Bend for Home, The (16 page)

Gave Josie a tiepin for Sheila.

I hear that Sheila is up the pole, said Andy as we came down the steps after 10 mass.

Is that right, I said.

So they say.

Who?

People. People talk about it.

Do they now.

Yeh.

Well fuck them.

You’ll be in trouble yet.

No I won’t.

There’s people in this town don’t like you, you know.

Why?

There’ll be trouble, he said. I heard, he added.

I went up to the alley and played all day with the soldiers.

Vomited this morning. Bad form. The mother looked in.

Time to get up, she said.

I’m sick, I said.

I’m sorry for you, she said but didn’t give me a spiff. The inside of my head was racing. The wallpaper was upside down. After dinner in good form so headed to Noel’s loft. Fixed it terrific. Looks smashing, all boarded and nailed up. Laid out a carpet that Frank Conlon was going to throw away and carried up a chest of drawers from Burke’s. Tacked Eddie Cochran and The Searchers to the wall, then lit a candle and looked round for ages at my new home.

Maisie
looked
over
at
Winnie
and
said,
Poor
Winnie.

What’s
she
saying?
asked
my
mother.

Brought a mattress from our loft round by the garden into Noel’s. Then came back with a few roles of wallpaper. We pasted them up.

I had the fire lit in the bakehouse when the bell rang and Father Bob was at the door.

I’d like, he said, to see yourself and your mother.

What has he done now? she asked.

Nothing, he said.

I’m glad to hear that, she said.

But I think it would be proper, he continued gravely, if Dermot was booked in as a boarder next year.

Whatever you think, Father Robert, she said glaring at me.

And I think he should go to a
Gaeltacht
during the summer. It will help his Irish.

Do you hear Father Robert? she asked me.

I do, I said.

So you’ll go?

I will.

That’s that then, said Father Robert.

Put up more wallpaper in Noel’s. Done a bit of painting. Left half a flagon of cider up there.

Noel’s head appeared in the opening.

How are things in the Castle? he asked.

The girls are coming into town tomorrow. We put in divisions between Kevin’s mattress and mine and shoot air-freshener through the loft. Then we invited Dermot up to see the Castle. Very nice, he said.

I watched the Loreto girls arriving at the Town Hall. They trooped out of two buses in their red uniforms and brown nylons and the town girls gave us the nod. The rest looked on knowingly. Sheila never let on to see me. We kept our eyes aloft and when they’d gone in myself and the lads go onto the balcony.

The two films showing are
Lord
Save
my
Soul
and
Daniel
and
Lions.
Sister Gabriel gave a religious talk to the girls, we clapped, the light went off and Sheila slipped up onto the balcony.

Dermot, she whispered, where are you?

Here, I said.

Where’s here? I lit a match and she sat down. I could hardly get my breath. She touched my cheek with her hand and kissed the side of my neck.

Come on to the Castle, I said.

Are you mad? she said.

I’ve missed you something terrible, I said.

And I’ve missed you.

We kissed.

And you haven’t been going out with anyone else?

No, I said.

You swear.

I do.

Then she went below and her brother suddenly appeared in a seat behind me. Watch yourself! he said.

Gave a book called
Golf
for
Ladies
to Josie to give to Sheila.

Take half a flagon of cider in the morning. Feel fine.

Since Easter have pulled wire nearly every day.

Knocked on the back door of Slowey’s shop to get some milk in the afternoon. The red-haired girl working there said it was a Holiday of Obligation, I know that I said but we haven’t a drop in the house. She said she’d have to get the key.

I see you on the town a lot, she said.

That’s right, I agreed.

And you’re always at the pictures.

I am.

We went into the shop. When she bent down to get the milk her blouse fell open wide.

What are you looking at, she asked.

Your freckles, I said.

You’re some man, she laughed. She gave me my change. Is there anything else?

No.

Well then. She opened the door and laughed again. You’re a funny wee cunt, she said. Would you care to go to the pictures with
me
? she asked.

I’d love to, I said.

Now what have I done? she said to herself.

So I had a bath and washed the hair and shaved and powdered Simon. I stood outside the Magnet thinking she wouldn’t come. But she appeared in a blue frock and high heels.

I thought you wouldn’t be here, she said.

I thought the same of you.

We passed by the lads and she bought us tickets for the balcony. She had the exact money in her coat pocket. She looked a little lonely. We were the only couple up there. When the pictures started she reached over and her hand came down on my knee.

You don’t mind me doing this, do you? she said.

No, I whispered.

She ran her hand along my leg, stopped a while and looked into my eyes.

Are you sure you don’t mind?

Yes, I said.

She walked her fingers along my thigh.

Do you like that?

Yes.

That’s good.

She walked them to and fro, then gently rested her fingertips near the lad.

Now, what have we got here?

Oh.

Who is this fellow atall, atall? she said. She gently traced the outline through the trousers. Has it a name?

No.

And now it’s moving by itself.

That happens.

So I see. It has a life of its own.

That’s right, I said.

Am I hurting you?

No.

I’ve never done this before, she whispered.

Don’t worry, I said.

I feel funny, she said.

So do I.

I thought the likes of you would be very experienced.

No, I’m not.

Is there something wrong?

What?

You’ve stopped breathing.

No I haven’t.

And your voice sounds strange.

Does it?

You’re deadly, she laughed.

A whiff of Palmolive and cherries and sweat flew by. Slowly she undid the buttons.

What age are you?

Fifteen.

I’ll be arrested, she said.

She reached into my trousers.

God, she said, you’re boiling.

Yes.

God, she said.

Ah.

Oh. Is this the right way?

Yes.

You won’t think bad of me afterwards?

No, I said.

I’m very fond of you, she said.

And I’m fond of you.

Is that nice?

Yes.

Very nice?

Yes.

Oh, she said. Oh.

Oh, I said.

Oh dear, she said.

Jesus, cannot walk today. Felt ojus bad. Could not hit a ball in the alley. Ellen tried to fix a date for tonight but I didn’t go.

What happened you, said Maisie, you’re in early? Did they all go off and leave you?

Then at 11 the doorbell rang.

I’ll get that, I said.

No you’ll not, said my mother.

She came back in and said there was no one there. When I was going to bed I found a letter under the front door.

What happened you?
it said.
Are you sorry about last night? Love. Ellen.

Asked Ellen to come up to the loft. She stood a moment in the dark entry.

Come on, I whispered.

What’s up there?

A mattress.

A mattress?

A mattress, I said, and a bottle of cider.

She took a few steps up the yard and stopped.

It’s very dark, she said.

There’s candles up there.

It’s not right.

You’ll like it.

I don’t know.

C’mon, I said.

No, she said, backing away.

Why?

Because I’m scared.

But you weren’t scared the other night.

I knew you’d say that, she said. That was different.

How was it different?

That was then. This is now.

All right, I said.

Now you’re thick.

No, I’m not, I said.

You think I’m not good enough for you.

That’s not true.

Well, I couldn’t go up there, she said.

That’s all right, I said, because I don’t want to go up there either.

You don’t? she said.

No.

We stepped onto the street.

Will I see you again? she asked.

Sure you will.

You don’t mean it.

Yes, I do.

No, she said, you don’t. I can tell.

I left her to the door of the shop.

Goodbye, I said.

Goodbye, she said, you yoke you.

Went with Noel to Castleblaney to see match between Cavan and Down. Very good.

Day of revision.

On the way to bed at 12 looked out window of the sitting room and could have sworn I saw Ellen standing under a streetlight at Con Smith’s. But when I went to the front door there was no one.

The exams have started. Done arithmetic and Irish. Got caught with a note in Arith by Father Hurley. Passed both exams. Came home and revised.

Done English. Had date with Ellen but didn’t go. A note arrived from Ellen under the door.
See you at King of Kings,
it said.

I gathered timber and lit a fire in the Pleasure House, a small lodge on the edge of Killykeen Lake, and threw my arms around her.

No, Ellen said.

Ah please.

No.

Why?

I want you to respect me.

Oh but I do.

You do in your gob.

Honestly I do.

I’ve heard that before.

But I mean it.

Stop that.

I can’t.

You wouldn’t do it to the Loreto girls.

What does that mean?

You know.

Ah, Ellen.

I know all about you, she said. Now stop or I’m going.

All right.

Just lie there, can’t you.

I’m trying.

Try harder.

One minute you’re mad for it, the next you’re not.

That’s the way it is, she said, with us ladies. Next thing I knew the mother was calling me for school.

Done Algebra, History and Latin. Honours in Latin, pass in History. Don’t know about Algebra. Up to the Alley!

Afterwards met Andy.

You’re looking for trouble, he said.

What do you mean?

Sheila’s brother is after you.

For what?

There’s rumours going round, he said.

Got the holidays. I blew a round in the Ulster Arms and slipped away on the qt to meet Ellen, who had her father’s car again.

Where will we go?

Once it’s some place out of town, she said.

I have a friend in Lisdarn, I say. So we drove out to the hospital and I knocked on the black doctor’s door. He was delighted to see me.

I have a woman in the car, I say.

But bring her in, he says.

He took Ellen’s hand and bowed.

We sat on his small bed and he sat in an armchair. He opened a bottle of gin and poured it into mugs. We drank it with water and it didn’t taste like it did with tonic, but Ellen got awful giddy all the same and threw her arm round the doctor.

Isn’t Dermot a funny wee cunt, she said.

He lit a large cigar and showed us a photograph of his parents and the house he grew up in. She took the album from him and studied it. She wanted to know everything. Who this was. Who that was. His sisters, his brothers, his aunts. Then she wanted to hear all about operations. He wanted to bring us for a drink in town but I said that might mean trouble. So we drove to the Park Hotel in Virginia. There was a wedding on and the guests made us join them. The black doctor was all the rage. They were all over him. The drinks flew. He danced sedately with Ellen and I danced the bride, who was from Crosserlough.

Her new husband was from up Denn, she said. She stuck her groin tight against mine and said she was for Majorca in the morning on her honeymoon.

This is an excuse me dance, said Ellen, and she stepped between us. So I danced her and the doctor danced the bride.

She drove me home at 4 in the morning and taught me to French-kiss in Main Street.

I could see the shape of my mother through the glass in the front door. I let myself in.

Do you know what time it is? she shouted.

I was at a wedding.

You were seen, she says, with tramps. Tramps! she repeated.

Painted all day in shop. Go up to Swellan lake. Lovely day. Rose was there. Great fun.

Painted gate.

Painted outside of house. Got terrible rubs from the house painters like Tom Dale and Dinny Brennan. Look at the gimp of him, said Dinny. Then walked Sheila down by the riverside.

Fixed the seat in the garden that Daddy made and gave it a coat of blue.

Tramps, said Mammy when I came home. Nothing but tramps and your father hardly in his grave! One day you’ll be sorry and by then it’ll be too late.

Brought Sheila and her friends from Balihaise out in the boat. I was rowing. We landed at Death’s Point.

I don’t like it here, said Sheila. I think something bad is going to happen.

I asked my mother for 4/- to go to see Ollie in Virginia. She opened the till and scattered the money on the floor of the shop.

Go where you like, she said.

I thumbed to Virginia. Walked round the lake and had a lovely tea in Heary’s who long ago knew my Aunt Jane. Then I walked out to Ollie’s house. He lives on the side of a small mountain in a farm. There’s two women there and his father. His people are nice. Myself and Ollie headed to the American Bar for a coupl’a bottles of stout and walked home the 4 mile at 1 o’clock. His mother was by the fire. She fried us up a feed. She asked me all about college, told me how Ollie was the first of hers to get the chance of an education. I felt bad knowing that soon she’d find out that Ollie would not be going back to St Pat’s. The rafters groaned during the night and I heard this voice talking, maybe in my sleep, maybe in the real world, talking of some place foreign, whether Joe White was still there, was he now? I haven’t heard from him in ages, thanks awfully but no, no thank you, no thank you all the same, then came names and ailments, scourges sent from heaven, rats and asses and carts and the blight, where was the bucket, where was the cursed bucket, God in his heaven where is the bucket gone? what’s to be done? tap water and spring water that’s what, the gutters, the eaves, the calf in the back field, the eel, the cat has a bird in his mouth, the scutter, when I hit him both eyes flew out of his head – it was dreadful out, I’ve told you all you need to know, who’s that at the door? there was never anyone like Michael, never again Sadie, no more Sadie, no more Joe White,
only the same crowd day in day out, then someone called out and the voice went silent.

Started thumbing to Oldcastle but couldn’t get a lift. Sat in a ditch and smoked my last fag. I was thinking of Kells, anywhere, even Navan, when Sonny Walsh came along and took me home to Cavan.

Are you finished with your wandering? asked my mother.

I went to see the Heary’s, I said.

You did not.

I did.

Well there’s some good left in you yet, she said. And how are all their people?

They’re very good.

I’m glad to hear it.

Then myself and herself and Maisie went off to the pictures to see
Some Like It Hot.
Aunt Maisie laughed herself sick and my mother thought Tony Curtis made a lovely girl.

The thought of it, said Maisie. They’d want their marbles seen to.

We sat by the fire and had tea. I told them all about the Ollie’s house and Virginia.

You see, said my mother, how happy we can be when you stop at home.

I rang the bell. Una’s boyfriend answered it. When he saw me he nearly fainted. I was covered in blood from a fight in Bridge Street when Sheila’s brother tackled me.

Stay away from my sister, he said and he head-butted me. Then his friends, including Andy, lashed in.

Sacred heart of Jesus, said my mother. What’s to become of us?

What happened? asked Maisie.

I got hit.

Get the guards, Winnie, said Maisie.

No, I said.

I’d have them strung up, said Maisie and she struck her fist into her palm.

What has you on the streets, the cursed streets, lamented Mammy.

I sat in the kitchen and Una dressed my face. The new shirt was ripped. In bed I could only lie on one side.

Are
the
bins
out?
asked
my
mother.

Yes,
I
said.

You’ll stay
with
me?

I
will.

Good.

I felt bad in the morning. I put on a pair of Una’s dark glasses and stood in front of the mirror in the dining room.

You look a sight, said my mother. Where do you think you’re going?