Beneath Our Faults (15 page)

"Do you like it?" He asked, studying me.

I swallowed. "I do."

He smiled. "This is one of my favorite songs."

"Why?"

"I don't know, it just is," he shrugged. "It used to remind me of my mom but now, I think of you."

"Okay, that's weird.”

"What? You're broken."

"I am not broken," I insisted.

"We have already gone over this. You are a sad and broken, but there is hope for you. I see that sweet little smile of yours peek its way out sometimes and it's beautiful."

"Oh," was the only word my speechless brain could muster out.

"Now it's your turn," he said, holding out his iPod for me again.

"No more games," I whispered, talking about more than the music.

"No more games," he said, repeating my same words and turning off his iPod. "So do you know why your friend did it?"

"I'm not exactly sure," I fibbed, not wanting him to know the truth. "I know she had been having a rough time lately and I wasn't there for her."

"People have to worry about themselves sometimes before they can help others," is all he said before turning the radio on. We both quit talking.

W
E PULLED
into the same hospital I was born at. The same exact place I had my broken leg fixed when a cheerleading stunt went bad and when I caught the flu from Tanner two years ago.

"You ready to go in?" Keegan asked, shifting the car into park.

"Let's just go." I swung the door open, stepping out and my feet sunk in a large pile of snow on the ground. I felt the slightest touch of Keegan's hand leaning against the small of my back, following me into the hospital.

The pungent scent of harsh cleaning chemicals hit me when we walked through the automatic doors. "She's on the second floor," I told him and walked straight to the elevator doors. My mom had informed me they transferred Tessa out of the emergency unit, giving her a personal room a few hours prior. I rubbed my sweating hands against my jeans, then tapped the large number two button on the elevator.

The place was dead, except for a few random bodies slouched in the uncomfortable looking chairs, scanning the magazines in their hands. Dawson was slumped into a vacant chair, his legs wide open and his head hanging between them. He either hadn't noticed me walk in the room or choose to ignore my presence. I gazed around the room once more, wishing someone else would magically pop up and give me information so I didn't have to ask him. No such luck.

I sat across from him. "Dawson," I said. Keegan sat in the chair next to me.

Dawson's head rose up slowly and he huffed when he saw me. "Nice for you to finally show up," he snarled, crossing his arms and leaning back in the chair, glaring at me. "And you already have a new boyfriend. That was pretty fucking quick."

I jumped when the chair next to me flew up, bumping into mine and Keegan exploded out of his chair, moving towards Dawson. "Hey asshole, what the fuck is your problem?" He hissed, his hands clenching into fists.

Every single pair of eyes was now glued to the chaotic scene happening before me.

"Dude, I have no problem with you," Dawson grumbled. "Just be careful with this one," his head tilted my way. "She treats people who care about her like fucking shit. I wouldn't even put myself in that predicament if I were you, man. Just giving you a heads up."

"I'm sorry, Dawson," I whispered. But his words trailed over mine.

"I don't want your apology. Today isn't about you for once, okay? This is about your best friend and her accident."

"Accident?" I questioned. "She tried to kill herself. That is not an accident."

He pulled himself out his chair. "Don't try to talk to her about that shit tonight. If you would have stayed around or at least answered her phone calls, you would understand that Tessa hasn't been in the right state of mind lately, so it was an accident. She's in room two eleven if you want to go see her. If you do, don't fucking upset her more." With that, he walked around Keegan's large frame and shoved open the steel door that led to the stairs.

"Ex-boyfriend?" Keegan asked, sitting back down.

"Ex-boyfriend's best friend."

"Ah. That explains it." He had no idea. "Do I need to worry about the ex showing up here next?"

"No," I quickly assured him. I saw others in the rooming looking at us, but when my eyes hit them, every single one of them shuffled around, attempting to look preoccupied like they hadn't been watching us.

"Nosy little shits," Keegan commented, loud enough for them to hear. "You ready to go see your friend?"

"Yeah, I won't be too long."

"Take your time. I'll just be reading," he paused, picking up the first magazine on the stack beside us and looking at the cover, "how to find your g-spot." My eyes grew and he held up a
Cosmopolitan
magazine.

"I'm sure you have no problem finding that," I replied, rolling my eyes at him.

"Well, little Daisy, us boys don't have g-spots. But I would be more than happy to help you find yours after I read this article and become very educated on the subject." Psh, that boy probably knew how to give an orgasm when he got pulled out of the womb. Shoot, I almost had an orgasm just rubbing against him.

"I’m not even going to answer that,” I said, walking away from him.

My feet squeaked down the long corridor of the hall.. The door to two eleven was open but I didn't know whether to knock or not. My mom never told me if Tessa knew that I was coming.

"Come in," a tiny voice called out from inside. My body was tense, moving into the room and maneuvering around the long, white curtain that was blocking our view from one another.

"Hi," I said, in a hoarse whisper. The white, stuffy room was empty of any other visitors. Tessa was seated upright in a small bed, watching the flat screen TV on the wall. IVs were hooked up to each arm and three different machines stood next to her, beeping in sync with one another.

Easing myself into a chair next to her bed, I looked over at my friend, taking in how different she looked from the last time I saw her. The once cheery face was now sunken in, making her look almost sick. She was skinnier than I remembered, nearly underweight. A large, white bandage was wrapped around her wrist, covering the damage.

"What happened?" I asked, getting straight to the point.

She looked away from the TV at me. "I tried to kill myself," she replied, her voice devoid of any emotion. "Obviously."

"I know that," I swallowed. "But why?" The back of my throat burned waiting on her to tell me I was the reason.

"I just couldn't deal with it anymore." Her IV covered arm raised up to rub her temples. "It just became too much for me to handle."

"You couldn't deal with what anymore?" I repeated. "I didn't want to deal with it, either, but you can't just off yourself because you can't deal with real life anymore. That's not how it works."

She folded her arms around her chest, rolling her eyes. "Whatever.”

"I'm being serious! There are so many people who love you and it would kill us to lose you, too."

Her blue eyes flashed with anger. "Screw you Daisy!" Her voice grew louder. "Not everyone can run away from their problems and leave their best friend. I had no one here for me!”

"I'm sorry," I croaked out, a lump rising in my throat. "That was insensitive of me."

"For which part?"

"Everything. For leaving without saying goodbye, ignoring you and for what I just said. I'm sorry." A single tear fell down the side of my face.

"My twin was gone, then I lost you too," she choked. "My parents are practically catatonic. They just move around like freaking zombies everywhere, refusing to take care of Derrick and me. I just felt so damn alone and I wanted to be with him." Her shoulders dropped as a sob tore out of her chest followed by tears. "I knew he would make me feel better."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. The feeling was too familiar.

"I know it sounds easier but think of everyone you would hurt if you did that," I replied, trying my best to keep my words sound strong. "Your parents. Your little brother who depends on you. Me."

"I know," she sighed.

Our heads turned to the door as a nurse came into view. "Sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours are now over," she said, walking to Tessa's side and checking her vitals.

"Thank you for coming, Daisy," Tessa whispered. "Even if we only had a few minutes, I was hoping you would."

"Me too," I swallowed, waving goodbye and walking back out into the cold, deserted hallway.

I
FLIPPED
through the pages of the magazine, reading a few lines before skipping over "The Best Advice for Getting Through Your Pap Smear," and instantly became thankful I was not born with a vagina. That shit sounded painful.

Daisy wandered back into the waiting room in slow motion, her arms hanging slack to her sides and her face empty. She stopped at my chair, looking down at me. "Let's go," she announced, sadness evident in her voice.

I closed the magazine, tossing it back down on the table. "That was quick," I replied, pulling myself to my feet, out of the uncomfortable chair. "If you want to stay longer, I don't care. I can just chill here longer and learn how to make it through a pap smear. How the hell do you guys even endure that?"

Her head shook and her ponytail bobbled to each side of her head. "I don't even wanna know why you're reading about pap smears," she said, "but visiting hours are over." With that, she turned around and walked back to the elevators while I followed.

When I saw her fly out of the lunch room earlier, I knew something was wrong so I followed her. I wanted Daisy to know that she could come to me. I knew what it felt like to feel like you were alone going through all the bullshit and I didn’t want her to suffer through it alone. I had come to terms with my shit, but I didn’t know if she was as strong as I was. That’s why I knew I had to come with her. She didn’t have to hide around a fake smile when she was with me.

Daisy's hometown was nothing like Atlanta. I was sure the town only had two stoplights it was so small. The roads were dead with snow lining the sidewalks. "You hungry?" I asked, driving under the speed limit on the unplowed roads. In our rush to the hospital, we never stopped and ate anything.

"No," she answered softly, resting her head against the window. A small circle formed onto the window from her breath. Ignoring her response, I whipped my steering wheel, turning into the first fast food place I saw and drove straight to the drive-thru line.

"Too bad. You haven't eaten anything all day and I'm not letting you starve on my watch."

"I can't eat anything right now," she mumbled, keeping her head against the window.

"Babe, I understand you probably aren't hungry, but you have to force yourself to eat something," I demanded, repeating the same words my aunt used to say when my mom would disappear for weeks.

"Fine," she groaned, finally looking my way. "I'll have some ice cream." She pulled out a few dollars and held them out my way.

Ignoring the bills, I tapped my foot on the brake and rolled down my window. I ordered almost everything on the menu. Daisy might not have been hungry but when she smelled all the greasy shit I ordered, her stomach might change her mind.