“You look like a stranger. I don’t know you.”
“Alexa, you do know me. You know me better than anyone ever has. I wish you knew me more but I know why you don’t. I’ve pushed you away so many times with my fucked up insecurities. This last time…” He walks closer but Alexa moves away. “This last time, I felt like such a bastard for what I did to you. The look on your face that day at my apartment–I died a little that day. I didn’t run after you because I don’t deserve you. You deserve the world and I’m just an ass.”
“We agree on all these things. You done now?” Alexa asks.
“No, I’m not done. When Brett called me and told me you’d been gone for two weeks, all I could think about was how I treated you and how I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. I wanted to stay away. I knew you didn’t want to see me. But Brett asked me one question and the answer made me come here one last time.”
Alexa stares at him impatiently waiting for his answer. Scott takes a deep breath. “He asked me if loved you and I knew the answer was yes.”
Alexa raises her hand to stop him. “Just stop it. Your words of love are empty. They mean absolutely nothing to me. I don’t know whose definition of love you’re working from but it isn’t mine.”
“Don’t you get it, baby girl? I have never loved anyone in my life. I never even tried until I met you. I always thought I was gonna be some big shot executive that spent his life traveling the world and moving on to the next beautiful woman. You know me. You know how I loved the power and the freedom. And then you fucking walked into my office all those years ago and turned my world upside down. You have a way with me, Alexa, a way that touches my heart, a heart I didn’t know could be touched. I haven’t been happy a day that you weren’t in my life. I live to hear your voice say my name, I crave your laughter, and love the way you look with your messed up hair in the morning. You’re the most beautiful person I know, inside and out, and…”
“And what?” she asks, still clearly pissed off.
“I would do anything to prove how much you mean to me. Anything.”
She laughs and shakes her head. “I seriously doubt you would do anything for me. I do know you and you’re a selfish bastard. You used me and I don’t even know why. I don’t know what you had to gain by doing what you did to me and I won’t spend another minute thinking about it. I have given my last shit about you. I will find a way to stop loving you and stop caring. I will.”
“You still love me?” Scott asks, walking closer to her. She instinctively moves back, and Scott cocks his head. “Please, Alexa, please don’t back away. I can’t take it anymore. Please come to me. Let me love you. Let me try.”
A tear escapes her eye and rolls down her cheek but she angrily wipes it away. “I let you try and you fucking broke me.” Her voice cracks. “You broke me.”
Scott walks quickly towards her and then, suddenly, drops to his knees in front of her and wraps his arms around her legs. She tries to twist free but he holds her tight.
“Alexa Drake, look at me. I know I fucked up. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I can’t live like this anymore. I don’t want anything in this world if you aren’t in it with me.”
“Yeah okay, Scott, so right now you’re so contrite. Right now, you’re willing to say all the right things. But what about tomorrow? What about the next time I want to do something I feel is important for me? Then what? I get a belt used on me? I get left again? I get to watch the only man I’ve ever loved ridicule me with other women? That isn’t love, Scotty. It’s not love.”
“I know,” he yells. “Alexa, I’m fucked up. We both know it. But we also both know that when we are together, we are better. I am better. I won’t be perfect but I will promise one thing–I will keep trying to be the man you deserve. I’ve had nothing but time to think about what I did wrong with you. And I have nothing but regret over it. You’re the only person that has ever loved me and your absence has left a hole in me. Please, Alexa, I’m on my goddamn knees begging for another chance. Surely that means something to you.”
It did mean something to her but she was terrified to put her guard down. “I don’t trust you anymore,” she says softly.
“I know. I’ll have to earn that back.”
“We live in two different countries.”
“We’ll figure it out. We have to. I can’t live without you, baby girl.”
“I don’t know. You’re not good for me.”
“I’m the only one for you.” He runs his hand up her leg. “And you’re the only one for me. It’s only you and me from now on, Alexa.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not convinced.”
“Let me convince you. I’ll die trying.”
She looks down at him, this massive man sitting at her feet, begging for another chance. There is no sane reason she should even consider it, no reason at all, except one. She fucking loves the bastard.
“Scotty, if we do this, there needs to be new rules. It can’t be like it was.”
“I know.”
“I need space to live my life. I need to be my own woman in some areas.”
“I know.”
“You can’t dictate everything I do. It’s not healthy.”
“I know, Alexa.”
“I’m scared to let you back in. Really scared,” she says, so quietly it’s nearly a whisper.
“I know,” he whispers back. “Alexa, you have my heart in your hand, you always have. You have the power to crush me right now, to turn me into a weak and helpless boy. I came here, Alexa, for you. I came here to lie at your feet and give you everything I have. I came to love you. It may be a fucked up, dysfunctional love, but it’s all I have and it’s all for you. If you’ll have me, I give myself to you–completely. To hear you say yes, will be the most beautiful word I could ever hear.”
She looks down at him, shocked to hear her own words said back to her, that he remembered them, and that he wanted to say them back to her. Her eyes fill with tears and she finds herself reaching out to touch him–running her fingers across his supple cheek, outlining his strong jaw, and brushing her thumb against his sensual lips. Her heart seems to beat so loudly she thinks the whole of London can hear it. So much of her common sense tells her not to give this man another chance to break her heart. Oh, but the side of her that knows she can’t back away again, reminds her that her heart is already entwined with his. There was no escaping this.
Alexa kneels down in front of Scott and places her hands on both sides of his face. She smiles and he reaches up to wipe a tear that trickles down her cheek. Leaning forward just a bit, she softly and sweetly, kisses his lips. “Yes.”
Scott pulls her into his arms, squeezing her. “Christ, Lexi, thank you. Thank you so much. I love you, Lexi. I love you so much it makes me stupid.” He kisses her, sucking her tongue into his mouth, tangling his hands in her hair. “I love you,” he says, kissing her again. “We can do this. We can start over. It will be beautiful.”
“Beautiful and twisted, just like us.”
“This is our way, this is how we love.”
Alexa nods her head and melts into another kiss from Scott. This was not at all how she expected the day to end. She never thought she’d be in his arms again, never thought she’d hear that sexy voice saying her name, never run her hands over his glorious body. But here she was, lying on the floor of her apartment, tangled in a passionate kiss with Scott Fucking Patrick.
Scott breaks away from kissing Alexa but holds her tightly in his arms. “I want to make love to you, Alexa, more than anything. But I think there’s something we both need to do first.”
She looks up at him, a quizzical expression on his face. “What’s that?”
He sits up, pulling her to an upright position. “I got on my knees for a reason, Lexi. It’s time I spent a little time down here, at
your
feet.”
She shakes her head as the understanding of his statement hits her. “No way, Scotty. I can’t.”
“You have to. We need to level the playing field right now. After today, I want us both to know that we’re in this life together. I know you, Alexa, the pain I’ve caused you is still fresh, the doubt I created still lingers, the fear that I’ll try to take away your power again will be a shadow on our love.” He lifts his hand to rub her cheek. “You need to do this to me, and I need to let you. Besides, I might like it. Never know.”
“Scotty, are you suggesting that I stand up right now and get my riding crop out?” Alexa asks, now beyond shocked.
He nods his head. “That is exactly what I’m suggesting. Do to me what you’ve done to the other men. Let me lick your boots. But be assured, my sweet baby girl, I’m going to finish it off. I’m going to spend the rest of today buried between your legs.” He pauses and smiles, melting her icy heart just a little bit more. “If you’ll have me.”
She sits on the floor, staring at the magnificent man before her. Scott Patrick wants her to dominate him? That’s unbelievable. Does she want to? She ponders the thought for a moment, as Scott plants tiny kisses up her arm.
Would it really help me feel equal to him? Would it let me take my power back? Would it fix anything at all when everything has been so broken?
“Lexi, everything we’ve been through means something. It won’t be completely fixed today but we can start working on it right now. I’ve had a long time to think about what I would do if you gave me another chance and I decided I would do anything it took because you deserve it. Anything. So please, stand up, get your whip, and beat the shit out of me.” He takes her hand and rubs it over the erection pressing against his jeans. “See, baby girl, just the idea is turning me on.”
“We still need to talk about this.”
“We are talking about this. We both have needs and you’ve spent years catering to mine. It’s your turn now, Lexi.”
She sighs and realizes that she is feeling the tingle of arousal too. She’s about to dominate Scott Patrick. Seriously? Standing up, she runs her fingers through her hair, trying to compose her thoughts. How does she transition from where they are now to the dominant bitch she loves to be? She smiles at him. “You stay here and I’ll be out in a few minutes. I need to prepare.”
“I’ll wait right here. Is there something special I should call you?”
She grins not being able to imagine SP calling her mistress. There was only one name she loved to hear from his mouth and decided she can make it work. “You may call me baby girl, as you always do.”
He returns her grin. “My pleasure, baby girl.”
“Stay,” she says, walking back into her bedroom. She goes into her bathroom and splashes cold water across her face and quickly takes down her hair from the ponytail holder, fluffing it with her fingers. She walks into her closet and strips out of her jeans and sweater and grabs a red leather dress and black patent leather shoes. She pulls her black silk stockings on and spritzes her body with perfume. A final look in the mirror, a deep breath, and she thinks she is ready to handle this. She walks to her toy box and takes out her riding crop and her leather restraints.
Gotta take it easy on him, it’s his first time after all.
As confident as she normally feels in this situation, she feels just as much anxiety. Still, she had to admit it was always a fantasy to be in this position with Scott. Alexa was the woman that finally brought him to his knees.
Alexa walks back into the living room and is surprised to see Scott still sitting on the floor, patiently waiting for her. She walks past him to the kitchen to pour them two glasses of whiskey, something she knew they would both need. As she approaches, she tries her hardest to summon her bad ass bitch mode she uses for these occasions. She sits down in her creamy upholstered reading chair across from him, and crossing her legs, motions for him to stand. “It’s time to start, Scotty. Take off your clothes for me.”
Scott grins and immediately begins to undress, taking his time with each article. He gets to his boxers and slides them down slowly, revealing that he is already quite aroused by this game.
Alexa wants to smile but fights the urge as Scott stands before her nude, his always impressive erection standing at attention between them. Alexa takes a sip of her whiskey and gestures for him to walk closer to her.
“You can start by licking my shoe,” she says, keeping her expression neutral.
Scott quickly falls to the floor and lifts her foot to his mouth, extending his tongue and slowly running it up the side of her patent leather pump. He continues up her leg, stopping at her knee and glancing at her. “Shall I continue, baby girl?”
“You shall.”
Scott drags his tongue the rest of the way up her leg, along her thigh and just under the hem of her dress. He keeps his eyes on her the entire time, waiting for her next direction.
“You’ve been a very bad boy, Scotty. Very bad. I’m going to have to punish you for your behavior. Do you understand that?”
He nods and she’s surprised that he doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable or worried at all. She stands and picks up her leather restraints and begins the task of hooking his wrists together behind him. Scott watches her intently as she does her work.
“You’ve learned well, baby girl.”
Alexa allows herself a small smirk. “You’re about to find out.” She walks in a circle around Scott while he sits somewhat helpless on the floor. Lifting the whiskey glass to his lips, she lets him take a gulp. “I have free reign, Scotty?”