To think she’d been worried and upset about people knowing that she and Tom had broken up. That was just a drop in the ocean compared to the pain of thinking of Jess alone and scared some-where. The fear of not knowing was the worst.
“Will I make you some breakfast?” asked Tom. “I could fix you a fruit smoothie.”
Abby smiled at him. “That’s kind of you,” she said, “but I couldn’t eat a thing.”
“I know,” he said. “I’m the same but we should keep our strength up.”
“I think I’ll go outside,” Abby said, although she didn’t know why she had this desire to sit out in the garden. It was a beautiful sunny morning and the walls of the house seemed to be closing in on her. She might feel better if she was outside.
She sat on the steps leading down to the patio and Tom joined her. They sat hip to hip, staring into the garden. Dew sparkled on the grass, making the garden seem lit with diamonds. Abby thought of all the mornings she’d looked out of the kitchen window on this scene and not appreciated all the good things in her life.
“Are we bad parents?” she asked Tom.
He shook his head. “We’re not,” he said. “We took our eye off the ball because we’d got so caught up with our own problems.”
“If only we could turn the clock back,” Abby sighed.
Tom put his arm around her and held her close. “We’ve got to be hopeful,” he said. “She’s been gone less than twenty-four hours. She might be absolutely fine; we’ve got to keep hoping.”
“That’s what we kept saying about Sally,” Abby said slowly.
Wilbur wandered out through the patio doors and stalked in front of them, his furry tail held aloft, his huge grey eyes wide as if to say, “What’s going on here?” Abby could barely cope with look-ing at the cat. He was such a reminder of Jess.
“She wanted us to take that puppy from the refuge,” Abby said slowly. “I thought it would be too much trouble and she’d get bored with it, that I’d have to look after it, or you would, and I said no. Oh, Tom.” She turned and buried her face in his chest, weeping. “Why did I say no?”
She was sobbing so loudly that, at first, she didn’t hear the sound of a text message coming through on her mobile, which was on the kitchen table. She and Tom both leaped to their feet, and raced into the kitchen. A text message had just come in. Her fingers shaking, she accessed it.
“Oh my God,” she said, “oh my God, Tom. It’s Jess.”
“Hi, Mum,” said the message. “Sorry I left. I’m OK. I just needed to get away. Phone me and we can talk. Love Jess.”
“Oh, Tom,” said Abby, her voice tremulous.
“Here, give it to me.” He took the phone from her and quickly dialled Jess’s mobile number.
A sleepy voice answered hello.
“Jess,” he said, trying to hold the phone so that Abby could hear too.
“Hi, Dad,” said Jess. She’d felt better when she’d sent the text message and had thought she might go back to sleep. “What are you doing phoning me?”
Tom laughed.
“Darling, are you all right?” asked Abby anxiously.
“Yes, Mum, I’m fine,” said Jess. “I’m sorry I went away. I just needed time on my own and—”
“It doesn’t matter,” interrupted her mother. “Nothing matters as long as you’re OK. Where are you? We want to come and get you.” Tom pulled the phone back to him.
“Oh, I can get the bus back to Cork and the train home to Dun-more,” suggested Jess. “That’s how I got here.”
“You’ll do no such thing. Your mother and I are coming to pick you up. Tell me where you are,” Tom said.
“You won’t be cross with me, will you?” said Jess in a wobbly voice.
Tom, who hadn’t cried for a very long time, felt the tears come to his eyes. “No, love, we won’t be cross with you. We’re just so happy that you’re safe.”
A few hours of blissful sleep later, Jess called Steph in school break time.
“My parents would completely murder me if I pulled a stunt like that,” Steph said, when Jess had explained everything. “I mean, the police were involved and everything. And,” she paused, “you’re going to kill me for this, Jess, but I told your mom about Saffron and the text messages.”
“I wish you hadn’t,” sighed Jess.
“I thought maybe that was why you’d gone,” Steph pointed out.
“It wasn’t,” Jess said. “It was lots of things, but it was Oliver at the party that really did it. Saffron told me he was only going out with me because he was bored and he thought I was kid because I didn’t want to have sex with him, and didn’t I know that?”
“Oh, Jess, you big moron,” Steph said angrily. “You know better than to listen to a word Saffron says. Anyway, she’s jealous of you. Zach found out that she’s always really liked Oliver and he’s never been interested in her. I think she’s getting a bit bored with the lovely Ian, basically because he’s as thick as a plank. I’m sure she thought that if she could break you and Oliver up she was in with a chance.”
“You’re not serious?” asked Jess, hope rising in her heart.
“Did you ask Oliver any of this before you ran out on him that night?” Steph said. “Or did you just take Saffron’s word for it?”
Jess felt ashamed to admit that she had taken Saffron’s word for it. Why had she believed Saffron, a girl who bullied her, instead of believing Oliver?
“Paranoia is a terrible thing,” Steph said gravely. “There are drugs for people like you, Jess, proper ones you get from the doctor—”
“I feel such an idiot,” Jess groaned, interrupting. “And Mum and Dad really contacted the police? Why? I left them a note and everything.”
“A note? You leave home and bunk off school without telling any-one where you’re going, and you expect them to get happy over a note? Jess, hello! The cops were round my house last night. My mother went mental when she heard about Saffron and the texts. She said we both should have told your mum what was going on. I told her we couldn’t tell her
everything
or she’d, like, have a heart attack.”
Jess giggled. “You didn’t say that, did you?” she said.
“Well, I was upset,” protested Steph. “I was worried about you. I kept phoning you all day and you never answered. Where are you anyway?”
Jess told her.
“And your mum and dad are coming to pick you up?” Steph asked.
“Yeah,” said Jess. “You’re probably right—they will kill me or ground me for the rest of my life.”
“Did you phone Oliver?” asked Steph.
“How can I after everything?” Jess said.
“Because if the police were round my house yesterday, they were probably round Oliver’s too, so he knows you’re missing and he’ll be worried about you too,” Steph pointed out.
Jess cringed. “I never thought of that,” she admitted. “I left a note to avoid all this hassle,” she added. “I said I was just going to go away for a little while. I didn’t think they’d do all this.”
“Phone Oliver now,” advised Steph. “Because when your mum and dad get hold of you, all phone privileges will be revoked and you’ll never be able to talk to him again to apologise. Actually, I’ll buy you a pigeon, ’cos that’ll be the only way you’ll ever be able to communicate with the outside world.”
“This is not cheering me up,” Jess warned.
“That’s what friends are for,” Steph said happily. “I’d better go, the bell’s just gone.”
Jess knew Oliver’s timetable as well as she knew her own. At this time of the day, he had applied maths. She rang his phone, assum-ing that it would be off and that she could leave a message for him. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but sorry was going to be a big part of it.
To her surprise, Oliver answered the phone on the second ring.
“Jess!” he said.
Taken aback, Jess stammered, “Er … hello, Oliver. I didn’t think you’d answer. You’ve applied maths now, don’t you?”
“How can I sit in applied maths when you’re missing?” Oliver demanded.
“I’m not missing anymore,” Jess said. “I just went away for a little time on my own.” It sounded a bit lame put that way. “I’m sorry, Oliver,” she said, “sorry for the other night. I was a stupid bitch, I know I was.”
“You’re OK, though, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Fine,” Jess replied. “Did you have the police round your house last night too?”
“Yes,” he said. “If you’d stayed missing, I’m sure they would have come back and searched the place. And if they’d found that baseball bat with all the blood on it, then I’d really have been in trouble,” he joked.
“Oh, Oliver, I’m so sorry,” Jess said. This running away thing made for a lot of apologising. “I’ll make it up to you. Well,” she added, “I will if I’m ever allowed out of the house again. Steph reck-ons my parents are going to completely kill me or ground me for ever for this.”
“Bet you they won’t,” Oliver said. “They’ll be so glad to have you home. Like I will,” he added.
Jess felt herself go pink with pleasure. “You’ll still be glad to have me home, after everything?” she asked.
“What do you think? But you’ll have to tell me what happened the other night, anyway. I was going mad when I couldn’t find you and all I had was this daft text message. I got a taxi to your mum’s, but all the lights were off and I didn’t want to ring the doorbell and wake everyone. I didn’t know what to do—I was so worried in case you hadn’t got home.”
“You came to my house on Saturday night?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, Oliver,” she said, a lump in her throat. “That’s so sweet. I can’t wait to see you.”
At the hostel gate, there was an old tree stump that made a surpris-ingly good seat. Jess sat down upon it and waited for her parents to arrive. She’d idled away an hour and a half making herself breakfast in the shabby hostel kitchen and now she thought she’d like to sit outside. Steph was right: they
would
kill her, she thought. How could she explain that it seemed like a good idea at the time, that she hadn’t planned to frighten them by running off but that every-thing had seemed so awful and getting away had felt like the only sensible plan? Neither Mum nor Dad would understand.
Steph kept sending texts on Jess’s mobile: “Are they there yet?” “Be brave. Text me when you’ve seen them.” “Did you talk to hunky Oliver?”
None of the messages made Jess feel too confident. The police had gone round to all her friends’ houses to see if they might know where she’d gone. Imagine how upset Mum and Dad must have been to get the police involved.
But in spite of her misery, there was an oasis of happiness in Jess’s heart—Oliver had forgiven her and she couldn’t wait to see him. She felt so stupid when she thought of the party and how she’d jumped to conclusions. Steph had been right: the only way to deal with the likes of Saffron was to ignore her. She’d hate that.
Jess was busily thinking of just how she’d stare right through the other girl whenever she saw her, when she realised that her mum’s Jeep was coming up the road.
“Oh God, how am I going to cope with this?” Jess muttered to herself. They would kill her.
The Jeep pulled to a stop right beside her. Dad was driving, and almost before he’d turned the engine off, the passenger door opened and Mum leaped out.
“Oh, Jess, Jess,” gasped Abby. “Thank God you’re safe. We’ve been so worried about you. Come here, let me look at you. Are you all right? Are you sure you’re all right?”
She threw her arms round Jess and held her tightly. Jess allowed herself to sink into her mother’s embrace and suddenly, feeling her mother shaking with emotion, she realised the full weight of what she’d put her parents through.
“I’m really sorry, Mum,” she said and started to cry. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just needed to get away on my own for a while because... because of so many things.”
Suddenly Dad was there too, with his arms around both Mum and Jess, hugging them.
“We’re sorry, Jess,” he said, and his voice sounded all weird and croaky. “We’re sorry for what
we’ve
put you through. We’ve been so selfish, thinking of ourselves and not of you, but you should have told us how you felt and you should have told us about the bullying.”
“Yes,” interrupted Abby fiercely, “if I get that girl Saffron, I’ll bloody kill her! In fact, we’re going round to her house to confront her and her parents, I can tell you that.”
“No, don’t,” said Jess quickly. “It wasn’t really Saffron’s fault that I ran away. It was just—everything. Everything got on top of me.”
“Well, we’re going to sort it all out,” her mother said firmly, wip-ing her eyes.
“But the police …” began Jess, wondering how much trouble she was in.
“They’re glad you’re safe,” said Tom. “We phoned the family liai-son officer after you phoned us and they’re just relieved. I said you hadn’t meant to cause any upset and that we’d talk to you.”
“Sorry, sorry,” said Jess, feeling even worse now.
“There was a tiny bit about you in some of the papers,” Dad said, “but you didn’t actually make last night’s TV news.”
“The TV news?” asked Jess, shocked.
“You disappeared,” her mother explained. “The police took it very seriously, thank God.”
“But that’s why I left the note,” Jess groaned. “I told you I’d be all right and I’d phone.”
“You’re under eighteen,” her father said. “That’s enough to get the police searching for you, and I’m glad they did. I don’t know how your mother and I would have coped if we hadn’t had their back-up.”
“I am so sorry,” Jess said again.
“We all are,” Dad said. “We know you’re under a lot of pressure and that’s our fault too.” He put Jess’s rucksack in the back of the Jeep and they all climbed in. “How about some lunch?” he sug-gested. “I’m ravenous. Your mum and I haven’t eaten for ages.”
“That sounds like a brilliant idea,” said Jess. She was hungry too, which was odd, because, earlier, she’d felt all nervy and like she was going to lose her breakfast. Now, strangely enough, she felt as if she could eat.
“Where to?” asked Mum cheerfully.
In the back seat, Jess watched in astonishment as her dad reached out and grasped her mum’s hand.
And they exchanged the sort of glance Jess hadn’t seen in a very long time. She sat back and said nothing, afraid that speaking might break this magical moment. Could Mum and Dad be getting back together? She hardly dared to hope. They found a cheap and cheerful restaurant not far from the hostel and the three of them piled in. Immediately, the smell of chips filled the air. The three of them sat down, and Jess noticed that her mum’s hand found her dad’s under the table. She had to say something.