Authors: Lisa de Jong
Though I knew my apron was secure, Blaine’s hands never strayed. They coasted back to my front, stopping at my hipbones as he pulled me back into him. My head was leaning back onto his shoulder while his head dipped further into me, warm lips grazing my neck. My eyes fluttered closed reflexively as a low moan seeped out before I could stop it.
“God, you smell good,” he breathed, running his soft lips from my earlobe down to my collarbone. “I bet you taste as good as you smell.”
“Why don’t you taste and see?” a voice moaned. It sounded like mine, but there was no possible way it could have come from me. It was too confident, too self-assured. There wasn’t a trace a fear laced between those words.
“Can I?” he teased. He knew damn well I was ready to let him sample every bit of my body in that moment.
The gruff sounds of a clearing throat cut into our aroused senses like a knife. Blaine and I broke apart in time to catch the narrowing eyes of Mick. He glared disapproving daggers at his nephew before snorting and retreating to the back office. Mick was a man of very few words, but I could tell he didn’t like his bartenders canoodling on the job.
“Shit!” I whispered, covering my beet-red face with my hands. Blaine had the nerve to chuckle, eliciting a smack on the arm from me. “Not funny, Blaine! We’re gonna get fired!”
Blaine let out a pompous half-snort. “There’s no way that’s happening. Let me worry about Mick.”
“Well,
you’re
his family. Of course, he won’t fire you. But I’m still new here. I don’t want him to think I’m just a walking, talking set of T&A. I want to earn my place here.”
I swear I heard Blaine groan just at the mention of tits and ass.
Such a man.
Yeah, he seemed like a rare breed, but I had to remember that Blaine Jacobs was a male, and therefore, could not be trusted. Yeah, that’s what I should’ve been thinking, but my mind was still clouded with the remembrance of his lips caressing my neck. Blaine had completely dismantled me without even really kissing me.
Seeing the flush rising on my cheeks, he stepped into me, close enough for me to damn near taste the air he occupied.
“You’re right. I’ll try to tone it down here. But I need us to finish what we started. I need to see you outside of work. Tonight. Just us.”
My breath expelled in short pants as I tried to regain my wits. It wasn’t just my nerves rising at the thought of being alone with Blaine. It was panic. Terror.
No, no, no,
this wasn’t happening.
Not now, please God, not now.
“Kami, are you alright?” he asked, all traces of seduction wiped clean from his face. “You don’t look so good. Here sit down.”
Blaine grabbed a stool and eased me onto it, just as dizziness claimed my balance. I quickly leaned forward, steadying myself with his body and placed my head between my legs. Then I started the countdown in my head…from twenty. It had truly turned out to be a shitty day.
After a while, the hot clamminess of my skin cooled into a sheen of sweat that blanketed by whole body. My heartbeat slowed from techno to an R&B groove. When I was sure that the dizziness and nausea had ceased, I raised my head and risked a peek at Blaine. Now he knew. There was no hiding my psychosis now. All the better; now I wouldn’t have to be the one to break a heart. I’d have the privilege of being on the receiving end this time.
Blaine looked down at me with nothing but concern etched onto his handsome face. With the halogen lights beaming down directly behind his head, his light brown hair creating a halo of sorts, he reminded me of a sexy, dark angel. There was no disgust, no humiliation, radiating from him. There was only worry for me.
He stroked my cheek adoringly, not even cringing at the tiny beads of sweat that had sprouted in the last 30 seconds. Then he smiled, emitting warmth and comfort in that simple gesture, telling me that it was ok. That I was safe and he was there to, once again, catch me.
His eyes flickered up, and he held a finger up to someone, telling them he’d be with them in a moment. Then he squatted so he and I were eye level, and took my face in his hands.
“You scared me,” he whispered. The pads of his thumbs drew circles on the apples of my cheeks. “How are you feeling?”
I nodded, but I couldn’t find it in me to tell him I was okay, because I knew I never would be. I would always be a nervous fucking wreck, successfully ruining any hopes of a normal relationship.
I swallowed, though my mouth was as dry and thick as cotton. “I’m sorry.” It seemed like the right thing to say.
“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry about.” A small frown rested between his brows. “Don’t you dare apologize. You did nothing wrong.”
With his hands still cradling my cheeks, I wanted to believe him. His touch did strange things to me, including making me ignore the warning signs that could have helped us to avoid this drama.
“I’m going to get you some water. Will you be ok to sit here for just a second?”
I smiled my most convincing smile, despite being completely humiliated. “I’m fine. I feel normal now.” I tried to get up to prove it, but Blaine quickly dampened my efforts.
“No, sit here. Don’t try to stand yet. Let me get some water and food in you first.”
I sat idly, feeling like an invalid, while Blaine fetched a cold bottle of water and a basket of fries from the kitchen. He demanded I at least try to eat and drink while he apologized to the waiting customers and quickly filled their orders. I told him I could help, but he wouldn’t hear any of it. I wasn’t about to argue and draw even more attention to myself.
When I had consumed enough food and fluids to appease Blaine, I excused myself to the ladies room to freshen up. Mascara had settled in the corners of my eyes, and sweat-drenched strands of hair stuck to my neck and forehead. I looked like a hot, sweaty mess, and it only added to my embarrassment. I fixed myself as well as I possibly could and made my way back to the front. I needed to work my ass off and redeem myself. Plus, if I appeared busy, maybe Blaine wouldn’t question what brought on the sudden episode.
However, my game plan was quickly forgotten when I spied a pair of boobs practically playing patty-cake with Blaine’s face.
Neither Blaine nor his “friend” noticed when I reentered the bar until I asked a customer if they needed to be helped. It was obvious that Blaine was too busy helping himself to two Slippery Nipples.
“Oh, uh, I don’t know if you two have met, but Kami this is Wendy, an old friend from high school. Wendy this is Dive’s hot new commodity, Kami.”
I rolled my eyes at Blaine’s description of me. It was a typical
man
move - trying to diffuse the situation with flattery or humor instead of just admitting that he was a super-douche. I shook off my annoyance and quickly gave Wendy a tight smile and a wave. There was no way I was letting him know I was bothered.
“Well, aren’t you just the cutest little thing,” Wendy remarked in her heavy southern accent. All that was missing were daisy dukes, blonde pigtails and mid-drift top adorned with cherries. “The guys here must just eat you up, huh? I bet that CJ has been puttin’ the moves on you. You certainly are his type.” Her eyes ran the length of my body as she took a sip of her Appletini. Typical.
“Is that so?” I replied flippantly. “And what type is that?”
“Oh you know…the ethnic girls. The wild, exotic ones,” she explained with a straight face, free of shame or embarrassment. This chick was describing me like I was some rare breed of bird, and she was totally convinced that it was ok! Wow, just…
wow
.
“CJ isn’t getting anywhere near her,” Blaine snapped before I could respond to her ignorance. Both our eyes were on him as his expression suddenly turned cold.
“Oh well,” Wendy shrugged, waving off his odd outburst. “Anyway, Blaine, I was thinking I would hang out and wait for you until you close up for the night. You never did get to show me your truck like you promised. I guess neither one of us were thinkin’ about it that night.”
For the second time in the past hour, I felt sick. But it was for a totally different reason this time. It wasn’t out of fear or anxiety. It was out of sheer anger and disgust. Blaine was just talking about being alone with me tonight for…I don’t know what. And now he’s making plans with some big-boobed bimbo?
I should have seen it coming. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted the concern he showed when I nearly fainted. I knew the kindness in his smile was generic. The moment Blaine saw that I wasn’t a sure bet for the night, he moved on. And, judging by the pure lust that dripped from Wendy’s glossy pink lips, he’d be moving right into her in a couple hours.
I thrust myself into serving, even offering to help out the waitresses after I had wiped down every surface behind the bar. I could feel Blaine trying to catch my gaze, but I refused to look at him. I had to admit, he was good. He’d almost made me believe that he was something other than what I had always feared. But a tiger can’t change his stripes, no matter how hard he tries to mask them.
True to her word, Wendy stuck around, tossing back drinks and dancing to the music coming from the jukebox. Blaine only spoke to her when she needed a refill, but I chalked it up to him being embarrassed about getting caught. I would have preferred he be upfront about being an asshole. I would have respected him more and it would give the ache in my chest meaning. My suffering wouldn’t be in vain.
After the bar was mostly empty and the waitresses had cashed out their tips, I popped into the back to retrieve my belongings. Mick was gone, delaying my plan to apologize for my behavior and assure him that I would never be caught flirting with Blaine again. Ever. When I returned to the front of the house, the lights were dimmed, and everyone had left for the night. Even Wendy and her twin flotation devices.
“If there’s nothing else…” I said quietly, fixing my eyes to the exit sign. It was so close. Soon I’d be free to scream, punch pillows and eat insane amounts of ice cream. Too bad Angel and the girls had a gig out in Raleigh. I really needed one of her man-bashing sessions, and no one did that better than Angel.
“Kami, wait,” Blaine said, leaning against the bar.
“Look, Blaine,” I said, spinning towards him. He was keeping me from Ben & Jerry, the only other guys I loved even more than Dom, and it was annoying the hell out of me. “Whatever you were hoping for, forget it. I’m not the girl you’re looking for. I’m not going to waltz in here with my tits propped up to my chin to get your attention. I’m not going to hang onto your every word like a fucking puppy. And I’m not interested in seeing your truck, hanging out after work, or being alone with you.
I’m not the girl, ok?
So whatever bullshit you were just about to feed me, save it. You’re off the hook. Goodnight and goodbye, Blaine.”
I turned towards the refuge of the exit, trying to keep my eyes trained on those glowing red letters to avoid looking back at Blaine’s confused expression. When I hit the night air, still muggy and warm despite the late hour, I sucked in a deep breath, gulping down oxygen to combat the sob rising in my throat. Not here, not in public. I wouldn’t let myself crumble.
In my devastated state, I hadn’t even noticed my surroundings. Had I been paying attention, my senses not diluted with thoughts of Blaine, I would have been fisting my keys. I would have kept my head down and walked swiftly to my car. And I would have noticed a darkly dressed figure approaching me just as I was feet away from my vehicle.
“Hey, girl, come here. Whatchu doing out here all by yourself?”
I didn’t answer. I just kept rummaging through my purse, praying that my trembling hands would find my car keys before fear completely washed over me. I could feel it - the building anxiety causing my extremities to lock up. I wanted to run, wanted to scream, but once the fear had seeped into my bones and attacked my senses, it was impossible. I couldn’t hear the man taunting me anymore. Couldn’t even hear the sounds of gravel crunching under his boots as he stalked closer to me. Finding those keys was the only thing my mind could focus on.
The moment I felt the stranger’s hand grip my forearm, I yelped, causing the sob in my chest to break free. He reeked of hard liquor, dirt and body odor, and my stomach roiled in response. I froze. I should have fought, should have yelled for help, but I couldn’t. I had shut down, letting my thoughts wander into the darkest places in my mind. The places I never visited, for fear that I would never be able to return...
I was just a little girl, completely helpless, useless, and defenseless. I knew fighting would only make Daddy mad. And when he got mad, he hurt me more. Every time Daddy hurt me, Mommy would try to stop him, earning the full brunt of his anger. It was better to just stay still and let him have his fun. It made him happy. Making Daddy happy was what Mommy and I always tried to do. Even if that meant slowly killing ourselves in the process.
Something began to tug at me, pulling me away from the bleak fog of remembrance. I still couldn’t escape it. The memory had taken hold and refused to let me go, clawing into me, making me relive every single sordid second. But whoever was pulling me to safety, freeing me from myself, was much stronger.
I could hear his voice, asking me if I was ok, telling me I was safe. My body was crushed against his, a crumpled, trembling mess of tears and sweat. We were on the ground, the hardness of the concrete unnoticed by me, as I rocked back and forth, my knees drawn up to my chest. When he pulled back a bit to assess my face, it was my undoing. Those brown eyes, wise beyond their years, full of so much concern and fear for me, snatched me away from the hell of my memories completely and brought me back to the present.
The scream that pierced the night air sounded unnatural, like a wounded animal’s cry. I didn’t recognize it though it had come from me. I couldn’t stop screaming, couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t stop rocking back and forth as I squeezed my knees impossibly tight. I bawled until there was no more agony in me to dispel. Then I cried some more.
“Kami! Kami, I need you to calm down. Look at me. Look at me and try to understand what I am saying,” Blaine said urgently.