Behind the Secrets (Behind the Lives #4) (3 page)

“You shouldn’t treat me like a jailer.
I’m here to help you. That is what Mr. Park is paying me for. He’s concerned
for your safety, so stop fighting me all the way.”

“You’re not helping me, you’re pissing
me off. Lavinia and that teacher are mostly happy memories. Yeah, I flipped out
when Lavinia dumped me, but that shit happens to everyone. She never hurt me
physically, nor did Mrs. Hatton. The people who’ve hurt me are my stepfather
and Ant Torres,
not
the bloody chicks.”

She pointed at him. “Finally! You admitted
your stepfather hurt you.”

He sneered at her. “Of course he did, he
beat the living shit outta me when I tried to stop him from raping my brother.”

She exhaled loudly. “For once I thought
you were actually going to admit everything he did to you.”

“I don’t hafta admit shit, I know what he
did, so go back to your perfect home, with your perfect life, and fool yourself
into believing you’ve helped me.
The end
.” He pushed out of his seat.

“If you sit back down, Dante,” she said,
indicating with a hand, “I won’t ask about your stepfather again.”

“What’s the point?”

“The point is I think I can help you,
and if you’re not willing to discuss your stepfather, we’ll talk about
something else.”

He lowered himself back into his chair.
“What?”

“Your two girlfriends. I want you to get
past the issues you have with them.”

“How?”

“By getting you to admit to how you feel
about them.”

“What do ya mean?”

“Your true feelings for them. Do you
love them?”

He nodded.

“From what you told me in the
hypnotherapy session yesterday, I’m not so sure of that.”

He frowned. “Why? What did I say?”

“You said they don’t make you happy.”

“That’s nuthin’ new, I’ve said that loads
of times. They drive me fuckin’ insane,”
or even more insane than I already
am.

“It’s because you’ve fallen out of love
with them.”

Dante shook his head. “You’re wrong, otherwise
I could walk away from them without a problem, but I can’t. I would die for the
both of them.”

“Would you die for the man who brought
you in?”

“Jade?”

She nodded.

“I guess so; he’s a better bloke than
me.”

“Do you love him?”

“Fuck no! I ain’t no homo.”

“So, dying for someone doesn’t
necessarily mean you have to love them.”

“So what?”

“Would you kill yourself if a close
family member died?”

“I wouldn’t commit suicide, if that’s what
you’re gettin’ at.”

“What about if Beth or Kara died?”

“No, but I’d be fucked in the head, even
more than I already am.”

“Which means you don’t love them.”

“How do ya figure that? There are plenty
of people who wouldn’t kill themselves if someone they loved died. They’d
mourn.”

“I wasn’t referring to your answer; I
was referring to how you looked when you said it. You reacted more to your
family members possibly dying, yet barely flinched when I mentioned your
lovers. Now, Dante, do you truly need to be with either Kara or Beth? Do you
want to wake up to them every morning? Do you want to sit and watch TV with
them…”

She continued asking questions, each one
pissing him off more and more. He didn’t care what she said, because he
did
love both Kara and Beth. He had to be in love with them to go through all their
shit ... although he wished he didn’t have to see them for a while. He just
wanted to be left alone until he could cope with things better.

“You don’t love
love
them, do
you?” the psychiatrist asked.

“I do love ’em, that’s why I’m fucked in
the head. I have a kid on the way, two women after me, even a guy, yet all I
want is to disappear so they can’t find me.”

“If you loved them you wouldn’t want to
escape them.”

“Then if it isn’t love what the hell do
I feel for them?!” he yelled, angry with the woman’s pyscho-babble-bullshit.
She was as bad as Beth with the mind-fucking. She was supposed to be helping
him, not making him feel fucking worse.

The psychiatrist sat up straight. “As I
said: you’re experiencing intense feelings that you’re confusing with love.”

“You’re fuckin’ with my head, doc, like
all the other women I’ve been with. Why can’t one woman
not
screw with
my mind for a change? Cos I’m sick of it. I’m sick of bein’ made to feel
everything I say and do is wrong!”

“I just want you to understand what
you’re feeling, otherwise you won’t be able to move on, and I think you do want
to move on, you’re just finding it hard to cut your connection with these women.”

“I just want a break from them, that’s
all. It doesn’t mean I don’t ever wanna see ’em again. Just a break so I can
work out who I love more, although I can’t now since Beth’s pregnant.”

 I still don’t think it’s love.
Infatuation. Lust. Need. Want.
Not
love.”

He rubbed his face, willing himself not
to yell at her again. “I just wanna leave.”

“Do you think you’re capable of dealing
with Beth and Kara when you get out?”

“More than you.”

She shook her head, again looking
frustrated with him. “Okay, you can go home,” she said, taking him by surprise.
“But think about what I said. I’ll make an appointment for you next week to see
how you’re coping.”

Nodding, he pushed up and went for the
door, knowing the next week was going to be a killer.

3

Beth

Beth’s stomach rolled, her morning-sickness
still in full swing, even though it was two in the afternoon. But she forced it
down, because there was no way she was missing picking up Dante. She’d gotten a
phone call from the mental hospital half an hour ago, confirming they were
releasing him, Dante having passed his assessment.

Taking calming breaths, she got out of
her pink Volkswagen and headed across the car park to the psyche hospital. It was
nothing like the one that Dante’s cousin had been in. It was a private hospital,
done in an Art Deco style, with smooth curves and white plasterwork. She knew
Jade would only send Dante to the best, the man having more money than he
deserved. Though, she was grateful he was using it to help Dante, rather than
to pay him for sex. She grimaced, still disturbed that Dante had slept with
Jade for money. God, it was just wrong, wrong, wrong!
Men shouldn’t kiss
other men, let alone have sex with them. It was a sin, something dirty. She
shuddered, still furious with Jade for subjecting Dante to that, especially
since Dante wasn’t gay and had only done it because he’d been broke.

Beth pushed through the front door of
the psyche hospital, entering a small foyer. A fifty-something woman wearing an
apricot-coloured dress was sitting behind a mahogany desk, talking on a phone.
Beth stopped in front of her, waiting for the woman to finish.

The receptionist hung up and smiled at
Beth. “How may I help you?”

“I’m here to collect Dante Rata,” she
replied, rubbing her sore stomach.

The woman indicated to a dark leather
couch. “Please take a seat; I’ll let his carer know you’re here.”

Beth thanked the woman, then walked over
and sat down on the comfortable couch. She stared at the door, aching to see
Dante again. She wanted to reassure him that she would be there for him, and that
she was better for him than his ex, someone who just wouldn’t leave things
alone. She frowned, the run-in with Kara last week still irking her. The horrid
woman had claimed that Dante had had sex with her on the day of his breakdown. Beth
didn’t believe a word, because Kara was clearly lying so she could steal Dante
from her—which she wasn’t going to allow.

A forty-something woman, with long black
hair, emerged from the door next to the reception. Dante followed her out, dressed
in jeans and a white shirt. He had a dark tattoo around his left eye, the curvy
style resembling a
Moko—
a Maori tribal tattoo. He also had more covering
his muscular arms, although those were colourful, with some words thrown in.

He stopped a few feet away from Beth,
combing his fingers nervously through his wavy black hair. He looked tired—and
full of demons, his dark eyes filled with worry. It reminded her of when he’d
flipped out after she’d told him she was pregnant. But it didn’t mean it was
because of her pregnancy.

Who was she fooling?

His meltdown
was
because of that,
although she didn’t understand why. He’d never used condoms with her, so she’d assumed
he would be happy. But the way he’d acted after she’d broke the news told of a different
story.

The lady with the long black hair smiled
at Beth. “Miss Connor, I presume?”

“Yes.” Beth rose to her feet and shook the
woman’s hand.

“I’m Dante’s psychiatrist. He’s spoken
about you on a number of occasions. It’s finally nice to meet you in person.”

Beth glanced at Dante, hoping he’d said
good things about her, although she had a feeling he hadn’t.

The psychiatrist continued, “I would
like Dante to see me twice a week until I’m satisfied he can cope without
having another breakdown. I’ve given him new medication, which I trust you’ll
make sure he takes.”

“Yes, I will; thank you.”

“And thank you for coming to get him.
Dante needs as much support as he can get.”

“I agree.” Smiling, Beth’s attention
moved back to Dante.

He dropped his gaze, causing Beth’s
smile to disappear. He was fidgeting, making her wonder if he didn’t want to
see her.

The psychiatrist turned to Dante,
reminding him about his Monday appointment, then said her farewells and disappeared
through the back doorway. Dante remained looking at the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Beth said.

He looked up with a confused expression.
“For what?”

“I caused you to have an episode.”

“No, that’s all on me.” He walked past
her, heading out the front door.

Beth followed him out of the building.
He stopped for a moment, probably looking for her car. “It’s over there,” she
said, placing a hand on his back, feeling intensely uncomfortable. The way he
was acting was making her stomach turn—and it had nothing to do with her morning-sickness.

He headed for her Volkswagen, opening
the front passenger door as Beth got into the driver’s side. He turned to face
the window as she backed out of the parking space, his silence not helping her
nervousness. She waited for the traffic to clear, then turned into the road
that led to the city, the tall, grey spiky building of the Auckland Sky Tower
standing out amongst the CBD’s buildings.

“I fucked Kara,” Dante said.

His words made Beth jump in her seat, startling
her. Then their meaning sank in, sending Beth’s heart plummeting.

Still looking out the window, he
continued, “I fucked her minutes before you told me you were pregnant. You both
kept pressuring me to choose between you, so I chose Kara. I wuz gonna tell
you, but you dropped the pregnancy bombshell before I could.”

Beth stared straight ahead, tears now
prickling her eyes, not believing the words coming from his mouth.

He turned to her. “Aren’t you gonna say sumpthin’?”

She pulled over to the side of the road,
her hands shaking too much to drive. “Why her?” she said in a whisper, barely keeping
it together. “Why not me?”

“You deserve better.”

She turned to him. “But I want you! I
love you!”

He jolted. “Calm down.”

“No! I will
not
calm down. I’m
pregnant with
your
baby; you can’t do this to me.”

He grimaced, guilt colouring his dark
eyes. “I’m know, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have chosen Kara.”

“Why?” she said, now confused, not
understanding where he was going with this. Did he want her or not?

“I should’ve gone to my grandfather’s instead
of choosing, because no matter what decision I made, it would’ve been wrong.
When I’m with one of you, I want that person, then when I’m with the other I
change my mind. It’s fuckin’ with my head, I can’t handle it anymore.”

“But I’m pregnant with your child!”

Lowering his gaze, he started picking at
his shirt. “Don’t worry, I’ll provide for you and the child.”

“You can barely provide for yourself.”

His eyes snapped up, his expression hurt.
“Jade’s payin’ me.”

“To do what exactly?”

He frowned. “What do ya mean by that?”

“First you have sex with Kara, then—”

His face dropped. “I’m not fucking Jade,
that wuz purely a one time thing. I wuz desperate to save my car, I told ja
that. And he’s payin’ me to sing, nuthin’ more.”

“Then why can’t you be with me?”

“Cos you won’t want me after I cheated.”

“You didn’t cheat; you were dating both
me and Kara at the same time, and we both agreed to the arrangement.”

He opened his mouth, then closed it,
looking surprised.

Beth knew why. The last time she’d
thrown a fit when she’d thought he’d slept with Kara while they were exclusive.
But he hadn’t then, and although he had this time, she’d learnt her lesson, because
there was no way she was letting her temper lose him again.

She took hold of his hands, relieved he
didn’t pull away, although he looked uncertain. Plus, his eyes weren’t right.
Drugs.
The doctor probably had him hopped up on a cocktail of them. It made sense,
because he’d normally be yelling and swearing at this point.

“I want you, Dante,” she said, looking
into his eyes. “I also want our baby to have a father and for the three of us
to be a family.”

“I’ll be a shit dad like I’m a shit
boyfriend. I’m not good enough for you. Never have been and never will be.”

“You’re wrong, Dante. I’m
not too
good for you;
you’re
too good for me.”

He pulled his hands free. “Don’t
patronise me.”

“What?” she said, confused, thinking for
once she was doing and saying everything right. “I’m not doin’ that.”

“You’re talkin’ to me like I’m a small child.
You sound exactly like that doctor does.”

“I don’t mean to; I just want you to
understand I love you.”

“I love you too; I just wish I didn’t
love Kara as well. I thought when I fell in love that would be it; that I wouldn’t
fall for anyone else. I also thought I would be happy, but I’m not, and when I’m
with you and Kara I’m even more unhappy.”

She stared at him, his words hurting her
again.

He continued, “Even when I’m making love
to you or Kara it doesn’t wipe out how I feel. Even worse, every single time I
made love to you it wuz after a fight, unlike with Kara. For some reason, you
and me have more arguments.”

“You argue with Kara too, I’ve seen you
yell at her. And we had sex at Craven’s without it bein’ after a fight,” she
said, instantly wishing she hadn’t mentioned the man, the bastard forcing Dante
into porn.

His jaw clenched. “I don’t remember half
of that cos I wuz drugged, and when we got free, both you and Kara wouldn’t
leave me alone, constantly fighting over me. I couldn’t even turn around
without one of you showin’ up and gettin’ in my face. And no matter how many
times I said no to Kara she wouldn’t stop. She continuously threw herself at me,
wearing me down until I gave in, like a weak-willed bastard with no balls. While
you patronise me, as well as making me feel like a dirty whore. I may be one; I
just don’t wanna be reminded every fuckin’ day ’bout it. I don’t put you down
and I don’t pressure Kara like she does to me. With the way you two behave, I honestly
don’t think either of you truly love me, you just want what you see, not what’s
in here,” he said, hitting his chest.

“No, I
do
love you, Dante. I
really do.”

“Then why don’t you treat me better?”

“I don’t treat you badly, and why are
you even sayin’ this?”

“Even though that psychiatrist wuz
annoying as fuck, she opened my eyes to the way you and Kara walk all over me.
She also said I shouldn’t let you two get away with it.” He grimaced. “The
problem is I’m weak when it comes to women; I let my cock rule my world. Maybe
I’d be better off if I give up women and stick with Jade.”

“What?! Don’t say that. You’re not gay.”

“I wouldn’t have sex with him, I’m not
attracted to males, but he supports me, and unlike you and Kara I think he
truly loves me. It may be an obsessive love, but he does what’s best for me,
not for himself. And when he found out I’d slept with Kara, he didn’t make me
feel like I’d fucked up. Instead, he just wanted to make sure I wuz all right.”

“You still can’t have a relationship
with him.”

“It’ll be platonic, so I can’t see why
not.”

“This can’t be happening; I’m having
your baby, Dante –
our
baby.”

“Honestly, do you truly wanna be with
me?”

“Yes!”

“Even after I fucked Kara?”

She hesitated, but only for a second. “Ye—”

“Just take me home,” he said, cutting her
off.

“No, I wanna take you to my home.”

He sniffed. “That would never happen, I
hate your cousin.”

“Then we can get our own place.”

He leaned his arm against the window,
placing his head on his hand. “I don’t know why you’re bothering; I’m not worth
the fuckin’ trouble.”

“You
are
worth it,” she said,
rubbing her stomach.

He glanced down at it, appearing conflicted.
“I
will
fuck up again, that’s the only certainty you’ll get from me.”

“Just as long as I get you.”

“Kara won’t stop tryna get me back.”

“I won’t either, so please, just
consider what I’ve said, you owe me that much.”

He turned to face forward. “If I do
this, I can’t see Kara at all. She’s too aggressive; she knows how to twist me
around her finger.”

“Then we can move to a place she doesn’t
know about.”

He shook his head. “No, I have a deal
with Jade, I can’t break it.”

“Then put a restraining order on her.”

“It’ll be a waste of time, like the last
time.”

“The last time?”