“Jen, you don’t mean that.”
“I do. Chase, I’m not walking away.” His disappointment made her want to console him. “I’m asking for time. Time to trust, time to adjust to being Andrea’s guardian, time to adjust to living here, working here…time to understand what I’m feeling for you. This isn’t a refusal, but more of a ‘not right now.’ Do you understand?”
He sighed heavily. “No guy likes to get turned down on a marriage proposal, but yeah, I get it. You’re wrong, though. Your issues are my issues. I created them and it’s up to me to fix it.” He was quiet for a minute. “It’s all Big John’s fault. His pep talk went a little too far.”
He was attempting to hide his disappointment with humor. She wished she could have given him the answer he hoped for, but she was doing the right thing. She wasn’t marriage material. She prayed one day that view of herself would change. Jena closed the gap between them and embraced him. She kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, “I’m sorry I can’t say the words you want to hear. I want to, please believe that.”
He nodded and squeezed her tightly. “I’m going to do everything in my power to hear those words. I’m not giving up…just so you understand that.” He held her face in his hands, looking through her eyes to her soul.
“I don’t want you to give up,” she answered honestly.
“So, I guess I’ll change the toast.”
“Please do. I could use a drink.”
She thought she heard him chuckle as he handed her the glass, holding his up in front of him. “This evening may not have gone as I had hoped, but I’m sure of one thing…I love you.”
The clank of their glasses echoed loudly in the moonlight. Jena wished she could echo the sentiment, but she couldn’t form the words. If only she had something eloquent to say, but she was speechless and took a sip to cover the awkward moment.
She turned from him, clutching her wine glass, concentrating on the waves crashing to shore. Closing her eyes she listened to the music of the surf, praying for calm.
“What are you thinking?” Chase’s voice broke into her thoughts.
“I wish I would have gone home tonight,” she answered candidly.
“Getting the hang of the whole honesty thing?” He chuckled. “It’s over, Jen. I understand it’s too soon. Let it go.”
“It’s difficult to quit reliving the moment.”
“You could always change your answer.” His eyes smiled at her as she turned to face him.
Was she crazy? He was her everything. She sighed, and then heard herself saying, “This is what’s right for now.”
Chase lightly brushed the back of his hand along her cheek. “For now. For now I will continue to show you why we belong together.”
The sound of a barking dog broke into their moment. Jena stepped back and Chase tightened his grip around her waist. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I was thinking…”
“Must be losing my touch,” he responded lightly.
She shook her head urgently. “You’re touch is just fine. You have to promise me…you can’t quit the band.”
“It would be no sacrifice. I’m wealthy. Hey, I could get a nine-to-five job and contribute to the vacation fund,” he joked.
But she wasn’t laughing. “Jen?”
“Your music is a part of who you are. I might not be familiar with that part, but I want to be.” She responded to the look of doubt on his face. “Really.” Jena took his hand and held it tightly, looking down at the connection. “It’s time I meet your passion.” She knew if she didn’t become a part of his music life, she’d eventually lose him. And if there was one thing she knew for sure….she wanted him, always.
He took their entwined hands and held them to his heart. “You are my passion. I don’t need anything else to make me whole.”
Her head tilted stubbornly. “I would never forgive myself if I took that away from you. And I’m afraid you would eventually resent me. I have to do this, Chase.” In her mind she saw women throwing themselves at him, late night parties, touring that would keep them apart… Fear bubbled up, closely followed by doubt, but she replaced it with a smile.
“My life isn’t what you think. My priority is your happiness. If that happiness includes me having a more conventional job…well, I have no problem with that.”
“Let’s give this a try first, okay?”
He turned serious again, lifting her chin so she couldn’t escape his gaze. “If, at any time, you can’t deal with this…say the word. I’ll quit. You have my promise. Nothing matters if I can’t share it with you.”
Jena was touched by his devotion to her. He believed he could live happily without his music, but she knew better. If she ever wanted a future with Chase Reiss, she was going to have to deal with this side of him too. The first step was going to this concert and seeing what really happens. If she didn’t fit in she knew what she’d have to do.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked softly.
She stepped back massaging her forehead. She needed to be honest. “I’m…” She couldn’t find the words.
“You can tell me anything.”
“Really, it’s nothing. I’m just tired.” She wouldn’t speak of her doubts tonight and the thoughts running through her head.
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. It’s been a long day. I’m going to…um…head up to bed.”
Chase stood there looking more handsome than a man had a right and her mind went immediately to
that
. She knew he wanted to take their relationship to a more intimate level. God, she couldn’t even say the word. Her face flushed with embarrassment.
“What aren’t you telling me?” He pushed.
She bit down on her lip. “I want to…”
“You want to what?” He was looking at her like she was speaking another language.
“Sex,” she blurted.
“You want sex?” His eyebrows rose as he asked the question.
“Yes. No!” She covered her face hoping she would disappear.
He took her hands from her face. “Tell me what it is you’re thinking. It’s me. There’s no reason for hiding.”
“I know you want to…um…but…I…uh…” Now, she was really getting angry with herself. “I’m not ready for that step and I wanted to be honest.”
“It’s okay. When the time comes, and it will,” he promised, “there won’t be any thinking about it.”
She could only nod before escaping to the house and to Chase’s guest room. Well, tonight had been a total disaster. How many ways could she be a disappointment to him?
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jena awoke and groaned at the memories of the night before. She had to let them go. Her eyes floated around the room, desperate for a distraction. This bedroom was twice the size of hers back home. She shook her head with disbelief. Never in a million years would she have guessed Chase would have this kind of success with music. Jasmine had tried to tell her through the years, but she wouldn’t listen; always changing the subject. Bits and pieces came back to Jena—talk of Chase on tour, Chase’s new album, Chase won an award. Jasmine thought she was stubborn. No, she was blocking the pain.
She threw her legs over the side of the bed and went to the adjoining bathroom and flipped on the light. Wow. Marble and stone surrounded her in warm earth tones. A garden tub loomed in front of a ceiling to floor window where the first streams of sunshine were beginning to filter in. A separate shower was in the corner. This was the guest bathroom? Her nerves were rattling again.
“Stop it!” she hissed to herself. Glancing toward the sink, she found a packaged toothbrush and toothpaste. When had he done that? More importantly, why would he have spare toothbrushes lying around? She wouldn’t allow her mind to come up with an answer, because she knew the direction it would go—female visitors.
She quickly brushed her teeth, wondering when she had gotten so cynical. Grabbing her purse, she found her hairbrush and ran it impatiently through her hair. If she was going to have any kind of future with Chase she would have to change her way of thinking. Instead of expecting the worst, she would let life play out. Be spontaneous. Yeah, right, Jena Shea spontaneous. She shoved the brush back in her purse and instantly decided she would make breakfast. Food would give her something creative to concentrate on.
Jena descended the stairs to a quiet house. She must be the only one up.
Footsteps from behind startled her. “Hey, Beautiful, you’re up early.”
The sound of his voice lifted the doubts. “Good morning,” she said as she walked into his embrace, noticing the bare chest and her increased heart rate. “What’s with the towel? Are you going swimming?”
“Morning workout. Do you want to join me?” He winked with a sexy smile.
For the first time, she noticed a large tattoo on his upper arm and shoulder. She ran her finger gently across it. His bicep tensed under her touch. Her mind immediately went to a different kind of workout and she blushed. “Um, no, I’m not dressed for that.”
“Yeah, well, I like the way you look in my t-shirt.” He nuzzled her neck as her eyes opened wide in horror. She pushed away, pulling in a downward motion on the t-shirt she was wearing.
She placed a hand to her forehead and shook her head in disbelief. “I forgot to change.”
“You’re really embarrassed about me seeing you in a t-shirt?”
“I’m not used to walking around like this in front of…” she cut herself off.
“What?”
She shook her head. “Nothing”
He brushed his lips across hers. “I won’t push. If you change your mind the gym is down this hall.”
The gym?
“You go ahead. I might go out on the terrace.”
“Make yourself at home.”
He didn’t wait for her to answer. She allowed herself the luxury of watching him. He was the beautiful one. The muscles that covered his body told her he spent a great deal of time in that gym. And she couldn’t help reflecting on his tattoo. She wondered if there were others, contemplating where they might be. With a heart rate that matched a sprinter’s, she turned and headed for the kitchen. Throwing open the large refrigerator door, her hopes of making breakfast were immediately dashed. It was empty if one didn’t count the cup worth of milk, the tub of butter, and the carton of orange juice. She sighed as she shut it. Jena peered out the glass of the French doors and watched the joggers and seashell hunters on the beach. That’s what she’d do…go for a walk…enjoy the sunshine and ocean breezes, and get her mind off of tattoos.
She quickly changed back to her sundress and flip-flops and opened the door. The heat hit her face and she closed her eyes in appreciation. Yes, she was getting too used to the air-conditioning. This was exactly what she needed to relax her nerves.
She took her time descending the steps. This was her first close-up view of all of this in the daylight. It was no less impressive. A warm feeling passed over her as she gazed at the gazebo where he asked her to marry him. Regret washed over her. Was it regret for disappointing him? Or regret she wasn’t engaged this morning to Chase Reiss?
She decided to leave her flip-flops as she slid her foot in the sand. It was still cool. She loved the feeling of the soft powder under her feet. Wrapping her arms around herself she walked toward the waves. She stood for a moment gazing into the distance. Jena always wondered what life was like under the waves of the ocean. She saw two dolphins emerge from the water and smiled, watching them until they disappeared. This was the peace she needed.
Jena passed many people along the way. They all greeted her with a smile, nod, or a “good morning.” Quite different than back home where most people kept their heads down, so the winter chill didn’t take their breath. This was nice, relaxed…something easy to get used to.
“Jena.” She heard a voice behind her. Her blood ran cold before she turned around to confirm her suspicion.
The trembling started. She was in a public place. Keep calm. “Todd, what are you doing here?”
“Hello, Jena.” He smiled in the way she remembered, not the threatening way from the aquarium.
Her eyes narrowed. “What do you want?”
“Actually, I wanted to apologize for the other day. I’d like you to let me take you to lunch, show I’m a good sport.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Are you worried about your boyfriend finding out? He doesn’t have to know, Jena. We’ve been friends for a long time. We shouldn’t let things end this way.”
He didn’t look angry.
She attempted to brush him off. “Really, that’s not necessary. I have a busy day ahead of me.”
“Come on, for old time’s sake. I don’t want to leave things like this. I’ll be returning home soon.”
“You’re leaving?” Did she sound too hopeful?
“I’m heading back tomorrow. I can’t say I’m happy, but I understand you’re moving on with your life.”
She smiled with apprehension. Everyone makes mistakes. Wouldn’t she want to be forgiven? “Why don’t you come to my house for lunch. It won’t be anything fancy.”
He smiled broadly. The smile Jena remembered fondly. “Thanks, Jena. Your forgiveness is more than I deserve. Will Chase be coming?”
“I think it would be better if he didn’t know. You’re not his favorite person.”
“I understand.” He nodded in concession.
“I’ll see you around noon?”
“See you then.”
“Wait. Don’t you need my address?”
“That would help,” he said with a smile.
She gave him the address and watched as he disappeared into a crowd of beach goers. Chase would be furious with her if he knew, but she felt she owed Todd this much. They had been friends for years. Besides, it wouldn’t be like she would be alone with him. Mrs. R. would be there.
Jena hadn’t gone far, so it didn’t take long for her return. She opened the door to find Chase leaning against the counter with an angry look on his face.
“Where the hell have you been?”
She stammered, “I decided to take a walk. I was going to make breakfast, but your refrigerator is in need of a restock.”
He had her enveloped in an embrace so quickly it startled her. “I was going out of my mind.”
“I’m sorry. I should have left a note.”
“I would have still worried. You haven’t forgotten everything that’s been happening, have you?”
“No, but…there were people all around me.”