Beautiful Disaster 02 Walking Disaster (22 page)

“So you guys really didn’t do the deed?” Chris asked. “Damn, that sucks. Here I thought Abby was right for you after all, Trav.”

“You better stop now, Chris,” Shepley warned.

“If you didn’t sleep with her, mind if I take a shot?” Chris said, chuckling to his teammates.

Without thinking, I jumped from my seat, and climbed over the table at Chris. His face metamorphosed in slow motion from smiling to wide eyes and an open mouth. I grabbed Chris by the throat
with one hand, and a fistful of his T-shirt in the other. My knuckles barely felt the connection with his face. My rage was full blown and I was just short of letting everything fly. Chris covered
his face, but I kept whaling on him.

“Travis!” Abby screamed, running around the table.

My fist froze midflight, and then I released Chris’s shirt, letting him crumble into a ball on the floor. Abby’s expression made me falter; she was afraid of what she’d just
seen. She swallowed, and took a step back. Her fear only made me more angry, not at her, but because I was ashamed of myself.

I shouldered past her and shoved through everyone else in my way. Two for two. First, I’d managed to help start a rumor about the girl I was in love with, and then scared her half to
death.

The solitude of my bedroom seemed like the only place fit for me. I was too ashamed to even seek the advice of my father. Shepley caught up with me. Without a word, he got into the Charger next
to me and started the engine.

We didn’t speak as Shepley drove to the apartment. The scene that would inevitably go down when Abby decided to come home was something my mind didn’t want to process.

Shepley brought his car to a stop in its usual parking spot, and I got out, walking up the stairs like a zombie. There was no possible good ending. Either Abby was going to leave because she was
afraid of what she saw, or even worse—I had to release her from the bet so she could leave, even if she didn’t want to.

My heart had been back and forth between leaving Abby alone and deciding it was okay to pursue her more times than a freshly single sorority girl on the second floor of a frat house. Once
inside, I threw my backpack against the wall, and made sure to slam the bedroom door behind me. It didn’t make me feel better, in fact, stomping around like a toddler reminded me just how
much of Abby’s time I was wasting by pursuing her—if it could be called that.

The high-pitched hum of America’s Honda idled briefly before she cut the engine. Abby would be with her. She would either come in screaming, or the complete opposite. I wasn’t sure
which would make me feel worse.

“Travis?” Shepley said, opening the door.

I shook my head, and then sat on the edge of the bed. It sank under my weight.

“You don’t even know what she’s going to say. She could just be checking on you.”

“I said no.”

Shepley closed the door. The trees outside were brown and beginning to shed what color remained. Soon they would be leafless. By the time the last leaves fell, Abby would be gone. Damn, I felt
depressed.

A few minutes later, another knock on the door. “Travis? It’s me. Open up.”

I sighed. “Walk away, Pidge.”

The door creaked when she cracked it open. I didn’t turn around. I didn’t have to. Toto was behind me, and his small tail was beating my back at the sight of her.

“What is going on with you, Trav?” she asked.

I didn’t know how to tell her the truth, and part of me knew she wouldn’t hear me, anyway, so I just stared out the window, counting the falling leaves. With each one that detached
and floated to the ground, we were one more closer to Abby disappearing from my life. My own natural hourglass.

Abby stood beside me, crossing her arms. I waited for her to yell, or chastise me somehow for the meltdown in the cafeteria.

“You’re not going to talk to me about this?”

She began to turn for the door, and I sighed. “You know the other day when Brazil mouthed off to me and you rushed to my defense? Well . . . that’s what happened. I just got a little
carried away.”

“You were angry before Chris said anything,” she said, sitting next to me on the bed. Toto immediately crawled into her lap, begging for attention. I knew the feeling. All the
antics, my stupid stunts; everything was to somehow get her attention, and she seemed oblivious to it all. Even my crazy behavior.

“I meant what I said before. You need to walk away, Pidge. God knows I can’t walk away from you.”

She reached for my arm. “You don’t want me to leave.”

She had no idea how right—and how wrong—she was. My conflicted feelings about her were maddening. I was in love with her; couldn’t imagine a life without her in it; but at the
same time, I wanted her to have better. With that in mind, the thought of Abby with someone else was unbearable. Neither one of us could win, and yet I couldn’t lose her. The constant back
and forth made me exhausted.

I pulled Abby against me, and then kissed her forehead. “It doesn’t matter how hard I try. You’re going to hate me when it’s all said and done.”

She wrapped her arms around me, linking her fingers around the cusp of my shoulder. “We have to be friends. I won’t take no for an answer.”

She’d stolen my line from our first date at the Pizza Shack. That seemed like a hundred lifetimes ago. I wasn’t sure when things had become so complicated.

“I watch you sleeping a lot,” I said, wrapping her in both of my arms. “You always look so peaceful. I don’t have that kind of quiet. I have all this anger and rage
boiling inside of me—except when I watch you sleep.

“That’s what I was doing when Parker walked in. I was awake, and he walked in, and just stood there with this shocked look on his face. I knew what he thought, but I didn’t set
him straight. I didn’t explain because I
wanted
him to think something happened. Now the whole school thinks you were with us both in the same night. I’m sorry.”

Abby shrugged. “If he believes the gossip, it’s his own fault.”

“It’s hard to think anything else when he sees us in bed together.”

“He knows I’m staying with you. I was fully clothed, for Christ’s sake.”

I sighed. “He was probably too pissed to notice. I know you like him, Pidge. I should have explained. I owe you that much.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re not mad?” I asked, surprised.

“Is that what you’re so upset about? You thought I’d be mad at you when you told me the truth?”

“You should be. If someone single-handedly sunk my reputation, I’d be a little pissed.”

“You don’t care about reputations. What happened to the Travis that doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks?” she teased, nudging me with her elbow.

“That was before I saw the look on your face when you heard what everyone’s saying. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

“You would never do anything to hurt me.”

“I’d rather cut off my arm.” I sighed.

I relaxed my cheek against her hair. She always smelled so good, felt so good. Being near her was like a sedative. My entire body relaxed, and I was suddenly so tired, I didn’t want to
move. We sat together, our arms around each other, her head tucked in against my neck, for the longest time. Nothing beyond that moment was guaranteed, so I stayed there inside of it, with
Pigeon.

When the sun began to set, I heard a faint knock at the door. “Abby?” America’s voice sounded small on the other side of the wood.

“Come in, Mare,” I said, knowing she was probably worried about why we were so quiet.

America walked in with Shepley, and she smiled at the sight of us tangled in each other’s arms. “We were going to grab a bite to eat. You two feel like making a Pei Wei
run?”

“
Ugh . . .
Asian
again,
Mare? Really?” I asked.

“Yes, really,” she said, seeming a little more relaxed. “You guys coming or not?”

“I’m starving,” Abby said.

“Of course you are, you didn’t get to eat lunch,” I said, frowning. I stood, raising her up with me. “Come on. Let’s get you some food.”

I wasn’t ready to let go of her yet, so I kept my arm around her for the ride to Pei Wei. She didn’t seem to mind, and even leaned against me in the car while I conceded to share a
number-four meal with her.

As soon as we found a booth, I unloaded my coat beside Abby and went to the bathroom. It was weird how everyone was pretending I hadn’t just pummeled someone a few hours ago, like nothing
had happened. My hands formed a cup under the water, and I splashed my face, looking into the mirror. The water dripped from my nose and chin. Once again, I was going to have to swallow the
dysphoria and go along with everyone else’s fake mood. As if we had to keep up pretenses to help Abby move through reality in her little bubble of ignorance where no one felt anything too
strongly, and everything was cut-and-dried.

“Damn it! The food’s not here yet?” I asked, sliding into the booth next to Abby. Her phone lay on the table, so I picked it up, turned on the camera, made a stupid face, and
snapped a picture.

“What the hell are you doing?” Abby said with a giggle.

I searched for my name, and then attached the picture. “So you’ll remember how much you adore me when I call.”

“Or what a dork you are,” America said.

America and Shepley talked most of the time about their classes and the latest gossip, taking care not to mention anyone involved in the scuffle earlier.

Abby watched them talk with her chin rested on her fist, smiling and effortlessly beautiful. Her fingers were tiny, and I caught myself noticing how naked her ring finger looked. She glanced
over at me and leaned over to playfully shove me with her shoulder. She then righted herself, continuing to listen to America’s chatter.

We laughed and joked until the restaurant closed, and then crowded into the Charger to head home. I felt exhausted, and even though the day seemed long as hell, I didn’t want it to
end.

Shepley carried America up the stairs on his back, but I stayed behind, tugging on Abby’s arm. I watched our friends until they went into the apartment, and then fidgeted with Abby’s
hands in mine. “I owe you an apology for today, so I’m sorry.”

“You’ve already apologized. It’s fine.”

“No, I apologized for Parker. I don’t want you thinking I’m some psycho that goes around attacking people over the tiniest thing,” I said, “but I owe you an apology
because I didn’t defend you for the right reason.”

“And that would be . . . ,” she prompted.

“I lunged at him because he said he wanted to be next in line, not because he was teasing you.”

“Insinuating there is a line is plenty reason for you to defend me, Trav.”

“That’s my point. I was pissed because I took that as him wanting to sleep with you.”

Abby thought for a moment, and then grabbed the sides of my shirt. She pressed her forehead against my T-shirt, into my chest. “You know what? I don’t care,” she said, looking
up at me with a smile. “I don’t care what people are saying, or that you lost your temper, or why you messed up Chris’s face. The last thing I want is a bad reputation, but
I’m tired of explaining our friendship to everyone. To hell with ’em.”

The corners of my mouth turned up. “Our
friendship
? Sometimes I wonder if you listen to me at all.”

“What do you mean?”

The bubble she surrounded herself with was impenetrable, and I wondered what would happen if I ever did make it through. “Let’s go in. I’m tired.”

She nodded, and we walked together up the stairs, and into the apartment. America and Shepley were already murmuring happily in their bedroom, and Abby disappeared into the bathroom. The pipes
shrieked, and then the water in the shower beat against the tile.

Toto kept me company while I waited. She didn’t waste time; her nightly routine was complete within the hour.

She lay on the bed, her wet hair resting on my arm. She breathed out a long, relaxing breath. “Just two weeks left. What are you going to do for drama when I move back to
Morgan?”

“I don’t know,” I said. I didn’t want to think about it.

“Hey.” She touched my arm. “I was kidding.”

I willed my body to relax against the mattress, reminding myself that for the moment, she was still next to me. It didn’t work. Nothing worked. I needed her in my arms. Enough time had
been wasted. “Do you trust me, Pidge?” I asked, a little nervous.

“Yeah, why?”

“C’mere,” I said, pulling her against me. I waited for her to protest, but she only froze for a few moments before letting her body melt into mine. Her cheek relaxed against my
chest.

Instantly, my eyes felt heavy. Tomorrow I would try to think of a way to postpone her departure, but in that moment, sleeping with her in my arms was the only thing I wanted to do.

T
WO WEEKS. THAT WAS ALL I HAD LEFT TO EITHER ENJOY
our remaining time together, or somehow show Abby that I could be who
she needed.

I put on the charm; pulled out all the stops; spared no expense. We went bowling, on dinner dates, lunch dates, and to the movies. We also spent as much time at the apartment as possible:
renting movies, ordering in, anything to be alone with her. We didn’t have a single fight.

Adam called a couple of times. Even though I made a good show, he was unhappy with how short the fights lasted. Money was money, but I didn’t want to waste any time away from Pidge.

She was happier than I’d ever seen her, and for the first time, I felt like a normal, whole human being instead of some broken, angry man.

At night we would lie down and snuggle like an old married couple. The closer it came to her last night, the more of a struggle it was to stay upbeat and pretend I wasn’t desperate to keep
our lives the way they were.

The night before her last night, Abby opted for dinner at the Pizza Shack. Crumbs on the red floor, the smell of grease and spices in the air, minus the obnoxious soccer team, it was
perfect.