Beneath the Surface (20 page)

Maggie moved in her seat and watched me, waiting for me to go on but I didn’t say any more.

‘What happened after that?’ she asked.

‘My mother told me to get out of the house,’ I said.

I went to the payphone at the corner of the road and dialled Jason’s number. I told him I needed to see him but he said he couldn’t get out for another two hours as all his family were round. I said I’d wait for him and I walked to the shopping centre, killing time by window-shopping and drinking Diet Cokes in the café. When the shopping centre closed, I moved to the steps outside and waited some more. I was beginning to think he wasn’t going to show, but I still didn’t want to go home.

Three hours after I’d called him he finally appeared, his pockets bulging with bottles of alcohol taken from his parents’ drinks cupboard. We went to Hampstead Heath and shared three bottles of beer and the quarter bottle of his dad’s Jack Daniel’s. It was April 25th, a date I remember clearly.

‘OK, there are obviously thousands of Peter Webbs, and that’s just in the UK, but I thought I’d start there,’ Dom told Hannah. ‘So then I added dates, and put in schools in London between 1965 and 1975, and got it down to thirty-four. We obviously have no idea how old he is, but it’s a good guess. You definitely sure he was from London?’

‘Not definitely.’

‘This is going to take for ever,’ he sighed. ‘We need to think of a different angle. How did they meet? What did he do for a job? Try and think of anything at all, even if it’s just a guess.’

Hannah twirled her fingers in the sand and looked over at his iPad. ‘I don’t know any more. I wouldn’t even know if you showed me a photo and said, “This is him”.’

‘Well, let’s do it differently. We can start googling your family and see where we go from there.’

‘My family? What’s that going to do?’

‘Haven’t you ever googled yourself before?’ Dom laughed. ‘Give me the full names of your grandparents and your mum.’

‘This isn’t going to work,’ Hannah sighed as she reeled off the names and watched as Dom started tapping. ‘It’s a lost cause.’

She loved that Dom had agreed to help but she couldn’t imagine them getting anywhere, not when she knew so little. Lying back on the sand, she closed her eyes, letting the sun warm her skin, and had almost drifted off when suddenly he spoke.

‘Actually it might not be a lost cause – you never told me your grandfather was a lord. There’s loads of stuff on here about him.’

‘Let me see.’ Hannah sat up and pulled herself closer. ‘Wow, he looks so much younger!’ She pulled the iPad towards her. ‘I knew he was, but I never really took much interest. Mum never seemed to know what he did. Can I read it?’

Hannah scrolled down the page, her eyes skipping over the words, most of them going over her head. She didn’t know much about her grandfather, Charles. He had died four years ago, when she twelve, but when he was alive he hadn’t been a big part of their lives. He was a peer of the House of Lords, she read, a member of the Committee for Privileges and Conduct, whatever that meant.

They flicked through articles, skim-reading them. ‘Looks like he was quite the man,’ Dom joked. ‘Go back a page, there’s something about your grandma.’

‘Look at all those photos, it looks like a shoot for a house magazine! I didn’t realise she was some mini celebrity in her own right. Blimey, that’s her all right, though! You can still see the coldness in her eyes. Even in those she looks like she thinks she’s God’s gift.’

‘This one talks about his company,’ Dom said, grabbing the iPad back. ‘Bretton Inc.’ Hannah nodded as he continued to tap his fingers against the screen. ‘You know what, Hannah? I think we might just have hit the jackpot.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Peter Webb, Director of Services,’ he read out, ‘takes over Bretton Inc. It looks like your dad not only worked for your grandfather, he took over when the old man retired.’

‘What? But it might not be the same one. I guess it might not be my dad …’

Hannah couldn’t believe they had found him. It was too easy, too unreal.

‘It has to be. It’s too much of a coincidence. I think I might have to become a private investigator,’ Dom said. ‘I’ve only gone and got you a photo of your dad.’

*****

Hannah stared at the screen, at the stranger in the photograph smiling back at her. Dark, curly hair, round glasses that made his eyes look small, clean-shaven, wearing a smart navy suit and a red tie. He was shaking hands with a man who stood at least a head taller than him. The photo was taken in 2000, the year after he left. She willed herself to remember him or at least to recognise some small feature, but nothing came.

She shook her head. ‘I don’t feel anything. I thought I would, but I don’t.’

She continued to look at the man who had to be her father, taking in every inch of his face again. ‘I don’t think it can be him, because I would feel something, surely? Nothing about him looks remotely familiar.’ She looked away. ‘It’s not him.’

‘Hannah, it has to be. You’re not going to recognise him, you haven’t seen him since you were two.’

‘But I thought I would feel it,’ she said again, clenching her jaw to repress the lump in her throat. She didn’t want to cry about a man she didn’t even think was her dad, but she suddenly felt so sad. This wasn’t what she had expected at all. Looking at the man in the picture made her feel … nothing. ‘I thought I’d look at him and know in my heart, but this is just a stranger, and he looks nothing like I imagined he would.’

She pushed the iPad back to Dom and held her face in her hands. ‘God, it all does my head in.’

Hannah stood up. She couldn’t look at his face anymore. Her head was telling her it had to be her father but something in her heart was rejecting the fact, and she knew that didn’t make any sense. ‘I’m going in the sea,’ she announced. She needed the icy-cold water to take it away. Dipping her head under would erase these unsettled thoughts if only for a moment and then she’d be able to think again more clearly.

‘I’ll come with you,’ Dom said, draping his towel across their things. Together they walked towards the sea, stopping at the edge. Hannah dipped her toe in but pulled it back as soon as the water bit. However much she was used to the feel of the sea, its first touch of the day always made her shiver.

They stood for a while, looking out to the water. It was as if Dom understood her need for silence, waiting with her without saying a word, then eventually he reached out for her, taking hold of her hand and squeezing it.

‘My grandma called me Abigail the other day,’ she said eventually.

‘Who’s Abigail?’

‘I don’t know. And normally I wouldn’t think anything of it,’ she said. ‘It’s not as if much that she says makes sense at the moment.’

‘So what’s bothering you?’

‘There was something about the way she said it, like she knew what she meant. And the way my mum reacted,’ she replied, ‘you could tell she wished Grandma hadn’t said the name.’

‘You know what?’ Dom said after a while, ‘I believe everyone comes to the Bay to escape something, or someone.’

Hannah felt the grip on his hand tighten and she looked up at him.

‘So what did you escape?’ she asked.

‘Not me, but my family – my oldest brother,’ he explained. ‘Nathan, he died when he was seventeen. He would have been thirty last week.’

‘Your brother?’ she gasped. ‘I never knew you had another one.’

‘I was only five when he died, but I can still remember him. He had left home but came back nearly every day for his tea, and every Sunday he brought a bag of washing for Mum to do. “Nathan,” she would say, “When are you going to learn to start cooking and cleaning for yourself?” But she always said it with a smile on her face. She never minded.’

‘So how did he die?’ Hannah asked, watching Dom’s face tighten. It obviously pained him to talk about a brother she had no idea existed.

‘He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some guy started a fight in a club and one of his mates got caught up in it. They dragged him outside and started beating him up and Nate stepped in. By that point there were about ten guys involved. According to witnesses you couldn’t tell who was on whose side by the end of it. I think some of them just joined in for the fun of it.’

‘Your poor family.’

‘Mum swears Nate wasn’t like that, wasn’t a fighter. Course you never really know, do you?’ he said. ‘One of them pulled out a knife and Nate just happened to be at the other end of it. Five seconds later the cops turned up but by then it was too late for him. His mate ended up badly bruised, but Nate was dead. Mum couldn’t get her head round that.’

‘I’m not surprised.’

‘She blames herself. No one can tell her there was nothing she could have done to protect him, but I guess that’s what mums do.’

‘I guess.’ She couldn’t imagine how her mum would cope if she lost one of her daughters. These days her mum couldn’t cope if she clicked on the wrong wash cycle. It put into perspective how little Kathryn had been through compared to Mrs Wilson, yet to look at them, you wouldn’t believe it was that way round.

‘You know, I still hear her talking to him sometimes, when she thinks no one’s about. She tells him what’s she done that day, even if it’s boring stuff like going to the supermarket.’ Dom glanced at Hannah. ‘My dad’s not around that much, he works a lot, and she never says any of it to me. It makes me wonder if she thinks Nate’s the only one who’ll listen to her.’

‘Your mum must be so strong to keep looking after you all like she does.’

He shrugged. ‘Anyhow, my point was, the Bay is an escape. If you weren’t born here, and you don’t fish, then I reckon you need a pretty good reason for finding your way here.’

‘I never thought we had one. I always thought Mum just liked the sound of it.’

But now Hannah wasn’t so sure. Maybe they had escaped here. Certainly there were things her mum wanted to hide from them. She had always thought it was just her dad, but now she began to wonder if it was more than that.

‘Look around you,’ Dom continued, gesturing towards the near-empty beach behind them. ‘It’s so bloody isolated. Every kid here’s desperate to get out at some point. I bet most people in the country don’t even know it exists. I’m telling you, you come here because you don’t want to be found.’

Hannah looked around the bay. Dom was right, and it was nothing she hadn’t already felt herself, but it was still a sad thought. Mull Bay was beautiful, yet it was holding her in its clutches, and more than ever she felt the need to break free.

‘I do want to look through the rest of those articles,’ she said. ‘I have to find him and I need to know what happened. I just don’t feel up to it right now.’

‘OK, we will,’ he said. ‘Sleep on it tonight, and we can crack on with our search tomorrow, if you want.’

Winking at Hannah he added, ‘We’ll do it together.’

Peter had never wanted children. Having a family meant putting another person’s needs before your own and that didn’t fit his make up. All he cared about was how many people he had working for him, how big his next bonus was, and who he needed to impress to further his career. Consequently, Kathryn hadn’t planned to get pregnant; she hadn’t intended to bring an unwelcome child into the world. But she had made a mistake, forgotten to take the pill and had unwanted sex with her husband just to placate him one night.

When the test read positive her heart lurched. After she told Peter his face set like stone: he gave her no reaction, no emotion, simply strolled out of the house, briefcase neatly tucked under one arm, mobile phone clutched tightly in his hand. Back then she had hoped that he might change and learn to want and love what was growing inside her. Now all she hoped for was that he hadn’t, and he still wanted nothing more to do with the girls.

Eleanor introduced Peter to Kathryn a month after he started working for Charles. ‘I have someone wonderful I would like you to meet,’ she had said. Kathryn should have followed her instincts. She wasn’t ready to meet anyone so soon after Robert. No one could fill the hole he had left in her heart.

‘I don’t know, Mother. It’s so soon.’

‘Nonsense! You can’t continue to revel in your own misery, Kathryn. It’s unhealthy.’

‘Fine,’ she sighed.

She didn’t have the fight in her anyway. Robert’s death had left her empty. Most days she wished she didn’t need to get out of bed and she was sure she wouldn’t have if it hadn’t been for her mother sniping at her to get on with life.

‘Think how it affects me seeing you like this,’ Eleanor told Kathryn. ‘Do you really think I can bear to see my daughter waste her life?’

The sentiment had surprised her until she added, ‘Anyway, you can’t go on being a single mother for much longer. It doesn’t look good.’

The first time Kathryn met Peter he took her to a fancy restaurant that had recently opened. She endured an evening of his bragging, how he had managed to secure the best table for them, and how he would of course order the wine because he knew a lot about that kind of thing.

‘I’m doing exceptionally well at work you see, Kathryn,’ he told her over dessert. ‘I have nineteen people working under me right now, but of course I expect that to double once I take over the project team next year.’

He took a drag on his cigarette and blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth. Kathryn smiled politely as he continued.

‘Your father sees what I can do, of course,’ he said. ‘To be honest, I don’t think he’d know what to do without me now. I’ve turned that place around since I got there.’

‘Really?’ Kathryn said with feigned interest.

‘Yes. It was in need of some fresh eyes and sharp thinking,’ he said, tapping the side of his head. ‘I think he knows I’m the man to watch,’ he winked. ‘Of course, in return I’m rather hoping your father will help me too. I see myself as prime minister one day,’ he chuckled. ‘I’d be quite good, don’t you think?’

Why her father was watching him, Kathryn wasn’t sure. But Charles was an intelligent man, so he must have found something appealing. Kathryn would need to keep looking for it, she considered.