Between Breaths (The Seattle Sound Series Book 2) (13 page)

We entered the building, holding hands. I smiled, kissing him at Rosie’s door. “I’ll see you for lunch?”

He squeezed my waist. “As if I’d miss that hot date.”

Horrible didn’t begin to describe my morning with Rosie. She was crabby, snappy, disoriented.

After an hour, I walked to Hayden’s mother’s room. He was looking out the window, hands in his pockets.

“Her vital signs are worse,” he said, not bothering to look at me. “She hasn’t awakened in over twenty-four hours. It’s like she’d held on to say what she needed to me and now she can check out. I talked to the director and her doctor. Not much I can do but wait it out. Hope she wakes again so she can give me some more information.”

I stopped, unsure if he wanted comfort. He turned toward me, his face haggard. So different from the man I’d parted from not so long ago. He strode over to me and wrapped me in his arms.

“I’m trying not to be angry that she’s left me so twisted up.”

“Rosie’s not having a good day either. She won’t let me read to her.”

“I know it’s not quite noon, but can we go? The tension in here, wanting her to wake and give me details, it’s ripping at me.”

I held him tighter. “I hoped you’d agree to that,” I sighed, closing my eyes. “Anywhere you want to go?”

“As long as it isn’t here, I’ll take it.”

We were quiet as we left. Hayden’s arm was slung over my shoulder. I caught the flash of a telephoto lens from the corner of my eye. Annoyance spiked in my gut. “Can we drive your rental?”

“Sure,” Hayden pulled out the key. “You drive, though. I’m buggered.”

He opened the door for me, as he always did. That unconscious kindness I appreciated more for it being so ingrained.

“I’m going to Rosie’s, I guess. Since the paparazzi are all out in full force.” Anger clawed at my chest and gut. As if helplessly watching while someone died wasn’t enough. No, people were making money off of those pictures that showed our misery and confusion.

“Right-o,” he sighed, leaning back into his seat. “You been to Europe?” he asked as I pulled up to a light. Hope bubbled in my chest. Last night, he’d mentioned taking me to Europe, but this morning, when he didn’t mention anything further, I’d assumed his suggestion then was nothing more than the passion talking.

“Parts. I did spend a semester at Oxford. Got over to France and saw a bit of Germany. But I ran out of money and flew home.”

“Do you like Europe?”

“The parts I saw, yes.”

He cleared his throat. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was staring straight out the windshield.

“So if I told you I’d ordered tickets for you to meet me in, say, Prague, you might consider joining me there?”

I opened my mouth, shut it. I pulled into the parking lot at Rosie’s condominium. Turning off the ignition, I turned to face him. His eyes were full of fear, but behind that swirled hope.

“I know you want to be here for Rosie. You’ve been better to her than her actual family.” The words cut deep, though he hadn’t noticed, because he was back to staring through the windshield, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I should be catching a flight now. I’m about to miss a second show and my mum hasn’t woken up since my second visit. Ets’s e-mails and voice messages are progressively angrier. He said I need to stop finding myself and return to my responsibilities.”

I nodded, my throat closing. I gathered my keys and purse, planning to get out of the car. He didn’t understand the relationship I’d built with Rosie; he couldn’t because I hadn’t explained it to him. In this moment, on such a difficult day, when I was raw with grief, I didn’t want to explain. I just wanted to
be
. I wanted Hayden to hold me as I would him. I wanted to know he’d be here, with me, when Rosie passed.

My hand was on the door handle when he touched my cheek. I closed my eyes, absorbing his touch.

“I would have gone back already, but I wanted the time with you. I don’t want this to end, Briar. Not the hell with my mum. But the bright part. You.”

“Thank you for that,” I choked out.

I turned back toward him and he raised my knuckles to his lips, kissed each one. Then he turned my hand over and pressed a lingering kiss to the pounding pulse in my wrist. When his tongue touched the sensitive skin there, I threw myself into his arms, needing our connection, even if it was only physical.

When he pulled back a few minutes later, we were both disheveled. He chuckled.

“You look good mussed.”

I rolled my eyes, but I smiled back.

He took in each of my features. His face falling into serious lines as he cupped my cheek. “I was serious. I don’t want this to end,” he said.

“What do you mean?” I asked. My chest was tight with need for him but also to tell him how much I cared.

“Us. This. We’re good together. Damn near perfect in bed.”

And my building elation crashed. Sure, the sex was phenomenal. Best I’d ever had. But I’d thought that was due to our emotional connection. “Let’s go upstairs,” I murmured.

“Say you’ll think about it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

* * *

A
fter eating a quick lunch
, I curled up next to Hayden with my laptop. He slid his arm around my hip while I shot off a few messages to the sources I’d cultivated. I stressed the need for complete discretion, not that doing so was necessary. I reached out to these people specifically because I could count on their ability to keep quiet.

Hayden’s relief was palpable. “I needed this. To start the process to find out more about my mum’s life,” he said.

I was thankful I’d been able to do something useful for him. And once Lia confirmed the time at The Vera Project, Hayden bounced around the small space. The closer the clock ticked to 8:30 p.m., the more my nerves fluttered through my stomach.

I was about to see the public side of Hayden, and for some reason, that burst the carefully cultivated bubble I’d crafted around us for the last few days. I knew our pictures were plastered on every gossip rag and aggregator site, but I’d managed to avoid most of them. I didn’t want my relationship with Hayden polluted by others’ opinions.

* * *

L
ia met
us just inside the door of the venue as we’d planned. She hugged me, long and hard, before turning to Hayden, who was standing just behind me. I glanced up in time to see him blink in surprise at Lia’s bright gray eyes. They were arresting, especially now that they once again bubbled with life.

“Hi, there. Asher’s looking forward to seeing you. I’m Lia, Briar’s sister.” She held out a small hand. Everything about Lia was more petite than me, and for the first time in years, I felt lanky, gawky.

“Nice to meet you. Briar’s told me a lot about you,” he said, his normal reserved self. He shook her hand as he nodded at her shirt. “I really like The Peach Kings, too. Is Asher backstage?”

Lia smiled—the bright one I was still getting used to again. She nodded—all that was possible over the now-screaming fans. Thankfully, they were all facing the stage where a band segued into a new song strong with rolling riffs and frenetic drumming. The music was good. But this wasn’t my scene.

Much as I wanted to run outside, Hayden wanted to be here. I sucked in a big gulp of stale air and squared my shoulders. I liked the guys in Asher’s band. They were smart and down-to-earth. Tonight would be fun. Going on tour with Hayden would be fun, too, if I could shake the niggling feeling crawling up the back of my neck.

We followed Lia back around the speakers, and I sighed in relief. For having bypassed both another round of mobbing fans as well as the assault on my eardrums. I’d never been that interested in live music—maybe because I’d seen Lia’s life disintegrate as Doug delved further into that world.

Lia had had her own concerns about plunging back into the music scene before she and Asher officially became a couple. I’d have to ask her if her worries vaporized or if she was just willing to push them aside.

The hallway was cleaner than I expected, the walls painted a dark color. Lia knocked on a door, which opened to a long, tanned arm reaching out to snake around her waist. She giggled as she disappeared into the room. Hayden’s lip flipped up as he waved me in.

“Hayden! Good to see you, man. Been a while.”

Asher stepped away from Lia long enough to shake Hayden’s hand.

“Thanks for the invite, mate.”

“I told you to look me up whenever you’re in town. You’ve been killing it all over the ANZAC charts. Heard you did all the piano layovers yourself. It’s smoking, how you mixed the chords.” Asher stepped back toward Lia and pulled her into his side.

I yearned for Hayden to mimic Asher’s actions. He didn’t. My stomach twisted again, more painfully than before. Why was he being so distant?

“Thanks. It’s rough in a couple places, but Ets refused to record again.”

I shoved my hands into the rear pockets of my jeans, hoping it would cover how badly my fingers shook.

“Lia said you’re in town because your mom’s sick,” Asher said. “Sorry to hear that.”

Hayden cleared his throat. “My mum’s in hospice here. She’s from the area. I met Briar at the facility a few days ago. Best thing to happen to me during this ordeal.”

I stepped forward, hearing the tremor in his voice. He reached out, hand fumbling for mine. Once he held it, he squeezed, silently asking for comfort. I squeezed back as I moved closer, letting him know I was there.

“My mom had breast cancer,” Asher sighed.

“Had?”

Asher nodded, his eyes darkening. “She died a few years back. I miss her.” Lia laid a hand on his chest. I rubbed my thumb over Hayden’s palm, wishing for the same freedom to express my feelings.

“Rough, mate.” Hayden’s voice was raspier than usual. I pressed in close enough for my breast to rub against his biceps. He threw me that look I was coming to know so well. The one I wanted to keep just for myself.

“So fucking true,” Asher sighed, bringing Lia closer to kiss her forehead. He glanced at Hayden over Lia’s auburn hair. “You up for some jams?”

“Acoustic?” Hayden asked.

“Our gig is. I’ve been reworking ‘Sweet Solace’ and ‘Moonshine Eyes.’” Asher tucked Lia’s hair behind her ear.

They didn’t touch anywhere else, but I could feel the love and lust swirling between them, potent and beautiful.

I wanted that. Always had. Now I knew whom I wanted to share my love—my life—with. I glanced up at Hayden to see him looking down at me, that look of desire mixed with concern. I wondered if my face held the same look—but for different reasons.

H
ayden

A
triumph of rock
, the night wasn’t. It was more like a laid-back jam session in a best mate’s really big garage than a gig. Seattleites didn’t have a clue how lucky they were. Three of the biggest names in rock were up on a small stage in the middle of their city having fun riffing off each other. That didn’t happen often. Not like this.

Learning music on the fly didn’t worry me anymore, but I was nervous about messing up the Supernaturals’ standards. The chord progression wasn’t too tough, but it took us a few songs to hit the timing with confidence.

The fans were more gracious than I deserved, but Asher, Bill, and I enjoyed pushing the melody and tempo. My fingers flew over the keys and sweat pooled at my lower back, just under the waistband of my jeans.

I grinned at Asher as I hit a long, complicated series of trills. He laughed as he and Bill let me go, bobbing their heads as I worked through the melody. This was what music was supposed to be. This was the high I missed when I didn’t touch the keys. I finished and Bill segued into a frenetic progression down the fret board. Asher and I caught on and I slid back into a more percussive role.

Briar stood next to her sister offstage. Lia Dorsey wasn’t what I expected, but, then, neither was Briar. The sisters were deeper, more sensitive than most women I’d met. They also held this well of patience I didn’t understand. At least Briar did. She’d put up with my broodiness. Lia seemed to do the same for Asher, keeping him calm and focused. He was more grounded and happier than the last time I’d seen him.

Maybe if Briar toured with me, she’d give me the balance I hadn’t known I needed. I met her gaze, mine heating with thoughts of what it’d be like to look at her like this all across the world. We’d sneak out for a few hours, kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I’d dance her along the edge of the Thames.

We hit the place I could really show my staccato finger work. I leaned into the keys, letting the beat and energy carry me. But I kept my eyes on Briar. Her pale skin flushed, I hoped from the memories of our morning together. I smirked . . . or last night. My grin widened. Really, any of the times we’d been together.

She wasn’t timid in bed. Or out. I appreciated that. I wanted a woman who knew her body and her mind. Briar knew both, and I’d already learned how to strum her desire, building to a crescendo before backing off for the featherlight touch of
pianissmo
. My fingers followed my thoughts. Her lips parted as she held my gaze.

My phone buzzed, but I ignored it. Keeping my focus on the music and Briar.

She knew what I was thinking, the way I’d play her up, up, up and over into a rich orgasm that ripped a scream from her throat and left her spent and warm. Just right to slide deep inside her. I finished the song with a flourish, smirking at Briar’s shallow breathing.

My phone buzzed again. I pulled it from my pocket and the smile slid from my face. Local area code. Both missed calls were from the same line. I raised my phone to show Asher I needed to step off the stage. I caught Briar’s eyes, concern replacing the desire that heated them just moments before.

I didn’t really need to hear the voice mails, but as soon as I was offstage, I forced myself to start with the first. My feet were much surer than my heart as I walked to the dressing room in time to listen to the second message.

Briar ran into the room, her hair fluttering around her face and shoulders.

“My mum died. In her sleep.”

Briar’s fingers touched her lips. “Hayden,” she whispered.

I tensed when her hand reached out to grab mine. I didn’t want her to touch me, not now. Her eyes filled with hurt when I stepped back. I understood, but I didn’t need her emotion, not with all mine churning in my gut, a terrible cyclone building more and more until it spewed its wrath.

My mum made her choices. I’d live with them, best I could. Later.

“I need to get to the center. Sign some documents.”

“You don’t want to wait until the morning? I think that’s normal procedure.”

My stomach lurched. “No. I don’t want to wait.”

“Then I’ll take you.”

“No,” I said. “You stay here, enjoy the time with your sister.”

“I’d rather go with you,” she said, voice soft. Not quite pleading.

I struggled against my need to touch her, wrap myself around her, let her help me through my grief. She wrapped her arms around my waist, and I couldn’t fight it. Not my attraction to her nor the anger and sadness my mum caused.

“Fuck all.” My voice cracked. Briar burrowed deeper into my body, and I pressed my face against her neck. “I’m not ready.”

“I know, Hayden. I get it. I’ll be with you the whole way through.”

My arms slid down her back, gripping her tight. I tipped my head back and blinked, many times, hard. What I was doing to Briar wasn’t fair. I knew it and I couldn’t force myself to let go.