His back met the door. He was still quiet, still expressionless. Cass wanted to touch him, take him in her arms and tell him everything would be okay. But she also wanted to strangle him.
“I did see it. I saw that you love me, Burke.”
He shook his head. “I knew you were going to take things wrong—”
She poked him in the chest with her fingernail. “I didn’t take anything wrong. I know what I saw on your face. In your eyes. I know what I felt.”
He wrapped his hand around her wrist. “What you felt was lust. You think you can shake your ass half-dressed around
any
man and he’s not going to want you?”
“Yes.”
He winced, tossing her hand away. “You know better now. There isn’t a man alive who wouldn’t break his own legs just to get a look at you. Including Hanson, if he knew what he was missing.”
“Who wants them? I want the man who looked at me before all of this. A man who would break his legs if I needed him to. Not one who’d think it would impress me.”
“Even if he didn’t notice you until you changed yourself?”
Ugly truths go both ways, she supposed, but it didn’t matter. She swallowed down the knot in her throat. “Even if.”
“Dammit, Cassie, you’re taking this too far. We had sex, I told you it was going to change things, but did you listen? No, you didn’t, you never do. You jump headlong into things but I’m not going to pull you out of the deep end this time.”
“You said things would change, you didn’t say they would end.” Great, her voice broke.
I am not going to cry, damn it.
“I don’t love you, Cass. I can’t love you. I’m not made that way. I knew, I knew I was going to ruin everything if I took you, but I did it anyway.” He brought his hand to her cheek, touching her so gently it hurt almost as much as his words. “I couldn’t help myself.”
“Because you love me.”
“Because I’m a man, honey. Just a man.”
She snorted, getting away from him before she gave into the earlier urge to harm him. “Didn’t Charlton Heston say that in one of his movies?”
“You’re not making this any easier, Cass.”
She rested her hip on the back of his couch, wishing she had something to do with her hands. In all those old movies, the women had cigarette cases conveniently hidden in their bras to fondle and look sophisticated while they pretended not to feel something for the man breaking their hearts. Why the hell did modern women quit smoking?
“Should I be? You’re trying to ruin the best thing to ever happen to either of us.”
“I can’t ruin something that doesn’t exist. We’re friends. Nothing else.”
She nodded. “You think I’ll want too much, don’t you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You think I’ll want marriage, kids, the whole shebang. You think I’ll expect it from you because it’s the next natural step to our relationship, right?”
He faltered a little. “It occurred to me,” he admitted with a shrug.
“Before or after you cut your hand?”
He looked down at the towel. “Before.”
“Should I ask why the other one is blue?”
“Only if you want me to hurt you.”
“That one’s my fault, too?”
His deep sigh was answer enough.
“You worked yourself from slight panic to a girl-sized tizzy without even talking to me about what
I
want?”
“I am
not
in a girl-sized tizzy.”
She laughed at his insulted tone. “Sorry, hissy fit.”
“You’re walking a fine line, kid.”
Cass shrugged. “So what? All I would have asked was for you to love me. Anything else we could have figured out later.”
“I told you, I’ve always told you, I can’t do it. Not even for you. My family…none of us are that way. Look at my parents if you want proof.”
“I’ll admit, I’ve met popsicles that had more warmth, but they managed to find each other. They’ve been happy for forty years. You’ll need a better example than them.”
He frowned, looking like she threw a curveball when he expected an inside speeder.
“You love me, Burke. It’s only scary for a little bit. When it sinks in, you’ll feel better.”
“It can’t sink in. There’s nothing to sink into.”
“Sure there is. Even
you
aren’t that dense.” Poor guy, he looked really lost now. She rose to her feet, knowing what she’d have to do if she planned for either of them to be happy after this night. “Deep, real deep, in that thick skull of yours is a soft spot with my name written all over it. It’ll get there.”
She reached up and cupped his jaw, pulling him down to press her lips to him. He was off balance enough to let her. She put all of her heart into her kiss. When he put his hands on her waist to pull her closer, she moved away. His eyes glowed with heat, his brows pulled together in bewilderment.
“You love me, Burke, and I love you too. But you were right to panic. I
will
want it all. I
deserve
it all. I want you and everything your heart has to give me. If that means a house with kids and a dog, dirt and noise,—great. If it’s just us, dirt and noise, that’s fine too. I don’t care. All I want is you and this time, I’m not settling for second best.
“I’m not going to take the scraps you’re willing to throw me. Sex doesn’t interest me if it’s not making love. You already taught me the difference. The decision is up to you. Call me when you come to your senses.”
That said, she pulled on the door until he moved enough to let her out. She wondered how long he stood there before realizing he’d let the best thing in his life go without a fight.
What the
hell
just happened?
Burke stared at the door, waiting for Cass to come back in and explain. His day had gone steadily downhill after Luke’s little visit. The guys eventually showed up, but without their incessant chatter and jokes he had nothing to do but think. Who knew how dangerous that could be?
First came the dropped tool on his foot. Wouldn’t have mattered if it weren’t a compression gun for removing tire bolts. Then there was the damned pool. People from all over town were coming in to place bets long after the boys moved the tally board over to Shaky Jake’s. He dropped a transmission he’d been rebuilding for a 1950 Caddy, meaning he’d have to start over. The swearing only took up another ten minutes.
Thinking it’d be best to come home and prepare for tonight’s practice, he got Cass’s message saying she wouldn’t be there. That’s when he knew she was onto him, probably trying to put off the inevitable discussion about what they were supposed to do now. He’d been thinking of the positives to mention when the sex question came up—pros to maintaining it until they lost interest—when the first phone call came.
Billy wanted to make sure Burke wouldn’t kill him if they changed the odds on the pool. Next came May Belle, wanting to cushion the blow. Then Old Ben Friedly muttering something about fickle women and lost opportunities. The next two got his answering machine. He made it a point to carefully remove the cord from the wall so he wouldn’t find himself ripping out the plaster while giving the wire a satisfying yank.
The thought of Cass and Luke, back together… His chest had tightened painfully, his head threatened to implode and his teeth ground a half-inch down. There was simply no rest for his mind. He tried to cook and damn near took a finger off.
It was a hell of a time for Cass to come waltzing in to tell him he was in love with her.
Now, he sat on his couch, holding his finger tight in a towel and wondering how well he knew his best friend. Hell, how well did he know
himself
?
Cass always was too big for her britches, but he also always knew she was just a scared little girl under all her bravado. He had hoped when she finally fell in love with someone, it would be with a man who was careful with her heart, someone who could give her everything she deserved. The house, the kids, the dog she mentioned. It was disappointing as hell when he thought that man was Luke Hanson. But at least there was always a chance Luke could grow a brain and a set of balls. Medical science advanced more every day. When the relationship ended, he’d renewed his hopes she’d find someone worthy of her. It was never supposed to be him.
He stared at the door a while longer.
What were they supposed to do now that it was?
Cass pulled up to the front of her house, not sure exactly how she felt. Either she’d done something amazing or incredibly stupid. Rather than smack her head on the steering wheel until she lost consciousness, she got out and crossed the lawn to the house. She heard the music right before she reached the door. Loud, melodic music.
Dean Martin?
She turned the knob and stepped into the foyer, immediately stunned by not only the sound of music but of laughter.
“Dad?” She closed the door, wandering toward the lit kitchen and stared, awe-struck, at the most unlikely sight imaginable. “
Lola
?”
The couple stopped mid-dance step, Lola dipped until her stiff hair was nearly touching the ground. She waved with the hand that should have been on Eddie’s shoulder. Cass wondered if the color in her cheeks was from the pull of gravity or something a little more…exciting. She guessed the latter because Eddie had a matching shade to his cheekbones.
If her own love life didn’t suck lemons, this would be a good thing.
Eddie picked Lola up and steadied her with a hand to her back before reaching for the stereo remote on the kitchen table and abruptly cutting the music. “Lola was reminding me how to tango.”
Since when did he
know
how to tango?
“Yes, your father is still a wonderful dancer.” Lola kissed Eddie’s cheek while patting the other one with her hand. Cass watched him turn two shades redder. “We’ll go dancing tomorrow, Eddie. I know a great place, you’ll love it. Bye everyone!” Grabbing her purse, Lola sashayed back the way Cass just came.
“Wait, I’ll walk you out!” Eddie hurried to follow her, brushing past Cass with…impatience?
“Oh, Eddie, you’re such a gentleman!” The giggles echoed until the door closed firmly behind them.
“Gross, isn’t it?”
Cass spun around, surprised to see her brother sitting on the stairs, a beer dangling from the hand resting on his knee.
“It’s…uh…well, I don’t know if I’d say gross—”
“It’s weird is what it is. He didn’t even turn on the Wheel.” A first in about ten years. “Aren’t you supposed to be practicing with Burke?” Hayne eyed her suspiciously as he took a swig off the bottle.
“We canceled for tonight. He had some other plans.” With nothing else to do, she decided to go up to her room. Too bad Hayne took up all the space on the steps.
“He have a date or something?”
“No, he did not have a date.” She tried the right side of him.
He slumped that way, his eyes narrowing on her. “What’s on your neck?”
She froze. “I don’t have anything on my neck.” Thinking she’d better get out of there before Hayne remembered what addition was, she moved left.
He followed her, his beer hand dropping slightly. “Yes, you do. It looks like a bruise—”
One…
“If I didn’t know better—”
Plus…
“But who’d give you one of those—?”
One…
Cass feinted right just as Hayne hit the equal sign.
“Holy—”
Taking advantage of his shock, she leapt to get past him, only to be caught on his arm and suspended midair with a scream as he lifted her onto his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. “First beer, huh?” she asked, dangling over his back.
“Last one, too.” He punctuated the sentiment by smacking the flat of his hand on her backside hard enough to echo in the living room.
She tried to kick, yelling for him to put her down, but he had enough practice at this to bind her at the calves. Angry and without options, she reached down into the back of his jeans and yanked the elastic of his BVDs hard enough to give him a rug burn he’d feel for the next two weeks. He screeched and dumped her over the arm of the couch. Cass flipped on her stomach and watched him swear while doing a dance that reminded her of the neighbor’s dog after the last chili festival.
“Sonuvabitch, CB!”
“You asked for it, and I told you not to call me that anymore!”
“You’re my dumb sister, I’ll call you anything I want. Damn, did you have to pull ’em so high?”
Cass stood on her knees in the middle of the couch and crossed her arms. He might be whining, but he did still have the stairs blocked, the schmuck. “I’m not a sack of potatoes, you know. You can’t pick me up and throw me around anymore.”
“Like you don’t give as good as you get,” he grumbled, shifting his hips and trying to right his pants.
The front door opened, revealing the unusual sight of Eddie Bishop looking upset? Behind him, Lola waved. At least, Cass figured it was Lola. Why hadn’t she ever noticed how tiny the woman was? You could only see her hand from behind Eddie’s big frame.