Behind the Secrets (Behind the Lives #4) (29 page)

Jade wiped his eyes. “I’ll stay out of
her way, just don’t leave.”

“Maybe it’ll be better for you if I
did.”

“No, it won’t.”

“It pro’bly would. If you didn’t see me
every day you could move onto someone else, but with me here, it’s not doin’
you any good, mate.”

“Just stay for the time being.
Please
.”

Dante breathed out. “I can stay until we
finish the album, but after that, I really should move out.”

“After the album’s completed, you’ll be
touring. I won’t be able to come with you during that time. Maybe it’ll give
you the break you need from me, then you can come back and we can start afresh,
because this is your home too. I don’t want to run you out of it.”

Dante smiled at Jade. “Fuck, man, you
really are too nice for me. I hope you find someone good.”

Jade went to say something, but shut his
mouth. “I have to go.” He ran out of the room, looking like he couldn’t get
away fast enough.

“Thank you,” L said.

Dante turned to L. “No, thank you for puttin’
me in my place. You’ve got balls.”

L smiled. “I know.”

Dante looked down at L’s crotch, her
long blouse hiding the view. “That’s yet to be confirmed.”

“You use sexual innuendo a lot.”

Dante looked back up. “So?”

“You’re not just about sex, Dante. What
happened to that sweet boy I spoke to ten years ago?”

Dante sniffed. “You can’t seriously
expect me to stay the same age, and I wuz never sweet. I wuz a li’l hornbag
back then, like I’m a big hornbag now.”

“No, you
were
sweet. It’s sad to
see you like this.”

Dante scowled at her. “Are you callin’
me a loser?”

L shook her head. “No, I’m calling you
unhappy. You weren’t happy back then either, but you’re even worse now. You should
get away like I did, go someplace secluded, where there isn’t anyone to bother
you, because, Dante, no matter where you are, people will bother you.”

“Why?”

“You’re ridiculously good-looking and
exude so much sex appeal you make pornos look like teacher training videos.
That’s why people throw themselves at you. Get away, take a break, because I
know how it feels when things become too much to handle.”

Dante frowned. “Do you get people
throwing themselves at you, too?”

“Yes. It’s why I avoid public places.
Men constantly hit on me, while back in high school young girls followed me
around, treating me like a pop star. Then there was this one boy...” L breathed
out. “No matter what I did, he wouldn’t leave me alone. He’s the reason I left
New Zealand.”

“Who wuz it?”

“Anthony Torres.”

Dante’s eyes widened. “That
motherfucker!” He clenched his hands, rage rushing through him. “That bastard
hurts everyone he goes near.”

“He didn’t just hurt me; he raped
me—multiple times.”

“He what?!”

“I know it may seem strange to say it
outright, since people hide that sort of thing, but I don’t keep secrets, not anymore,
especially since I almost died trying to hide what happened to me in high
school. What about you? How many secrets do you have?”

“Too many to mention.”

“Which is why your psyche is being eaten
away.”

“Are you some kind of new-age freak?”

“No, I’m a survivor. Not a strong one,
but someone who copes the only way I know how. Jade told me that Ant hurt you
too. How do you cope with it?”

“He didn’t rape me, so my situation is
different from yours.”

“What’d he do?”

“He tried to, but I fought back. Though,
the twisted fuck managed to grab my junk, but then again, I’ve had a lot of
people grab my junk, so I’ll be fine.”

“How can you say that?”

“Cos I’ve had a helluva lot worse done
to me than that prick gettin’ a grope in.” Dante’s mind went back ten years, another
person wanting to do the same as Ant, but succeeding. The memory slipped away,
not allowing him to see who it was.

“What’s wrong?” L asked.

“Another memory I can’t remember. I have
a lot of them.”

“Did the psychiatrist help?”

“How do ya know ’bout that bitch?”

“Jade told me.”

“I don’t like bein’ talked about.”

“Sorry, I’m being nosey again.” She turned
and headed for the kitchen.

Dante followed her, the chick’s earlier
reactions now making sense. “Is that why you shy away from men?”

L placed a hand on the door and turned her
head to him. “What do you mean?”

“Cos of what Ant did to you.”

“Yes.”

“He’s only one man. Not all men are like
him.”

“Most men look at me like Ant did.”

“I don’t.”

“You eye me up all the time.”

“I eye all hot chicks up; it doesn’t
mean I would force myself onto them. You shouldn’t label all men on one
disgusting piece of trash.”

L frowned. “I know, but it’s a reaction
I find hard to control.”

“Like me and my sexual way of doin’
shit, it’s inbred in me. The doc also said it’s partly due to bein’ bipolar.
It’s called hypersexuality.”

L grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For telling you to do something you have
no control over.”

Dante shrugged. “No worries, it’s all good.”

“No, it’s not. I was judging you
wrongly.”

“Everyone judges me, that’s nuthin’ new.”

“Well, they shouldn’t. And thank you.”

“For what?”

“Giving me a glimpse of that sweet boy
again.”

Dante quirked an eyebrow. “I’m
definitely not sweet, lady.”

“And I’m definitely not a lady.”
Smiling, L wriggled her fingers at Dante, then turned and pushed through the
kitchen doorway, leaving Dante standing there smiling, the chick making him
feel good, and for once it wasn’t to do with sex.

His phone went off in his pocket,
snapping him out of the nice feeling. He pulled it out and looked down at the
number, not recognising it. He placed it to his ear, saying hello in Maori, “
Kia
ora
?”

“Is this Mr. Rata?” a lady asked.

“Yup. Wassup?”

“I’m the receptionist for your partner’s
doctor.”

“How’d you get my number?”

“Beth put you down as the father of her
child.”

“Yeah, so what are ya callin’ me for?”

“There’s something wrong with your
partner’s phone number. It keeps saying it’s out of service. Can you please ask
her to call me?”

“Why? Is there sumpthin’ wrong with my
baby?” he asked, worried that Beth could miscarry too.

“Oh, no, it’s fine, I’m just ringing in
regards to her eighteen week appointment. I need to change it due to a clash.”

“Just gimme the details and I’ll pass
them onto her.”

“Tell her that Doctor Martin can do one
p.m. on Tuesday the twentieth or Wednesday the twenty-first.”

“Okay,” Dante said, his eyes moving to L
as she reappeared with two glasses of juice. She held one out for Dante to
take.

“Thank you,” the receptionist said,
hanging up.

Dante pocketed the phone and took the
juice, then froze.
Eighteen week appointment?

“What’s wrong?” L asked.

Dante ignored her, counting the weeks in
his head, his mind working out when he’d first fucked Beth. His eyes widened.
“The bitch!”

22

Saul

Saul walked out of his boss’s office,
not waiting for Joseph’s reply. Joseph had just stared at him in shock, saying
absolutely nothing as Saul confessed to sexually assaulting Beth.

He quickly headed down the corridor, passing
Sarah as she tried to talk to him, no doubt wanting to know what Joseph had
said. He probably should’ve stayed long enough for Joseph to arrest him, but
his feet were moving of their own accord, propelling him forward, an
unstoppable force screaming at him to get away. He didn’t know why, because he’d
willingly confessed, but like with Beth, he wasn’t thinking logically, a
mixture of fear and disgust, as well as deep regret affecting his actions.

He exited the building and jumped down
the stairs, heading for his car, which was around the back of the building. He
got in quick and locked the door before Sarah could stop him. She banged on the
window, demanding he talk to her. Ignoring her, he backed out of his parking
spot and swung the car around. Sarah screamed at him to stop, her face now red,
her cheeks covered in tears. She was family to him. Joseph was too, in fact,
the whole unit was, the men and women treating him like a brother, often
inviting him to their homes, including him in their family gatherings. And he’d
forsaken all of them, spitting on everything they were about. He turned the
corner, knowing it wasn’t just Beth he’d wronged.

Before he could think logically, he was
at Beth’s house. He knew he shouldn’t be here, that he was probably going to
make things worse, but he needed to tell her in person he’d confessed. He also
wanted to let her know that she didn’t need to be afraid of him anymore, and if
she wanted to testify against him, he would back up everything she said on the
stand.

He jumped out of his car and headed for
the front door, knocking on it without any hesitation. He just hoped he hadn’t
upset her too much the last time he’d been here, especially since he couldn’t
remember what had happened due to being drunk. Sarah had said that she’d heard
two women yelling at Beth’s place that night, then he’d bolted out of the house,
looking worse for wear.

Footsteps approached the other side of
the door, making Saul’s chest constrict, the fear he expected to see on Beth’s
face not something he was looking forward to.

The door opened, revealing Beth’s cousin
instead. Josie went still, her expression stunned.

“Hello, Josie,” he said, feeling
awkward, again wishing he hadn’t fucked her, “is Beth home? I need to talk to
her.”

Josie went to slam the door shut.

Saul pushed it open, making Josie
stumble back. “I’m sorry, but I have to speak to her.”

She turned to run, screaming, “Help!”

Saul grabbed her from behind and covered
her mouth to stop her from screaming. “Calm the hell down!” he snapped,
realising Beth must’ve told her what he’d done. “I’m not going to hurt you
or
Beth; I just need to tell her that I confessed everything to my boss. I will
back up whatever she says.” He let go of Josie and turned to leave, angry with
himself for even coming.

“What didja do that for?!” Josie yelled.

He turned back. “It was a reflex
reaction. You were yelling; I had to stop you.”

“No, I meant why didja give yourself up.
No one would’ve believed Beth; everyone thinks she’s a liar.”

“Do you?”

“At first, but she changed my mind. Why didja
hurt her?”

“I didn’t mean to, but regardless of
intent, it had the same outcome, which is why I should pay for it.”

“Didja use me to get at Beth?”

Saul shook his head vigorously. “No, I
was trying to protect you. There was a man outside, casing your house. I went
with you to the pub to make sure you were protected.”

Her eyes widened. “What man?”

“Someone who won’t bother you again. I
have a mate who’s making sure he’s being watched. Regardless, you should go to
Corey’s house. I want all of you Connors there, so the police can protect you.”
His face dropped, remembering he hadn’t told his boss about Ant’s threat to the
Connors, his need to confess having consumed him, making him forget. “I have to
go.” He turned to leave.

“Saul!” Josie called out.

He turned back again. “What?”

“Will you go to prison for what you
did?”

“Yes.”

“Won’t you get attacked if you do?
You’re a cop. People will hate you in there.”

“I deserve it.”

“You might get killed.”

“So be it.” He spun around and headed
for his car, jumping into it. As he pulled away from the kerb, his phone went
off, Sarah’s number coming up. Ignoring it, he kept on driving, relieved when
she finally gave up. Not wanting to go back to the station, he pulled over to
the kerb and called Joseph. It went straight through to voicemail. He left a
message about what Corey had told him, knowing that Joseph would arrange
protection for the Connors.

He
finished the call and threw his phone aside, his mind now on his wife. He
pulled away from the kerb and headed for Waikumete, wanting to talk to her—possibly
for the last time.

***

Gravestones made a pattern across the
cemetery, his wife’s one amongst many. Saul placed the pink roses into the stone
vase and brushed some leaves off her resting place, upset that he wouldn’t be
able to come here for a long time—if ever again, because Sarah was right: there
was a high chance he would die in prison.

Saying
a prayer, he rose to his feet and looked down at the words written in stone:

In memory of

Mariella Vaega

1971-1998

A loving wife
and daughter

~ * ~

Our hearts are
broken without you

Our precious Ella

Even after all these years the loss of
his wife still pierced his heart. She’d died from a gunshot wound while out on
patrol, the both of them police officers. He’d been back at the station, writing
up a report about a domestic dispute, feeling bored and wishing he was home
with Mariella. Joseph had come into his office, looking devastated, instantly
capturing Saul’s attention. Then his boss and friend had said those words,
‘I’m
sorry, Saul, I don’t know how to tell you this ... Mariella’s been fatally
shot.’

“Saul,” a voice said, ripping him out of
the memory.

He turned around, finding Sarah standing
several feet away, her face filled with compassion.

“I thought you would come here,” she
said. “You always do when you’re upset or need comfort.”

He didn’t reply, his attention instead moving
to her partner. Liam was a tall blond, with a massive ego and an unfriendly
personality—but only in regards to Saul. Sarah’s partner had taken a disliking
to Saul after being overlooked for a promotion, Saul getting it instead. Saul
held out his hands, knowing Liam didn’t need to be jealous anymore, if
anything, he should be happy, because he’d be first in line for Saul’s job, something
the man badly wanted. But in spite of it, Liam still looked sad, no doubt over
Sarah being upset.

Reading him his rights, Liam cuffed Saul,
muttering, “I’m sorry,” at the end.

“There’s no need to be,” Saul replied. “Treat
me like any other criminal. It’s what I am.”

“No you’re not!” Sarah shouted. “You
didn’t mean to hurt Beth.”

“Whether I meant to or not, I still did.”

Liam went to direct Saul to the police
car. Sarah shoved him away from Saul, turning on her partner. “He didn’t mean
to do it! He told me he didn’t! That has to account for something.”

Liam grimaced. “Saul knew what would
happen when he confessed, but he still chose to do it, while I’m not choosing
to arrest him. It’s my job, so don’t stop me again, because, Sarah, you know he
has to be brought in.” He reached for Saul again, directing him forward, the
man as big as he was.

Saul looked over his shoulder at Sarah’s
agonised face, then at his wife’s resting place, saying goodbye to the both of
them.