Beautiful Chances (The Beautiful Series) (17 page)

After pizza, I quickly finished packing the last few items as Kyle entered the bedroom with a movie in hand. He put it in, made his way to the bed, and plopped down, making me almost bounce with his weight. I found the remote and hit Play. I was more than ready for some downtime.

“
Tommy Boy
? You are such a guy.” I rolled my eyes.

The movie began to play as I snuggled into Kyle’s side. He tucked me into my familiar little nook, and I breathed in his scent. I let out a comfortable sigh as my body relaxed against his.

After the movie, I did give him credit. We’d both laughed several times. The movie was so funny and dumb at the same time. I guessed it really would remain a classic.

Once the TV was off, I tucked the blankets around myself.

Kyle’s voice filled the silence. “I like seeing my flowers in your room.”

“Thank you. I like them in my room.” My cheeks pinked a bit, and I was relieved he couldn’t see me. “I like
you
in my room, too,” I added quietly.

Feeling my way over to his body, I crawled on top of him. Using my sense of touch to guide me, I slowly kissed my way around his navel and then nipped at his pelvis. He inhaled sharply.

“I simply have not had enough,” I confessed.

With that, he pulled me up and made love to me until I was breathless.

The truck was coming straight for us. There was nowhere else for it to go. I knew we were going to hit, and my heart constricted unbearably at the thought of not being able to stop in time. The light was so bright that it was blinding me.

Maybe I could have missed him if only I would have turned in a different direction. Maybe I could have cranked the wheel hard or hit at a different angle to better our chances.

But it was too late, and we were past too many maybes.

Screams were overtaken by the deafening sound of metal crunching against metal.

“Lily! Lily! Wake up. It’s okay.”

Hard hands were shaking me.

“Lily, wake up. Come back to me. You’re okay. It’s just a nightmare.”

I opened my eyes to meet Kyle’s stare. His eyes, wide with worry, were illuminated by the night lamp. My pulse was beating frantically throughout my body as I tried to bring myself back to the present.

“No. It’s real…so real…” I felt torn apart inside. “It felt so real,” I cried.

“It wasn’t real, Lily. You’re here, here with me.” Kyle pulled me closer, gathering me in his arms.

Both of us were breathing erratically. Tears were streaming down my face and onto his chest.

“It’s okay now, Lily. You are here with me, not there. You don’t have to go there anymore.”

I sat lying against him quietly for a minute, trying to collect my thoughts and steady myself. “I try not to go there, but it just pulls me in. I can never win. It’s almost like my punishment…like I’m being punished for surviving,” I whispered.

He stroked my back, listening to my words. “No one is punishing you, Lily. You’ll get through this. I’ll help you find a way to get through this,” he promised.

He continued to caress my back as I thought about how often I’d had this nightmare. Some had varied slightly, but all were glimpses of the one drive home that had forever changed my life.

“I’m beginning to think the dreams will always be with me. They’ve haunted me for so long.”

Kyle was silent for a brief moment, still moving his hand along my back. “I think you need to forgive yourself first.” His voice was soft. “The accident was not your fault.”

“In my dream, I see different ways I could have avoided hitting that truck right before we collided. The images just keep repeating themselves.”

Kyle pulled my face up to his, looking into the depths of my eyes with strong determination. “There is nothing,
nothing
you could have done to change what happened, Lily. There was no time. Who was driving makes no difference. You have to let it go.”

A half-choked sob escaped me. “I can’t…I just can’t.”

“You can because you are so much stronger than you let yourself believe. I’m right here, and I’m going to help you through this. Try to get some rest.” He kissed my tear-stained cheek with such tenderness. “Tomorrow is a new day.”

He drew my body into his chest, trying to comfort me. Tears continued to stream down my cheeks as his words echoed in my mind.

How can I let them go? My loving parents and sister—how do I let them go?
I didn’t want to let them go. I wanted them here with me. I wanted to erase that awful day. I wanted the other driver to have never left his home in the first place. I wanted to have my family, so I wasn’t all alone. I wanted so many things, things that I could never have. It was all out of my power to change them.

My emotions quickly exhausted me as sleep pulled me back in, taking the pain away.

I awoke early and decided to go for a jog while Kyle was still sleeping. He looked so young and carefree while he slept. I wanted to reach out and stroke his face, but I didn’t want to wake him up. He looked too adorable to disturb.

I jotted a quick note, telling him where I was going, and I left it on my pillow.

It was another camera-perfect sunrise. That was my favorite part of Florida and the beach. It gave me a sense of peace and calmness that I could not find anywhere else. The breathtaking sight of an ocean sunrise and sunset still left me speechless after three years, like I was still watching them for the first time.

Sweat dripped down my back as I made myself run faster. My muscles ached in protest. I forced my mind to push my body harder. It was precisely the relief that I both needed and craved.

As I approached my cottage, I saw Luke. He was dressed in his workout clothes, and he was heading down the sidewalk with his iPod in his hand. He looked like he was going out for his own run along the shore.

He glanced up and smiled at me. “Hey, Lil. You sure started early today.” He searched my face. “Restless?”

I stopped a few feet away in front of him, trying to catch my breath. “I was in need of a good run. I about made myself croak along the way. How are you?”

“Good. I’m just off for a quick run myself before class. Do you want to join me for a late lunch today? I should be done with class by one.” Luke gave a hopeful smile.

“Sorry, Luke, but I’m heading out today. I’ll be gone most of the week.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught movement in my cottage.

“Oh, where are you headed?” he asked with interest.

“To California. Kyle lives in Lake Tahoe. I’m still not sure what day I’ll return, but I’m guessing I’ll probably be back by Sunday. We could hang out then.”

After my emotional night, I was not in the mood for unnecessary drama. I’d had high hopes of this conversation going well, but I was wrong. Luke’s eyes widened at my revelation, and his shock quickly turned into anger. Luke was usually a pretty even keel person, so this new side of him astonished me.

“
California?
”
It sounded like acid leaving his tongue. “
With him?
”
He made it sound dirty and wrong, like I was betraying him.

As his eyes bore into mine, I shifted nervously to my other leg.

Jeez, he was my friend, not my boyfriend.

He was starting to make this friendship hard to maintain.

“Yes, Luke,” I said quietly, not wanting to hurt him or fight with him.

“I don’t even have a fuckin’ chance, do I?” he asked, taking a small step toward me, eyes still locked on mine. “Are you going to tell me you have no feelings for me at all?” Hurt and anger rang loud in his voice.

I hated this. I hadn’t asked for this. I didn’t even known he had feelings for me before, and now, I was forced to hurt my friend. I felt blindsided. “Not in the same way you do. I love you, Luke, but not the same way you love me,” I whispered, lowering my eyes, not wanting to see his pain.

“So, if I kissed you right now…” He paused, letting his words sink in. “You don’t think you’d feel anything?” His tone turned dark and dangerous.

My eyes flashed up to his as he took another small step toward me, making me instinctively take a step back.

“No, Luke. Please don’t make this worse. I don’t want to kiss—”

“One more fucking step toward her, and it’ll be the last time you set foot in this yard,” Kyle threatened, his voice dripping with venom.

My eyes darted to see Kyle on the porch. His body was tense and ready to fight.

“Stay out of it, Kyle. This is between Lily and me.” Luke’s eyes blazed over his shoulder at Kyle as his demeanor shifted, also preparing for battle.

Shit, time to defuse this situation.

Before I could say anything, Kyle’s words cut through the thick air. “I believe she gave you her answer. This is where you gracefully accept it.”

Kyle had taken two more steps down my front patio as Luke pivoted to face Kyle head-on. Kyle was waiting patiently, his gaze burning into Luke.

“Stop it. Now. Both of you.” I hastily placed myself in the middle of them, trying to allay the tension. “Luke, this is my choice. Please accept it,” I said gently, not wanting to hurt his feelings or our friendship. “I’ll see you when I get back, alright?”

Luke’s expression shifted to defeat, making me frown. He nodded and walked off.