Betrayed (7 page)

21-
          
Tatum

The amount of misery I thought I had felt these last three days without her has just risen to a point I wasn’t even sure was humanly possible. I’m driving to the hospital two towns over, praying with each passing minute that she is okay. No one could tell me anything, just that she fainted and the ambulance took her to the hospital. FUCK! I can’t even begin to process what would happen to my life if I didn’t have her in it. I was stupid, fucking stupid, to think that leaving her to sort out my shit would do any good.

Finally parking outside the hospital in what probably was a no parking zone, I ran inside and found the first worker I could to help me find her. After a few scrutinizing stares from onlookers, I was finally able to find out where she was. All it took was a tiny white lie. A white lie that I will make the truth if she will ever forgive me for how stupid I’ve been. Why does it always take tragedy for people to realize their mistakes?

I’m riding the elevator with an old man. He has flowers in his hand and when he catches me staring at them he finally spoke up.

“You forgot flowers, didn’t you?”

I nodded my head and stared at the floor. I was a Savage, when the fuck did I become a hopeless romantic. All I could think of was how sweet this old guy was, and how much more of a dick I was that I wasn’t bringing flowers with me.

“I was rushed, the thought never even crossed my mind honestly.” I said.

“Here kid, have mine. My lady hasn’t woken up for four months, so I’m sure she won’t miss these.” He says as his shaky hands reach over to hand me the bouquet of flowers.

I thank him, and when the doors ding open he shuffled out of my sight. I was so overcome with emotion that I didn’t even remember Molly couldn’t take the smell of the flowers the other day. Making a mental note to stash them before making it to her room, I reach her floor and head down the hall, following the arrows to her door.

As I’m standing in front of her closed door a male nurse walks by. I see him in my peripheral vision stop, turn and look at me, then sways back in my direction.

“You here to see someone? You look a little lost.” He said as he leans against the wall. Tall and lanky, buzzed hair. Looks nice enough to help me out.

“Molly. My..er..wife. She’s in there.”

He looked at me quizzically for a second, then asked me to follow him to sign in.

“Oh, wait” I said before taking off again for her room “can you hang on to these? I got her flowers the other day and the smell bothered her so much she made me take them away. I’d hate to make her sick again.”

His otherwise chipper expression fell just the slightest at my mention of her morning sickness, but he plastered it back quite nicely as he gently took the flowers from me and set them carefully on the counter. What the hell was that?

“Wait. Tatum. Just so you know, she’s been very sleepy with all of the pain meds. Be gentle with her.” He said as I started walking away.

“What happened to her? No one has been able to tell me anything yet.”

“Oh dear.” He shook his head. “You really need to talk with your wife about that one. Follow me.” He made sure to emphasize ‘wife’. I knew he knew the truth. I’m just glad he didn’t call me out on it. I’m not sure if non family members would be allowed to visit but I didn’t want to take that chance.

He asked me to stay behind for a moment when he checked with Molly to make sure it was ok for me to be there. I did as he asked and when we got there he opened the door just a crack. I heard him ask if she was up for visitors and heard a very distinct ‘no’ in the voice that I missed so much. He glanced back at me with pity in his eyes, the one emotion that I hate. He then snuck inside the room and shut the door behind him.

I waited for what felt like forever before he came back out and nodded for me to go in. Thankfully he closed the door behind me, this isn’t going to be pretty. I’m not sure if I’d want to public being able to see me on my knees begging for forgiveness, but that’s what I’m prepared to do when I walk through the door.

What I’m not prepared for is how, dull (for lack of better words) Molly looks. She’s sitting up in bed, hair tied low on her neck, no emotion on her face, no glow to her skin, no shine to her eyes. She watches me walk in the room and sit on her bedside. She starts to cry before I’m able to get one word out. I know. She doesn’t have to say a word and I know why she’s here. There is no baby. Not anymore.

“I’m sorry Tatum…I failed...” She whispered, as a tear finally streaked down her face.  I wiped it away and cupped her face in my hands. My heart felt like it had been completely shattered, but I know the pain I felt was nothing compared to what she was going through. Jesus I’m a fucking idiot.

“No baby, no. I was a fool. I was a hot headed, jealous, stupid, fool. God I’m so sorry Molly. I’m sorry for blowing up like I did, I’m sorry for hurting you and for leaving you. I’m sorry for not being here when you needed me most. I am so fucking sorry.” The tears were running down my face but I couldn’t stop them. “I would give my life for you, Molly, I love you that much. You don’t have to tell me everything now, but one day I want to know what happened. I want to be here for you every minute of every day. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry” my voice was barely a whisper now, begging her to forgive me. She sat there, letting me touch her but not really responding. Her face turned towards the window and she didn’t reply. Not one damn word. Oh God what have I done? Did I just fuck up the best thing that ever happened to me?

22-
         
Molly

He won’t stop apologizing. Maybe it’s because I haven’t spoken yet, maybe it’s because it’s his way of grieving. Either way, I let him keep going. He deserves to feel some of the pain I’ve felt these last few days. He deserves to know guilt. He deserves it, but I still love him. A part of me feels like it was glued back together when Trey told me he was here. Not quite back to the fullness my heart felt just four days ago, but definitely on its way.

“Tatum.” I started. I knew I had to talk. I knew we had to clear the air. It wasn’t going to be fun, but we couldn’t move on without this.

“I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt like a bitch when you left. I was floored that you could walk away from me like that. You left no sign that you were ever going to come back, so every day I would wake up and spend the whole day praying that you would come back for me. Every day I went to bed knowing that you didn’t.”

“I know, Molly I’m-“

“I’m not done.” I interject. He was going to listen, damnit. “What I fear most, out of all of this, is that you will, one day, be able to walk away from me again and not look back. Ever. Three days without you taught me how much I’ve come to depend on you. How much my heart hurts and body aches when you aren’t in my life. I don’t want the rest of my life to be like these last three days. So if you can’t promise forever, I need you to walk away now.” That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to say, but I meant it. His face tightened, as if in pain at the thought of leaving me. Good!

“I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not ever.” He whispered the promise, then kissed me gently on the lips. “I love you more than you know Molly. These three days have been hell on earth without you.”

I smiled and looked him in the eyes.

“Good. I’m glad you felt the same pain I did.” I smiled and he grunted an approval, leaning down to kiss my hand around my IV. “Oh, and Tatum?”

“Molly.”

“Of course I forgive you.” The minute the words were spoken his shoulders relaxed and the pained expression on his face morphed into something a little lighter. A knock on the door brought us out of our moment and Trey walked in with a bouquet of flowers in a yellow vase.

“Molly, your husband brought these in for you and asked me grab a vase for them. I think they’d look wonderful on the windowsill, don’t you? Sorry if I interrupted anything, I figure fifteen minutes was enough time to kiss and make up.” He winked at Tatum as he walked the flowers to the window. What the hell? Husband?

“Thank you Trey.” I smiled as he glided out of the room and clicked the door shut behind him. Something told me he was waiting for just the right time to bring those in.

“Thank you, Tatum. They are beautiful. But, um, husband?” I asked as I looked across the room at the yellow and white daisies basking in the sunlight.

“Yea Sorry. I didn’t know if they let non family members in after visiting hours and I didn’t want to chance it. As for the flowers, don’t thank me, thank the old man in the elevator who felt sorry for me.” He laughed. “I was worried sick when I heard you were here, rushed over immediately. In the elevator I got to talking to this old man and he gave me his flowers to give to you. Said his lady was in a coma and wouldn’t miss them anyway.”

“Well still. Thanks for stealing flowers from a sick person for me.” I laughed.

“I’d make you take that back, but I’m not quite sure how to handle you right now.” He sighed. I knew he wanted to know. I wanted to tell him. Just…not yet.

“Gently. Handle me very gently.”

I was super tired from the medication I was taking to rid my body of …well. To clean things out. I curled up in a ball on my side and held on to Tatum’s hand for dear life as he slipped into a chair on the side of the bed. He came for me, yet again. I was starting to think he meant it when he said he wasn’t going anywhere.

23-
         
Tatum

Molly had the doctor finally explain to me what happened to the baby. An ectopic pregnancy. According to the doctor, Molly is lucky more damage wasn’t done. The egg had attached itself to her fallopian tube and was on the verge of busting when she was rushed to the hospital. Hence the immense pain she was in. I understood, now, that the baby never had a chance. Tubal pregnancies never turn into something good. It doesn’t make it any easier, though. I had finally let myself be happy and get my hopes up, just to have them crash around me.

              The only bright spot in all of this was that it forced me to come out of my reclusive cave and stop being an asshole to the woman I love. I am so thankful that she took me back. So unbelievably thankful. I’m not sure how I would have lived my life knowing that it was my fault I wasn’t spending it with the woman of my dreams.

              While Molly was napping this morning I sent a quick e-mail to my dad. Tomorrow was Easter and I didn’t ever respond to my mother’s request. Shit. They say never piss off a Savage man, but it’s really the women I’m more afraid of. I make sure to include the drama and heartbreak from the last few days, hoping that they will understand our lack of appearance at one of my mom’s favorite holidays. I then shoot a text to the bakery owner to have some breakfast items ready for me to grab on our way home. If we weren’t going to have a proper Easter meal, we would at least be able to fill up on the best bakery treats in town.

They are letting Molly go home today with a bottle of pills and piles of after-care instructions. Keep things simple, no partying, no excessive weight lifting, if she starts bleeding immensely come straight to the hospital. We got the OK for any other extracurricular bedroom activities (yes!) and they sent us on our way.

As the nurse wheeled Molly out to the car, Trey stopped and held me back a few feet.

“Don’t hurt her, man. That is a wonderful woman you have. Do your best to keep her around.” He smiled and gave me one of those half body man hugs. I was appreciative that someone else was looking out for Molly, even if it was her excessively feminine man nurse.

The whole drive home she was quiet. We had so much we still needed to talk about, but right now I’m happy we are together. I know she is hurting. I know she blames herself for what happened. It all stems from the trauma her body took five years ago, though. The doctor said that her past of having so much damage done to her productive organs was one of the main reasons the tubal happened the way it did. She didn’t give us much of an outlook of ever having our own kids, but she said there are always miracles. That thought made me laugh. I didn’t believe in that type of bullshit. Science was science. If multiple doctors now have told Molly she doesn’t have a chance to have her own kids, then that’s what I plan to believe. It doesn’t make me happy, but I don’t have any other option. Adoption is always an option, and I’m ok with that. We pulled in the driveway and I shut the car off. Helping her out of the car, we went inside and she sat down on the couch. The tears had been welling up in her eyes, but had yet to spill over. Until now.

“God Tatum. I’m so sorry. So so sorry.” She wept as she sat there on the huge couch. I sat next to her and wrapped my arm around her.

“Baby no. None of this is your fault. You cannot blame yourself for any of this Molly.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t help. I failed you. I made you think you were getting a family, and now we know that’ll never happen. Ever. You heard them!”

I tried my best to calm her, but it wasn’t helping. She cried her eyes out until she fell asleep curled into me on the sofa. She felt so damn good against me that I closed my eyes and drifted off next to her.

***

              When I woke up the sun was just setting through the dining room window, casting light across the house and on to Molly’s face as she slept next to me. She was so beautiful. How was I ever going to make her understand that I didn’t care if she could never carry a baby? There were other ways to have a family. I started forming a plan in my head. I needed a big gesture, something to show her how serious about us I really was.

Molly started stirring next to me as I sat there planning my surprise in my head. I needed my phone to make some arrangements but it was under her in my left pocket so that would have to wait.  She sat up and rubbed her face with her hands before looking over at me.

              “Sorry for falling asleep. God how long was I out?”

              “Babe you need to stop apologizing for stupid shit. I love that you fell asleep on me…I actually took a nap too. By the time it looks like we were out for a few hours.” I said, rubbing her arm, unable to keep my hands off her.

              She smiled at me and stood up carefully. I watched her walk to the kitchen to start the water for tea, then headed into the bathroom. She was so quiet. I know she has a ton of thoughts running through her mind, I just wish she would open up to me. Fuck, I still need to tell her about the blanket, and Rob, and that whole mess. Luckily there is no way she’ll be doing the wedding this weekend after what she just went through, so at least that hurdle has been covered.