Authors: J. Jakee
Before I opened my eyes, lifted my head, or moved any muscle, I danced to all of love’s possibilities. As Ronnie’s thick, plushy comforter wrapped around my body, his soft pillows and Egyptian linens caressed my every angle. The morning zephyr glided through the opened windows whispering, “Every morning should be like this.” As the risen sun kissed my eyelids, begging for all of the beauty to not just be felt, but seen, I finally obliged.
A to-go cup of FeliciTEA’s was on his nightstand to the left of me. Scribbled on it was: “
It’s about time you’re awake
.
Hope this is the right kind
” I took a small sip. It was room temperature, but nonetheless the right flavor. I was impressed. I grabbed my purse that was on the floor by me and took out my pocket mirror, lip liner, and lip-gloss. The essentials so he could see that I was just as beautiful with barely any make-up on. Then, I teased my curls and created that messy, yet sexy wave look that men love.
In just his t-shirt, I met Ronnie in the living room. He was reclined with his feet kicked up on his leather ottoman. His arms were crossed, and his eyes were focused on sports highlights. He was dressed in black gym pants and a white tee that had his church name on it, which altogether made him look his age. The first time I saw him dressed completely down. But at least I wasn’t turned completely off. He was still delicious to me, and I wanted to straddle him.
I nestled my bottom into his soft leather couch with my legs folded beneath me and my knees pressed against his thigh. He smelled shower fresh with a hint of light cologne. I took in his aroma, inhaling it, and breathing it deep into the corners of my memory box. I wanted to be able to smell him when he wasn’t round. I wanted the mere thought of his presence to trigger and awaken my senses.
I asked, “So where did you sleep last night?”
“Where you were supposed to…” He spoke dryly and his eyes never left his 60” flat screen.
“I thought I was in the right room.” I dusted imaginary lint off his shoulder to snatch his undivided attention. He didn’t bite the bait.
“Is that right?” Ronnie shifted, leaving a few inches of space between us. It was then that reality slapped me with the certainty that the man didn’t want me there. We sat in the most agonizing awkward silence that no human should ever have to endure, until I stood and shook my cup.
“You mind if I hit your kitchen to warm this up?”
Still avoiding eye contact, Ronnie motioned his head to the right. “Yeah… help yourself.”
“Thanks.” I smiled at the side of his head and then turned to jet out of there immediately.
He spoke to my back. “You still have on my shirt.”
I smirked.
But, you can watch me walk away
? “I do, and it’s pretty comfortable.”
I turned to face him. His eyes crept slowly from my toes to my thighs, then from my thighs to my chest, and from my chest to my eyes… then, he shied away.
He scratched his scalp and said, “You should get ready to go.”
***
"She's about to drive me up the wall," I groaned as I gripped the stirring wheel and threw the gear into park.
I was just about to call Marley and tell her I was getting dressed. I'm glad I didn't. She had beat me home, and even worse, she was parked behind Derrick. My dashboard read 10:34 a.m. There was no telling how long they'd been there together or what they talked about, and that gave me an unsettling feeling. I pulled a brush from my glove compartment and pulled my hair into a sleek bun. Then, I attempted to mask last night with bronzer, blush, and lipstick just in case I needed to make it seem like I ran out early this morning to do something.
Marley was on the couch with her purse on her lap and her legs crossed at her ankles, holding a glass of orange juice that Derrick probably had given her. The both of them were sitting on opposite sides of the couch watching the Wendy Williams show. Marley parted her lips to speak, but as soon as I said, "Good morning," with my apricot colored smile, Derrick jumped up and took me by the wrist.
He led me onto the back patio, slid the door closed, and stuffed his hands into his pocket. "Listen, I need your help."
I blurted out, "What if he’s gay?"
Derrick's eyebrows wrinkled, and then smoothed when he caught wind of who I was talking about. "He's a Christian," he said.
"He rejected me. He could be gay."
Derrick shrugged. "He's probably not interested in sleeping with his daughters’ friend."
"We're not friends. She's my soror. Not every soror is your friend. It's just like family. Not every cousin is your homie."
Derrick laughed. “Is that what you tell yourself?"
"I slept in the man’s bed. I was standing there in nothing but his t-shirt and he didn't budge. Imagine Boris Kodjoe in your living room wearing nothing but boxers."
"First of all, you are not the female version of Boris. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."
"Move," I tried to push past him. "I need to explain why I'm late."
Derrick held my arm. "It's taken care of. Sit down."
I tilted my head and glared at him. "Whadduyou mean it’s taken care of?"
"I told her you had to run something to mom at the hospital."
I gave Derrick the side eye, "What made you do that?"
"Because you've been gone since I met Miguel here early this morning, and she's been waiting since he and Dominic left out."
"Again, what made you do that?"
"I need your help. She's filing for divorce." Derrick pounded his fist along the railing of deck. "I gotta explain something to mom and dad. There's extra loot in your account. I know you could use it. Just..." Derrick lowered his head and in almost a whisper he said, "Just keep quiet about... you know."
"Of course, I will," I said sarcastically. "There's only room for one f-up in the family, and I have that slot occupied."
Derrick lifted his head up. "It can pay for the first six months of rent, if you choose somewhere reasonable to live."
The look of desperation on Derrick’s face actually tickled me. I was seconds from pulling my phone from my purse and snapping a photo to save for when I needed a laugh. I sat on the bench, slipped off my shoes, and rubbed my ankle. My poor feet hadn't recovered from last night’s dancing or the couple of times I almost slipped.
"Oh! While you're at it, set up a chiropractic visit for me. You owe me. That move killed my itty bitty body."
Derrick huffed, "You're being dramatic... Anything else you want me to do?"
"I'm just glad Alicia finally left you. Good for her."
Derrick glanced at his Rolex. "Anything else? I need to get to work."
"Do you even care that she left with your child? Or are you and the manny that preoccupied with yourselves?"
"Watch your mouth, Nola. It’s not too late to cancel the transaction."
I flagged my hand at him and rolled my eyes. "You're just one screwed up, individual." I pointed to my chest. "I'm not the screwed up.
You're the screwed up one
. I'm your hero."
"You're scheming to sleep with your friend's father. For what? To marry him and gain financial security, Nola? Let's not get high and mighty now that you're about to get some holy penis."
I grabbed my shoes and stood up. "Oh so what, your lace panties are in a knot because I spoke the truth?" I pushed pass him. "You need me, Derrick. I don’t need you.
I slid the patio door open.
Derrick spoke to my back, "Consider the transaction cancelled."
I gave him the finger without bothering to turn around.
"And, if anything gets out, Marley and all your soror friends will know what's up -
everything that's up.
"
***
Marley sat on the edge of my bed paging through a NORDSTORM catalogue, while I browsed for a dress in my walk-in closet, wearing nothing but my bra and panties. After sharing hotel suites for our sorority conferences over the years, walking around in a towel or even dressing in front of each other was about as normal as a mother drinking from her sweaty teenage child's soda bottle without a qualm. The sisterhood that comes with sorority is just powerful like that. It could also make a mere three months of friendship seem like there was a lifetime already invested. That's the reason why I fell in love with it. The women of this sorority didn't need to know my past or my vulnerabilities. They only need to see what I've shown them, and what I've continued to let them see. They adored who they thought I was, and although they would have accepted the real me with arms wide open, I felt better allowing them to believe what they saw - especially Marley.
"Lord, I gotta have these," she said in what almost sounded like a prayer.
I peeked out and looked at the cobalt sling backs that her bejeweled fingernail was resting on. Then, my focus fell on her full set of nails that had looked none other than my stylist Delilah’s signature designs
. When did she go see Delilah? Why didn't tell me? She better had put my name down as a referral!
Marley looked up and smiled. “Can I use your laptop? I wanna order these right now!"
At first, I was hesitant.
Now you're an avid shoe shopper?
"Yeah... go 'head. “I pointed to my desk.
When Marley stood and smoothed down her white pants, I couldn't help but notice the extra pounds she gained – especially in areas that complimented her figure. Her neat spiraled curls swayed as she sat in my chair and jiggled the mouse to take the monitor off sleep mode. I slipped back into my closet and decided on pants. My cargo camo joggers hugged my booty perfectly. I had to show Marley how to really rock a pair of pants, and remind her who the real fashion queen was.
"Nola, why does this coupon have your address?" Marley called.
I asked from the closet, "What are you talking about?"
"This So Smooth Spa Day coupon… It says it's a free spa treatment located at So Smooth Spa on its apparent grand opening date, but the address is yours."
When I realized that Marley was looking at the template I created to plant the coupon falling out of my purse, for Carmen to steal, and bring to the house, I nearly tripped over my pant legs and fell on my face. I must have leaped over my king bed with how fast I reached over Marley’s shoulder and minimized EVERYTHING.
"My parents... They had a theme party here. They really get into it. They had me making all kinds of props." I shocked myself with how quickly I came up with that. I closed my laptop and sat down to tie my black strap sandals. "You know what? I just remembered that I have pair of shoes just like those. I wore them only once. They’re by a different designer, but they’re the same style and same color. And you know I only mess with high quality. You can have them."
I could feel Marley's eyeballs starting at me in disbelief. "Are you sure?"
"When have I ever been stingy with my things?"
"You don't have to do that, Nola. You should probably sell them on eBay. Get extra money out of it."
"And why should I do that?"
Marley stumbled on her speech, "Because... You should... save since..."
"Since what? …Marley just hush."
Her shyness always frustrated me. I wanted to shake her sometimes, grab her by her arms and say, "Girl, be bold!" That right there was a prime example that no matter how much she tried to alter her style, she could never be Nola Victor.
I stood up, flicked my hair from my shoulder, and teased the curls so that it would get wavy. "There’s a time for shopping and there's a time for saving," I said while putting on my black baby tee. "Don't act like I don't hook you up. If you feel you're too good and mighty to take my cobalt sling-backs, don't take them. Just don't forget that I'm the reason you look the way you do."
Three times, Marley looked like she wanted to say something but stopped. She let the conversation drop and went into the closet to find the pair of shoes.
“Hurry," I rushed her while I put on my shades and slid my purse on my arm. "We were supposed to get started hours ago."
It was awkward sitting on the first pew, sandwiched between Marley and Silas while Pastor Ronnie Robinson facilitated bible study class.
I couldn't even recall agreeing to sit front and center with the man who I've lusted for, while the man who I hoped to marry one day, stood directly in front of the both of us. It wasn't until Marley mentioned during lunch, with a mouth full of California spring rolls, that I promised Silas and I would be pairing with her and geeky Greg for a "Christian couple night".
Marley was so excited about our Bible Study double-date, that avocado flew from between her teeth and landed on our table while she talked. I guess I also agreed to going to dinner with them afterwards. That wasn't going to happen. I needed to stay back and confront Ronnie. I needed to ask about his cold behavior towards me this morning, and why he avoided eye contact with me the entire study.
Silas pulled me to the side while we were in the church lobby. It was right after I fed him, Marley and Greg some BS story about my menstrual keeping me from joining them for dinner.
He looked like he had it rough at work before he came here. His circle patterned tie dangled around his neck, his suit jacket had a coffee stain by the pocket, and his shirt was wrinkled and hanging out of his pants. The only neat thing about him was his freshly shaped-up red hair and his beaming white teeth.
"Hey," he smiled. “How’s Dom?”
“He’s cool… Thanks for asking about him.”
“That’s my lil homie.”
Cute
. I giggled.
"Listen. Give me your email address. A couple of positions opened up at our company. I’ll send them to you"
"Which positions?"
"There's one in the Marketing and Communications department, and there are a few in Finance. They're entry level or willing to train."
"Entry level? Uh uhn. No. Not enough money. Not interested." I was about to walk away.
Silas held my arm. "Aye, it's not like you in a position to be choosey."
I snatched my arm away. "Excuse me?!'"
Silas placed his hand on my mouth and looked around to see if my tone had alerted anyone. In almost a whisper he said, "All I'm saying is that you need to take what you can get."
I looked at him like he had lost his mind, because he obviously had. "I never asked for your help, and I sure as hell didn't ask for your input."
Silas backed up. "You're tripping, man."
My facial expression didn't change. "Who the hell do you think you are, telling me what I need?"
Silas flexed his jaw and slowly shook his head. Then, he stepped closer. His chest was getting so close to my face that by reflex I lifted my hands and pressed against him.
He spoke through grit teeth, "I could really go in on you right now, Nola. But, since we in God’s house Im’ma let it go and walk away."
With that, his torso bumped my body as he walked away from me. He slapped hands with Greg and nodded goodbye to Marley who were both standing by the doors gawking at each other. Marley immediately rushed over as soon as Silas exited. "Everything ok? Silas looked upset."
I probably should have mentioned that her friend Silas had a temper, came off aggressively, and was showing signs of being low-key crazy... On the contrary, I found it very sexy and attractive that I could bring him to frustration that easily.
"He's taking it hard that I can't come tonight."
Marley semi-pouted, "Aww!"
Then, she quickly switched gears. Without easing into it she flat out asked me, "So, how was last night? I know that you stayed out somewhere because of the dress you had on this morning. You wouldn't slip that on to run to your mom’s job."
Marley looked like it pained her to wait for my response, so I waited. I took a long pause and pretended as if I was afraid to let her know, just to teach her a lesson about being nosey.
Finally, I said, "I was with Silas."
Marley looked like she started breathing again, and replied, "Oh!"
My eyebrows gathered on my forehead. "Where did you think I was?"
Marley turned pink and laughed nervously, "It's silly. Never mind that..." She tilted her head towards the exit and asked, "You heading out?"
I held my stomach. "Go without me. I need to hit the ladies’ room."
Marley caressed my arm before she left with Greg.
"Hope you feel better."
***
I watched Marley and Greg leave the church parking lot, and then walked right by the ladies’ room and into Ronnie's office. He looked like he was about to break outta there. He was by his desk stuffing folders into a bag, and his fedora was already on his head. I lightly tapped on his door. He looked up briefly to say, "What's up."
There was still tension there, so I kept my distance and leaned against the entryway. "Nice study, tonight," I said to break the ice.
Ronnie shook his head and smirked. Even with a smirk, his dimple flashed. "You know, you don't have to come back here and feed me your false encouragements every time I preach." He never looked back up as he spoke. "90% of the time, I know I'm good."
Ronnie walked over to his bookshelf, grabbed a book, and stuffed that into his bag, too - all without making eye contact with me.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, looking at the profile of his face.
He spoke quickly and brashly, "You know what I’m talking about. I’ve been teaching for twenty years. I have a knack for distinguishing who’s really paying attention. You haven't listened to one sermon since you started visiting here. Yet you always deem it necessary to tell me, I’ve done well."
I struggled with finding the right words to say. He had me, and I couldn't deny it. I never paid attention him. I was too busy thinking about more important things like how long it would take him to fall madly in love with me. "What's wrong with you? Why are you being so hostile?"
Ronnie zipped and buckled his bag. "I think you're taking it that way."
"No I'm not. You haven't looked at me all night, and you didn’t look at me this morning. You’ve been short and agitated. What's the problem?”
The pastor and I paused as a group of stragglers came walking down the hall and pass the office. When the hall sounded clear, Ronnie spoke up. "I'm not talking about it here."
"Ok fine. I’ll wait for you in my car."
I marched out before Ronnie could say anything else. Fifteen minutes later, the lights inside the church went out and Ronnie and some other man were walking out and locking up. The man slapped hands with Ronnie and walked to a Jeep parked on the side street. When Ronnie looked like he was starting towards his own car, I tapped my horn and waved my hand out the window. I parked only about four spaces away from his car. How could he miss me? I immediately caught an attitude. His act was getting old.
Ronnie came to my car, opened the passenger door, slid the seat back to accommodate his legs, and sat down. His sweet cologne took the pleasure of overpowering my lilac scented car freshener. "Let's make this quick. I have early morning plans."
"It's like you woke up this morning and suddenly decided that I was an inconvenience," I spoke sweetly trying hard to mask my ‘tude. "I thought we were friends. I thought we connected and were getting along great."
Ronnie took his time to respond as if he was being sure to select his words carefully. He looked straight ahead and said, "Silas… he's really feeling you. Marley talks about you two all the--"
I lifted my hand and cut him short, "All the time? Silas and I aren’t even around each other enough for Marley to have something to talk about all the time."
Marley was beginning to aggravate my soul with her blocking.
Ronnie finally looked at me when he asked, "You’re not dating him?"
"I'm single."
I felt his tension ease up. I sighed. Then I broke the silence.
"Hold up wait. Is that why you've been acting weird? Because of Silas?" I laughed. "Are you the jealous kind? You act like you and I are seeing each other... or are we?"
Ronnie shook his head and laughed. He bashfully looked away, which was kinda cute. He looked at me again. “It was crazy walking upstairs into my bedroom to see you under my covers with your hair stretched over all of my pillows."
He paused and looked away as he rested his elbow on the armrest. He pressed his thumb onto his chin. I could tell he was holding back something he wanted to say.
I softly said, "Just tell me..."
"You reminded me a lot like Margo - my wife." He then sat up and spoke clearly. "It's like I was excited... happy, you know. I felt full and I wanted you. I wanted to hold you… but not
you
... Margo."
He stopped and looked at me from the corner of his eyes. "You think I’m crazy, don’t you?"
Still burning after he stung me with the words, “…but not you… Margo,” I just shook my head.
He went on, "Then, just that like that…" Ronnie snapped his fingers. "I got upset. I resented you being there."
"Wow" was all that I could say.
Ronnie continued, "I prayed about it, and I realized two things. One, I'm still mourning my wife. Two, I may not be ready to date yet.”
I swept everything he had just said under my car rug.
"You seem stressed. Let's go get ice cream."
Ronnie slowly shook his head to decline. “I have an early morning."
"It's just ice cream," I pressed. "God's not gonna get mad at you for taking a few moments to chill and eat ice cream."
Ronnie took moments to think about it, and I sat on the edge of my seat waiting. I was preparing for a letdown. Just before I could get frustrated and shout, "JUST FORGET IT!" he finally asked, "Where are we going?"
***
We ended up at Coldstone Creamery just over the bridge in New Jersey. It was my suggestion. Our ice cream outing turned into a television in-ing at his place. Surprisingly, it was his suggestion. We started out on opposite ends of his couch watching a Modern Family marathon. Both of us had our feet up with his stretched towards mine and mine stretched towards his.
During a commercial break, I crawled over to him and collapsed my head onto his chest. His arm fell on my back, I held tight onto his waist, and we slept like that until dawn. The next morning wasn't awkward at all. To make sure it stayed that way, I got up, brewed him some coffee, and got out of there before he woke up.
***
"No. I don't feel like it. I don't wanna do anything today."
I could hear Dominic fussing when I walked through the front door. His deep voice carried from the kitchen.
"I don't even wanna be a grown up anymore. I want to be child forever like Nola."
I caught the tail end of his statement at the doorway. The manny sucked his lips in and blushed when he saw me. My father was in there as well. He was sipping from a mug and smirking.
"Good morning… And, I'm not a child, Dom." I greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. "I'm an adult like you."
Dominic sounded confused when he asked, "You are?"
My father dropped his mug in the sink. "You are a very smart man, Dominic."
Then he patted Dominic on the shoulder, wrote the manny a check, and left out for work, walking right by me as if I were invisible.
The manny stuffed the check into his tight pants pocket and reasoned with Dominic. "Okay, you don't have to go to your program or to your job, Dom. Everybody deserves a break. We can just hang here or go to a quiet museum."
Dominic blurted, "I wanna go to the train station."
"You can handle that?" the manny asked him but looked at me. I shook my head in disagreement. The manny scratched his head.
"Let's think about that. For now, let's just relax here.”
Dominic agreed and left the manny and me in the kitchen. It was actually the first time we were alone together since he got back from his getaway affair with my brother. Since Alicia's fight with Derrick, I had a feeling that the manny was purposely trying to avoid me. He was always exiting any room that I entered or keeping his head down when we crossed paths in the hallways. I was looking in the refrigerator for a bottled water when he spoke to me.