Before A Perfect World: Movie Trilogy, Book Two (The Movie Trilogy) (30 page)

I was a runner and always had been. I ran from my emotions, and Luke made that very easy for me to do.

Keaton had refused to let me run, and forced me to deal with my issues on the spot, letting me break before helping me deal.

God, I miss him.

The winter had crawled by, each devastating day filling me with less hope than the one before it. Keaton was down another fifteen pounds, and, after Christmas Eve, he hadn’t woken up again for nearly a month. Even then, it was for only a minute or two and was in the middle of the night when I wasn’t there.

I ended up spending the nex
t three days crying my eyes out at his side, refusing to leave the hospital.

L
uke had finally convinced me that I needed help, and I sat down with a psychiatrist who explained something called “survivor’s guilt.” The more time that passed, the worse it seemed to get. At her direction, I plotted out a solid routine, keeping my mind busy at all times. She had me practice deep breathing to ward off the irrational thoughts that constantly took over my mind.

My parents came out to be wi
th me every other week at first and finally decided to just return closer to when the baby would be born. My regular visits with Dr. Grey were going so well, I began to relax and truly let myself believe that this time wasn’t like the last.

This time, I’d take my baby home with me.

Luke and I had fallen into an easy routine, and I was so thankful for his presence. True to her word, Robin had made it out at least once a month to stay with me, making me laugh for the first time in what felt like forever.
At first, Luke would fly home when Robin came, but on his last trip across the country, he informed me that he’d ended his lease on his apartment.

“My place is out here. When Keaton is finally home with you, I’m finding a place in LA. There’s nothing for me in Pennsylvania anymore.”

I knew he meant Madeline. Their divorce had been final in November, and during one of our long talks, he’d admitted to me that he had a feeling she was using him for his money before they even got married.

“I’m sorry, Luke,” I
said, taking his hand in mine. “I wish Keaton was here for you, like you were for him.”

“He will be,” he assured me, gripping my hand tightly.

Now, we sat on the couch next to each other, staring at Keaton’s TV, which had become our nightly routine.

“I don’t want to need you, ‘cause I can’t have you,” Clint Eastwood told Meryl Streep, and I
sighed, my heart racing at the beautiful dialog.

Luke groaned, covering his eyes dramatically.
“I swear to God, my penis just fell off.”

I almost choked on the handful of popcorn I’d just shoved into my mouth, laughing and shooting him a dirty look.

“Hey.
Stop
it.” I turned the volume of
Bridges of Madison County
up a notch. “I’m going to watch every single Clint Eastwood movie until I fall in love with him like Keaton has.”

“Ugh.” Luke stretched his long legs out, tucking his arm over my shoulders on the couch. “So, your belly is kind of a shelf.”

I glanced down, realizing that the bowl of popcorn teetered on my stomach hands-free. I smiled sheepishly, shrugging.

“It works.”

“Do I have to stay for this? I have some work emails to check.” Luke had officially been taken under Frank’s wing, helping him manage the studio.

“Shut up. You owe me for
Transformers Seventeen: Bored Out of my Mind.
”

“
You know, for an actress, you don’t really appreciate fine film.”

“You have to
be able to
identify
fine film in order to appreciate it.”

“You
know, Vivie, you may annoy me even more than my
other
sister.”

I grinned at that, truly warming when he referred to me as his sister. His words immediately made me think of Keaton, and our wedding, and the life that waited for us.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

My phone buzzed, and I glanced at the number before sitting up and
erratically pressing the answer button on the screen. The bowl of popcorn went tumbling to the floor, and I didn’t care.

“Vivian,” Luke
said gently, recognizing my reaction.

As always, when the hospital called, my heart practically jumped out of my chest. “Hello? Is it Keaton?”

“Hi Viv,” Rhonda answered. “Five minutes this time. He clearly spoke your name, and… Vivian, he said that he loved you.”

“
Oh God,
” I whispered brokenly. Luke’s alarming expression forced me to remain calm. “Five minutes this time, and he said my name… and that he loved me,” I sobbed.

He reached for the phone, and I listened distantly as he talked to Rhonda from the kitchen.

I turned the TV off, curling against the couch and holding my belly. Charlie kicked against my hand as if she knew that I was upset and could hear my thundering heart.

“
Thanks.” Luke hung up, kneeling down at my side. “So his voice was very clear and strong, and he was slightly combative. The fact that he asked for you, and that he spoke clearly, are all great signs.
Vivie
,” he comforted softly, wrapping his arms around me. I was getting used to his scent, so different from Keaton’s. I knew that it was his deodorant because I put it away when he’d leave it out on the bathroom counter that we shared every day.

“
It’s
March
. It’s been three months since he woke up last,” I cried, soaking his shirt with my tears. “I can’t wait for three more months!”

“Yes you can. What choice do we have? We wait three, or five, or seven or a year if we have to. But we wait.”

He let me cry into his shirt, moving onto the couch next to me to hold me. I drifted in and out of sleep, trying to remember what it felt like when Keaton held me.

Hours later, I woke up on the couch with a blanket over my legs. The twinge of pain that I’d dreamt forced me to double over, and I tossed the blanket aside, waddling toward Luke’s room.

“Luke?”

He was sprawled across
his bed wearing only tight boxer-briefs. I pulled the blanket up to his waist, attempting to cover as much of him as possible before waking him up.

“
Vivie? What’s wrong? Is it the baby?”

I nodded quickly, holding my enormous belly.

“She’s coming.”

He flew from the bed, his hair mussed from sleep, bare-chested and…

I flushed, turning away from his mostly naked body, hurrying into the hallway.

“Sorry, I just need to go to the hospital,” I called, mortified at his morning hard-on.

“Get your bag. Shit, what time is it? I’m driving us, we’re not taking a cab. How close are the contractions?
Fuck
,” he swore, and I heard him crash against something.

“Don’t rush,” I called. “They just started. I’m sure everything is fine.”

I wasn’t sure. I was scared out of my fucking mind, and I wanted to scream and cry like a baby myself.

“Okay let’s go. Did your water break?” he asked, fumbling with the car keys. I shook my head, wincing as another contraction began.

I wasn’t scheduled for my cesarean for another week, but apparently Charlie had her father’s patience.

“No, it didn’t break. Give me a second.”

I turned away from him, gripping the back of the couch and fighting off the burgeoning tears.

I knew my hormones were completely out of control, but nothing could have prepared me for the horrible ache that settled in my chest.

“
Vivian?”

“
He should be here,
” I cried, my chin quivering as I held my contracting belly. “I really thought he’d be here with me,” I said, letting the tears just come.

I gave up fighting them.

Caught off guard, Luke’s handsome face fell, and he lowered his eyes. “I did too,” he admitted, dropping his arm to my shoulders. “We’re going to get through this, and then when he does wake up for good, you’ll both be there. Okay?”

I nodded, tearfully accepting his hug.

The hospital was prepared for my arrival, and all precautions had been taken for any kind of emergency. My attending nurse, Mandy, met me with an excited smile.

“Nice to meet you both. This is your first?” she clarified, reading over my chart.

“I’m her brother-in-law, Luke,” he replied, gathering my clothes and tucking them into my bag.

As she read my name, her face paled.

“Oh… Vivian, I’m sorry, I knew that,” she rushed, giving me an apologetic smile. “Keaton. Of course. Luke, are you staying with her during the birth?”

He turned to look at me as if reconfirming that nothing had changed. I nodded.

“Yes, and as long as everything goes as planned, I want to be taken to Keaton’s room as soon as she’s born.”

“Of course,” Mandy repeated, reaching for my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Everything will be fine.”

Luke was given scrubs and instructions on how to prepare for the operating room. He’d sent out a text blast to our families, and my parents responded that they were searching for flights.

“Luke,” I called, and he moved next to me at the table, gripping my hand.

“Hey, she’s shaking!” His voice drew the attention of several nurses, and I glanced around as they flocked to me.

“She’s just
over-excited for little Charlie,” Mandy replied calmly, placing an oxygen mask over my face. “Just normal breaths, Vivian. You’re doing just fine.”

Tears. More fucking tears. I considered having my ducts surgically removed after this was all over.

“I’m right here, Vivie,” Luke promised with a vice-grip on my hand. “Try to keep it together,” he added softly.

“I’m trying,” I said, through the mask, and he ran his hand over my hair.

Everything happened so fast after that moment.

I was given an epidural, and Luke stood next to me as I endured. I gave up all hope of modesty as they prepped me on the table. He kept his eyes on my face, whispering reassuring words to me.

“
Thank you for being here for me,
” I whispered shakily.

“
I’m here for all three of you,” he said, lowering his voice so only I could here. “You, Charlie, and Keaton. I’m his wingman and always have been.”

I gave a frightened
grin, my hands shaking. “Thanks, Goose.”

“A
lright, let’s have a baby,” Dr. Grey called lightheartedly, and I took a breath, turning to stare into Luke’s eyes.

Keaton’s eyes.

The moment Charlie Laney Thorne entered the world, her screaming cries filled the operating room. Luke burst out laughing, his eyes filling with tears as the doctor pulled her from my body.

“She’s okay?” I begged, struggling to see everything they were doing with her past the sheet-tent that was erected over my middle. “She’s breathing?”

“Of course she’s breathing, listen to her,” Luke said, grinning and bending to kiss my forehead.

Again.

“She’s healthy?” I asked again.

“She’s perfect.
Beautiful
. You did amazing,” he promised, suddenly filled with excited energy. “Vivie, wait till you see her-”

“I want to hold her,” I
begged.

“
No reason not to,” Dr. Grey answered me calmly, carrying the baby to my chest. “I’m going to fix you right up, and we’ll wheel you to the ICU. You did wonderfully, Vivian. Most routinely boring cesarean I have ever performed.”

I breathed an exhausted laugh, widening my eyes as Charlie was placed in my arms.

I held my second child in my arms for the first time.

She curled her little pink fists into the air, letting go of the most adorable cry I’d ever heard in my life. Her face was scrunched, and when I said her name to her softly, she calmed a little, turning her tiny face just slightly my way.

“She has your nose, Viv. And Keaton’s mouth. She’s so pretty, I can’t stop looking at her,” Luke said, fumbling with his phone. “Can I take a picture?”

I nodded, wiping at a tear with my shoulder as I touched her tiny fingers.

“This one’s for Daddy,” Luke said quietly, and I turned my face toward his. “Be brave, Vivie, okay?”

His familiar nickname forced a tearful smile from me, and he snapped the photo at that moment.

An hour later, I fought back the pain as the epidural began to wear off. Dr. Grey allowed the nurses to wheel me and Charlie to Keaton’s room in the ICU as long as I promised to go when the pain got too unbearable.

“I’m okay. I need to see him.”

Our beds were pushed together. I turned my face toward his, resting my cheek on the pillow as Charlie slept in my arms.