Read Bethy's Heart's Hideout (Amish Circle Series Book 4) Online
Authors: Esther Weaver
The girls didn’t see much of their friend over the next week or so. In spite of their pleas to her, Elizabeth had still decided that Ohio was the answer to her problems and had even decided to move up her departure date. Elizabeth’s heart was heavy and she wanted to be well away from the settlement before she had a chance to see Mark again.
Elizabeth woke up to the sound of thunder and the clash of rain on the tin roof over her head. She normally loved to go out on the covered porch and watch the thunder and lightning but this time, the storm brought no joy.
Maybe I should take this as a sign from Gott that I should at least postpone my trip
, thought Elizabeth but she quickly pushed that thought aside.
It’s ridiculous for me to stay here though. The only man who seems interested in me is an Englischer who is trying to fake his way into making people think he has joined the Ordnung. He’s been talking about me too. I know that the girls are trying to tell me he’s asking after me but I bet he’s really talking about me instead
.
It’s all well and gut for the girls to try and convince me that they will miss me now, while they’re all single. But when any one of us gets married it’s just going to change. They’ll have their mann and their kinder and their own homes to run and bit by bit, poor Elizabeth Springer is going to get pushed by the wayside. I have to make a new path for myself and going to Ohio is the only way get the start I need
. She looked out the window at the storm that was getting stronger and fiercer.
It sure won’t be fun travelling today, though, that’s for sure
.
She grabbed her bag and headed downstairs. She had a trunk packed with her clothing and it had already been loaded in the buggy. The bag held some small items and her knitting. She knew that the journey would take quite a while and felt she may as well make herself useful while she was traveling.
She opened the door to the porch and was shocked by what she saw. Her
maemm
and
daedd
were there but so was a familiar face. Mark was leaning up against the wall of the farmhouse, his arms crossed against his chest. He stood up straight when he saw her and cleared his throat nervously. Elizabeth’s parents took the hint and filed back into the
haus
. As he walked past her, her
daedd
turned to her and spoke quietly.
“
Dochtah
, listen to what this young man has to say. He has spoken his heart to us and I believe that he is speaking truly. Open your heart enough to listen to him. This may be the solution
Gott
has to the possibility of you leaving.” The door closed behind her parents. She turned to face Mark and was shocked to see that he looked on the verge of tears.
“Please, Elizabeth, don’t leave. I know we only met yesterday and that the things I have said to you have hurt you. I know that I have seemed like I don’t respect this lifestyle or the
Ordnung
and its true. When my parents said they wanted to convert, I was furious. I didn’t want any part of being Amish.”
“Mark, that’s the problem, don’t you see? You don’t want any part of being Amish and I want every part of it! It’s my life. Devoting it to living the simple life like
Gott
has called us to do is the only way for me to be happy. Don’t you see? I can’t be with you because you don’t want what I do.” Elizabeth turned away and tried to go back into the
haus
. She wanted to let her parents know it was time to leave.
“But that’s where you’re wrong Elizabeth! You make me want to be Amish! You’re the missing detail that makes all of this make sense. I want this lifestyle but only if you are a part of it. Please, Elizabeth, tell me that you want to be with me too!” Mark’s voice was shaking with the intensity of his emotion.
Elizabeth was in shock and she walked away from Mark, heading for the buggy. The rain hit her like a heavy sheet as soon as she stepped off the porch and it became harder and harder to walk towards the buggy. Leaving didn’t make much sense to her anymore. Being with Mark made sense.
She whirled around suddenly and pounded across the wet farmyard, up the wide porch steps and walked into the circle of Mark’s arms. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes then felt the soft pressure of Mark’s lips on hers. He felt like home and, she realized, home was a place that she never wanted to leave.
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“If only I had more options,” Sarah said to herself. She was alone so she could speak out loud. Looking at the wreaths she had made, she was feeling disappointed at how plain they looked. It was a constant source of agitation for her. The designs in her head were bright and multi-colored. When she thought no one was looking, she would look through the lifestyle and design magazines if she was in an
Englisch
store, wishing she had the opportunity to have free reign on her creations.
But being Amish meant Sarah Moore had to stay true to her culture. She really wanted to make dolls, pretty dolls that she had seen in the
Englisch
shops. That was her secret-Amish dolls were plain.
For as long as she could remember, Sarah was uncomfortable in her own skin.
Gott
had given her special handicraft skills and when she discovered what she could make, it opened a new world for her. However, that was short-lived when she was made aware of her limitations. Not
her
limitations per se, Sarah had none when it came to creating objects, but it was the Amish way of not taking pride or being vain.
She made wreaths, dolls, and flowers which were proving popular with the
Englischers
. Sarah was an unhappy girl. She longed to be free to express herself through her dolls. Whenever she was in town, she would notice how the
Englisch
girls dressed and how they did they hair and makeup. Sarah felt very plain in comparison. Her dolls became her way of making the ideal woman, a reflection of how she felt a young woman should look.
So at night-time, when the household was fast asleep, Sarah would quietly make her way out to the barn. She lived with her widowed mother and
schweschder
. Up in the loft of the barn, Sarah had made a secret hiding place for her doll-making supplies. She had started creating faces on her dolls but couldn’t quite get it right. She had brought a lamp with her but trying to sew by lamp was tiring. It required much more concentration that sewing during the day, but it was Sarah’s alone time, to create what she wanted to make.
She smiled as she opened her box that contained her tools and sewing supplies. She had unpicked the face she had made of the doll last night, undoing all of her work. There was something off about it but tonight she seemed to work more deftly. Her mind focused on beauty. After all,
Gott
created beauty so why was it wrong to appreciate it?
As Sarah looked at the face she was creating, she took pride in what she saw.
“If only I looked as beautiful as you,” She spoke to the doll. While Sarah herself was very slim with long black hair, she didn’t like the way she looked. Yet to others, she was beautiful with petite facial features that suited her. Her piercing blue eyes at odds against her black hair was what made Sarah beautiful, but she only saw her flaws when she caught a reflection of herself in the window or shop mirrors.
She began to work on the body of the doll, creating a waist and the perfect form as she saw it. Not hidden under a nondescript dress. The arms and legs in proportion. Her new dolls would have blond hair and blue eyes. Despite stabbing herself with her needle a few times, Sarah continued working and then her doll was complete. The scraps of material she picked up came in very handy for doll clothes and she looked at the lovely colors and how well they worked together.
“
Jah,
you are perfect.” She was gleeful and started on her next doll. Her thoughts drifted into how plain Amish life was, the clothes, the girls, the food. There was no individuality. Everyone looked the same. But her dolls would be different except for their faces. Sarah had created the ideal face in her own mind. But who would see these? It didn’t matter, tonight she had created something beautiful. If only she could recreate this beauty in herself.
Poor Sarah always had difficulty in expressing herself. She stayed in the background and let her friends be loud. Even then, she wasn’t quite sure of her friends. At times she felt she just made up the numbers and for them, it was good to have an ugly duckling in the group, they would feel prettier than Sarah. This was all in Sarah’s head.
She lacked confidence and because she was uncomfortable, she imagined others being uncomfortable around. Now it was becoming a problem. She was getting older and with no sign of a
menner
on the horizon, she was in danger of being unmarried. Rather than seeing her lack of confidence as something to improve, Sarah focused on her creations. They could speak for her. Even though she had always been quiet, she was becoming even more withdrawn, disappearing into a world of her own.
She knew she was coming to a crossroads. If her dolls with faces were discovered, she was in danger of being asked to leave the community. Sarah would not be able to live the Amish way and create the beauty as she saw it in her dolls.
Suddenly there was a strange sound. Rather than asking if someone was there, she turned off the lamp and hid. She had set up her corner in such a way that no one would notice the lamp being on. But she didn’t hear anymore and as she raised her head to look around the barn, she realized it was just the wind. But she was too spooked to continue sewing. The moment had passed. She packed her sewing supplies up and put her doll gently on top. She couldn’t help but smile as she looked at what she had created. She would sleep well tonight. The face was perfect and then she could make another, then another.
Making sure her secret was secure, Sarah made her way back to the
haus
and back into bed.
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Esther
Esther Weaver is a writer of Amish Romance books. Ever since she’d been exposed to the Amish culture during her childhood, the simple and devout lifestyle has captivated her. Now that she’s retired and have some time to spare, Esther chose to combine her passion for stories and the Amish way of living for her new vocation. When she’s not in front of the computer typing, she likes to occupy herself with relaxing with her husband Chuck or walking her Rottweiler Chip.
You can connect to Esther at:
Email: [email protected]
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Blog: EstherWeaverAuthor.blogspot.com
All books by Esther Weaver
Amish Double (Two Book Double Author Set with Hannah Schrock)
Amish Fisher Sister Series (
Box Set Available
)
Amish Broken Hearts Series
Amish Spring Romance Series
Amish Circle Series
Landchester Amish Love Series