Behind the Film Star's Smile (11 page)

‘Once. Though—’ He wrinkled his nose. ‘Well, it’s the way he’s in love with being in love. I don’t have a lot of patience for him. I would much rather have played Feste, the jester. He’s the most interesting clown in Shakespeare.’

There was something surreal about this conversation, Jess thought. ‘I can’t believe I’m talking Shakespeare with a world-famous actor,’ she said. ‘Especially as I don’t really know what I’m talking about, and you do.’

‘Actually, your views are just as valid as mine. Shakespeare wrote for his audience,’ Luke said.

‘But you’ve studied the plays. The characters. You know what they’re all about.’ And she’d bet her sister would love discussing Shakespeare with Luke. He’d probably enjoy talking about Shakespeare with Carly, too. They could argue about characters.

‘It’s my job,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t have a clue where to start with yours. I wouldn’t even have been able to get Baloo to sit still, let alone dance.’

‘You danced with her the other night,’ she reminded him. ‘Anyway. Dinner?’

‘Let’s go and sort it out. I’ll be your sous chef.’

Again, Jess thought how surreal this was. How down-to-earth Luke was. He’d won several Oscars over the years and been nominated for still more—and yet here he was, offering to help her finish making the curry she’d cooked earlier.

He chopped the coriander and the cashews for her while she started preparing the rice and the broccoli. It was strange to work with someone in a kitchen again. It made her think of Matt, and all the times they’d cooked dinner together.

Luke said softly, ‘Is this bringing back memories for you?’

‘Yes,’ she admitted. ‘I’d forgotten how much I liked cooking with someone else.’ She paused. ‘And you?’

He shook his head. ‘Fleur wasn’t one for the kitchen. She’d rather eat out or get me to cook for us.’ He smiled at her. ‘And I can cook more than just stir fries.
Really
I can.’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ she teased back, glad that he’d lightened the atmosphere.

Once she’d finished serving up, he poured them both a glass of wine and ushered her up to the balcony.

‘So what’s in this?’ he asked.

‘You’re a foodie, right?’ she asked. At his nod, she said, ‘You tell me.’

He tasted it. ‘OK. Obviously coconut milk, green chillies, garlic, lime leaves, lime juice and coriander.’ He thought about it a bit more. ‘Fish sauce.’

‘And?’

He shook his head. ‘No. You’ve beaten me.’

‘Lemongrass and galangal.’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘This is where you tell me that you cheated and you used a paste from a jar.’

She laughed. ‘No. I like cooking from scratch. I like the scent of fresh herbs and spices.’

‘I should’ve taken you the other way on the river path, where all the spice warehouses were,’ he said. ‘They’ve all been made into luxury flats and swish eateries now, but the buildings still have the lovely old brickwork and the signs saying what each block was used for. So the story goes, when the buildings were first turned into flats, the first residents could still smell the spices that had been stored there over the past century.’

‘That’s a nice story, though I guess you’d have to like the scent of the particular spice from your building,’ she said with a smile.

When they’d finished the meal and she’d oohed and aahed over the fabulous pavlova Luke had bought, Luke allowed her to help him take the crockery and cutlery downstairs, but flatly refused to let her wash up.

He made them both a mug of strong Italian roast coffee, and they drank it on the balcony, watching the boats go past on the river and seeing the lights go on in the buildings. At one point she stood up to lean on the balcony and get a better view of Tower Bridge; he joined her, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder. She wasn’t sure which of them moved first, but then he was kissing her again, just as he’d kissed her last night.

This was when she should be sensible and stop this, she knew. When she should tell him they needed to go back to being just friends and colleagues. But the way he made her feel...

She’d forgotten just how much she liked kissing. Those little tiny nibbling kisses that sent flickers of desire up her spine. Teasing, promising, enticing. How could she resist?

She opened her mouth and let him deepen the kiss, and the flickers turned into flames.

When he broke the kiss, his pupils were huge, his mouth was slightly swollen and reddened, and there was a slash of colour across his cheekbones. She’d guess she was in the same state.

‘Well,’ he said softly. ‘That wasn’t supposed to happen.’

‘We should be sensible,’ she said.

He cupped her cheek, his fingers warm and gentle against her skin. ‘Something about you makes me forget to be sensible, Jess.’

‘Me, too,’ she whispered, and leaned forward to kiss him.

This time, when she broke the kiss, he asked softly, ‘Stay with me tonight?’

Stay with him.

She knew what he meant.

Spend the night with him. Make love. Share a part of herself that had been closed off for so long.

It was tempting. So very tempting.

But this was all happening so fast. They barely knew each other. They came from different worlds. He wasn’t just a normal person she’d met at work—he was a film star. Talented, gorgeous, and seriously famous.

‘I...’

He brushed his mouth against hers in the sweetest, gentlest kiss. ‘I know. Too fast, too soon. And anyway...’ His voice tailed off.

‘What?’ She hadn’t seen him look nervous before.

He bit his lip. ‘Jess, I like you, and I think you like me.’

She nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak. The ‘but’ was coming, she was sure of it.

‘We haven’t known each other that long.’

True.

‘And it’s way too early for us to have this conversation.’

‘What conversation?’ she asked carefully.

He sighed. ‘It wouldn’t be fair of me to let this thing between us carry on without you knowing all the facts. You need to go into this with your eyes wide open.’ He paused. ‘Set rules?’ His expression was intense.

‘Set rules,’ she confirmed.

*

Saying it out loud felt like stepping off a ledge and not knowing how far he was going to fall. But Luke knew he owed it to Jess to be honest about this. ‘I don’t even know where to start,’ he said. ‘Whether to ask you or to tell you.’

She looked puzzled. ‘Ask me or tell me what?’

‘It’s not tactful.’ Especially after what she’d told him yesterday. ‘But I owe you the truth.’

She reached over and took his hand. ‘Telling someone something you’ve kept inside for a long time—it’s hard. Like me telling you about...’ Her voice wobbled slightly. ‘About the baby. But, like you said to me, it’s better out than in.’

He wasn’t so sure. This could blow everything apart.

She said nothing more, just squeezed his hand and waited.

He dragged in a breath. ‘I’m going to tell you something now that nobody else knows, not even Monica. Well, one other person knows, but...’ Fleur didn’t count, not any more. ‘I can’t have children.’

‘And?’

He couldn’t tell a thing from her expression. Whether it was a deal-breaker or not. But he’d started so he might as well finish. ‘That’s why Fleur and I broke up. I had mumps when I was a kid. It affected my fertility. So I couldn’t give her a baby—at least, not without dragging her through IVF, and she was the one who’d have the burden of it, the one who’d have all the invasive medical stuff and have to take the drugs and what have you. And there are no guarantees it would work.’ He swallowed hard. ‘She wanted a baby, and that’s why she went elsewhere. She had an affair with someone who could give her a child. She got pregnant, and that’s when I found out about the affair, because the baby obviously wasn’t mine. I could’ve forgiven her, raised the child as mine—but then she told me that she’d only been with me in the first place because she thought it would further her career. She’d never really loved me.’

Jess moved closer. Giving him strength, the way he’d done for her. ‘I don’t know your ex,’ she said, ‘but I can’t believe anyone could be so selfish and cruel. What she did was—well, words fail me. That’s so horrible.’ She looked angry, Luke thought—just like she had when she’d taken him to task over the dog, the day he’d first met her. ‘Right now I want to shake the woman until her teeth rattle. It’s not your fault that you had mumps as a child. How could she hurt you like that?’

‘She wanted a baby. Desperately,’ he said. ‘And I couldn’t do that for her.’

‘IVF isn’t the only way to have a child. There’s adoption, fostering. She didn’t give you a chance, Luke. And to have an affair, to cheat on you and only think about what she wanted...’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t get it. If you love someone, you make the effort and you talk to each other and you work out a compromise.’

That was what he’d thought, too. ‘It’s not tactful of me to ask this. Not when yesterday...’ He bit his lip. ‘Jess, I’d like to get to know you better. A lot better. But I know you were planning to have children. You need to know that I can’t do that for you, if we’re going to be together. It was a deal-breaker for Fleur.’

‘I’m not Fleur,’ she pointed out.

He didn’t quite dare hope. Because there was another barrier, too. ‘And I’m not sure I can live up to Matt. He sounds like an incredible guy.’

‘He was, but that isn’t quite the way things work,’ Jess said. ‘You’re different people. You have different qualities. It’s not fair to compare you and I’m not going to do that.’

‘So where,’ Luke asked, ‘does this leave us?’

‘I don’t know. I’m just an ordinary woman,’ she said.

There was nothing ordinary about Jess Greenacre, Luke thought.

‘And you’re a film star. People come up to you in the street and ask you for autographs.’

‘Is that a problem?’

‘Of course not.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s part of your job—part of who you are. But I’m not Hollywood material. I’m not sure I’d fit in to that world.’

‘Everyone likes you on set, so that’s a pretty good indicator,’ he pointed out.

‘Mimi doesn’t like me.’

He smiled, then. ‘That’s because you’re female. Don’t take it personally. She’s definitely not the litmus test.’ He took her hand. ‘I like you. I think you like me. I’d like to see where this goes. So if you can handle the fact that my life can be a bit chaotic, the press can be intrusive, and I can’t give you a child—well, not without a lot of medical intervention, and there aren’t any guarantees it would happen for us anyway—then maybe we can make this work.’

‘There are no guarantees about anything,’ Jess said. ‘I’ve learned that over the last year or so.’ She took a deep breath. ‘So. Me, you and Baloo.’

The dog wagged her tail hopefully.

‘Me, you—and Baloo,’ Luke echoed. ‘Don’t decide now. Think about it. I’ll take you home, and we’ll talk about it again tomorrow.’

‘OK. We’ll talk tomorrow,’ Jess said.

Luke drove her home and was utterly restrained, merely kissing her goodbye on the cheek and waiting in the car until she was safely indoors. She needed to make this decision with a clear head, not when he’d swept her off her feet. He wanted her to make the right choice for
her
.

He just hoped she’d make the same decision he wanted, too.

CHAPTER TEN

J
ESS
THOUGHT
ABOUT
it
.
And thought about it some more.

Luke had been honest with her. Totally open.

If she chose to see where this took them, her whole life would change. She’d be dating someone in the public eye. Everything they did would be reported. Sometimes it would be twisted, simply to sell a news story, totally disregarding their feelings. Luke had admitted that sometimes he just had to suck it up and ignore it.

Having a child together could involve yet more intrusiveness, either through medical procedures or through being vetted by an adoption agency: things that would put a strain on any relationship.

And Jess had to be honest: she did want a family, at some point in the future.

But then there was Luke himself. Luke, who’d made her smile again. Luke, who’d given her strength. Luke, who’d listened and who was taking her feelings into account, not expecting her just to drop everything to suit him. Luke, who made her heart beat faster every time she saw him, and not just because he was a handsome movie star with the charm and charisma that went with the job description. It was the man, not the image, that drew her.

Should she say yes? Take the risk?

Or should she play it super-safe and say no?

In the end, she slept on it.

And she woke smiling, thinking of Luke.

That decided her. She grabbed her mobile phone and texted him.
Made my decision.

Five minutes later, her phone rang.

‘Hi,’ Luke said. ‘I got your text. How did you sleep?’

‘Surprisingly well,’ she said. ‘You?’

‘Not answering that one,’ he said. ‘So you’ve thought about it?’

‘Yes.’

‘And?’

‘Are you still sure you want to do this?’ She needed to know it was still the same for him.

‘I’m sure. And you?’

‘There are no guarantees. But I do know that I don’t want to be sitting here in thirty years’ time, wondering what might have been if I’d been brave enough to say yes.’

‘Is that an incredibly roundabout way of saying yes, Ms Greenacre?’ Luke asked.

‘Let me see. That would be...’ She paused just long enough to hear him groan. ‘Yes.’

‘Can Baloo and I come and see you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good. Get ready. We’ll go out somewhere for lunch.’

On a proper date.

Their first real date as a couple.

‘See you soon,’ she said.

Showering and washing her hair didn’t take long. Deciding what to wear took a lot longer. And then she shook herself. Luke wasn’t dating her because of her dress sense. He could’ve dated a dozen A-list actresses with much better wardrobes than hers. He was dating her because he liked her for herself.

She opted for smart trousers and a pretty summery top. And she was just about ready when the doorbell rang.

Luke stood on her doorstep with an armful of flowers—beautiful summer flowers, bright pink germini, violet-coloured agapanthus, white roses and tiny chrysanthemums.

She looked at them and smiled. ‘They’re beautiful. Thank you. I’ll put them in water.’

He smiled back. ‘I thought the chrysanthemums might be appropriate from me. They’re called charms.’

‘Charming flowers from a charming man.’ She liked the wordplay. ‘That’s great. Can I get you some coffee?’

‘No. I thought we could go out for a walk. It’s your turn to play tour guide.’

‘Bad luck. I don’t know this part of London that well,’ she said.

He took his phone out of his pocket. ‘All righty. We do it the cheat’s way. Internet.’

‘You really do have an answer for everything, don’t you?’ she asked.

He spread his hands. ‘I try.’

Thanks to the Internet, they found directions to a nearby park, and Jess thoroughly enjoyed sitting in the sun, making a fuss of Baloo. And they managed to find a pub with a dog-friendly garden, so they could eat lunch with the dog sitting patiently under the table.

But when they returned to her flat, Jess hadn’t even opened the door when someone walked up the path behind them and coughed. ‘Mrs Greenacre. May I remind you that your lease doesn’t allow for dogs?’

Oh, no. So her neighbour had talked to their landlord. ‘I’m sorry, Mr Bright,’ she said.

‘Actually, it’s my fault,’ Luke said. ‘I’m looking after Baloo and I can’t leave her on her own. I do hope it’s not a problem that she’s here temporarily.’

Jess’s landlord frowned. ‘Don’t I know you from somewhere?’

‘Luke, this is Mr Bright, my landlord. Mr Bright, this is my friend Luke McKenzie,’ Jess introduced them dutifully.

‘I
knew
I knew you from somewhere! You’re my wife’s favourite actor. She loves your films. Could I have your autograph for her?’

‘With pleasure,’ Luke said. ‘I can send a signed photo via Jess tomorrow, if you like.’

‘That’d really make her day.’

The landlord had moved from slightly aggressive to cheerfully pally, Jess thought with relief. Being a movie star definitely had its plus points.

‘What’s her name?’ Luke asked.

‘Mary.’

‘Spelled the usual way?’ Luke checked. At the landlord’s nod, he smiled and made a note in his phone. ‘I’ll send the photo through Jess.’

‘Thank you. Mrs Greenacre, if you could kindly remember the rule, no permanent dogs. But I suppose this one can visit, as long as it’s only for a little while,’ Mr Bright said. ‘No chewing or messing, mind you.’

‘I guarantee it,’ Luke said.

‘That’s all right, then. Good day to you.’

Inside Jess’s flat, they looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘That has to be...’

He flapped a dismissive hand. ‘It’s fine. I’m the one breaching the rules of your lease.’

‘Ah, but we have a temporary permit for Baloo.’ Jess made a fuss of the dog. ‘So we’re fine. Let’s get you a drink, girl, and I’ll put the kettle on. Go and make yourself at home, Luke.’

He noticed that she’d put the photograph frames up on the mantelpiece. So she’d listened to what he’d said. And when she came in bearing two mugs of coffee, the dog trotting at her heels, he didn’t say a word. He just hugged her. Just because.

*

Over the next week, Jess’s world got better and better. She enjoyed her job, even though she was rushed off her feet; she loved having the dog with her all day; and she spent most of her evenings with Luke. Apart from Thursday, when Luke’s aunt was finally due home from America and he wanted to meet her from the airport, so Jess arranged to meet her best friend for a drink after work.

Shannon walked into the bar where they’d agreed to meet, did a double take and then said, ‘You’re glowing. Have you met someone?’

Hmm. How could she tell her best friend that she was seeing Luke McKenzie? ‘Sort of.’

‘Good.’ Shannon smiled. ‘It’ll do you good, and I knew Matt well so I can say with perfect honesty that he wouldn’t have wanted you to shut yourself up in a mausoleum after he died. He would’ve wanted you to find someone who loves you as much as he did and really live your life to the full.’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘What’s his name? Where did you meet him? When do I get to meet him?’

‘That’s a lot of questions,’ Jess said.

‘Which you’re obviously not going to answer.’ Shannon rolled her eyes. ‘I should’ve trained as a dentist instead of becoming a teacher.’

‘Why?’

‘Because getting information out of you is like pulling teeth.’

Jess laughed. ‘It’s not that bad. Look, Shan, it’s early days. I don’t want to jinx things or rush things.’

‘OK. I won’t push you any more. But, just so you know, everyone will be pleased for you and nobody’s going to say it’s too soon or anything stupid like that.’ Shannon hugged her. ‘We all worry about you being alone.’

Jess raised an eyebrow. ‘There’s nothing wrong with being single.’

‘I know that, honey. That’s not what I meant—I don’t think you have to be part of a couple to be a valid person. I just worry that you’ve shut yourself off from life since Matt and Comet were killed. It’s good that you’ve met someone who makes you smile again.’

‘Yes, he does.’

‘So when do we get to meet him?’

Oh, boy. That would be a meeting and a half. ‘Soon,’ Jess prevaricated. ‘As I said, it’s very early days.’

‘OK. I won’t nag. Even though I’m completely eaten up with curiosity and I have a million and one questions I’m dying to ask. You look happy, and that’s enough for me.’

Jess just hugged her. ‘Thank you.’

*

On Friday morning, Luke said, ‘So how was last night?’

‘Good,’ she said. ‘How was your aunt?’

‘Settling in again.’ He smiled. ‘Have dinner with me tonight?’

She nodded. ‘Thanks. I’d like that.’

‘Except,’ he said, ‘it’s a takeaway, and it’s not at mine—it’s at Monica’s.’

He was taking her to meet his aunt? The one he was close to—the one who’d rescued Baloo. Panic flooded through her. OK, so they were officially an item now; but they were keeping it low-profile and they were careful to be professional whenever they met on set.

Meeting the family was tantamount to a declaration of intent.

As if Luke guessed the direction of her thoughts, he said, ‘Relax. She just wants to meet you because you’ve been looking after Baloo. She wants to say thank you herself. It isn’t a big deal.’

Jess wasn’t so sure. She bought a bouquet of cheerful sunflowers, then had second thoughts when Luke came into the production office at the end of filming. ‘Luke, is it OK to take flowers to your aunt?’

‘Yes.’ He looked at them and smiled. ‘She’ll love them.’

This time, rather than driving them towards the Thames, he drove them to Notting Hill. Another wealthy part of London, Jess thought. Again she was aware that Luke wasn’t just wealthy in his own right, he came from quite a privileged background—one so different from her own, vastly normal background.

The first thing that struck Jess when Luke let them into the house and introduced her to Monica was how like Luke she looked. ‘I, um—it’s very nice to meet you,’ she said, feeling ridiculously shy, and cross with herself for feeling that way.

‘And you. Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful. Luke, can you put them in water for me?’ Monica asked.

‘And arrange the takeaway. Sure. Chinese OK with you, Jess?’ he asked.

‘It’ll be lovely, thanks.’

She made polite small talk with Monica while Luke was in the kitchen. When he came back, he said, ‘Jess, are you going to show Mon what you’ve taught Baloo?’

‘I—well, if you think I should.’

‘Definitely.’

Feeling even more nervous, Jess switched on the music and took Baloo through their routine.

‘That’s incredible,’ Monica said, making a fuss of the dog. ‘So clever.’

‘I can’t take all the credit,’ Jess said. ‘It was a little girl in the park who gave me the idea. I was giving Baloo some basic training, and the little girl said she’d seen a dancing dog on the television and asked me if I was going to teach Baloo to dance. I gave it a go and it turns out she’s a natural.’

‘She’s a very clever girl indeed.’ Monica gave Luke a speaking look. ‘She’d fit well into a showbiz life.’

‘We’ve had this conversation,’ Luke reminded her. ‘And don’t you gang up with her, Jess.’

‘As if I would,’ Jess said, and gave him a wicked grin.

The ice was thoroughly broken, and Jess told Monica about some of the training work and exhibitions she’d done.

‘I wanted to say thank you,’ Monica said, when Luke took Baloo out into the garden. ‘For making Luke smile again.’

‘Me? I haven’t done anything,’ Jess said.

‘Hmm.’ Monica looked unconvinced. ‘OK, so you’re keeping it between yourselves for now. Fair enough.’

Jess felt the colour flood into her face. Oh, help.

Monica patted her hand. ‘I won’t tell him I know. Even though he must know I would’ve guessed.’

‘I know you’re close to him,’ Jess said. ‘He talks about you a lot.’ And he said hardly anything about his parents.

‘He’s the best nephew I could’ve had,’ Monica said.

‘The only nephew, according to him.’

‘He’s the nearest I have to a child of my own, and I love him dearly.’ Monica sighed. ‘Much as I love my sister Erica, she wouldn’t win any prizes for maternal feeling.’

Jess, knowing that this was immensely private, said softly, ‘Set rules.’

‘Set rules? Oh—what you hear and what you see stays with you.’ Monica nodded. ‘Thank you. Let’s just say that Luke grew up in a house with white carpets.’

‘High maintenance,’ Jess said, wondering how his mother would have reacted to the inevitable spills.

‘You can say that again. He grew up disappointing her. And his father.’ Monica rolled her eyes. ‘Even now they’d like him to give up his acting and go back to being a lawyer, so he’d fit in to their expectations of him.’

‘He would’ve made a good barrister. He’s meticulous and he’s got stage presence,’ Jess pointed out.

‘True,’ Monica said.

‘But you’re right—it wouldn’t have made him happy.’ Jess sighed. ‘I come from a materially much poorer background, but I think I was the lucky one. My parents said that as long as my sister and I were happy in what we did, then they were happy—that was all they wanted.’

‘Very sensible,’ Monica said. ‘I agree with them.’ She grimaced. ‘I wasn’t able to have children myself, so I was always happy to borrow Luke and do messy stuff with him at my place—painting, glitter and glue, play dough and making cupcakes with icing and sprinkles.’

‘And I bet you supported him when he said he wanted to act,’ Jess said.

‘It was the first time I’d seen him really come alive,’ Monica said. ‘Of course I was going to support him. He’d found the thing of his heart. So I ran interference with his parents as much as I could.’ She smiled. ‘I still do. His mother’s always giving dinner parties where he can meet someone suitable.’

Luke’s parents are definitely
not
going to approve of me, Jess thought.

Either she’d said it aloud or Luke’s aunt was immensely perceptive, because Monica said softly, ‘It doesn’t matter what they think about you, it matters what Luke thinks about you—and right now he’s happier than I’ve seen him in a very, very long time.’