Best of Three (Counting on Love) (35 page)

As she neared the steps she saw someone sitting at the top. For a moment she thought it was Nate and her heart leapt. Then she realized there was no way he was sitting on her front porch. For one, Michael wasn’t being dismissed until tomorrow—which meant Nate wouldn’t be leaving St. A’s until tomorrow. For another, Nate was going to let her stew.

And it was probably going to work. He was going to wear her down. He was going to make her come to him. He was going to make her admit that she wanted him. Just like in Carl-Mart.

All thoughts of Nate were obliterated as she came to the bottom of the steps.

It was her brother.

Of course it was.

“Hey.”

She sighed. “Hey.”

“Michael okay?”

“Shane told you?”

“Yep.”

“He’s going to be fine. He’s going home tomorrow.”

“Great. How’s Shannon?”

Emma climbed the steps and sat next to Conner. “I don’t know. I told her to call her mom.”

“Wow.” Conner knew that was unusual.

“Yeah.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes.

Eventually, though, Conner broke the silence. “You know that the best way to avoid getting pregnant with Nate is to not have sex with Nate.”

“Oh, good. You’re going to be supportive and comforting,” she said dryly. “I was afraid you’d be sarcastic and nasty about this.”

He sighed. “Sorry, okay. I can be supportive and comforting. Are
you
okay?”

And the tears started.

She felt Conner’s arm go around her shoulders and he pulled her close. “Hey, now. Come on, Em. It’s not so bad.”

She sniffed. “You sure about that? You do realize this means I’m going to have a
baby
. I’ll be in charge of someone else’s life,
responsible
, and stuff.”

He chuckled. “I’m not saying that it’s not going to be amusing.”

She elbowed him and he squeezed her.

“You’re not mad?” she finally asked.

“I am,” Conner said. “My friends don’t listen worth a shit.”

She snorted.

“But…” He trailed off like he wasn’t sure he should go on.

“But what?” She looked over at him.

“Nate?” Conner asked. “I honestly never saw that one coming.”

Because her brother was apparently stupid about undercurrents and foreplay.

“I mean, you’re always at each other’s throats.”

“Well, we decided to go at each other’s something else for a change.”

There was a beat of silence before Conner groaned. “
Why
do you do that to me?”

“Come on, that was too easy.” She was starting to feel better already.

“Now what?” Conner asked after a moment.

Great question. “I’m thinking cheddar cheese popcorn.”

He nodded. “And what about Nate?”

“Nate can get his own popcorn.”

“I knew you were going to stay that.” Conner sighed. “What’s happening with you and Nate?”

“He thinks we should get married.”

“You don’t agree?”

This was her brother. The last person on earth who wanted to know about her sex life. Yet, there was something about sitting with him in the dark, his arm around her, teasing and laughing—and
not
yelling, thank goodness—that made her want to spill her guts.

Or maybe she just couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“I can’t marry him, because I’m in love with him.”

Conner seemed to think about her words, then groaned and dropped his forehead to her shoulder. “This is a girl thing, Em. Don’t make me do girl things.”

She shrugged, bumping his head. “This is not a girl thing. This is a…me thing.”

He sighed. “I don’t get it. If you’re in love with him, why can’t you marry him?”

“Because he doesn’t love me.”

“How could he not love you?”

She snorted again. “That gets you a few more supportive points. But…I think he might have been starting to.”

Conner shook his head. “That’s great. Right?”

She knew he had no idea if he was right or not. “No, it’s not.”

Conner sighed.

“He might have been starting to, but,” she paused and swallowed. “I think he’s going to be excited about this baby once it all sinks in.”

“Which is…great?” Conner asked carefully.

She nodded, smiling in spite of herself. “That part is great. But now neither of us will ever know what could have happened. The baby will be the main reason he’s with me and so I’ll never know if he loves me or…if he loves his baby’s mother.”

Conner looked at her. “I’m getting a headache.”

“You know, someday you might want to know a thing or two about being in love.”

“I already love five women,” he said. “That’s more than enough.”

Emma shook her head. He often said that. The five women in his life were his four sisters and his mom. He claimed they’d taught him all about living with women—and that he didn’t want to ever do it again.

“Shut up.”

Again a few minutes passed without words.

Finally, Conner asked, “You really love him?”

“I really do.”

“You do realize that you won’t get away with anything with Nate, right? I mean, the more I think about it, the more I like that you’re going to be with Nate. But he’s going to expect more from you than the other guys, I’d guess.”

“What does that mean?” She felt offended but wasn’t exactly sure why.

“You know what I mean. You have men wrapped around all of your fingers
and
your toes. And whenever you’re feeling ignored or unappreciated, you reel one of them in, flirt him up, and bask in his attention for awhile. But they are content to buy you a drink or dinner, compliment you, make you laugh. And you’re satisfied with that too.”

She shifted on the step, wondering when her brother had gotten insightful. “And Nate won’t compliment me?” she asked lightly. “You’re right, I might have to rethink this.”

“Nate’s an intense guy,” Conner said. “And he’s got…depth. You know? He’s going to expect you to share things with him, to talk to him about things that matter, to spend time with him in your sweatpants and bare feet instead of your short skirts and high heels.”

Tears stung her eyes and she had to blink to keep them from rolling again. She wanted that. All of that. She wanted to be able to be un-put-together with Nate and know he’d still want her. It was scary to think about letting Nate that close, but she knew Conner was right—

Nate had layers and he was going to want to know all of hers. He was going to expect her to be vulnerable with him and to bare herself to him.

And she knew she’d be totally safe doing that.

Unlike all the guys in the past, the flirtations at Trudy’s, even the ones that lasted a few weeks, no one had asked more of her. And she had more to give.

“He’s demanding alright,” she agreed with her brother.

“You love attention,” Conner said. “You love being the Queen bee, the star, right?”

She nodded. That was no secret. “Settling down with one guy seems stupid, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, I think you’re going to find that being the center of Nate’s attention is a fairly…potent place to be.”

Potent was a weird word for her brother to use but, it fit. And it was an echo of what she’d thought a few days ago when she’d decided to follow the kids to the party at the river. Being the center of Nate’s universe had been an intense—but safe and comforting—place for Michael to be. Emma wanted that for her child. That assurance that someone would do absolutely anything for him or her.

She wanted it for herself too.

“I won’t miss my male harem?” she joked. She wouldn’t. Nate was enough.

“I think you’re going to feel like most of the receivers in the amateur football league.”

Emma rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help her smile. “How’s that?”

“That once Nate’s on you, that’s where all your attention and energy is for the rest of the game.”

Emma burst out laughing. “But those guys are trying to stay
away
from him. If those guys take their attention away from him, he’ll knock them on their ass.”

Conner grinned. “It’s an analogy. When Nate’s around and concentrating on
you
, I don’t think you’ll be able to put your attention anywhere else.”

He, surprisingly, had a point. But she couldn’t admit that to him. She elbowed him in the side. “Sounds like you’re half in love with Nate yourself.”

“I love having him on my side,” Conner said sincerely.

“That means you’re okay with me being in love with him?”

“Hell no. That’s still weird.”

She laughed and shook her head.

“But you’re going to say yes to his proposal right?”

“You just don’t want to have to be my Lamaze coach.”

“I am
not
going to be your Lamaze coach. No matter what,” he said firmly. “But, yeah, you won’t need me. You’re Nate’s handful now.”

“See, you act like you don’t want your sisters hooking up with your friends, but they’re taking us off your hands one by one. It’s not all bad.”

“Don’t think I don’t remind myself of that every time Ryan or Shane says something about getting lucky or being up all night or getting their off-the-field workouts.”

Oh, she really hoped Nate would say inappropriate things about her that would drive Conner crazy too.

“Listen,” Conner finally said. “Not that I’m surprised, but you’re making this way more complicated than it needs to be. If you love him and want to be with him, then be with him.”

“But I want…it all. I want him proposing because he can’t live without me, not because I’m pregnant.”

“Well, Em,” Conner said, putting a hand on her knee and pushing himself up off the step. “You can’t have it that way. There’s no changing how this is going down. You have to decide what you’re going to do now.”

He was right.

“I just wish I could know what could have been.”

Conner laughed. He stood on the front walk facing her. “You can never know what could have been. What if you’d turned right instead of left? What if you’d had chicken salad for lunch instead of a BLT? What if it rained today instead of being sunny? There are a billion what-ifs and could-have-beens every day, Em.”

“So you think I should marry Nate.”

“I think you should stop comparing your chicken salad to the BLT and make the chicken salad the best you’ve ever had.”

She stared at her brother. “What?”

“There are choices every day and once you make one, you can’t go back and see how the other one would have turned out instead. You’re pregnant with Nate and he wants to marry you. You can’t go back and see how it would have been without the baby. You’re having the chicken salad, whether you now think the BLT would have been better or not.”

She hadn’t smelled liquor on his breath but… “Have you been drinking?”

“Nope.”

“Hanging out with Dooley Miller?” Doug Miller—known to everyone as Dooley—was another paramedic Conner worked with at St. Anthony’s. He was famous for his strange but surprisingly sage advice and analogies.

Conner grinned. “A little of that.”

“It shows.”

“Thanks.”

She took a deep breath. He was right again. “The thing is, I think this might be the best chicken salad I’ve ever had already.”

“Then who cares if the BLT might have been better. It’s fucking awesome chicken salad. Enjoy it.”

She looked at him, amazed that her brother was giving her relationship advice—good relationship advice—and that he was essentially telling her she should marry Nate.

“Okay, thanks.”

“And,” Conner said, digging his car keys out of his pocket. “I wouldn’t worry too much about him loving you, Em,”

“Why’s that?”

“Because if he doesn’t now, it’ll take him about ten minutes of living with you to wonder how he ever lived without you.”

Emma’s jaw dropped as she watched Conner saunter toward his car.

Her shock faded as he opened his door.

“When are you going to show this secret sweet, romantic side to a real girl?” she called after him.

“A real girl?”

“A non-sister girl?”

He laughed. “How about when Elvis can sing at my wedding?” He leaned over the top of the car. “And impersonators don’t count.”

Dammit. She knew a guy who did an awesome rendition of “Burning Love.”

“You’re missing out,” she told him.

“On Elvis?”

“On love.”

“What do you know about it? You had to get knocked up to get a guy to marry you.”

“Hey!”

But he was laughing and slamming his door shut and starting the car by the time she thought about getting up off the step so she could smack him.