“How would you feel if your mother only came to see you because she was forced to?”
Bruce gripped the arms of the chair. The only times Alexis “visited” Bruce were when she wanted something. Rejection stabbed at his heart. “Forcing Uncle Nathan to visit Nefertiti would make things worse for her.”
“They were close. Why do you think he hasn’t contacted her?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know?” He smoothed down his mustache and goatee. “All I know is my beauty is hurting, and I don’t know how to stop her pain.”
“What reason does Nefertiti give for her father’s absence?”
“You should have spoken to Auntie before your session with Nefertiti. You’d know all of this. She thinks her scarring keeps him away, that he can’t stand to look at her.”
Dr. Herman tapped the end of his pen on his chin and nodded slightly. “Umm-hmm. I guess that would be a logical conclusion for her.”
“That’s nonsense. He loves her to death. I don’t know what his problem is, but it’s not the scars.”
“And why did you make love to her with your eyes closed? Are you sure you were protecting her and not yourself?”
“Of course I was protecting her!” He stomped as he stood, but Dr. Herman didn’t flinch. “I love her. Hell. I’ve seen all of her scars. She’s the one with the problem, not me.”
“You’ve seen all of her scars?” His paused. “Including those on her face?”
“She doesn’t know, but yeah.”
“Did you tell her why you kept your eyes closed while you were making love?”
“I don’t think she noticed. We were kind of busy at the time.”
“Given how she believes her father can’t stand the sight of her, what would she think if she did notice?”
A few moments of silence passed as Bruce considered the doctor’s words. “Son of a bitch!” He knocked the inbox off his desk. Papers scattered across the floor. “She thinks I can’t stand the sight of her, doesn’t she?”
Dr. Herman, still seemingly unaffected by Bruce’s behavior, wrote a few notes as he said, “That is a logical conclusion she could draw.”
Bruce chuckled. “I like you, doc.” The man never had answers, but he sure had a way of plucking answers out of his patients. He stooped down and picked the papers off the floor. “I’m in a catch-twenty-two. She doesn’t want me to look at her, but if I don’t look at her, she’ll get the wrong idea. I can’t win.”
“What would happen if she knew you’ve seen her?”
“I doubt she’d believe me. Or even worse, she’d ask me why I didn’t say something.” He placed the papers on his desk.
“What was your reaction?”
“I practically tripped over myself running out the room.” He retrieved the inbox from the floor. “Maybe I wasn’t that bad, but I was so angry. I knew she’d misinterpret my reaction, so I left before she realized I was there.” He set the inbox on his desk. “No. I can’t let her know I’ve seen her. She’d never believe my explanation.”
“So what will you do?”
“I don’t know, but the next time we make love it will definitely be with my eyes open.”
CHAPTER SIX
I’
m going to ruin these “better off” eyes
. Nefertiti marked her page with her mail, closed the book, and leaned back on the wooden bench.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, God, but my emotions are all over the place. And sometimes… Sometimes it’s so hard to see what’s going right.
The warm magentas, oranges, and violets of the setting sun comforted her weary mind.
Thank you for allowing me to see another sunset.
The wind kicked up and blew to the ground the newsletter she’d received in the mail from the DuSable Museum of African-American History. She set her book to the side and picked up the letter. The museum was hosting an exhibit featuring works from great African-American artists, such as Romare Bearden, Aaron Douglas and Jacob Lawrence. The pieces she’d donated by Claude Clark would even be there.
“Hey, sexy lady.”
She jumped slightly. “Go away, Bruce.” Dr. Herman had a point; with all she’d been going through, she could be misinterpreting things with both Bruce and her father. Now she didn’t know what to do. Uncertainty had never been a part of her life before the attack, but now uncertainty accompanied her every step.
“No.” He sat on the brick-paved ground in front of her.
“You make me sick.” She lifted her skirt slightly, crossed her legs Indian style, then lowered her skirt. After his shower, he’d dressed in jeans and a red T-shirt that drew her like a bull to the matador’s flag. With the way he’d made love to her so expertly this afternoon, she wasn’t sure how she’d resist if he pursued.
Yet another uncertainty.
“Why are you mad at me?” The glint in his eyes had devil written all over it.
“I’m not mad at you,” she answered, which was the truth. She was angry with herself for believing in fairy tales. No “happily ever after” existed for her and Bruce. She couldn’t expect him to do something her own father wouldn’t. “Next week there’s an exhibit at the DuSable Museum I want to see. Would you like to accompany me?”
“Of course. Tell Janis the time, and she’ll rearrange my schedule. Tell her we’re making a day of it.” He moved restlessly. “I don’t know what I was thinking sitting down here. These bricks are hard as hell.” He pulled her up as he stood. “Grab your book and let’s go.”
Glad he’d allowed her to change the subject, she placed the newsletter in her book with the other mail.
They walked hand-in-hand along the path, and the world momentarily felt right again.
“Now back to the subject.”
She craned her neck up and narrowed her eyes on him.
Curses, foiled again!
As if he’d read her mind, he said, “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. We made love this afternoon. But I did something to scare you away.”
The love and care in his eyes spoke volumes.
How will you look at me when I don’t have the veil?
“It’s not you, Bruce. I’m just not ready.”
“What do you think of Dr. Herman?” They exited the oriental rock garden and continued across the grass toward the creek.
The change of subject gave her pause. “I liked him.” The sun was almost down, yet the air remained hot and muggy.
“Me, too. His questions usually get on my nerves, but he has a way of helping me find answers myself.” He stopped. “It will be more comfortable out here.” He sat on the ground and pulled her down into his lap.
She squealed at the unexpected movement and dropped the book. With her back against his powerful chest, he wrapped his arms around her. The August heat was nothing compared to the heat of his embrace.
“This has bad idea written all over it,” she murmured as he nibbled on her neck. “Would you stop that? I can’t think clearly with you… Just stop. We won’t have a repeat performance of this afternoon.”
“I want to make love with you again, right now.” His hands slipped around her and rested on her thighs.
She leapt out of his lap and turned on him. This was one time he wouldn’t get his way. “Bruce! We’re out in the open.”
For a big man, he was awfully fast. Before she knew it, she was on her back, and he was lying half on her, caressing her waist and thighs with his powerful hands. “So you’d let me make love to you if we weren’t out in the open. I can live with that.”
The movement of his hand between her legs boggled her mind. “That’s… that’s not what I meant.”
“I want to see you when you cry out my name.”
An Arctic breeze came from nowhere and froze her. “You don’t want to see me.”
“You must be burning up in this.” The top two buttons of her blouse were already undone. He unfastened the third and fourth. The play of his fingers transformed the breeze into an internal heat wave.
She brushed his hands away. “Stop before someone sees you.”
He nuzzled her neck. “So as long as no one sees, we’re okay? I can work with that.”
“That’s not what I meant. Stop twisting my words.”
“I’m innocent of all charges.” He opened her blouse fuller and began kissing the scars on her upper chest. Each touch of his lips removed a link in the shackles of uncertainty holding her hostage.
“Innocent is one thing you definitely aren’t,” she purred as he unclasped her front fastening lace bra. “But…”
His hot mouth on her breast removed all her objections. Her fingers automatically massaged the back of his head for more pressure. She’d never acted so wantonly in her life. “What are you doing to me?” she murmured.
He kissed her lower and lower as he finished unfastening the buttons of her blouse. “I want to make love with you under the stars.”
She could see the first stars of the evening making their appearance. “We shouldn’t do this.”
“Don’t worry.” He pulled his T-shirt off and dropped it to the side. The expanse of his chest, the ripples, the maleness of Bruce against the canvas of darkening sky was a work of art she longed to claim as her own. “I told everyone to stay away from the west windows.”
She covered her face with her hands. “Oh my God! How could you?”
“Hell, woman.” He returned to her neck. “You’re a screamer. They know what we were doing earlier.” She felt his lips tip up at the corners.
“You pig.” Though she tried to sound irate, she was anything but. “Now get off me and get dressed.”
He fastened her bottom button. “We need to get something straight.”
She playfully hit at his hands. “I’ve been dressing myself for years.” She turned slightly as she sat up and began straightening her clothing.
“But it’s so much more fun if I do it.” He donned his T-shirt. “I need to clear the air about something.”
She knew where this conversation was headed and didn’t want to travel down that road. If he told her what they’d shared was only sex… “The mosquitoes are eating me up.”
“If you hadn’t made me get dressed, I could be eating you up.”
“You are way too crude.” She retrieved her book and mail, then leaned on his shoulder.
“And you love it.” He elbowed her in the side. She did love it, but wouldn’t tell him. “Now we need to talk about what happened this afternoon.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” She wrapped her arms around her legs and leaned her chin on her knees.
“Then allow me to rephrase. I need to talk about what happened this afternoon.”
On one hand, she loved the fight in Bruce. If he wanted something, nothing stopped him from obtaining it. On the other hand, she wished he’d allow her to fight her battles her own way and in her own time. The decision to view the exhibit at the DuSable Museum had been her way of easing back into society. Because she couldn’t let the outside world know she could see, and she still needed her security blanket, she planned to wear her full “ninja gear.” Even so, the next week would be stressful enough; she wasn’t ready to face rejection from Bruce.
She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the evening. “Crickets.”
“Excuse me?”
“I hear crickets. And is that June bugs?”
“So you’re so desperate to change the subject you resort to insects.”
“A gal’s gotta do what a gal’s gotta do. How did the meeting with Catherine go?”