Beauty And The Bookworm (11 page)

“I can pay attention to you,” Shane said, “come with me and we’ll get you a yam smoothie. It’ll help with your breasts.”

Twyla followed Shane, favoring me with a murderous glance over her shoulder as she walked away.

I tried my best to mingle while they were gone, eventually striking up a conversation with a short man named Toby. He was really short, I mean, he was like only an inch taller than me.

Toby was a bit of a yoga fanatic. He was going on and on about the benefits of doggy-style, I think. I could only nod my head in agreement because I love doggy-style. I
tried not to be embarrassed that he was being so forward. I mean, he was obviously very comfortable with the subject, so why shouldn’t I be?

By the time Twyla and Shane reappeared, Toby was explaining to me why I should get my Chi centered and I was getting frustrated that he refused to understand I did not own a car.
Toby’s face lit up and he shut up when he saw Shane.

“Shane,” he said in a way that made me want to punch his face in, “how long’s it been?”

Shane gave a patient sigh. “Quite a while, Toby. How are you? Still teaching yoga at the Y?”

“Yep, still there. You should come in sometime and let me get you limbered up.”

Twyla jumped in and she seemed suddenly delighted with Zippers. “Why do I get the feeling that you and Toby know each other, Shane?”

Toby did the answering, “Oh, Shane and I had a thing going for a while.”

The poison dripping from Twyla’s fangs made her sound sweet, “Really, well it must be great running into each other like this?”

Being a gay man in
a city the size of Portland is an incestuous proposition. I had to accept the fact that it was highly likely any gay man I met would either know Shane or know someone who had had sex with him. It’s best to be an adult about these things. Was I an adult about it? Hell, no. “I’m Shane’s boyfriend now!” I declared with enough force to send Toby scampering back a few feet.

Toby looked shocked to find the guy with the
uncentered Chi was a raving lunatic, but he tried to cover it. “Oh, that’s great. Shane deserves a good… someone in his life. You guys have a nice night.”

I straightened my shirt, as if that would restore my dignity. I looked over at Shane and saw that he was holding up his index finger. “What’s with the finger?” I asked.

“Once,” he said.

“Once what?”

“I slept with him once. He’s the most boring man alive and you have nothing to worry about.”

I waved a hand. “What are you telling me for? Everybody’s got a past. I’m not the kind of guy who worries about exes.”

Shane and Twyla found some common ground by laughing at me. The fuckers.

Chapter 14

Everyone Says I Love You

I loved to watch Shane sleep. Every night I spent with him, I’d try to
will myself to wake up early enough to just lie there for a while, watching his chest rise and fall. He didn’t snore, but he occasionally made a gentle chuffing sound that was always followed by a smile. I would have killed to know what he was dreaming about.

It had been four months and we were way past dating. I spent most nights with him, going home just often enough to prove to Gran that I was still alive. I think she’d finally gotten to like Shane a little. He didn’t give her much choice when he made a point of loudly belching during one of her beer busts and then crushing an empty beer can against the side of his head. I’d had to convince him to do it all, of course, but he was afraid of the old woman, so he did it.

Twyla was getting big enough to plant a flag on and still hadn’t found the perfect house. I went house hunting with her every Saturday. She never invited Shane along, insisting that it was “our time” and she didn’t want me bringing “that bag of muscles and teeth.” I hated that she didn’t like him, but I knew how scared and lonely she felt, so I just left it alone and tried not to gush about him too much.

Shane and I were lying in bed
on a Saturday morning, he was sleeping and I was staring at him with what I hoped was minimal creepiness. He turned toward me and opened one eye. “Are you watching me sleep again?”

I kissed his forehead. “Yeah, I can’t stop myself.”

He laughed and pulled himself to a sitting position. “Are you and Twyla looking at houses today?”

“Yeah,” I said, “I hope she finds one soon. We’re going to have to start looking at ones we’ve already seen and I no longer have any excuse not to include Mona Lisa on my Christmas list. That girl has become family.”

Shane yawned and scratched his curly head sleepily. It was an unconscious act that made me want to fill any available orifice. He smiled at me. “You look horny.”

“I just can’t get over you. You’re really perfect, Shane.”

He kissed me and then pulled back, looking very serious. “I love you, Mason.”

There it was. The magical phrase. In every book I’d ever read it was accompanied by either tears or long descriptions of deep stirrings in the chest that sounded suspiciously like coronaries. This wasn’t like that at all. It was just a simple statement of how things were. “I love you, too.”

“Good,” he said with an easy smile.

He lay his head on my chest, patting my stomach and eventually working his hand down to my dick. “Have you got time for some light reading before you go?”

I’ve always got time for reading.
“I think I can squeeze in a few pages.”

I climbed out of the shower and padded into the bedroom. Shane was already dressed and looked ready to head out. “Where are you off to?”

“Well,” he smiled, “since I never get invited to hang out with you and Tallulah…”

“Twyla.”

“Sorry, why do I keep calling her that? Anyway, I’m going to look at apartments today.”

“What?” I couldn’t believe it. “Why would you give up this house? It’s amazing.”

“I’m not looking for me,” his face grew serious, “I have a certain evil twin who’ll be getting released soon. He’ll need a place to go.”

I knew that Shawn’s release date was coming, but I hadn’t really given it much thought (beyond a few twin fantasies, don’t act like you haven’t done the exact same thing.) “I thought he always stayed with you until he… uh… went home.”

Shane shook his head. “Not this time. I think his own place will do him good. Maybe it’ll make him take some responsibility.”

“Okay.”

Shane fished in his pocket and held his hand out to me. “Besides, this place is only big enough for two.”

I held out my hand and Shane dropped the key into it. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”

I laughed as he got down on one knee. “Mason Leery, will you do me the honor of living with me?”

You bet your big, beefy ass I will.
“I do, shit, I mean I will.”

He stood up and kissed me. I was the world’s happiest homosexual. “I don’t mind if your brother stays with… us, God that word makes me happy. I don’t mind having your brother here.”

Shane shook his head. “No, it’s for the best. I hope he does well, but if he doesn’t, I don’t want you to have to deal with his bullshit.”

“He can’t be worse than Gran.”

“Trust me, he can be worse than your grandma. I’ve got other reasons for not wanting him here anyway.”

I was intrigued – okay, I was nosey. “Like what?”

“Like the fact that he’s my twin brother and I know you’ll eventually ask us to double-penetrate you.”

I tried very hard to look shocked. “I don’t even know what that means, Shane.”

“And you’re never going to find out.”

Twyla picked me up in front of Shane’s and she obviously had something very pleasant on her mind. She didn’t say anything, she just smiled. I, of course, couldn’t take it for long. “What are you so happy about? Did Mario get hit by a car or something?”

“Nope. I’m just happy.”

“About?”

She reached over and squeezed my knee. “You’re about to find out.”

We drove for a few minutes and pulled up in front of a craftsman bungalow. It was cute and very, very Portland. “I love it,” I said, “but where’s Mona Lisa?”

“Probably somewhere chained to a tree.”

“She’s not selling this one?”

“No. She can’t. She already sold it.”

“Oh, my God,” I yelled, “you bought this house? When?”

“It came on the market on Wednesday and I pounced.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Twyla looked out the window. “I wanted to surprise you.”

There was something about her tone I didn’t like. It was too pensive and hopeful at the same time. “Well, let’s go inside and take a look at your new place.”

The house was perfect. It had wood floors, crown-molding, everything an up-and-comer could ask for. There was even an inglenook with built-in bookshelves. “My, God,” I said, “Your own library? This place is incredible.”

The master bedroom was done in a rich blue, a color I knew Twyla loved. The second bedroom was already set up as a nursery complete with
a changing table and an ABC mural running along the top of the walls. When we got to the door of the third bedroom, Twyla said, “Now, close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

I closed my eyes and Twyla led me into the room. I opened them to find myself in a very nice, very hunter-green bedroom that looked over the backyard. “This is one hell of a guest-room,” I said, “I’m going to be staying over a lot.”

Twyla fished in her pocket and held out her hand to me.
Oh shit.

I held my open palm toward her and she let the key fall into my hand. I knew what she meant by it, but I decided to play dumb. “Oh,” I said, “Good idea to give me a key for emergencies.”

Twyla put her hands over her chest, feigning impatience. She looked so hopeful. She was breaking my heart. “It’s not for emergencies. It’s for good. I want you to move in here with me… with me and the baby.”

“Twyla, I can’t do that.”

She looked determined. “Of course you can. Gran won’t mind. She’ll have Millie moved in as soon as your room is empty.”

I couldn’t look at her. She needed me so much. But I knew that, in reality, she didn’t need me at all. Shacking up with her gay best friend wasn’t going to help Twyla move forward; it was going to hold her back.

“I can’t move in with you, Twyla. It wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t make any sense.”

She came up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. “It makes perfect sense. I love you, Mason.”

I turned and pulled her into my arms. “And I love you.”

She was crushing me with the look of defeat on her face. “But not enough.”

“Shane asked me to move in with him today. He loves me.”

Her eyes were shiny with unspent tears. “Oh. And I know you love him.”

“I do. I never even knew what love really is until Shane. Just the sight of him fills me up. Give me the hardest day and all I have to do is think of him to get through it.”

She really started crying then. “I’m happy for you, Mason. I really am, but I don’t think I can do this by myself.”

We sank down onto the floor together and I held her while she cried. I spoke softly, my lips pressed into her hair. “You’re not doing anything alone. I’m going to keep every promise I made to you, but I’m going to keep my promises to Shane, too. If you’d let him in you’d find out how beautiful he is on the inside and you’d have twice the help I can give you.”

“I’m not letting that muscle
mary live here, Mason.”

“I know that. Shane and I will live in
our
house and we’ll be here whenever you need us.”

“I still think you’re only with him because he looks like a fucking model.”

“That certainly helps. And I’m glad you’ve finally admitted how gorgeous he is.”

She sniffed and I was only a little disgusted by the wet patch she was leaving on my shoulder. “Yeah, he’s gorgeous.
”

“
Did I tell you he has a twin brother? A
straight
twin brother?”

“Does he like women who are about to go into labor?”

“I don’t think he’s that choosy. He’s due to be let out of prison any day.”

She punched me lightly on the arm. “He sounds perfect.”

Chapter
15

Happily Ever After
And Some More Dicks

I was waiting for Shane to come home and I was not being very patient about it. It’s difficult to maintain an erection when you’re waiting. I was propped against the headboard of our bed. I held a beautiful leather-bound copy of
Moby Dick
in one hand and my Moby dick in the other. I kept giving it lazy pumps to make sure it looked good when Shane finally walked in.

I heard the front door open and called out, “Back here –
reading
.”

I heard his footsteps approaching and gave myself one last fluff, then I cracked the book and started reading.

“What the fuck?”

I looked up to see Shane standing in the doorway with his mouth hanging open. I’m not a stupid man, I didn’t need the tattoos that covered his arms to clue me in that it was not Shane staring at my dick,
it was the evil twin, Shawn.

I put the book over my dick and my hands over my eyes. “Oh, my God! Just back away! Close your eyes and back away.”

I uncovered my eyes to find that Shawn had not backed away, but had been joined by Shane. They were both looking at me, their faces matching masks of laughing evil.

“Both of you get the fuck out!”

Dinner was awkward. I couldn’t look at either of them. Even though Shawn tried his best to be polite, there’s just no going back after someone has seen you reading with your dick standing tall and ready. I wanted to kill myself, or Shawn, even killing Shane would have made me feel a little better. All I knew was that someone needed to die.

Shane explained that Shawn would just be staying with us for one night and then going to his apartment the next day. I nodded and chewed my food. I had nothing to say.

I guess Shawn got uncomfortable with the silence because he eventually said, “So, Shane tells me you really like to read.” And with that they both burst out laughing. The fuckers.

The next day, we got Shawn settled in his new apartment. I had to admit I really liked the guy. He was humble and seemed a little sad. I wondered if maybe this time he was out of prison for good. He had a job in construction lined up and he flatly told Shane he was going to make it
. I hoped he was right.

Shane was quiet on the ride home. I knew he was worried about his brother. “Maybe he’s going to do okay this time.”

“Maybe.”

“You don’t think so?”

He squeezed the steering wheel. “Once burned – shit, I want him to make it, I really do. I just get so mad at him. He makes me feel guilty.”

“Guilty? That makes zero sense.”

“It makes total sense. I was such a perfect kid and he was so bad. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I hadn’t been so perfect then he wouldn’t have tried to be so bad just to stand apart from me.”

“Okay,” I said, “that makes some, small, infinitesimal sort of sense, if you’re a raving codependent. He’s a grown man. Who you were as kids has no bearing on what he does now.”

“We’re all still kids, Mason.”

“Yeah,” I said, “a very wise old dyke told me that once.”