The most important thing, besides our faith, in caring for a child with disabilities is a strong marriage. Pay attention to your marriage, nurture it, and dive all in. Love your wife completely and unconditionally and understand that there is no room for selfishness in marriage. To the people who think happiness can be found someplace else—you are dead wrong—just look through your photo albums.
Esto vir!
This means “be a man” in Latin. Real men don’t abandon their wives and children—especially when they need you the most. It’s true, your life has changed and you’ll never be the same. It’s painful and it’s hard, but it’s also an opportunity to grow in character. Fathers are the protectors of their families. Real men don’t walk away from a good fight, and it’s your wife, precious child, and family that you’re fighting for now.
Esto vir!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
F
irst and foremost, Rick and I thank our dear Lord for all His tremendous blessings in our lives. “O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his steadfast love endures forever (Ps. 18:1)! The greatest blessings being our marriage and each and every one of our children: Elizabeth, John, Daniel, Sarah Maria, Peter, Patrick, and Bella. Thank you dear daughters and sons of ours for all your love, support, and patience as we were writing this book. You are all loved “to the moon . . . and back!”
Rick and I give special thanks to our daughter Elizabeth, who cowrote
Bella’s Gift
with us. It was a complete joy working on this project with you, precious Elizabeth! We laughed, we cried, and shared our hearts with each other. Thank you
for your insights, beautifully expressed thoughts, hard work, and organization. Thank you for keeping your procrastinating and busy parents on schedule.
Bella’s Gift
is a very special book because of you. We love you so much, darling!
As always, my dear mother was a great inspiration and pillar of strength throughout the writing and various stages of this book. Anytime I was overwhelmed or completely emotional as I was writing, Mom, you always calmed my anxious heart. Thank you for all your love, encouragement, and wisdom. You are such a huge blessing to our family. We love you beyond words!
Huge thanks from the bottom of our hearts to Bridget O’Donnell who was an answer to our prayers many years ago. This book would not have been possible if not for your exceptional help and care of our family, especially our sweet little Bella. You have walked every single step of this journey with us and we’re so grateful for all your love and kindness through the years. As you know, my entire family loves you, Bridget!
Rick and I thank our dear friends Mark and Leanne Rodgers, who have traveled an amazing journey with us for the past twenty-five years. We’ve worked on so many issues and projects together, gone to more dinners and trips than we care to count. It’s been so much fun sharing all our hearts and lives with both of you. Thank you, Mark, for being a great book agent and thank you both for editing the book. Your recommendations improved the book. We feel immense love and gratitude toward you.
We thank Nadine Maenza, the executive director of our political action committee, Patriot Voices, and a dear friend for the past twenty years. Nadine is also someone who, like us,
experienced the death of a child and has raised a child with a disability. Nadine, you get it and you’ve always understood us. Your empathy and kindness have been great blessings to us. We also give huge heartfelt thanks to our steadfast friend John Brabender. For the past twenty-five years you’ve used your brilliant gifts to let the people of Pennsylvania and the rest of the country get to know us. You are amazing, John, and we treasure your friendship. Thank you, Nadine, John, and our fantastic communications director, Virginia Davis, for editing the book and for everything you’re doing to make sure
Bella’s Gift
will touch many hearts and lives.
We cannot thank our editor, Janene Maclvor, enough for all her guidance and thoughtfulness with
Bella’s Gift
. Janene, you always provided valuable advice and direction and did it with so much joy! Thank you for your encouragement every step of the way and for sharing our happiness every time we reached a milestone. In addition to Janene, Rick and I are extremely grateful to the entire team at Thomas Nelson Publishing who helped with
Bella’s Gift
: publisher, Brian Hampton; marketing VP, Chad Cannon; marketing managers, Erica Reid and Katy Boatman; publicity, Emily Lineberger; packaging design, Belinda Bass; and graphic designer, Walter Petrie. Thank you all for your exceptional work on
Bella’s Gift
.
We give many thanks to our friends Deacon Keith Fournier and Sharon Hickson. You were so generous with your time, suggestions, and edits. It touched our hearts that you cared deeply about this project. Deacon Keith, thank you for your love for Bella and your spiritual guidance that strengthens us. We cherish your friendship. We also thank our family friend Steven Munoz, who lost a lot of sleep working on the pictures
with us! You are a whiz on the computer and the pictures would never have been on time without you. Thank you, also, Steven for always being there for our family. You are a true and loved friend to every member of our clan.
Thank you to Ben Kafferlin for your support and for getting the copyright permission for the story “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley. Thank you, Emily, for allowing us to use your wonderful story that perfectly sums up a parent’s feelings.
Words cannot begin to express how much fun we’ve had when Liz Zernich has taken our children’s pictures. We’ve been going to the Timeless Portraits by Liz studio in Sewickley, Pennsylvania, for twenty years and have enjoyed every minute of being in such a delightful and cheerful place. Thank you, Liz, for taking the most beautiful pictures of Bella and for giving us the gifts of capturing joyful memories that we will treasure forever. You are so kind and talented, and we can’t wait to have Bella visit the moon, the English garden, and the castle just as her brothers and sisters did!
NOTES
Chapter 1
1.
Our Sunday Visitor’s Catholic Encyclopedia.
Chapter 1
1. Sirach 6:14.
Chapter 3
1. Rick Santorum, from his speech at the Republican National Convention, Tampa, FL, August 28, 2012.
Chapter 5
1
. Avelino de Almeida, in John De Marchi,
The Immaculate Heart, The True Story of Our Lady of Fátima
(New York: Farrar, Straus and Young, 1952), 144.
Chapter 10
1
. Written in 1534, while Thomas More was in the Tower of London, awaiting execution. You can find this passage in Thomas More’s
The Sadness of Christ
, edited by Gerard Wegemer, Yale University Press translation (New Rochelle, NY: Scepter, 1997), 142.
Chapter 15
1
. Jean Vanier,
From Brokenness to Community
(Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press, 1992), 26–28. Mr. Vanier, a theologian and humanitarian, is the founder of L’Arche, an international network of communities for the intellectually disabled.
Chapter 16
1
. “Apostolic Journey of Pope Benedict XVI to Portugal on the Occasion of the Tenth Anniversary of the Beatification of Jacinta and Francisco, Young Shepherds of Fátima: Meeting with the World of Culture: Address of His Holiness Benedict XVI,” May 12, 2010, transcript, on the website of Libreria Editrice Vaticana, http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/speeches/2010/may/documents/hf_ben-xvi_spe_20100512_incontro-cultura_en.html.
2
. Joe Klein, “Rick Santorum’s Inconvenient Truths,”
Time
, March 5, 2012.
Chapter 18
1
. Nick Vujicic, “Unstoppable,”
700 Club
Interactive, CBN, March 20, 2013, http://www.cbn.com/tv/2239031407001.
NAMES AND CAPTIONS FOR
PHOTO INSERT
Bella—Our Beautiful Angel on Earth!
Photo courtesy of “Timeless Portraits by Liz,” Sewickley, PA
Top row, left to right: Bella’s Baptism (left to right: John, Sarah Maria, Rick, Patrick, Father Alexander Drummond, Bella in her isolette, Daniel, Peter, and Elizabeth); Grandma and Granddad Garver with Bella
Second row, left to right: our first family picture with Bella (standing, left to right: Daniel, John, Rick, and Elizabeth; sitting, left to right: Peter, Patrick, Karen (holding Bella) and Sarah Maria); big sister and godmother Elizabeth
Third row, left to right: Nana and PopPop Santorum holding Bella; our friend Susie Twetten holding Bella
Top row, left to right: Patrick and Bella; Peter and Bella; Karen holding Bella, our friend Katy Ryland and Rick at Bella’s first birthday party
Bella’s first birthday party with family friends (left to right: Chris and Lee Goodwin, Walt and Susie Twetten. Rick, Bella, Karen, John, Mary Ferguson, Gary and Jennifer Hale, Peter, Sarah Maria, Elizabeth, Patrick, and Daniel)
Top row, left to right: Bella with Karen on her first birthday; Bella playing cards with her big brothers Peter and Patrick
Middle picture: loving big sister Sarah Maria reading a book to Bella
Bottom row, left to right: Sarah Maria, Peter, and Patrick playing with Bella; Bella in her swing; Bella sitting in her chair as the kids see how cute she looks in hats
Bella in her flowers and lace hat looking adorable!
Photo courtesy of “Timeless Portraits by Liz,” Sewickley, PA
Top row, left to right: Sarah Maria holding Bella, Patrick, and Peter welcome Bella home from the hospital; proud big brother John experiencing the joy of holding Bella; Bella’s special friend Brendan Kelly with Bella
Bottom picture: Bella celebrated her first Christmas! (Elizabeth holding Bella, Sarah Maria, Peter, Patrick, Daniel, and John)
Bella is loved by her aunts, uncles, and cousins!
Top row, left to right: Bella’s cousin Emily (holding Bella) and her husband James Dudt; Bella’s aunt Kathy Lamb holding Bella
Center: Bella’s uncle Bill and aunt Nancy Garver holding Bella
Bottom row, left to right: Bella’s uncle Dan Santorum with Bella; Bella’s cousin Olivia Garver and Bella; Bella’s aunt Sis (Marybeth Kusturiss) with Bella
Bella is loved by her aunts, uncles, and cousins!
Top row, left to right: Bella’s cousin Fran (holding Bella) and her husband Joe Urmann; Bella’s uncle Paul (holding Bella) and Bella’s aunt Carolyn Garver
Middle row, left to right: Bella’s cousin Lee Garver, uncle Ken Garver, cousin Jessica Berkey (holding Bella), and aunt Marsha Garver; Bella’s aunt Maureen Swartz with Bella
Third row: Aunt Anna Estop-Garver and Uncle Jim Garver holding Bella
Bottom row, left to right: Bella’s uncle Bob Garver and Bella; Bella’s cousins Jessica Berkey and Matt Garver holding Bella
Bella loves having fun!
Bella looking too cute!
Our angel Bella
Bella having a tea party with bear
Photos courtesy of “Timeless Portraits by Liz,” Sewickley, PA
Top row, left to right: Bella’s third birthday party (left to right: Patrick, John, Peter, Elizabeth, Sarah Maria, Daniel, and Bella); proud big brother Daniel
Middle row, left to right: proud daddy and Bella; Christmas 2010 (top row, left to right: Elizabeth, Rick, Bella, Karen, John; bottom row, left to right: Daniel, Peter, Patrick, and Sarah Maria)
Bottom left: a special fresco of our angel Bella was painted by artists Roger and Karen Nitz for the Bella Donna Chapel in McKinney, Texas. Our friends, Jeff and Donna Blackard, who own the chapel commissioned the painting.
Top row, left to right: Bella taking a walk with Sarah Maria, Peter, Karen, and Daniel; Bella taking a bike ride with Patrick, Rick, Karen, and Peter
Middle row, left to right: Bella fishing with the boys (left to right: Rick, Patrick, Bella, Daniel, and Peter; Bella swimming with Patrick, Peter, and Rick
Bottom row, left to right: Bella at the beach with Rick; Bella playing piano with Elizabeth; Bella enjoying a tractor ride; Bella reading a book with Patrick
Top row, left to right: John and Bella, Bella’s babysitter/nurse and family friend Bridget O’Donnell holding Bella
Middle row, left to right: Our family at the beach (standing, left to right: friend Steven Munoz, Patrick, John, Daniel, Peter, Elizabeth, Sarah Maria, and friend Bridget O’Donnell; sitting, left to right: Grandma Garver, Rick, Bella, and Karen); Elizabeth and Bella, Sarah Maria and Bella
Bottom row, left to right: Bella’s fifth birthday (standing, left to right: Patrick, John, Karen, Daniel, Sarah Maria; Peter is kneeling with Bella on his shoulders; Elizabeth was away at college); our friends Leanne and Mark Rodgers (holding Bella). Mark is Bella’s godfather.