Becoming His Slave (84 page)

Paris had come at him from every desirable angle possible and when Diesel delivered he’d taken all the lust he was capable of dishing out and matched it. That he didn’t have to hold back one ounce of his hunger doomed him to bond with the man. The man with the face of a fallen angel and the fucking strength of a bull.

“I think he got a little more than he was expecting.”

Lots of new submissives become attached to the people who played them well. But it did nothing to explain what was going on with him, why he hadn't been able to maintain the carefully held control he'd developed over the years he'd been involved in B&D. He'd held himself back from having sex with Paris because he'd been aware from the first moment he'd seen him that he could easily lose control. The attraction had been too strong—insanely strong. So, why hadn't he just turned away?

Because he
had
to have him, touch him, make him his. And the moment he gave into it, he knew he was in big trouble.

“And still he left?”

Yes, he left.
Diesel’s head echoed with the painful phone conversation with Paris.

… I need to see you, come to the hotel and stay with me my last night
—
I can’t, it’s hard enough as it is Paris. What you’re going through is normal, it’s just separation anxiety, nothing more
—
No I don’t believe you
—
  what do you think this is?
—
 I don’t know, I just know I need to see you again. I want to lay with you, feel you inside me again
—
I can’t Paris. I have to let you go. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine
—

His stare dropping to the water under his feet slapping up against the boat’s hull, “He had to. He has a job we hired him to do at the resort.”

“And what about you?” Diesel knew control like his brother, but there were times when his face was readable. Like right now she could see he’d fallen for Paris, for the man who’d only come to do what was necessary to keep his job. But she wondered if perhaps Paris had fallen for Diesel. She’d seen some kind of tortured emotions in the man, perhaps he was falling and he just didn’t know what to do with it or he might not have even known what it was.
Why did love have to be so damn complicated for people
?

Diesel turned then, looking at her, a soft expression of pain and want, “I guess I’m in a similar situation as Trenton. Only I had to send mine away to see if he’s actually mine.”

“It’s not easy on us you know.” Her thoughts still lingering on her last observation. At least Trenton wasn’t looking for love, he just wanted a slave. It certainly seemed simpler that way.

“You’re making it harder by running away.”

“Does he know you’re here?”

“No.”

“Then how did you find me?”

“Helping him run a background check on the boat owner and the owners of the marina—
and  
I checked the flight record on the chopper.”

She moved burying her face in her hands when he admitted to running criminal background checks on her landlord and such. She should have known they’d do that. Her fingers parted to create a peek hole and she peered at him. “Jeez I’m surprised you two don’t run a check on the whole city of Tarpon Springs—”

Diesel shrugged, “Well that takes some time Katianna—” he smiled “but we’re working on it.” But he could see she didn’t see the humor in it, “Okay so not the whole town, but he did run a check on gangs and sex offenders in the area. And neither of us are too happy about the residence here in the marina.  Not one has a clean record.”

Kat’s shoulders slumped, and she felt the nervous twitch in her. Now she would be looking over her shoulder all the time and have to place soda cans in her windows. “You’re just trying to scare me now.” She pouted at him. He knew how she was, it wasn’t right that he attempted such a low blow against her will.

“Look, just because you stopped caring doesn’t mean he is. He still cares—the man is in love with you and that’s not going to go away anytime soon.”

“Love? How can you be so certain its love. He never said anything to me about love.”

“You're not ready to hear it.”

“It could have helped.  And for the record I didn’t stop caring.”

“Really? Look where you're at right now—you ran.”

“This isn’t about love—he wants me to be a slave.”

“What the hell do you think that is Katianna? A man has to love an awful lot to ask that much of a person.”

“Husbands and wives get away without love all the time.”

“No. Husbands and wives are two people who decide to live together and try to stick it out till the end. When a man asks someone to be his Life slave he is devoting his entire life towards their personal care. He’s contracting to tend to everything you need. Your body your soul and yes your heart. That takes some serious devotion there and that can only come with love. A love so deep you weren’t willing to open up and see.” It was almost a scolding he gave her that she had not realized this on her own.

And how could she? But now as Diesel delivered the new revelation all she could see was the painful expression Trenton had worn when he left last night. Did he really lover her? If he did she just hurt him in the most unforgivable way. “But how can you be sure?” Tears flooded into her eyes, tears she tried not to let fall, “I mean it’s been four years since we met. Why did he wait so long?”

“He had to give you time—time to just be allowed to stand on your own—time to get accustomed to his world—”

“But why so long?”

“Because you never opened the door for him. Not until that night when you got doped up did you ever once open up to him and when that happened he barged in afraid you’d never open up again.”

Katianna fell silent. She couldn’t argue with that. Four years and she’d never made a single pass at him, or flirted with him, though she had openly accepted his attention when he gave it.

“He’ll give me a hell of a bruising if he finds out I told you this stuff, but I think you should know this about him. That time you were attacked? He paid for all your medical care, had the specialist brought in for your jaw and your teeth. It was him that convinced Amelia to let you live at her place. Of course she never once regretted it. You see, he’s been watching over you and caring for you for the start. He isn’t looking to take just one small part of you he wants all of you and every aspect of your life that goes with having you. And baby girl when he does you’re going to be pampered and loved in ways you never imagined. He’ll have golden pedestals installed everywhere for you to be placed on.”

“While he was down here all he did was look at me. We went to the beach, went out to eat and he just stared at me the whole time and while he stayed on the boat he just kept watching me.”

“And did he hold you, touch and kiss you during that time?”

Her lip twitched, “Yes.”

A slight huff of humor bounced off him, “You know I hear women all the time complaining how their husbands or boyfriends never pay enough attention to them, never look at them—see them as sexy or touch them enough. And here you are complaining because he does.”

Katianna sat back with a slunk.
Oh god
that
was
what she was doing wasn’t it? The whole time he’d been with her, he’d done nothing but pamper her from head to toe with his adoration. Anticipated it and tended to it without hesitation. Never giving half, always all, so he only asked she do the same—give him all.

“Surrender to him and he’ll be wrapped around your finger, but the only way he knows for certain that you’re ready to live in his world is if you’re willing to sit at his feet. If doing that one simple act makes you nervous or scared then you’re not ready and he’ll keep waiting and caring for you from the distance.”

Katianna dropped her head to her knees over folded arms and a tear streamed down her cheek to the sun tanned flesh of her arm, pooling there against her cheek, “I’m scared, Diesel.”

“Good—You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t. Hell, show me a couple that just did the plain Jane wedding matrimonies that wasn’t scared. I’ve laughed at many-a funny videos where the groom passes out at the altar during the vows.” He gave her a laughing smile and his eyes laughed as well. It was contagious and she could feel a smile of her own as she thought about it. Making commitments was scary no matter what kind they were.

“So what’s it gonna be little mouse?”

Katianna took in a long breath and let out with an equally long exhale. Even knowing all that, still she wasn’t sure she could go through with it. There was still her fear of what would happen to her when it was over. When the affair had lived out its life and she was on the outside staring at a stack of boxes and a suitcase too big for her to carry with all her belongings and no place to take them and no one to turn to for help.

“But when it’s over I’ll lose everything, everything he ever gave me. I’ll be alone and nowhere to go.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?”

“Amelia won’t keep taking me in, especially if it was all because of him who set it up in the first place.”

If this was the root of her fear no amount of reassurance would change it so instead Diesel suggested a rational solution. “Then ask for a prelife contract.”

“Like a prenuptial?”

“In a sense, yes. Tell him why you’re so afraid—tell him you want an agreement that gives you a sense of security if the relationship doesn’t last.”

“No I couldn’t ask—”

“Why not?”

“I can’t ask.” She shook her head.

“Haven’t you ever asked for anything Katianna?”

She looked at him, her lip quivered. “No.” She hadn't—she never asked. Only once and it had been regrettable. Even when she was certain Trenton would have stayed last night had she protested his leaving her. She had said nothing because she wasn’t suppose to want more then what life provided her, because no one had ever been willing to give her anything she wanted. She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes again.

“How will you ever get what you want out of life if you don’t ask?” He quizzed. It was near desperate to get her to see how important it was to let others know what you wanted. Communication was obviously a big deal with him, just as it was with Trenton.

Katianna moved her gaze out to the setting sun, wiping the tears from her face. All this time, Trenton had been providing for her without ever asking for anything in return. He’d never even allowed himself to have the credit for it. She could have been in his arms all this time, but she never asked. She was so afraid of losing what little she had, of being abandoned.

Surrendering was easy. She had nothing to give up, but her fear. And until now, that had been enough. But she loved all the things he offered to give, being cared for, pampered, she wanted to cling to him and not feel scared anymore. That was what she was afraid of losing. What he had to offer.

And quiet suddenly she became of aware of something far more meaningful.

It wasn’t the
things
, the home, though the past of losing such had haunted her with nightmares for some time, but what she feared most was losing Trenton’s love. She realized now in the depth of all that had been said and taken place she had long since fallen
in love with him
. And as she looked back on it all. The way he shielded her that time at the Expo. When he watched over her while she was at the hospital, tended to her needs without ever letting her know. When he had gotten shot and held her as if it was her closeness he needed to heal. It was all this and what Diesel now told her, she realized that Trenton loved her in ways she could never imagined possible.

She never expected it. She never imagined he would love her this way. She was not a Sub, how had she turned out to be all Trenton ever wanted. But she was and she didn’t want to lose that. If she surrendered her life to his arms she never wanted to be free of that ever.

Katianna kept her head over her arms, but her eyes looked out toward the horizon. The sun was burning a brilliant scarlet globe just edging over the water, with added hues of magenta and neon orange setting the sky on fire. A blinding burst of white and crimson, glittered off the ripples of the water. Colors so bright and radiant they burned into the mind and you could almost imagine the hiss of steam as the sun’s first edges touched the ocean. Florida’s west coast had some the most beautiful sunsets she had ever seen. She recalled a time when she had admitted not being able to imagine a day and not watching it go down. Now she could not imagine spending another day without Trenton. So tonight’s Florida sunset was going to be her last.

As the last bits of umber colors faded below the horizon she turned, looking at Diesel, “Will you take me home please?”

Diesel’s smile looked like one of warm relief, “That’s the best request I’ve heard all day. You bet I will little mouse.”

~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~

Trenton’s desk phone rang. He ignored it, he had work to do, he needed to bury himself in it to get his mind off of losing Katianna. Four years and he was certain she would accept him. He did not expect her to run away—not like this. And it was hurting far more than he’d ever thought he could feel. The phone kept ringing, he glanced at the ID and saw it was Diesel and decided to answer it in case it was important, “Where the hell you been? Marcus said you took off with the chopper, but damned if I can find a copy of the flight log.”

“Oh yeah I knew I had forgotten something. Must’ve forgotten to fill one out.”
Diesel’s sarcasm was thick and rubbing Trenton in a bad way, a way Trenton couldn’t spar with him on either, not over the phone at least.
“Say
—
you gonna be in for a while?”

“Where the hell you been Diesel? Tell me that much.”

“I had to go take care of some things.”

“When you coming back?”

“I’m on my way now. I was hoping we could talk when I get there.”

“Sure—Then we can talk about how you took my chopper without asking and on why you disabled the tracking unit.”