Besieged (9 page)

“Nobody ever tells you when you’re being an arse?” I fix my eyes on a spot on the dashboard trying to stop the spinning.

“Lilly are you ok? You look a little queasy.” He frowns. “If you’re going to throw up please tell me.” He pleads.

Just as he says it my stomach rolls. Oh no! I open my mouth to tell him to pull over and instantly regret it. I uselessly fumble for the window. He sees it coming and swerves the car to the curb, but it’s too late. I vomit violently between my knees into the foot well, dousing my favourite Jimmy Choo’s in the process.

“For fuck sake!” I hear Theo curse angrily beside me.

 I fumble for the door and then lean out and vomit again into the road. This is solely the most embarrassing and horrific moment of my life. I want the ground to swallow me up. When my body finally stops heaving I sit back. I’m sobbing and tears stream down my face, along with my makeup no doubt. Wow, I must look fit right now. I glance shyly to my right, Theo has his forehead leant against the steering wheel, he’s gripping the wheel so hard that his knuckles are white.

“Sorry.” I mumble through my pitiful sobs.

“You are seriously pushing my fucking limits tonight Lilly.” He growls through gritted teeth. "I don't know why the fuck I’m bothering with you." I recoil slightly from his harsh tone and the repetitive cursing. He looks at me and I can see he is trying very hard to keep a lid on his anger. He looks straight ahead and pulls back out into the road.

“I’m sorry.” I mumble again. “I’ll pay for it.” I close my eyes and lean my head back against the seat, I just want to sleep.

“I don’t want you to pay for it, all I wanted was for you to tell me when you needed to throw up and not hurl all over my fucking Aston!” Still seething. Oh shit, I’m guessing he’s overly fond of the car, apparently more so than me. I decide to stop talking and give in to my heavy eyelids. I’ll get home and then hopefully I’ll never have to see him again. I can just forget about this whole horrible episode, and he can forget about the silly girl who threw up in his beloved car.

I am vaguely aware of being moved, but I’m engulfed in a haze of unconsciousness.

“Lilly?” The deep voice whispers in my ear. I rouse slightly.

“Lilly, where are your keys?” As I stir into semi consciousness I realise that I am against his chest and he’s carrying me. I don’t want him to carry me, but I’m so comfortable. His chest is rock hard like concrete and so warm. He smells so good. I grab handfuls of his shirt, pulling myself closer to him and pressing my face into his throat.

He chuckles. "Lilly. Keys?"

“Bra.” I slur incoherently.

“Um… do you want to get them?” He sounds amused. I’m just so tired, my head feels so heavy. I wave dismissively at him, right now I just don’t care.

“Lilly, you need to get undressed.” He gently shakes me. I drag my eyelids open and squint against the dim light. I’m led on my bed. How the hell did I get here?

“Come on you need to stand up.” Theo takes my hand and pulls me to my feet, I sway slightly squinting up at him. He looks as gorgeous as ever he’s wearing jeans and a pale pink shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his well-muscled fore arms. His blue eyes assess me warily.

“Are you going to be sick again?” I shake my head. “Ok, well you need to get out of this dress. Turn around.” I do. He unzips the little side zip in my dress.

“Um, just take it off and get into bed ok? I’ll turn around …”

I raise my arms above my head and sway slightly. “Please can you help.” I slur again.

He sighs and shakes his head. “I swear you’re trying to kill me woman.” He grasps the hem of my dress and pulls it up and over my head. A small part of my mind is grateful that I have hot underwear on, for the most part I just want to go to sleep, although I know in the morning I will be mortified by the fact that Theodore Ellis has seen me in my underwear.
Well after seeing you throw your guts up in his car I think that’s the least of your worries Lilly.

He rummages through my drawers and pulls out some pyjama’s, he shoves the strappy top over my head and then makes me sit on the edge of the bed so that he can help me into my pyjama bottoms. I study him as he kneels in front of me. His cheeks are covered with a couple of days worth of stubble. His hair is messy in a sexed up kind of way. Everything about him is effortless perfection.

"You're really beautiful." I blurt. Again, brain to mouth filter seems to malfunction where alcohol is concerned. He smiles tenderly at me and reaches up to brush his knuckles across my cheek. His eyes are free of the usual teasing cockiness, replaced with a sincerity I never expected to see in him. We stare at each other for a perfect unbreakable moment and my insides seem to liquefy. If I were sober right now I'd be terrified, but the numbing of the alcohol allows me to just enjoy it. He releases me from his stare and stands and leaves the room. My body physically aches at the loss of his closeness. My chest aches from the loss of... well whatever that was just then.

“Here, drink this.” He walks back in the room and hands me a large glass of water and sits next to me on the bed. “It will lessen the hangover.” I do as he says and drink the whole glass.

He stands and pulls back the covers. “Lay down Lilly.” His tone is gentle, as a parent might speak to a young child. I’m so tired that I willingly oblige and immediately feel unconsciousness creeping over me.

“You are far beyond beautiful Lilly.” He whispers. The last thing that I am aware of is him kissing me gently on my forehead.

I’m woken up by Molly gently tapping on my door. “Babes it’s three in the afternoon. Do you want some food?” Shit, I quite literally had bypassed the entire day.

“I’ll come through in a second.” I reply groggily.

I get up and throw on my dressing gown. I look in the mirror, not a wise move. I look positively horrific. Choosing to ignore my reflection, I pull my hair back in a messy bun and head out into the living area. Molly, George and Harry are all sprawled in various positions across our huge leather corner sofa. There are copious amounts of chocolate and sweets scattered across the coffee table. This is a standard hangover day in our house.

All three look up when I walk in. “Ugh, babes you look how I feel.” George says as I walk in the room. He’s wearing a tank top and sweats, as is Molly.

“Gee thanks babes. You really know how to flatter a girl.” He just laughs. "I feel like actual wank. I'm never drinking again!" I wail.

"You say that every time." Molly rolls her eyes at me.

I sit between George's Knees spreading my legs out on the couch. I lean my head back against his solid chest as he wraps his arms around me. George is my human comfort blanket, whenever I'm ill or upset or just generally down he's my go to person. They’re watching a chick flick. As soon as I sit down Molly turns on me. I can tell she’s itching to talk to me.

“So…” She eyes me. “What happened with you and Mr Millionaire arsehole?” She’s bouncing on the spot, dying for the gossip.

“Well, all I remember is that he brought me home.” I pop a sweet in my mouth.

“He brought you Home!?” She shrieks.

I roll my eyes. “Yes.”

What, like he just dropped you off?” Oh, she’s digging.

“Well no, he helped me in.”

“Helped?”  She raises an eyebrow. Oh Jesus, she wants her pound of flesh, I’m going to have to tell her.

“No, I did not have sex with him. Did you see the state of me!? He put me to bed.” George and Harry both erupt into laughter,

“So from what I can gather you’re trying to impress the hot millionaire and instead he ends up putting you to bed. Brilliant!” Harry mocks me. I glare at him. I’m never going to live this down.

"I am not trying to impress him. Quite the opposite." I grumble. I get a sudden flash back of Theo’s anger after I was sick in his car. Oh no! I put my head in my hands. “Oh god, I vommed in his car as well.” The laughter turns to pure hysterics. I can’t help but laugh, it’s just such an awful situation. Last night couldn’t have gone any worse.

“Well he did looked pretty into you, but that may not be the case this morning.” Molly grins. “Still, that kiss looked pretty intense.”  The kiss. Shit! What was I thinking, I kissed Theodore Ellis. I turn my head and bury it in George's chest.

“Shit! I was such a mess last night. This is awful. I’m going to have to change jobs.” How could I be so stupid?

“I think that’s a bit extreme. It was only a kiss Lilly. It’s not like he wasn’t willing. He looked pretty keen to me.” Everything comes rushing back to me. ‘I want you Lilly, I need to be in you.’ Ah, even just the memory of those words turns me on.

“He is keen, that’s the problem.” I sigh.

“Sorry, Mr fit as fuck and rich as hell wants you and that’s a problem? Sweetie, you are crazy!” George says.

“He doesn’t want me George, he just wants sex. He’s only really interested because I’m not. I don’t think he’s ever been turned down.”

“Well duh, that’s because he’s seriously fine. That man was created for one thing and one thing only...making women scream.” He winks at me and smiles wickedly. "I don't know what you're complaining about anyway Lilly, you don't do relationships. You've only ever had fuck buddies."

“Ok, I’ve heard enough. Guys that’s my little sister you’re talking about. Too much.” Harry jumps up and goes into the kitchen. Molly and George laugh as we watch him go. Harry is pretty good with listening to our conversations most of the time, he’s used to it. George and Molly sometimes forget that he is my brother.

After an hour or so I go back to my room to gather some washing and I notice a piece of paper on my bedside table. I must have missed it earlier. It’s a business card made from expensive textured card, the front reads ‘Ellis Corporate Ltd’ in bold script, at the bottom in smaller print reads ‘Theodore Ellis M.D’ and a mobile phone number. I turn it over and in neat handwriting it says: ‘
Lilly. I’d really like to see you again. Sober. Theo. x’
. That’s it? I hold the card and just stare at it for a few moments. I decide that he did bring me home and look after me last night. I should probably thank him and apologise for my god awful behaviour.

I find my phone and type out a text message:

Thank you for bringing me home last night, and for putting up with me. I can only apologise for my behaviour. Sorry. Lilly.

I’m hoping that this will smooth the way for me hopefully keeping my job. He doesn't text back. Probably busy with one of his harem.

Harry is leaving today, so we're going to dinner. I know he's going to ask me how I am, and I know he knows I don't like talking about it, but he's my brother and he worries.

The restaurant is small with little candle lit tables. We sit by the window and order a bottle of wine. I watch as people on the street outside amble by in their own little worlds. A waiter brings us our wine and pours two glasses of the deep red liquid.

"So, you seem pretty settled here Lill's." He says when the waiter leaves.

"Yeah I am. It feels as though I can finally just live my life." Harry's expression is sad as he studies me. "Anyway, tell me all about your travelling." I ask quickly before it gets too heavy. Harry regales me with crazy adventures and interesting people he met on his travels. I laugh more than I have in months, and remember why I missed my brother so much. Harry always was that person who could make friends with anyone, lighten any situation and make me laugh when I wanted to cry. It's a skill borne of years surrounded my misery, a compulsion he has to make others smile. We laugh and eat our food, attracting attention from the other customers.

Eventually though comes the inevitable part in our conversation. I will always hate it, but Harry will always ask. My protective older brother.

"So how are you Lill's? I mean really." Harry is the only person who would dare to add really after that question.

"I'm okay, honestly. You fuss way too much Harry." I roll my eyes.

"Molly told me you've been seeing this guy, Cruise?" His green eyes reflect the candle light, revealing wisdom far beyond his years.

"Seeing is a strong word." I mumble. There's a pause, and I can see Harry struggling with something.

 “Lill's. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you." Harry looks down at the table.

"They told you?" I whisper.

"Were you going to tell me Lilly?" His voice cracks slightly and I can see the tears shining in his eyes. "I should have been here for you. I let you down again." He says brokenly. Oh god he's killing me.

I reach out and grasp his hand across the table; I touch my other hand to his cheek. "No Harry. You kept me safe for years when you shouldn't have had to. This time it was all on me. I was the one who got myself in that situation." I take a deep breath. "And that's why I wouldn't let any of them call you, because you sacrificed your own life to save mine. You waited until I was through Uni and settled, before following your dream and travelling the world. I wasn't going to ruin that for you. I knew if I told you, you would come straight back." I drop my hand from his face to hold his other hand.

"You needed me Lill's." He whispers as he squeezes my fingers.

I shake my head. "It's not what you think. It wasn't some traumatic event. I don't remember it. I might as well have gotten drunk and passed out.”

He grits his teeth and clenches his fists.

“Please don't make me out to be a victim. I've been a victim all my life. I don't want to be one now." I whisper. "It was just a silly mistake made by a silly girl who was determined to drown out her past, which is stupid and definitely doesn't work." I murmur.

"Oh I know. Believe me, I've tried." He whispers, his shoulders slump as his gaze falls to the table again.

"I want you to promise me something Harry."

He looks up at me. "Anything."

"Promise me you won't feel guilty about this. You'll let it go and take my word that I am fine." I hold his gaze firmly, pleading with him.

I've come to accept that Harry will always blame himself for our childhood, for our Mothers failings. Harry feels crippling guilt for something he was powerless to prevent, he was just a child. Meanwhile my heartless bitch of a mother feels nothing accept self-pity. I hate her with an unrivalled venom. I despise everything she stands for. Her failings derive from her weakness. If there is one thing I will never be; it’s weak. Weakness is like a poison, squeezing the life from a person until all that is left is a pathetic shell. Strength is what makes us, strength is what protects us and our loved ones.