Authors: Adriane Leigh
“
So fucking
sweet,” I uttered as my hands moved over her body. She groaned as
her hips worked back and forth, bottles of cleaning solution and
buckets shaking with the movement. Her arms shot out to either side
and fingernails scratched against old wooden shelves as my fingers
found her hot center again and sunk into her. She was funny,
beautiful, perfect, smart, mine. She was mine.
“
I can never get
enough of you.” I thrust without concern of hurting her. If it was
too much, I didn’t care, because every day was too fucking much for
me. I lived in a constant state of torture because I wanted her
desperately, with every fucking fiber of my soul. I conjured her
everywhere, her laugh at the supermarket, the sway of her hips
walking down the sidewalk, and then she came to my classroom and
pranced around in short shorts. “And this ass,” I grunted as my
thumb slid between her cheeks and pressed at her back entrance, “I’m
taking it,” I growled and slid my thumb past the first ring of
muscle. She yelped as her fingertips clutched at my shoulders. I felt
the burning pain where she’d broken my skin, but my blood buzzed as
if morphine was racing through my system. Auburn had me higher than
any chemical ever had.
“
God, I hate
you,” she panted between moans. “I fucking hate you,” she grit
through her teeth but continued to ride my hand while I brought her
closer to release. “Is this what you want? Do you like knowing I'm
wet just thinking about you? That listening to your voice in class
gets me so turned on I can't focus on anything but what it would feel
like to have you inside of me? I hate you for making me want you. I
hate you for making me want what
I
can't have! What you won't give!”
She
screamed and sobbed and rode my hand until I pressed my fingers
deeper, swirled quicker, and she came in earth shattering waves
around my fingers. I groaned as I pumped, the sensations nearly too
much to bear, before her body went lax, her muscles limp around me.
Soft lips met the skin beneath my ear and she sucked, slow and
steady, not too hard.
“
Jesus,” I
murmured as she came down from her euphoric release. My head fell to
her neck and I sucked in long, fortifying breaths as I tried to
control my raging hard on. I wanted her, but I didn't want her here.
Not the first time.
Finally, when I'd
regained some small semblance of control, I flicked my tongue out and
tasted the sweet skin at the curve of her neck. I loved the taste of
me on her. I loved working her to a sweat and getting her all wild
and messy.
“
Can you let me
down?” she asked, emotionless. My heart shuddered to a thunderous
halt in my chest.
“
Auburn.” I
couldn’t keep the emotion from my voice. I prayed I wouldn't have
to watch her walk away from me, again. I heard fabric rustling and
knew she was trying to straighten her clothes and I shot a hand out
to stop her before she opened the door.
“
Stop, Reed.
This doesn’t make it better,” she whispered with near rage. “This
has gotten so complicated, I’m just not sure it’s worth it
anymore.” Her voice wavered and my hand tightened on her waist
before I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and nuzzled against her
neck.
“
I know it’s
fucked up, but I can’t stand being away from you.”
“
That’s not
fair. What you're asking of me isn’t fair!” she screamed, her
anger in direct contrast to my submission. “All this sneaking
around makes me feel like your dirty little secret.” She nearly
whimpered the last word.
“
I know. You
have to understand, I'm married. Her parents are well-known and even
more well-respected in this town.”
The quiet
resonated in the darkened space separating us. “Then why did you
take off your wedding ring?” Her hollow words hung thick in the
air. I worked the empty space on my ring finger where the platinum
band once resided.
“
It didn't feel
right.” I finally answered her.
“
I'm not sure
this does anymore either.” Her words were so quiet, so final, it
chilled my heart.
“
I can’t lose
you, you’re the only person in my life I can actually be myself
around. Even if everything else goes away,” I referred to the
sexual tension we'd been flirting with up until now, “I need your
friendship.”
“
Reed,” she
murmured. I hoped she was cracking. Prayed I’d gotten to her. I
couldn't explain Auburn's hold over me, but she'd somehow managed to
breathe life into my wounded heart.
“
Please,” I
whispered as I clasped a hand around her neck and pulled her to me.
“Please, Auburn,” I breathed against her lips.
I felt her body
melt into mine when her fingertips dusted along the sensitive skin of
my neck, hands locking behind me as she pressed her forehead to my
lips. We stood holding each other, our breaths the only sound
interrupting the complete stillness. “We should get back to class,”
she said after a few long moments. I could tell she was still wary,
but I would do better. I had to do better. The possibility of losing
her had become a risk I couldn’t take.
“
Maybe I should
ditch the rest of class.” She pulled away from my embrace. “I
could look thoroughly fucked and not even know it.” I heard the
smile in her voice and my heart stuttered back to life.
“
Too suspicious.
Here.” I pulled the phone from my pocket and lit up the flashlight.
“Watch your eyes.” I warned before I flashed the light at her
face. I smoothed a smudge of her eye makeup from one lash line.
“Beautiful as ever.” I placed a kiss on her nose.
She half smiled as
she ran her fingers through her loose hair. “I'm sorry I
over-reacted.” She stepped into my arms the next moment and I
instinctively wrapped her in my embrace.
I rested my
forehead on her shoulder and breathed a content sigh. “I think I
nearly went crazy without you the last week. People talk about soul
mates or kindred spirits, I don't know if I believe in any of that,
but it felt like being burned from the inside out when you ignored
me. I burn for you, Auburn. You’re my beautiful burn.” I
finished, unsure if she was even ready for me to unload all the
baggage I carried.
“
Reed.” She
whispered my name against the shell of my ear and tears sprung to my
eyes when I found myself overcome with emotion. “I'm so sorry I
ignored you. I was so overwhelmed, just having you in my life the
last few weeks has left me in a tailspin, and it scared me.”
“
We can always
go at your pace, Auburn. With any of this.” I interjected.
“
I know. It's
not that we were moving too fast, but just the fact that you were in
my life at all. You were so out of reach for so long, suddenly I'm
here and you're here and you feel the same way. Everything about it
just scared me, and knowing we can't be together, at least not in
public, breaks my heart.” Her voice cracked, but after a moment she
took a breath and continued. “I feel like there's more going on
that you don't want to tell me,” she pulled away and cupped my face
in her gentle hands, “but I want you to know I will always, always
be here whenever you want to talk. Anytime, day or night, I'll be
here.” She finished, a reassuring smile on her face.
“
You leave me
speechless.” I murmured, ducking my head back into her shoulder and
pulling in deep breaths of her soothing scent.
“
We should get
back,” she said after a few peacefully content minutes. I groaned
in protest before loosening my hold on her. No amount of time with
her was ever enough.
I gave Auburn's
hand one last squeeze before cracking the door. A quick perusal
showed no signs of anyone. I pulled Auburn out behind me by a clasped
hand, before we both instinctively released when we hit the bright,
fluorescent light of the hallway.
When we returned
to the classroom, a few students looked up, but most continued
writing feverishly. Auburn sat at her desk and looked up at the
clock. My eyes followed hers to find we’d been gone for nearly
fifteen minutes. I settled behind my desk directly across from Auburn
as she picked up her pen and started writing in a flowing longhand
that I’d come to recognize after years of teaching her.
At three
forty-five, I stood and announced that writing time was over. I cast
a glance at Auburn as I explained how far I expected them to read in
“Lolita” by the next class, and the few themes I wanted them to
think about as they read. My eyes settled on Auburn's again. Her dark
eyes looked a little alarmed as she pressed a hand at her neck,
rubbing aggressively. My eyes narrowed as I wondered what the hell
she was doing, but I continued talking. I dismissed the class and
watched as they ambled up and deposited notebooks on my desk. Auburn
tossed her's on the desk and shot me a weird glance before rubbing
her neck again, then filed towards the door with the others.
“
Hi, Reed.”
The last student in my class stepped up, clutching her notebook with
a wide smile. Oh shit. This didn’t look good.
“
Hey, Steph.”
I smiled brightly. I'd seen Steph around town for years, but never
had the chance to talk with her beyond a causal greeting. “What’s
up?”
“
I read “Lolita”
a few summers ago when Oprah recommended it. I loved it. I totally
thought Humbert was a creeper at first, but the way he loved her was
so innocent. I think she played him though. She was a first class
manipulator—hey, what’s that on your neck?” She leaned in, the
heavy odor of her perfume assaulting my nostrils.
“
Um…” I ran
a hand over the spot on my neck she was eyeing.
“
Looks like a
bruise.” She frowned before continuing on about “Lolita.” I
didn’t hear the rest because suddenly I knew what Auburn had been
gesturing to. We’d checked her over, but hadn’t thought to check
me. I’d bet my savings that Auburn had left a bruise on my neck
when she was sucking. I hadn’t thought she’d done it that hard,
but I couldn't remember much considering the level of intensity that
had taken us.
“
I hate to cut
this short but I've got an appointment to get to. Can we continue
this discussion during the next class?” All I could think about was
bailing out the door and getting to a mirror as quickly as possible.
“
Of course.”
Steph's eyes darted from the bruise at my neck and back to my gaze.
“I just wanted to tell you I was really enjoying it, even on the
second read.” She stood waiting a few beats longer than average.
“I'm glad. Have a good evening, Steph.” I smiled politely as I
watched her leave.
Five minutes
later, I slipped behind the wheel of the Blazer and flipped the
mirror down. “Son of a bitch.” I swiped at the purpling bruise
just above my clavicle. I hoped like hell no one else had noticed
that I'd walked out with a perfectly pristine neck and came back
fifteen minutes later with a hickey fresh enough to be a darkening
shade of eggplant.
***
That evening I
laced up my running shoes and pulled the first sleeveless running
shirt off the pile of UV-protected tees I'd just purchased and
slathered my arms with sunscreen, before taking the steps two at a
time for an evening jog. I'd been so busy, and with the last six
weeks taking their toll, I'd cut it out completely.
I took it slow,
jogging the few blocks of main street before taking a side street
down to the water's edge. My muscles felt tired and weak, protesting
the exertion that they one time had welcomed. I hit the paved path
that followed the shoreline and sped up.
My feet pounded
the pavement as I ran, my mind swirling with equal parts excitement
and frustration. Not only had the closet encounter earlier today with
Auburn left me breathless and desperate to see her again, but Mel had
been blowing up my phone the last few days, looking for another
fight, I was sure. I'd answered a few of her texts, mostly to keep
her from stomping over to my apartment and starting something. With
all the worry swirling in my brain right now, Mel's accusatory anger
was the last thing I could bring myself to deal with. I was trying to
focus on myself, eating healthier, taking vitamins, and seeing our
couples therapist for private appointments. I didn't even know if Mel
knew I was still seeing Dr. Warner, though he'd already told me she
wasn’t. It didn't matter, I wasn't going for us, I was going for
me. And while I hadn't yet told the therapist about Auburn, I'd told
him everything else. It was the one time a week I could vent about
Mel, divulge that my parents' perfect marriage had left me feeling
with much to live up to and like a failure if I signed on that dotted
line, and how the adjustment of all of it left me fearful and
anxious.
I was glad that I
could finally get back to running and settle into some sort of
routine. Running had always been my outlet and I hadn't even realized
how much I'd missed it until I'd taken a break from it these last few
months.