Because of Sydney (21 page)

“Can I kiss you?”

“Why would you ask me that? You usually just do it.”

“Because this time is different.” I steadied my breath. It was all I could do not to kiss her now. My heart was racing.

“Different how?” she whispered over the breeze.

“Different because we’ve both already walked away once. Kissing you now changes everything.”

“How?”

I wondered if she was confused or needed every ounce or reassurance I could give her to convince her I meant what I said. It would have to be different.

“Because I think we’ve established that there might be something between us other than fun,” I explained.

“But you don’t want more than fun. You told me in the car things aren’t supposed to get serious. You don’t want to cross lines or mix business and pleasure. I heard all of it.”

My thumb brushed over her lips. “Did you miss this?”

She nodded, her mouth parting slightly to kiss the pad of my thumb. I felt the urges rise in my chest.

“I did. I tried not to. I swear I don’t how you made me miss you, but you did.” She nuzzled against my neck, and I held my breath. “Mason, I’m scared to do this again.”

I tilted her chin toward me. “We have to rewrite all the rules.”

“I think that’s the problem. You have too many rules. I don’t know what I can and can’t do. First it was no interviews. Then one interview. Then you wanted me to stay over, and then you didn’t, only to end up spending the most incredible night in your bed with a promise it was a one-time deal.” She huffed. “And then on the way to San Antonio we agreed we were only in this for the fun. But I totally hijacked that when I unloaded all my family problems on you. We clearly have no fucking clue what we’re doing.”

I laughed. “You make it sound like we are escaped mental patients.”

“I’m glad you find this funny.”

“It’s the way you laid it out. We can’t make up our minds.”

“No we can’t.”

I pulled her to me so she was straddling my lap. “Unless maybe we had an idea from the beginning of what this was, and we didn’t want to face it.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“That we should just see how things go.” My heart felt heavy. I could feel the pulse thicken in my veins as I held her in my arms.

“Are we going back to fun status?” There was an edge in her voice. Distrust and skepticism crept in again.

I shook my head. “No, darlin’, not fun status.” I kissed her cheek. “I’m talking about something real. We see where things go.”

“It sounds open-ended. I’m not trying to put you in a corner, but I’m trying to figure you out, Mason. I don’t know what you want. I keep trying to twist myself to be that girl, and it’s making me dizzy. I’m not even the kind of girl who tries to fit into a certain mold. It never works, and it’s not going to work with you either. Look at what’s already happened. A cool, fun girl never would have run up your credit card and gone missing all day. A fun girl wouldn’t have stormed out.”

“I’m not asking you to be someone you’re not.” I touched the bare skin below her shoulder. “I like this girl.”

“Is that really what you want?”

“Tell me what you want.” I kissed below her neck. The shirt hung loosely from her shoulder. “What did you think about this week besides punching me?”

I could tell she was hesitant to tell me. “Come on, we’re both out on a ledge here. Talk to me.”

“All right. I thought about you before I fell asleep and when I woke up.” Her voice quieted. “I thought about how I felt when you kissed me. And how I wished you were next to me in bed. But not just the sex. God, this sounds like I’m a complete sexpot.”

“Hey, no it doesn’t. Keep going.”

“It sounds crazy, we don’t even know each other that well. But I missed your voice.” She ran a hand along my jaw. “And your hands.” She threaded her fingers through mine. “And the way you make me laugh in the middle of a stupid argument. All of that.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Why not? We’ve already stripped this thing down to nothing.”

“Can I go home with you tonight?”

“See? I knew it was about sex.” She sat back a little, balancing on the hold I had on her lower back.

“The sex is fucking incredible,” I growled against her ear. “Thinking about it right now makes me want to take you here on this beach. I don’t care about the bonfire. I wouldn’t care if someone walked over here. But no. I want to go home with you. I want to spend the night with you. No sex. I swear. I want to be with you, Syd.”

She peered at me. “I don’t think I believe that.”

“Before this turns into one of our games or challenges, I’m trying to tell you, Sydney, that I’m interested. I’m not a relationship guy. I’m not going to pretend that I am. You know that’s not me. So when I say I want to see where things go, I’m trying to tell you I see you in my life. I want you in my life. I want more than sex. As much as it’s killing me to even say that.” I grinned.

“Where is all this coming from?”

I shrugged. “I don’t want to let you go tonight. When I saw you standing by the water I had a choice to make. I could walk away and we’d never get this figured out, or I could do this. I could talk to you. Tell you I want you. Show you how much I’m willing to try.”

“You really feel all of that?”

“I do.” I planted a kiss on her shoulder. “But you have to tell me. What do you want?”

“I don’t want the games either. I can’t be the perfect girl who fits in your romcom scenario. It’s not me. I have too many opinions. We’re going to fight. We’re going to argue about things. Don’t you think we’ll drive each other crazy?”

“I like arguing with you. Keeps things unexpected.” My hand slid up her back. Good God, she wasn’t wearing a bra. I had to take a deep breath.

“But what happens when we cross signals again?”

“Then we talk, baby. Just like this.” I brushed her hair away from her face. “We talk.”

I didn’t want to waste another syllable. All I could think about was showing her what she was doing to me. How much I missed her. How I loved making her feel good. I swore if she would do this, I would prove to her I could be trusted. I wouldn’t scare her again. I wouldn’t walk away.

“I want to, Mason. But we’ve already gone so fast. Too fast probably. And when you touch me, I can’t think. It feels like I’m supposed to be wrapped up in you and that shuts my brain off. I want you all over me. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think, but we have to figure it out. I can’t live in this hot and cold world we started. It’s too confusing.”

“Come on.” I shoved her off my lap and pulled her to a standing position. “I want to show you something.”

“Where are we going? I have no resistance where you’re concerned,” she warned.

“I have an idea, but you have to trust me for another five minutes. Can you do that?”

“Maybe I should set a timer,” she joked.

We walked along the beach, the lights of the high-rise hotels coming into focus as we approached. There was a band playing at one of the tikki bars. The reggae music drifted over the dunes to where we stood on the beach.

I halted her, the waves washing over our feet. Sydney looked at the scene in front of us. “I don’t get it.”

“This is what I do. This is my life.” I stood behind her, the towers rising above us. “One day I might own this entire stretch of beach.” The buildings were lit up like Christmas trees.

“Ok. I know you’re ambitious.”

“No, not ambitious. I’m certain.”

“And what exactly does this have to do with you and me?”

I walked from behind her, and stood facing her so that my body blocked her view of the hotels. “Right now I only see you.” I traced the side of her face. “But it doesn’t mean what’s behind me doesn’t matter to me. I need help figuring out how to do both, I guess.”

I could see it. The battle within in. She wanted to say yes, but we had scared the shit out of each other. Things started out too hot too fast, and now we were trying to figure out a way to keep it from slipping away.

“Is this even possible?” she whispered.

“I think so.” I folded my arms around her.

“And what happens with work? None of that has changed.”

“Shh.” I brushed my lips against hers. “Stop thinking and kiss me.”

Her hands fastened behind my neck. “I’m scared, Mason.”

“I’ve got you.” My mouth pressed against her lips.

I
don’t know how he had managed to change my mind. He didn’t just change it. He rewrote everything I had planned. Drowned out every doubt I had. Convinced me we wouldn’t shatter into a million pieces if we stayed together. I looked out at the beach. Mason left a note for me. He had gone running.

I wore one of his button-up white shirts and sipped a cup of coffee. I stretched out on one of the chaise lounges and picked up a copy of
Men’s Fit
. It wasn’t like I was going to find a copy of
Vogue
lying around his apartment. I loved how his cologne lingered against my skin from the fold in the fabric. I smiled almost to the point of giggling. I knew I had it bad.

My Saturday mornings since I moved to the island usually consisted of cleaning my apartment, working out, and making a list of things I needed to pick up at the grocery store. Sometimes I drove over the bridge to shop just to make the excursions last longer.

I wondered what a Saturday with Mason would be like. The end of the shirt fluttered with the wind.

Moments like this I missed Hailey. I should be able to call her and tell her about the crazy night I had. That’s what sisters were for, but I needed to accept no matter what was going on in my life, she wasn’t going to share it with me. I walked back inside and returned with my phone.

I scrolled to my last call and dialed.

“Hey, Eden. It’s Sydney.”

“Hey, how are you?”

“Good. I wanted to thank you and apologize I guess for last night.” I twisted my lip under my teeth.

She giggled. “Things worked out with Mason, I guess?”

“You could say that.” I didn’t know her well, but I was aching for some girl talk. My head was spinning. My heart was about to burst. I was riding a roller coaster with him.

“Mason’s a good guy. A little misunderstood, but deep down he’s a sweetheart. He just needs the right girl.”

My stomach rolled. Was I that girl? Last night his words convinced me I was.

“Yeah, I think I get that about him.” I was reluctant to share, but it was exactly why I was reaching out to her.

“Can I ask you what happened between you two last night? I saw you walk off together so I knew you’d be ok. You can tell me to butt out if you want. I’m being nosey. But, seriously I’m dying to know.”

I giggled. It was her genuine interest that broke me down. “Honestly, I didn’t want to see him again, except I really wanted to see him again. Does that make sense?”

“Complete sense. I’m marrying a Lachlan. I get it. What did he say?”

I extended my legs to the edge of the chaise and adjusted the pillow behind my back. “I guess I should start at the beginning if this is going to make any sense.”

Thirty minutes later Eden and I had hashed out all of the hiccups in my relationship with Mason. I heard the front door slam.