bring over Cole and whoever else wants to hear.

“You might as well sit down and listen instead of eavesdropping, Jace,” I call out, without looking behind me. With no shame or hesitation, he immediately sits down on my opposite side. He’s far enough away that it’s appropriate, but close enough that he can extend his fingers and touch the bare skin of my thighs without Jaxon seeing.

“Why are you being so nosy all of a sudden, Jace?” Jax asks from my other side.

“I was there when this all went down. I’m curious too,” Jace says in defense.

“Who cares? The less I have to repeat this, the better.” I wave off any further argument. Jace quickly squeezes my arm three times and smiles at me in support.

JACE -

The moon catches the natural highlights in her brown hair and lights up her silhouette as she sits in the sand. As I watch Audrey talk to my brother about everything that went down between the two of them, I find a spot on the beach far enough back that they can’t see me. It’s not close enough to hear their words, but it’s as far away as I can physically get right now. Everything about her is calling out to me. The distress in her eyes when everyone crowded around her had every cell in my body lighting up in defense.

The second I hear Jaxon raise his voice, I jump to my feet, but I decide to hang back and see if she can handle it on her own. Of course she can, she’s strong. She’s always been strong.

Leaning back on her hands in the sand, I notice that her hands and arms begin to tremble slightly at his shouting. If I hadn’t been watching for it, I would have missed it. She won’t ask for help, that’s just not who she is. Hell, she doesn’t even need my help. But damn it, I’m here now and I’m stepping in. After I interrupt and shamelessly claim the spot on the opposite side of her, I squeeze her arm while smiling at her. When she takes in a deep breath, I wrap my pinky around hers and give it a little tug to show my support.

“As you were…” I gesture with a flourish of my hand for them to continue.

Audrey clears her throat nervously and releases my pinky, clenching her hands together in her lap. “I’m sorry for making you believe that the… ba… that the pregnancy was yours.” I watch as she looks up at him and he continues to stare out at the thrashing waves. “And I’m sorry that I let you go through with the marriage. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why did you though? That’s what I don’t get,” Jaxon questions softly.

“I just needed help from someone. Anyone. I shouldn’t have done it, but you were the only person I knew that would actually help. You know I hated going home. I could have been on fire, and no one there would have even given me a second glance.” Her words are a knife to my heart. I should have been her someone, her anyone.

“It still seems a bit dramatic, Auds,” Jax starts.

She quickly interrupts him, “Don’t you dare start with that nickname. I hated it four years ago and I hate it now.” Her strength and vitality shine through with her ability to make light of this dark moment.

“Sorry,” he says with a small smile. “But it does seem that way. I’m sorry to say this, but girls from your school were getting pregnant all the time. That wasn’t a reason to make me think the baby was mine and agree to marry me when I tried to be the good guy.”

Audrey and Jaxon’s past could have easily been portrayed on a late-morning soap opera. After the whirlwind way the two got together, they dated and appeared to be quite happy. Audrey was always over or out with Jaxon, and I spent that time trying to make myself scarce. For about four months, I had to watch those two dance around, fucking merrily.

Then one day, Jaxon came home and told us that he and Audrey had eloped because she was pregnant. I’d never seen my mom turn as many shades of red as she did that day. I remember being glad that her fury was directed at Jaxon and not me. I, on the other hand, may or may not have punched multiple holes into the walls of my bedroom. When mom demanded that he ask Audrey for a paternity test, she ended up admitting it wasn’t his and it was actually her physics teacher’s child.

After countless hours with a lawyer, my mom was able to get the marriage annulled due to fraudulent claims. Then Audrey slipped away quietly, never to be seen or heard from again. That is, until the day she showed up at our apartment last year, trying to talk to Jaxon. Although according to Lane, she was attempting to talk to me.

“I’m so sorry, Jaxon. I should have never told you it was yours. I freaked, and I just needed someone to be on my side for a second. But I was young and stupid; I approached it all wrong. You’re also right about the girls at my school getting pregnant all the time.” Her hands begin to turn white as she grinds them against one another. Her fingers are threading in and out with those on the opposite hand, and I can tell she’s squeezing them together as tightly as she can. Slowly, I reach out and gently rub my pinky against the outside of her thigh. I want to give her courage, anything that will help her get through whatever she is about to say.

After a deep inhale and a sluggish exhale, she continues, “But they weren’t getting...raped by their physics teachers in the back storage room of the lab.”

If it were possible to hear a heart breaking, then the sound of three shattering like glass right here in the sand off the Pacific would ring loud and clear. I hear the slight hitch in her throat which clues me in to look up, just in time to see the tears falling from her dark eyes. It’s as if a dam has broken and there’s no stopping the flood pouring down her beautiful, porcelain face. Screw my brother. I lean over and wrap her wilting body into my arms and push her face into my chest, hoping my shirt can soak up the tears and the pain.

Jaxon’s face is buried in his hands, but I can see his chest heaving up and down and hear his strangled breaths. He’s hurting. Now’s not the time, but I want to tell him that he shouldn’t feel like he’s to blame. None of this was either of their faults.

The loud crashes of the waves fill the painful silence and attempt to distract from their silent cries. Audrey’s hands dig into my shirt, pulling my chest further into her face, and I can’t seem to get her close enough. I just want to wrap her up and carry her away. I don’t want to hear anything else. I know there’s more for her to tell, but I don’t think I can physically handle hearing any more of her painful past.

“Please tell me he’s in jail, Audrey,” Jaxon finally breaks the silence, his voice gravelly.

He doesn’t lift his head. Instead, he turns to face us while still laying his head on the top of his knees. I haven’t seen my brother cry since my dad passed away and the image is gut-wrenching.

Audrey lifts her head from my shoulder, and I quickly wipe away the moisture in my eyes with the sleeve of my t-shirt. She sits back in her previous spot, but I can’t remove my arm from around her. Thankfully, she doesn’t shove me off. I gently squeeze her arm so she knows I’m here for her. Maybe its four years too late, but I’m here now.

“I was eighteen so they couldn’t charge him with statutory rape, and no one believed my word against his. He was a teacher with a doctorate in physics, while I was the daughter of an alcoholic and a drug abuser. It all kind of...got pushed under the rug.”

Jaxon shakes his head back and forth and repeats himself, each word spoken slowly and with conviction. “Please tell me he’s in jail.”

“He’s not,” she whispers.

“You should have told me, Audrey. I would have killed him. I’ll still kill him,” Jax says. Can’t fault him there. I’m already trying to plan the perfect murder myself, something prolonged and painful.

“Jax…” she says and begins to shake her head back and forth. “There was so much I didn’t tell you. I guess I figured that since you didn’t seem to notice or care about all of the bruises I had, you might not be concerned about what had happened to me.” When Jax looks at her in confusion, she continues, “From the day I met you, I had bruises on me at any given time. I understand now that I shouldn’t have held that against you. You were young and going through so much already with your dad passing away. So I just didn’t say anything to you. I couldn’t stomach the idea of you not believing me, and I knew that if that were the case, your family wouldn’t believe me either.” She quickly eyes me and I drop my head in remorse.

A long, silent pause crawls by as Jaxon and I sit in deep thought. I can feel that we’re both thinking the same thing right now. Would we have believed her? If we really think back to our eighteen year-old selves, would we have trusted her word? It hurts to admit it, but I don’t think we would have.

“I believe you now, Audrey,” Jaxon whispers.

“Thank you,” she replies with sadness still in her voice.

“I’m so sorry,” he continues, sitting up straighter and clutching at his shirt. “I don’t know how to say it any better than that. But from the deepest part of me, please know how sorry I am.”

She nods her head slowly and says, “Thank you. The only reason I’m even telling you now is because I like Emerson. I like her a lot. I’ve never had a friend like her before, and I hope to stay friends with her. I hope that won’t be weird for you.” The way she says that makes me smirk on the inside. She isn’t giving him the option to stop her friendship and I love that about her.

Jax gives a small grin and says, “Yeah, she’s something else.”

Quickly, Audrey gathers herself and stands up in front of us, then readjusts her clothes and brushes off the sand. Both of us just gaze up at her, confused. “I think I’m gonna go find Lane and head out now.”

“Wait,” Jaxon says in a panic, “what happened after we broke up? What happened with the… pregnancy? Where did you go, and what did you mean about the bruises? Where did they come from?”

She shakes her head back and forth rapidly. “No, I can’t do that right now. I think I’ve told you enough for tonight.” Without another word, she hurries away. I still need to talk to Jaxon, but every inch of me is aching to follow her up the hill and hold her in my arms.

“I guess now is not the time to talk to you about my important news?” I ask.

“I don’t know if I can take in anything else right now, man,” he whispers, looking toward the ocean. “Do you know anything?”

“I don’t know much, but she did tell me that her dad had something to do with the bruises.”

He lies back in the sand with a huff. “I’m scum. I can’t believe I let all of that get by me. What if something like that happened to Emerson?”

“Knock it off,” I say quickly, before he goes on a rampage. “You aren’t that guy anymore. You know every inch of Em, and you wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Do you think she knows Audrey’s whole story now too?”

I give him an incredulous look. “Of course she knows. Em could get the leader of Al-Qaeda to give her all of his secrets and any future plans he may have on a silver platter.”

“God, I wonder what she thinks of me.”

“She still thinks the world of you,” Em interrupts, sitting on his lap. “She thinks you were young and an idiot, but that doesn’t change who you are now.” I’m glad Em interrupted when she did, because otherwise I would have told him how
I
feel. How can he be so concerned with what Em thinks when it’s Audrey who went through a world of hurt? I realize that where Audrey is, that’s exactly where I should be right now. Not here trying to console my brother. I stand up, kiss Em on the top of the head, and leave them to talk.